August 13th, the greatest night of my life thus far...
I'm sitting here today, in class. joyful, recharged, empowered, enlightened.
I couldn't have been more overdue.
I sat in my car with Justine a little peeved. Wondering why I felt the way I did. We talked and we figured out that there were a lot of things just hanging over my head, that I never realized. All of these things put together made me so sensitive to the world and the way it treated me and it just made a lot of things head straight downhill. The worst part about all of this, is that I didn't know that my life was in neutral, cruising downhill up until that very moment i hit the bottom, HARD.
It had been about time that God had taken the reigns in my life again. He gave me a cliff and He told me to jump. For Him, I did. I poured my soul out to Him. Justine had told me earlier, try talking to God out loud, it helps! I thought it was crazy. I've also thought about it sometimes when I was alone in my car, but I never did.
So as I followed Justine home, I said one word, "God." I started crying so much I couldn't even see straight! That one word spoken out loud, to my passenger seat ended up being a prayer of more than 100 words. I could not believe that I could continue speaking out loud, crying, spilling out my heart! Receiving wisdom from God, learning what I had done wrong, learning that I had been facing the wrong way, headed down the wrong path, seeing what my actions have been doing to the people around me.
I stopped at Justine's apartment, Justine now in my car. I had begun to utilize the full waterworks! Snot, Tears, Loss of breath. I was crying out of love for God and asking for his forgiveness now having realized what I had been doing wrong. It was pretty much everything.
I had finished crying, and I turned to Justine. I thanked her, and told her how much I loved her. And how much of a drain I have been on her life. I asked told her to do a few things.
The night ended. And after a year and a half of a relationship. We started back at square one. Unlike what we did when we first got together, we started with God standing on that square with us. It doesn't surprise me at all that Justine was praying to God about our relationship, and whether or not she should keep continuing on this path. The reason I don't blame her is because if I step back, and put myself in her shoes. I would be physically, emotionally and spiritually tired. I'm happy to know, that her prayer was answered last night, when I came out guns blazing not even thinking about what to say. I told her what she needed to hear. She didn't have to say anything. Through God my words were perfect and didn't even need thought! It was an amazing experience. I thank God that last night happened. I have no regrets whatsoever. I feel like a new man.
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Things I prayed for when I was speaking to Christ
This was something I really needed and I would really like to Thank God, Jesus Christ, and Justine for always being there and for finally breaking me down and turning me around! I love love love love you all!
-=_J_a_D_=-
It's hard to see the path when the light is behind you. Not until you realize, that the darkness is caused by a shadow that you, yourself cast, can turn around and find your way back to God. It is much easier to see the path that is ALWAYS towards the light.
I couldn't have been more overdue.
I sat in my car with Justine a little peeved. Wondering why I felt the way I did. We talked and we figured out that there were a lot of things just hanging over my head, that I never realized. All of these things put together made me so sensitive to the world and the way it treated me and it just made a lot of things head straight downhill. The worst part about all of this, is that I didn't know that my life was in neutral, cruising downhill up until that very moment i hit the bottom, HARD.
It had been about time that God had taken the reigns in my life again. He gave me a cliff and He told me to jump. For Him, I did. I poured my soul out to Him. Justine had told me earlier, try talking to God out loud, it helps! I thought it was crazy. I've also thought about it sometimes when I was alone in my car, but I never did.
So as I followed Justine home, I said one word, "God." I started crying so much I couldn't even see straight! That one word spoken out loud, to my passenger seat ended up being a prayer of more than 100 words. I could not believe that I could continue speaking out loud, crying, spilling out my heart! Receiving wisdom from God, learning what I had done wrong, learning that I had been facing the wrong way, headed down the wrong path, seeing what my actions have been doing to the people around me.
I stopped at Justine's apartment, Justine now in my car. I had begun to utilize the full waterworks! Snot, Tears, Loss of breath. I was crying out of love for God and asking for his forgiveness now having realized what I had been doing wrong. It was pretty much everything.
I had finished crying, and I turned to Justine. I thanked her, and told her how much I loved her. And how much of a drain I have been on her life. I asked told her to do a few things.
- Keep me in check
- whether it be the way I act, the way I do things, the things I say everything now must be done for God and since being created in his image, I shall dare not taint the name.
- Tell me when anything's wrong
- because it never solves anything to give attitude or just to lie about saying you're okay
The night ended. And after a year and a half of a relationship. We started back at square one. Unlike what we did when we first got together, we started with God standing on that square with us. It doesn't surprise me at all that Justine was praying to God about our relationship, and whether or not she should keep continuing on this path. The reason I don't blame her is because if I step back, and put myself in her shoes. I would be physically, emotionally and spiritually tired. I'm happy to know, that her prayer was answered last night, when I came out guns blazing not even thinking about what to say. I told her what she needed to hear. She didn't have to say anything. Through God my words were perfect and didn't even need thought! It was an amazing experience. I thank God that last night happened. I have no regrets whatsoever. I feel like a new man.
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Things I prayed for when I was speaking to Christ
- Forgivenss
- Wisdom
- For God's Love
- Understanding God's Love
- The ability to trust God in all aspects of life
- For Justine, My family and Friends: All i want is for them to be happy
- To help me commit my life to Christ
- To be able to show my Love for Christ everyday and in every way possible
- To serve and display God in his own image as we are created that way
- For Justine and I to work things out and grow with each other and God
This was something I really needed and I would really like to Thank God, Jesus Christ, and Justine for always being there and for finally breaking me down and turning me around! I love love love love you all!
-=_J_a_D_=-
It's hard to see the path when the light is behind you. Not until you realize, that the darkness is caused by a shadow that you, yourself cast, can turn around and find your way back to God. It is much easier to see the path that is ALWAYS towards the light.