(no subject)
It's been a very long time since I've updated... at least by my standards.
I believe this has to do with several factors: lack of energy, initiative, creative juices, and nothing that pisses me off for more than three or four minutes at a time.
Time has been fluctuating from nauseatingly fast to nerve-wreckingly slow... the barrier of sleep seems to make even yesterday seem like distant memory, and I feel I'll never break this drudging routine, but it feels like college is racing towards me with vicious speed, assaulting me with all of the worries and insecurities without being able to compensate with pros and benefits.
Really, all I'm trying to do is enjoy myself while I can at this point, by spending as much time with Beth, my family, and my other friends. It seems like the brief encounters are never enough.
I'm still feeling remnant symptoms of the bout of meningitis... easily aggrivated headaches, fatigue, and brief bouts of nausea, but for the most part, I'm feeling pretty good... lackadaisical in most endeavors, but relatively happy, as the relationship with my mother is on an upswing, or at least, on the surface. I'm going to try as hard as possible to maintain that throughout the remaining months of my time in Indianapolis, but if the waters stir too much, I'm probably going to take the drastic measure and move out. I'd love to have the idealistic moment with myself and my mother as she drives me to school on my first day of college, helping me move into my dorm and the symbolic dropping of the leash, but I'm willing to sacrifice the poignant moment for a few months of freedom and happiness.
I really don't have much more to say. I feel like life right now is just dead space... with my mind made up and my goals set, I'm waiting for time to catch up.
I believe this has to do with several factors: lack of energy, initiative, creative juices, and nothing that pisses me off for more than three or four minutes at a time.
Time has been fluctuating from nauseatingly fast to nerve-wreckingly slow... the barrier of sleep seems to make even yesterday seem like distant memory, and I feel I'll never break this drudging routine, but it feels like college is racing towards me with vicious speed, assaulting me with all of the worries and insecurities without being able to compensate with pros and benefits.
Really, all I'm trying to do is enjoy myself while I can at this point, by spending as much time with Beth, my family, and my other friends. It seems like the brief encounters are never enough.
I'm still feeling remnant symptoms of the bout of meningitis... easily aggrivated headaches, fatigue, and brief bouts of nausea, but for the most part, I'm feeling pretty good... lackadaisical in most endeavors, but relatively happy, as the relationship with my mother is on an upswing, or at least, on the surface. I'm going to try as hard as possible to maintain that throughout the remaining months of my time in Indianapolis, but if the waters stir too much, I'm probably going to take the drastic measure and move out. I'd love to have the idealistic moment with myself and my mother as she drives me to school on my first day of college, helping me move into my dorm and the symbolic dropping of the leash, but I'm willing to sacrifice the poignant moment for a few months of freedom and happiness.
I really don't have much more to say. I feel like life right now is just dead space... with my mind made up and my goals set, I'm waiting for time to catch up.