We Were Here (Part II) [4/8]
For full warnings and author's notes, please go here
Go back
“Mamma.”
His voice was cracked, and he couldn’t figure out why. His body felt like he had fallen out of the tree house again, but Josh never let him in that alone anymore. Maybe the tire-swing then. Daddy was always saying it was an accident waiting to happen.
“Jensen, sweetheart.”
Jensen tried to bury his face in his pillow but he couldn’t move. His limbs were stiff and the blanket pressed down on him, holding him in place.
“Mamma!” he whimpered, twisting against the darkness that held him down, fighting against the pain and the claustrophobia and the knowledge that something was wrong.
“Jensen, hush. It’s ok.”
It wasn’t Mamma’s voice soothing over him. The hands were too soft, too hesitant to be Mamma’s. They had none of Mamma’s work-roughened edges from doing the laundry by hand and from helping Daddy in the yard. They didn’t know where to rub those little circles on his belly that always made him feel so safe.
He whimpered, tears leaking steadily now. New pains kept creeping up on him, like he really had fallen from the tree-house but three times worse. Maybe it was like that time Josh was in that bicycle accident and he broke his arm. But all over. This pain was all over.
“Jensen, honey,” said the voice that wasn’t Mamma’s. “You need to open your eyes and look at me. Can you do that?”
No, he wanted to say. No, I want my Mamma. Where’s my Mamma? But the hands on his arm were gentle and persistent and the voice was speaking low easy words of encouragement, of comfort. With a little moan he tried to be brave, like Daddy said he was last month when Mac was too busy trying out her chubby baby legs to notice how close she was to the road and he had fetched her before the big truck hurt her.
When he finally let his eyes sneak open, the world was blurry and colourless. He blinked and let the ceiling come into focus. It looked almost washed out and the electronic beeping machines were stark against the off-white walls, looming and steady, counting out his heartbeat with little sounds and a jagged line. The light washing in through the windows was like morning - clean, pure and pale. He blinked again and twisted his head a little until he could see the woman sitting by his bed.
She wasn’t Mamma, that much he had expected. The first sob that bubbled in his throat came unbidden when Sonya laid a tender hand over his, and then something broke inside him and he was trembling and sobbing and dying all over again.
~*~
The nurse needed to do some things to him. He ignored her hands running over his body - clinically, devoid of emotion and heat and intent. He ignored her happy babble, chirping about how nice it was to finally see him awake and alert, how the day looked like it was going to be beautiful and sunny and warm, how it was a shame he couldn’t go out but maybe they would prop open the window a little for him. He ignored Sonya where she sat in the corner as a silent observer, never leaving the room when the nurse changed his catheter, when she redressed whatever it was that was causing him the pain in his arm. The doctor had already been in and had checked him over.
His collarbone had a hairline fracture and his ribs were severely bruised. He had a concussion although he’d lost focus after that, not needing to know how close he’d come to dying, and didn’t hear how severe it was. He passed the time ignoring the doctor’s stale medical jargon and staring out the window, not thinking about the pain every time he breathed in. “Really,” the doctor had pushed, “you’re very fortunate the damage wasn’t more severe. You might have yourself a guardian angel.”
Jensen huffed. Fortunate wasn’t the appropriate adverb here. Fucked, or shit out of luck would have been better descriptions. He wondered when child services would march into the room and send him back, maybe not to the foster home - to the Farrellis - but someone just as brutal. And who the hell knew what would happen to Jared. He didn’t actually know the boy’s story. He could be a juvenile delinquent for all he knew, escaped from some detention centre. He could have murdered his way across the fucking country, but damn it, Jensen didn’t want anyone else to have him. A swell of possessive fear surged through him, tugging at the edges of his bandages and stretching his healing cuts and scratches.
His eyes landed on Sonya again after the nurse smiled her temporary farewell. She was prim, in a business suit and high heeled shoes that tapped whenever they touched the ground. Her movements through the room clattered through his consciousness, off-beat from the heart monitor. It gave him a headache.
“I ain’t gonna be your fucking charity case,” he snapped.
Sonya just rolled her eyes and stilled next to the foot of the bed. “I know Jensen.”
“And I don’t trust you. How the fuck do you know my name anyway?”
Sonya’s smile was rueful, but the freckles on her nose shifted when her nose crinkled a moment later in a surprisingly innocent expression that contradicted confusingly with her earlier professional appearance. “I don’t suppose you’d believe me if I said Jared told me?” Jensen didn’t respond to either the smile or the question. “No, I didn’t think so. You’re a lucky boy. Jared’s a good friend.”
