a series of letters, #7
Dear boy,
When was the last time you were happy? I understand it is a challenging occupation to upkeep. The pay is not much, it seems, but there are excellent benefits.
Can you think back to the last time you recall being happy? I wish I could share a part of it.. Just a nanosecond of pure joy. Seriously, look at the stars in your memory, now what is under them, standing right before you? I had to shiver I was probably smiling so uncontrollably. What is a smile but a symbol to sum up how much unfathomably impossible to contain JOY you have? Can you think back to the last time you smiled?
For as much as I am an art major, I supremely suck at expressing anything properly.
The things you mentioned.. I could try, I could make my best attempts and put my best foot forward and then stick that foot in my mouth, for all it seems to matter at this point, but I feel I need to yell and scream and crawl on my hands and knees and beg the sky to shout these words back at you, where-ever you are,
The indifference you perceived is the wariness I tried to express, for I was concerned that you had moved on and found your niche and friends in your place and this new spectacular place didn't have room for me there. I was just so worried that I would rock the boat by bringing up any memories of anything different from what seems a different life. You staying away because of the wariness I attempted to project was fuel for me to continue in my behaviour, therefore I find my first example of me being an idiot which leads into worse.. because then we've got other things trippin.
I come to hang out, and I just don't even know how to act, mostly because you stayed away before, and you only stayed away because I acted dumb.
Then at that point, I felt so shitty and alcohol was being handed out left and right, and I had obligations to my somewhat rented room to kind of stay awhile and socialize there, and completely missing what could have fixed all of this.
But no, then there is the following day, my hungover messed up attempt to grasp at something, to try to fix everything I wanted to find before and to discover anything and everything lying just beneath all of my own idiocies... and I end up fucking that up, too. I should have stopped by. I should have just driven right over, and been there, and there would have been something, music, joy, releasing of all the crap, maybe my mind would have felt solace and would have stopped thinking and worrying and daydreaming about all the things the useless body of mine cannot even begin to attempt to control.....
There is no other way to tell you how much you mattered
and now it is I who has done the ruining.
To be lost in the forest
To be cut adrift
You've been trying to reach me
You bought me a book
To be lost in the forest
To be cut adrift
I've been paid
I've been paid
Don't get offended
If I seem absent minded
Just keep telling me facts
And keep making me smile
Don't get offended
If I seem absent minded
I get tongue-tied
Baby, you've got to be more discerning
I've never known what's good for me
I will be yours
I'll pay for you anytime
You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness
Well jump on, enjoy, you can gorge away
You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness
Jump right on
Baby, you've got to be more discerning
I've never known what's good for me
Baby, you've got to be more demanding
I will be yours
What are you holding out for?
What's always in the way?
Why so damn absent-minded?
Why so scared of romance?
This modern love breaks me
This modern love wastes me
Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Throw your arms around me
le sigh..
Was that so hard to tell you?
When was the last time you were happy? I understand it is a challenging occupation to upkeep. The pay is not much, it seems, but there are excellent benefits.
Can you think back to the last time you recall being happy? I wish I could share a part of it.. Just a nanosecond of pure joy. Seriously, look at the stars in your memory, now what is under them, standing right before you? I had to shiver I was probably smiling so uncontrollably. What is a smile but a symbol to sum up how much unfathomably impossible to contain JOY you have? Can you think back to the last time you smiled?
For as much as I am an art major, I supremely suck at expressing anything properly.
The things you mentioned.. I could try, I could make my best attempts and put my best foot forward and then stick that foot in my mouth, for all it seems to matter at this point, but I feel I need to yell and scream and crawl on my hands and knees and beg the sky to shout these words back at you, where-ever you are,
The indifference you perceived is the wariness I tried to express, for I was concerned that you had moved on and found your niche and friends in your place and this new spectacular place didn't have room for me there. I was just so worried that I would rock the boat by bringing up any memories of anything different from what seems a different life. You staying away because of the wariness I attempted to project was fuel for me to continue in my behaviour, therefore I find my first example of me being an idiot which leads into worse.. because then we've got other things trippin.
I come to hang out, and I just don't even know how to act, mostly because you stayed away before, and you only stayed away because I acted dumb.
Then at that point, I felt so shitty and alcohol was being handed out left and right, and I had obligations to my somewhat rented room to kind of stay awhile and socialize there, and completely missing what could have fixed all of this.
But no, then there is the following day, my hungover messed up attempt to grasp at something, to try to fix everything I wanted to find before and to discover anything and everything lying just beneath all of my own idiocies... and I end up fucking that up, too. I should have stopped by. I should have just driven right over, and been there, and there would have been something, music, joy, releasing of all the crap, maybe my mind would have felt solace and would have stopped thinking and worrying and daydreaming about all the things the useless body of mine cannot even begin to attempt to control.....
There is no other way to tell you how much you mattered
and now it is I who has done the ruining.
To be lost in the forest
To be cut adrift
You've been trying to reach me
You bought me a book
To be lost in the forest
To be cut adrift
I've been paid
I've been paid
Don't get offended
If I seem absent minded
Just keep telling me facts
And keep making me smile
Don't get offended
If I seem absent minded
I get tongue-tied
Baby, you've got to be more discerning
I've never known what's good for me
I will be yours
I'll pay for you anytime
You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness
Well jump on, enjoy, you can gorge away
You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness
Jump right on
Baby, you've got to be more discerning
I've never known what's good for me
Baby, you've got to be more demanding
I will be yours
What are you holding out for?
What's always in the way?
Why so damn absent-minded?
Why so scared of romance?
This modern love breaks me
This modern love wastes me
Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Throw your arms around me
le sigh..
Was that so hard to tell you?