blegh rant
you're wondering where you're at in my updates? well here's one all about you! i mean, you're the only one that really reads my journals anyway. yeah, i'm not good at writing shit like this so bare with me! so, basically i like you...a lot. i'm sure you know this, and i'm sure its annoying. it annoys me too. i don't know, i try to just forget about it but i never can. i can never stop thinking about you. i never stop daydreaming about us and how perfect it would be, then i comeback to reality and want to die. literally. it kills me to think of the odds i'm looking at. i know you use to like me and that never went anywhere.. i feel pretty stupid because of that. this whole scenario drives me fucking insane! i hate living like this, i just want this all to end. you're my best friend and i love you more than anything else in this world...but sometimes i wish we never met, its just too much trouble. i never thought in a million years i'd be this hung over a girl. sometimes death just seems to be the best solution to all of this, i would choose that option over living like this any day...i'm not saying i'm going to commit suicide if you don't go out with me or anything, i'm just sick of being sad. i'm just worried that you'll fall in love while i'm still feeling like this...beccause you know i'm a jealous mother fucker. that probably would kill me, i don't know what i'd do then. i don't think i'll ever get over you. i hate myself.