So Tired Of Being Ruthless & Reckless...
You never lied to me, not once
it’s not your fault that I can’t trust
it’s in my past, it’s in my bag
And I can’t go there
Making a mess out of this game
To see it all go up in flames
So tired of being ruthless and reckless
Time to be your only one
To almost be your ‘way too young’
Time to crash into the sun
Time to be your 21
Time to dream that love will last
Time to drive my car too fast
Time to walk before I run
Time to be your 21
I don’t believe in love
And I put it to the wall
I tasted sweetness there
And laugh so hard as it falls
And I could push you there if you don’t stop me
Push you there if you don’t stop me
Please stop me
Time to be your only one
To almost be your ‘way too young’
Time to crash into the sun
Time to be your 21
Time to dream that love will last
Time to drive my car too fast
Time to walk before I run
Time to be your 21
It’s gut-wrenching sometimes
It’s life-threatening sometimes
It seems like nothing can wash it all away
Time to be your only one
To almost be your ‘way too young’
Time to crash into the sun
Time to be your 21
Time to dream that love will last
Time to drive my car too fast
Time to walk before I run
Time to be your 21
Time to be your only one
To almost be your ‘way too young’
time to crash into the sun
Time to be your 21
I am not sure what to say at this point. I dunno what all has taken place since last I wrote. Well, I quit my job at Borders a few weeks back. It may not have been the wisest decision, or it may have... That is really yet to be determined. My friend, Jenn, set me up with an interview at her workplace, and I went in & interviewed, and felt pretty confident that I would be getting the position. So, I went in to Borders later that day & put in my two week notice, which I fulfilled, but never got the other job. So, I have spent the past few weeks being unemployed. I haven't even looked for a job, due to one major distraction, and one good excuse not to. Day after tomorrow, I am outta here for a few days. I am headed to Louisville, KY with my friend, Jenn. She moved here from there not too long ago, and now we are going back to get some of the stuff she had to leave behind before. Basically, a good excuse to head off to Louisville for a coupla days and party or hang out or whatever. I think it will be fun. It just seemed a little ridiculous to go out and try to find a job so I could start my first week & say "Hey, I need next week off... Sorry." Ya know? It just seemed like a better idea to wait 'til I get back, which means that I will have no excuse once I get back not to get on the ball & go look for a fucking job.
A coupla people at Borders have actually expressed that I should just come back there, which I dunno about. I mean, it would be very easy to just say, "Eh, fuck it," and just go back. Then I think of the reasons why I quit in the first place. I had gotten to the point where I was pretty miserable there. It sucked, and I don't necessarily wanna dive back into the exact same thing. It would seem a little ridiculous. This, of course, does not mean that my time with Borders is over. One of my former supervisors and I were discussing a gay/lesbian reading group, and she asked me if I would like to organise/moderate it. At first I was a little perplexed by this, and barely considered the idea, but given more thought, I think I may actually do it. I would love to do something more for the community, and I think a GLBT book club could be a good place to start, as miniscule as it may seem. Plus, it would be a cool way to meet other gay people on a higher intellectual plane. Plus, I have always liked the idea of joining a book club. I am not really a HUGE reader, but I would like to read a lot more, and more positively gay-themed books. I dunno... I am already getting ideas. I think the first book would be "Tommy's Tale" by Alan Cummings, which was an amazing book. I think it could be fun.
I dunno what else to discuss really... My life is in an odd place right now. Things will change soon. I know it. I can feel it. I don't know how exactly, but I know it's coming. I am glad for it, too. It is time for me to be something more than I am right now. It is time for me to, as the song above says, "Walk before I run," & "Crash into the sun." I think that is very important right now. My time has come to live without warning. I am ready, willing & able to change. I am willing and waiting to find my destiny. I cannot wait. I only hope that I will recognise it & accept it when it comes. I dunno what will happen next, but I am open to it, and I am ready for it to come. Any day now... Time to walk before I run.
Jason