P.S.
things arent all bad...the way my words bleed only pump from a broken heart [ that i gave to myself].
this week for sure has been strange and rough and a little overbaring. ive got open spaces to prove it.
popping too much mdma. and now that ive eaten it all....its no wonder i feel a little tore up. well a little more then i should.
i jedi flipped for the first time with gogo [who ive never hung out with on my own]. i didnt freak out at all. in fact i was on cloud 10 just breathing the universe. 3 hits of acid half/eigth of shrooms[i couldnt stomach the whole eighth hahah] a pink bunny a purple naked lady , 2 prints of molly , rum shots spaced throughout. ive never taken so many drugs at once...but in them i found enlightenment. ultimate peace. and in them i saw all the wrong in me. it didnt make me sad. it made me want to save myself. not from the drugs , but from humanity , myself , and the monster. i held a sickle blade and rolled it all over my skin and let it swing from finger to finger the whole time thinking outloud , how i would love to take so many ....line the pupil of their eye to the tip of this blade and run their ugly head thru. swirl their brains like an egyptian , and pray to godzilla that theyd live long enough to satisfy my thirst of seeing misery and suffering withing a wretched human. so repulsed by the simplicity of my species. im not so different. but the guts in my skull got raped so hard , that ill never claim to be part of something as mundane as the human race. the way i felt that day was only perfect. and the clarity of life was beautiful. the secrets i knew , i rephrased until i found the sense in them that i shouldve years ago. alltogether the 2nd best high in my life. WE watched this dvd set called the animation show , and the insanity pouring out of the screen was enough to explode my body , i waited for it , but i stayed in my skin. the two of us wrote a poem together and drew pictures of each other as mutilated corpses. and i swore that after feeling this , i could possibly die satisfied.
i last minute decided to go to the cannibal corpse show with mr.royer , and it was bitchinnnnn! i was pretty pissed to know that hatebreed was headlining. i think hatebreed sucks the fattest cock in the world , and for them to even be on a bill with dope bands , AND CANNIBAL CORPSE and get to headline shoooooot me. but ive seen cc headline 3 other shows , so i can live withit. i sat in the parking lot and chugged a cup full of rum , because 4 dollhair shots isnt what i do. needless to say i was really drunk , and i love being really drunk. so of course it didnt hurt when i beat my way thru people and made it front center haha. i dont know how i did it. small but lethal. me and dan dominated the suckbreed pit. i love having the title of being the only girl in. [i miss my dead girl.....always smashing faces and flashing titties with me]. dan picked me up in the circle pit and threw me at people and i punched so many faces and kicked so many asses. i thought about how i hate loving him......and how all my cds just got jacked out of my car...[someone burn me some awsome cds puhlease]..A BRUTAL NIGHT...SORE MORNING.
i got some violin offers...to play with people. i think i will. i need to vent in a clean manner...clean high.
anyone wanna play??????
and he came to me. sortofkindof. to where i was. he walked up the steps with his friends and came towards me scanning the house hed never been to...i put my arms around him and he pulled out of me [rippppppppp] , said ill be back i need beer. i knew he wouldnt , and he didnt. i told him to come home with us and he ignored it.shunned.scorned. and in my head , hearing what my thoughts had to say , all i could feel was bow down before the one you love. used up washed out whore. pathetic. he HATES you. and it never fails...when its on your time and at your conveinience .......rather it be midnight , or in this case 400 am....you always call when you need me for satisfaction, and i always answer. but this time i let your song play.....and watched "uglyontheinside" flash my screen. one last time and ill leave.
theres too much. find us
this week for sure has been strange and rough and a little overbaring. ive got open spaces to prove it.
popping too much mdma. and now that ive eaten it all....its no wonder i feel a little tore up. well a little more then i should.
i jedi flipped for the first time with gogo [who ive never hung out with on my own]. i didnt freak out at all. in fact i was on cloud 10 just breathing the universe. 3 hits of acid half/eigth of shrooms[i couldnt stomach the whole eighth hahah] a pink bunny a purple naked lady , 2 prints of molly , rum shots spaced throughout. ive never taken so many drugs at once...but in them i found enlightenment. ultimate peace. and in them i saw all the wrong in me. it didnt make me sad. it made me want to save myself. not from the drugs , but from humanity , myself , and the monster. i held a sickle blade and rolled it all over my skin and let it swing from finger to finger the whole time thinking outloud , how i would love to take so many ....line the pupil of their eye to the tip of this blade and run their ugly head thru. swirl their brains like an egyptian , and pray to godzilla that theyd live long enough to satisfy my thirst of seeing misery and suffering withing a wretched human. so repulsed by the simplicity of my species. im not so different. but the guts in my skull got raped so hard , that ill never claim to be part of something as mundane as the human race. the way i felt that day was only perfect. and the clarity of life was beautiful. the secrets i knew , i rephrased until i found the sense in them that i shouldve years ago. alltogether the 2nd best high in my life. WE watched this dvd set called the animation show , and the insanity pouring out of the screen was enough to explode my body , i waited for it , but i stayed in my skin. the two of us wrote a poem together and drew pictures of each other as mutilated corpses. and i swore that after feeling this , i could possibly die satisfied.
i last minute decided to go to the cannibal corpse show with mr.royer , and it was bitchinnnnn! i was pretty pissed to know that hatebreed was headlining. i think hatebreed sucks the fattest cock in the world , and for them to even be on a bill with dope bands , AND CANNIBAL CORPSE and get to headline shoooooot me. but ive seen cc headline 3 other shows , so i can live withit. i sat in the parking lot and chugged a cup full of rum , because 4 dollhair shots isnt what i do. needless to say i was really drunk , and i love being really drunk. so of course it didnt hurt when i beat my way thru people and made it front center haha. i dont know how i did it. small but lethal. me and dan dominated the suckbreed pit. i love having the title of being the only girl in. [i miss my dead girl.....always smashing faces and flashing titties with me]. dan picked me up in the circle pit and threw me at people and i punched so many faces and kicked so many asses. i thought about how i hate loving him......and how all my cds just got jacked out of my car...[someone burn me some awsome cds puhlease]..A BRUTAL NIGHT...SORE MORNING.
i got some violin offers...to play with people. i think i will. i need to vent in a clean manner...clean high.
anyone wanna play??????
and he came to me. sortofkindof. to where i was. he walked up the steps with his friends and came towards me scanning the house hed never been to...i put my arms around him and he pulled out of me [rippppppppp] , said ill be back i need beer. i knew he wouldnt , and he didnt. i told him to come home with us and he ignored it.shunned.scorned. and in my head , hearing what my thoughts had to say , all i could feel was bow down before the one you love. used up washed out whore. pathetic. he HATES you. and it never fails...when its on your time and at your conveinience .......rather it be midnight , or in this case 400 am....you always call when you need me for satisfaction, and i always answer. but this time i let your song play.....and watched "uglyontheinside" flash my screen. one last time and ill leave.
theres too much. find us
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