(no subject)
me and heas- L and justin had some crazy times on friday night, straight up going everywhere.
saturday night was mellow, we slept over jesse's and they laughed and i floated. i stared at the window and saw brad's face in jesse's reflection and it was another one of those "holy crap do you believe?" things. i mean its full circle; im turning into brad. thats whats happening.
and speaking of that... maybe set off from that, and from events earlier on saturday ( i worked for a little while with brittany) i figured out more of who i am (and that is someone i maybe dont like). ive spent my entire life runnning from everything around me- friends, girls, tough situations, fights, work... ive got infinite stamina, and at the finish line i will be broken and alone if i dont change. i think i am changing.
i also realized that this entire last 2 months has been a horrible attempt at forgetting about brittany. who am i kidding, shes been at the back of my mind this entire time- in a way that was easy to not even realize what was happing. like the way that sometimes ill see colors when i play certain notes, id subconciously see her when anything as little as a scent caught my attention. i know shes been getting the same thing and we never even say anything to eachother. we dont.
im TIRED OF RUNNING. IM NOT AFRAID ANYMORE. im serious, im taking control and im walking. fuck this shit.
i hope to see her sometime during vacation but its me whos got to make it happen.
saturday night was mellow, we slept over jesse's and they laughed and i floated. i stared at the window and saw brad's face in jesse's reflection and it was another one of those "holy crap do you believe?" things. i mean its full circle; im turning into brad. thats whats happening.
and speaking of that... maybe set off from that, and from events earlier on saturday ( i worked for a little while with brittany) i figured out more of who i am (and that is someone i maybe dont like). ive spent my entire life runnning from everything around me- friends, girls, tough situations, fights, work... ive got infinite stamina, and at the finish line i will be broken and alone if i dont change. i think i am changing.
i also realized that this entire last 2 months has been a horrible attempt at forgetting about brittany. who am i kidding, shes been at the back of my mind this entire time- in a way that was easy to not even realize what was happing. like the way that sometimes ill see colors when i play certain notes, id subconciously see her when anything as little as a scent caught my attention. i know shes been getting the same thing and we never even say anything to eachother. we dont.
im TIRED OF RUNNING. IM NOT AFRAID ANYMORE. im serious, im taking control and im walking. fuck this shit.
i hope to see her sometime during vacation but its me whos got to make it happen.