“If you fucking touch him...”
Sonya held up her hand in mock surrender and Jensen fell silent. On the street below his window a car horn honked. Somewhere down the hall a child laughed. Feet shuffled on the polished hospital floor, dulling the silence.
“Jared’s safe. My husband’s looking after him right now.”
“Yeah I bet,” Jensen grumbled. “Just like Mustang, right? Or Old Man fucking Wilson. Sick Fuck.”
“Who’s? Wilson or my husband?”
Her voice said she was genuinely confused but her expression belied her true meaning. There was a glint in her eyes and a tug at the corner of her painted mouth that made Jensen's stomach tight and his fist clench because he wasn't sure if he should almost-smile back or if he should hate her for it.
“He looks just like the fucking guy from that Dennis comic!” Jensen exploded finally, when the internal debate refused to settle. “It’s just...gross. Man, it’s gross.”
Sonya nodded. Her tongue peeked out to dampen her lower lip, and probably to stop the grin from becoming too obvious. “Dennis the Menace, I presume.” Jensen just glared at her. “Yeah, I can see how that would be disturbing. But you have to understand that Logan and I would never touch Jared like that. Nor you.” Here her expression changed. Honest, sweet. Concerned. She moved around the bed until she was gazing down at his face.
“Jared's safe now." She paused and sometime in there, the amusement returned. "Jared’s gotten quite fond of the Little Mermaid, believe it or not. He makes us watch it with him over and over.” And then, as though Jensen obviously shouldn’t be allowed time to process anything she’d said, especially not something about Jared and Mermaids, she switched gears again, her eyes going back to twinkling sapphires set against her freckled skin. “Would you like to see him?”
“You mean I can? See Jared, I mean?”
Sonya’s face lit up when she laughed. Jensen maybe didn't want to hate her as much at that moment.
“Yeah, you can. Let me go call him in.”
She clacked her way to the door, but for some reason the bright pinpricks of pain that burst against his head with each sound didn’t seem quite so important anymore. She paused, and leaned against the frame, talking quietly to someone outside. He could hear low murmurs being passed back and forth and a sudden squeal of sheer joy. A moment later Jared came hurtling into the room.
In the seconds before he reached the bed, Jensen was able to catch the crisp cleanness of a new t-shirt and new jeans. The jarring second after, when Jared had jostled Jensen far enough over that both of them would fit on the bed without either falling off, he was able to smell the sharp tangy scent of shampoo and the softer smell of soap.
Sonya took a stuttering step toward them, her mouth falling open. “Jared, I thought I told you...”
Jensen let his fingers trail over Jared’s eyelids, his cheekbones, his lips. “It’s ok,” he said, although it wasn’t, not really. Some of his stitches felt like they had possibly torn when Jared had over-enthusiastically bounded onto the bed, and his whole body was throbbing from the freshly bumped bruises, but he decided it was worth it to have all the warmth pressed up against him, curled under his chin.
“I’m fine,” he said again, when Sonya narrowed her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.
Jared’s mouth was currently resting against Jensen's neck. His tongue was tracing against what must have been a bruise, because each time his pressed too hard, it sent a dull pain up down Jensen's spine. Letting his eyes catch Sonya’s one last time, he tucked his thumbs under Jared’s jaw and tipped his head up.
“Here, let me look at you.”
Jared shook his bangs from his eyes and grinned. His dimples splayed out over his face, catching the light from the now noon sun. “Fuck, you’re beautiful Jay. They been good to you man?” Jared nodded. His hand clenched and unclenched at the unbandaged part of Jensen’s arm. “And they haven’t made you turn any tricks or shit like that?”
Jared cocked his head and frowned. No, he told Jensen by shaking his head, and his obvious confusion made it clear he wasn’t lying. Jensen felt his body let go of the tension and he allowed his smile to reach his eyes. “That’s great man. I hear you found yourself something to watch. Dude, the Little Mermaid? What kind of pussy movie is that? You couldn’t fall helplessly in love with something called the Big Fucking Sea Monster or some shit like that?”
Jared giggled, and Jensen was sure he saw Sonya roll her eyes again. When a tall man stepped up beside her, and wrapped his arm around her waist, the fondness in Sonya's eyes brightened his as well. Jensen let his mouth fall into Jared’s hair where he kept murmuring chastisements and dropping secret kisses.
“I’m going to have to teach you what a man can admit to liking, man. Seriously, what kind of pansy-ass thoughts are in your girly little head? At least let me see it, so I can make sure you’re dick isn’t going to fall off.”
