(no subject)
Last Night i had a dream.
I was at this play and it was almost like a go away party.
The party was for my dad. And of course hes already in heaven.
and in the dream i knew. but my dad was there, attending his "going away, funeral party thingy".
and i ran up to him overcome with emotion. Happiness and complete and udder sadness at the same time.
I hugged him tighter than ever, and started to bawl my eyes out, crying and wailing like a child.
I REMEMBER walking across the room i think i was tlaking to my mom, saying hes gone and stuff, and i glanced over at him, tears pouring down my face, he glanced over at me and smiled, its hard for me to write this, i keep wanting to cry, and i actually am.
Its true that when someone close to you dies you dont actually realize it for along time after, like ive cryed about two or three times hysterically and its still not going away, it will never go away, i wish i could forget about him but at the same time i completely want to surround myself with everything about him, i miss him so much that whenever i think about it, i cant breathe and i get pains, i dont like to express my feelings to other people, sometimes my boyfriend, because he is really good at comforting me, not with words just his big arms, but i cant let my dad go, i know he is in heaven with our father,and i know i should not be selfish and wish for him to come back to this horrible place, he was in so much pain here, he hated his life, except for me and my sister, he would get drunk everyday, and when he was drunk, he would cry about fighting with me and my sister, and when i would be over there and we were getting along, he would tell me he was so happy i was there, i loved him, and i told him all the time, but i was a mouthy little girl, and i sue to say some really mean things, the only thing that makes me feel better about that is when my dad had went into the hospital, i came and visited him and gave him a note that said, I loved him, and that he was a really great dad and i told him i was sorry for being a brat all the time i was , and that he did/ does alot for me and that im grateful, and he read it and was really happy, and when i visited him i also helped him shave, i shaved his head and his beard....
when he got out of the hospital, i came to see him on a sunday and i remember i made him a salad, and organized all the medicines the doctor gave him, then we looked at wedding pictures and this book together from his wedding seven months before to my stepmom, we were so happy, then he took a nap i remember, and later in the day i remember telling him my glasses were dirty and he cleaned them for me with this special stuff, i remember its was less than a week later, my last day of school, i came home and had my friend stay the night, we had alot of fun, i was happy because my dad was "ok" AND i remember going to bed, and my mom came in my room at 2 in the morning and waking me up, saying jesikah wake up, i have to etll you something, your dad passed away in his sleep i just got a phone call, and stuff and i was like " no mom hes ok, home from the hospital, your wrong" she corrected me, and i had a choice of going to my dads house, or staying home and waiting til the next day, i didnt cry yet, and i dont remember if i went to bed or not, it was the worst time of my life and always will be until my mom passes away, lets not even start on that i would die inside and have to be commited if my mom died, but i just cant beleive my dad is gone, he is half of my heart i feel like a part of me is gone, and i cant get it back. WELL i think im gonna take a bath and then go to sleep, love you all.. thanx for listening.
DAD I LOVE YOU, LAWRENCE ROBERT DOYLE R.I.P 1947-2004
dad ill always remember the time we spent
THE ROCKET SUMMER LYRICS
"Never Knew"
I just ran into a few someone's today
Someone's that I never really knew
And I used to think how I had them all so figured out
But no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
So I'm burning the thoughts of the things that I once said
Because you tore down the walls that the world that has put inside my head
And I just get sick of the things that we think, we think we know
And no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
So take me and save me and change me and then make me
And embrace me and then brave my heart for you
No, no, 'cause I can't go on without you
And it's time for something never knowing, oh
And no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
And as they strolled along
My heart broke out in song
From all the things and the thoughts and assumptions that I had wrong
See now I'll be on my way to make this claim
I'll make it famous in every way
I'll make it stay when I will save it...
No, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
I was at this play and it was almost like a go away party.
The party was for my dad. And of course hes already in heaven.
and in the dream i knew. but my dad was there, attending his "going away, funeral party thingy".
and i ran up to him overcome with emotion. Happiness and complete and udder sadness at the same time.
I hugged him tighter than ever, and started to bawl my eyes out, crying and wailing like a child.
I REMEMBER walking across the room i think i was tlaking to my mom, saying hes gone and stuff, and i glanced over at him, tears pouring down my face, he glanced over at me and smiled, its hard for me to write this, i keep wanting to cry, and i actually am.
Its true that when someone close to you dies you dont actually realize it for along time after, like ive cryed about two or three times hysterically and its still not going away, it will never go away, i wish i could forget about him but at the same time i completely want to surround myself with everything about him, i miss him so much that whenever i think about it, i cant breathe and i get pains, i dont like to express my feelings to other people, sometimes my boyfriend, because he is really good at comforting me, not with words just his big arms, but i cant let my dad go, i know he is in heaven with our father,and i know i should not be selfish and wish for him to come back to this horrible place, he was in so much pain here, he hated his life, except for me and my sister, he would get drunk everyday, and when he was drunk, he would cry about fighting with me and my sister, and when i would be over there and we were getting along, he would tell me he was so happy i was there, i loved him, and i told him all the time, but i was a mouthy little girl, and i sue to say some really mean things, the only thing that makes me feel better about that is when my dad had went into the hospital, i came and visited him and gave him a note that said, I loved him, and that he was a really great dad and i told him i was sorry for being a brat all the time i was , and that he did/ does alot for me and that im grateful, and he read it and was really happy, and when i visited him i also helped him shave, i shaved his head and his beard....
when he got out of the hospital, i came to see him on a sunday and i remember i made him a salad, and organized all the medicines the doctor gave him, then we looked at wedding pictures and this book together from his wedding seven months before to my stepmom, we were so happy, then he took a nap i remember, and later in the day i remember telling him my glasses were dirty and he cleaned them for me with this special stuff, i remember its was less than a week later, my last day of school, i came home and had my friend stay the night, we had alot of fun, i was happy because my dad was "ok" AND i remember going to bed, and my mom came in my room at 2 in the morning and waking me up, saying jesikah wake up, i have to etll you something, your dad passed away in his sleep i just got a phone call, and stuff and i was like " no mom hes ok, home from the hospital, your wrong" she corrected me, and i had a choice of going to my dads house, or staying home and waiting til the next day, i didnt cry yet, and i dont remember if i went to bed or not, it was the worst time of my life and always will be until my mom passes away, lets not even start on that i would die inside and have to be commited if my mom died, but i just cant beleive my dad is gone, he is half of my heart i feel like a part of me is gone, and i cant get it back. WELL i think im gonna take a bath and then go to sleep, love you all.. thanx for listening.
DAD I LOVE YOU, LAWRENCE ROBERT DOYLE R.I.P 1947-2004
dad ill always remember the time we spent
THE ROCKET SUMMER LYRICS
"Never Knew"
I just ran into a few someone's today
Someone's that I never really knew
And I used to think how I had them all so figured out
But no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
So I'm burning the thoughts of the things that I once said
Because you tore down the walls that the world that has put inside my head
And I just get sick of the things that we think, we think we know
And no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
So take me and save me and change me and then make me
And embrace me and then brave my heart for you
No, no, 'cause I can't go on without you
And it's time for something never knowing, oh
And no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
And as they strolled along
My heart broke out in song
From all the things and the thoughts and assumptions that I had wrong
See now I'll be on my way to make this claim
I'll make it famous in every way
I'll make it stay when I will save it...
No, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true