january 16. stress.
"tomorrow is always a new day."
i've been under an extreme amount of stress lately. and it's taken a toll on my body. not only have i been sick. but i've gained about ten fifteen pounds. which on my body type is showing.
i had two bad anxiety attacks yesterday. i was getting ready for my little girls clinic [i'm the captain of our high school dance team. and every year we hold a clinic for the little girls in our community. we teach them an easy dance according to age group. and they perform at one of the basketball games.] and when i put on my uniform..it was too tight. i freaked out. i couldn't breath and was crying hysterical. my mom knows something is wrong. but she's being understanding about it. and its honestly helping me alot. so i delt with my uniform. clinic finished and i put on my jeans. i didn't feel sooo big then. but then my boyfriend and i got into a huge fight. it was bad. i did what i haven't done in about 3 months. i cut. on my left thigh. he'll be gone away for a wrestling tournament for the next 4 days. so it'll heal and i won't have to explain myself when he sees it.
things are really bad with who i thought were my friends. everyone's gone off to find new greater friends. maybe its just me but i feel like they've left and i'm all alone. i'm fine being alone. because my ed is me alone. no one knows the extent. how i feel. why i do what i do. the restricting. the purging. everything. and thats fine. f the friends who talk shit about me behind my back. your words only motivate me to be thinner, more beautiful, better then you.
my mom knows all about my friends and she knows the things they say about me, to my face, and when they think i can't hear. she encourages me to be the bigger person. to not them get under my skin. she told me that quote. basically all of my quotes will be from her. she's an amazing women. who has endured alot. i love her.
living life day to day. struggle. triumph. sadness. joy. laugh. cry. smile. frown. they all mean one thing. LIFE.
<3
i've been under an extreme amount of stress lately. and it's taken a toll on my body. not only have i been sick. but i've gained about ten fifteen pounds. which on my body type is showing.
i had two bad anxiety attacks yesterday. i was getting ready for my little girls clinic [i'm the captain of our high school dance team. and every year we hold a clinic for the little girls in our community. we teach them an easy dance according to age group. and they perform at one of the basketball games.] and when i put on my uniform..it was too tight. i freaked out. i couldn't breath and was crying hysterical. my mom knows something is wrong. but she's being understanding about it. and its honestly helping me alot. so i delt with my uniform. clinic finished and i put on my jeans. i didn't feel sooo big then. but then my boyfriend and i got into a huge fight. it was bad. i did what i haven't done in about 3 months. i cut. on my left thigh. he'll be gone away for a wrestling tournament for the next 4 days. so it'll heal and i won't have to explain myself when he sees it.
things are really bad with who i thought were my friends. everyone's gone off to find new greater friends. maybe its just me but i feel like they've left and i'm all alone. i'm fine being alone. because my ed is me alone. no one knows the extent. how i feel. why i do what i do. the restricting. the purging. everything. and thats fine. f the friends who talk shit about me behind my back. your words only motivate me to be thinner, more beautiful, better then you.
my mom knows all about my friends and she knows the things they say about me, to my face, and when they think i can't hear. she encourages me to be the bigger person. to not them get under my skin. she told me that quote. basically all of my quotes will be from her. she's an amazing women. who has endured alot. i love her.
living life day to day. struggle. triumph. sadness. joy. laugh. cry. smile. frown. they all mean one thing. LIFE.
<3