Here goes everything
I've been putting off having a very important conversation with myself for a while now. For the last, oh I don't know two to three years I have been going through the motions of life and it's time to stop. I guess, no I know the first place to start is my relationship with God. What exactly is a relationship? I guess it's one where two people actually enjoy spending time with one another, who share their feelings, thoughts, fears with one another, support each other and love each other. At least that is what a relationship is between two people, but what is a relationship with God supposed to be. The fear that has lived inside me since I can remember says a relationship with God means giving up the things in life that make life fun, i.e. sex, music, drinking, etc. and while abstaining or learning the true Christian basis for some of these things is a part of Christianity, I know that it is about so much more than abstinence. I think it's about maturity. Maturity not developed because of your biological age, but because of your relationship with Christ and realizing that your immature nature can't be overcome by you alone, you need a Higher Power, you need God. I think I'm going to start reading the Bible again. I'm also going to start looking for a church to go to. As much as church and formal religion scares me (I did grow up in the bible belt remember!) I feel I need the spiritual teaching and guidance that comes from a good practical church. I wish Joel Olsteen had a church in Illinois!
Next up is my battle with this damn anxiety disorder. I haven't been taking care of myself physically which only exacerbates my anxiety problems. I have got to stop eating the garbage I eat. I feel terrible. I have a bad taste in my mouth constantly and I know it's because of all the fried, greasy garbage I eat. I feel so much better when I don't eat like this, it's just so damn hard to change. God I need help and I really don't know where to turn to get it. Maybe I really should join one of those support groups, I can't keep living like this. Plus I have to get the anxiety under control. I have tons of self help books, but I don't read them, just like the novels I buy planning to read them to get inspired to write. I am the worlds worst procrastinator and I have got to stop listening to that inner voice that makes me panic when I think about doing things to improve my life. It's like as soon as I think about writing or dieting or anything positive, it triggers this physical response within my body. I've taught myself to fear change. What am I so damn afraid of? Is it the effort? The fear of failure? I think a combination of both, plus the way you eat and your lifestyle play an important factor in anxiety, I've read enough to know that, and the way I eat, and my lack of exercise are doing nothing but making things so much worse. I've got to change, now, before I'm so panicked I can't leave the house, or end up having a heart attack or a stroke. I have got to get real with myself. I'm 27-years-old, and while I'm not the oldest pear in the fruit bowl, I'm not a spring chicken anymore either. I could get away with my eating habits and crap in college, but it's starting to catch up to me now. So here goes everthing.
Next up is my battle with this damn anxiety disorder. I haven't been taking care of myself physically which only exacerbates my anxiety problems. I have got to stop eating the garbage I eat. I feel terrible. I have a bad taste in my mouth constantly and I know it's because of all the fried, greasy garbage I eat. I feel so much better when I don't eat like this, it's just so damn hard to change. God I need help and I really don't know where to turn to get it. Maybe I really should join one of those support groups, I can't keep living like this. Plus I have to get the anxiety under control. I have tons of self help books, but I don't read them, just like the novels I buy planning to read them to get inspired to write. I am the worlds worst procrastinator and I have got to stop listening to that inner voice that makes me panic when I think about doing things to improve my life. It's like as soon as I think about writing or dieting or anything positive, it triggers this physical response within my body. I've taught myself to fear change. What am I so damn afraid of? Is it the effort? The fear of failure? I think a combination of both, plus the way you eat and your lifestyle play an important factor in anxiety, I've read enough to know that, and the way I eat, and my lack of exercise are doing nothing but making things so much worse. I've got to change, now, before I'm so panicked I can't leave the house, or end up having a heart attack or a stroke. I have got to get real with myself. I'm 27-years-old, and while I'm not the oldest pear in the fruit bowl, I'm not a spring chicken anymore either. I could get away with my eating habits and crap in college, but it's starting to catch up to me now. So here goes everthing.