(no subject)
Before I jump into my update... I want to thank you all for your comments. It's nice to pop on here, where I abuse my friendship rights. I rarely read your journals. I even more rarely post in mine... and even more rare than that I post comments to you all.
Life has been crazy hectic for me lately. (Not an excuse for the above.)
Before I go on I'd like to thank Meg for her MSN conversations... and Kath for hers this morning. You both have given me a lot to think on.
Now...onto everything else.
I've been such an emotional wreck for the last few days that I can't think about anything. So today I called Ryan. (A Long Distance Marriage is very obviously a tough thing. Although that's not where our problems started...) and I got all my thoughts, my fears, my hidden emotions out on the table. I told him everything.
So now the ball is in his court, and we shall see where he runs with it. (I'm hoping it's not out the door!)
Whatever we decide, it's going to take a long time to build back our lives. Be it together or seperate.
Although tonight, before we hung up the phone... (which we did civily for the first time in days! We even said goodnight and goodbye!) he made a reference to us in the future. It was only next winter... but it was the future. Which means that maybe he's being hopeful about this whole thing.
I apologise for not giving more details. For anyone who's read Meg's Lauren and Angus... that story struck a strong personal note for me. (I loved it, and it was the best thing I've read in a long time.. and I read a lot!) But it really hit home. Our communication for hte last year or so has slowly been falling. And the last few months we've talked about nothing more than our daily schedules. And that's on a good day. Forget bills, Forget feelings. We just haven't talked about anything.
Needless to say, that's dug a pretty deep hole. Although we figured we can be out of debt in about 3 months! (Happy Dance!) And that's a way conservative guess. Now if only saving our marriage were as simple as digging ourselves out of debt.
So my friends, I ask that you think of me, and pray for me (if that trips your trigger!) in the coming days and weeks. I've truly hit rock bottom...and I'm grasping for a way out.
Life has been crazy hectic for me lately. (Not an excuse for the above.)
Before I go on I'd like to thank Meg for her MSN conversations... and Kath for hers this morning. You both have given me a lot to think on.
Now...onto everything else.
I've been such an emotional wreck for the last few days that I can't think about anything. So today I called Ryan. (A Long Distance Marriage is very obviously a tough thing. Although that's not where our problems started...) and I got all my thoughts, my fears, my hidden emotions out on the table. I told him everything.
So now the ball is in his court, and we shall see where he runs with it. (I'm hoping it's not out the door!)
Whatever we decide, it's going to take a long time to build back our lives. Be it together or seperate.
Although tonight, before we hung up the phone... (which we did civily for the first time in days! We even said goodnight and goodbye!) he made a reference to us in the future. It was only next winter... but it was the future. Which means that maybe he's being hopeful about this whole thing.
I apologise for not giving more details. For anyone who's read Meg's Lauren and Angus... that story struck a strong personal note for me. (I loved it, and it was the best thing I've read in a long time.. and I read a lot!) But it really hit home. Our communication for hte last year or so has slowly been falling. And the last few months we've talked about nothing more than our daily schedules. And that's on a good day. Forget bills, Forget feelings. We just haven't talked about anything.
Needless to say, that's dug a pretty deep hole. Although we figured we can be out of debt in about 3 months! (Happy Dance!) And that's a way conservative guess. Now if only saving our marriage were as simple as digging ourselves out of debt.
So my friends, I ask that you think of me, and pray for me (if that trips your trigger!) in the coming days and weeks. I've truly hit rock bottom...and I'm grasping for a way out.