(no subject)
I'm really torturing myself today. But that's okay, it's all very necessary.
Back in February, when we split, I knew the full brunt wouldn't hit me until the day she walked out the door for the last time. Damn if I wasn't correct on that one. It started before she even left, an impending feeling rising in my chest as she slept and I sat outside, not being able to lay with her one last time. I didn't realize how much I was going to miss her until then; months, if not years, of suppression washed away, and I sat in my living room shaking.
Anger has all but subsided now, there never was any hatred, just disappointment and regret. The apartment is a bruise. This has easily been one of the worst years of my lifetime, the lowest ebb, for certain. It's doing no good to sit around here heartbroken. My life right now is pretty worthless, if I had to assess it with all honesty.
It's no secret that I love her, nothing will change that. I don't believe in moving on for the sake of it. Where did it all go wrong? Did she use me the last few months. I suppose it doesn't really matter.
Some days I look back remember fondly, some days I cry, some days I just want to run and never stop.
I went back and re-read some posts from two years ago, right when we started dating, just to remember how it felt to be valued. I'd give anything to get it back. But I know that will never come.
Back in February, when we split, I knew the full brunt wouldn't hit me until the day she walked out the door for the last time. Damn if I wasn't correct on that one. It started before she even left, an impending feeling rising in my chest as she slept and I sat outside, not being able to lay with her one last time. I didn't realize how much I was going to miss her until then; months, if not years, of suppression washed away, and I sat in my living room shaking.
Anger has all but subsided now, there never was any hatred, just disappointment and regret. The apartment is a bruise. This has easily been one of the worst years of my lifetime, the lowest ebb, for certain. It's doing no good to sit around here heartbroken. My life right now is pretty worthless, if I had to assess it with all honesty.
It's no secret that I love her, nothing will change that. I don't believe in moving on for the sake of it. Where did it all go wrong? Did she use me the last few months. I suppose it doesn't really matter.
Some days I look back remember fondly, some days I cry, some days I just want to run and never stop.
I went back and re-read some posts from two years ago, right when we started dating, just to remember how it felt to be valued. I'd give anything to get it back. But I know that will never come.