The door clicking shut made Jensen look up one last time. Sonya was gone, as was the man with her - probably her husband. They were alone.
“God Jay, it’s good to see you, buddy,” he whispered against Jared’s forehead. When Jared lifted his face, he cupped Jared's chin that was slowly losing its childlike point and held him still while he dropped kisses all over his mouth, his dimples and his nose. “So good to see you.”
~*~
Sonya and her husband came back later, when the sun was kissing the tops of the trees outside his window. The nurse had come in part way through the afternoon, and after failing to dislodge Jared from Jensen, had proceeded to do her duties around him. She tutted when she saw the slightly bleeding stitches across his belly but smiled at Jared who gingerly laid his fingers over the fresh bandage after she’d redressed the area.
“Jared, the doctor wants Jensen to rest now,” came the soft, almost timid voice of Sonya’s husband. The timbre of his voice was low and comforting, and suddenly Jensen knew why Jared didn’t seem to mind as much as he should when the man plucked him out of Jensen’s arms and set him on the ground, his hand resting on Jared’s shoulder. “We’ll come back tomorrow, ok?” Jared nodded sulkily and leaned slightly into the touch. “Ok, little man. Let’s go.”
The man grinned down at Jensen, smiling almost hesitantly. “It was nice to finally meet you Jensen. This little guy’s been so impatient for you to wake up.” His voice dropped into a near whisper. “He’s really special. We’ll take good care of him for you.”
Sonya smiled as her husband guided Jared away and closed her hand around Jensen’s tense fingers when they disappeared through the door.
“He’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”
She was holding a little jacket, black nylon with a white Rebok emblem stitched onto the front. It wasn’t hers - she was wearing her own pink one, even if the sports jacket had been big enough to be hers. She noticed Jensen’s eyes on it.
“We’re going to take Jared to the park. Try to tire him out. Maybe he’ll go to sleep tonight.”
“He doesn’t sleep?”
Sonya shook her head. “Not so much. He dozes when Logan’s reading to him, or when he’s sitting with the baby.” She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as though trying to decide if Jensen should hear the next part, but when she gazed at him again, there was no hesitation. “He cries at night. Completely inconsolable. But I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you at all.” There were tears brimming in her eyes and she clutched the jacket tightly until the slippery fabric was bunched and creased.
“Sonya, I...”
“Get some rest, Jensen. We’ll be back in the morning.” She turned and made her way across the room. At the door she paused. “He’s not the only one who’s glad you’re alright,” she said, and then disappeared into the hallway.
~*~
It was easy to fall into a routine. He counted off the days of the week in the little pocket calendar Jared had bought him. Apparently the money he’d “earned” his last working night with Sonya went a long way if the pile of little gifts Jared kept bringing was any indication.
The sun filtered in through the window and painted his bed with wavering splashes of light. He slashed through one more day and tossed the calendar onto the table beside the handheld Battleship game and the bright green “I ♥ U” teddy that came with Jared’s version of a homemade ‘get well’ card. Like a ghost, Mallory, the nurse on duty, fluttered around his room and around his bed, pausing only to chirp bright little phrases at him that he never listened to anyway.
Someone else would be bringing Jared in. Someone else would be sitting in the chair in the corner, watching over them with uncompromising eyes. “Jeff’s a good friend,” Sonya had said the night before when she told him she had to work the next morning. “Logan has a court date. He’ll be in before you know it.”
Like that had done anything to appease him. The first time Logan had stepped through the door in full uniform, Jensen had gone off so hard the staff needed to restrain him. The idea of his partner staying with them until Logan could get back was not exactly comforting.
“I’ll have Tanya bring extra jello for your little friend,” Mallory practically sang, ignoring the little knots tightening Jensen’s stomach and making the heart rate monitor skip a little faster. “Say hi to the little champ for me, k?” As though nothing was weird about it. As though all the other patients had spider monkeys that crawled all over them, arriving first thing in the morning and who only left at the end of visiting hours.
Jensen grunted. Mallory grinned cheekily and shifted the vase of flowers on the window sill. “I’m going to get a smile out of you before you leave, you know,” she said, finally finished whatever she needed to do and paused by the door. “I’ve seen you smile at him, so no pretending you don’t know how.” She slipped out of the room, miming that stupid ‘I’m watching you’ signal.
“I think you’ll have to watch your back there, pal.”
Jensen jerked. His hand splayed out beside him and latched onto the bar beside his bed, holding him in. It was a tall guy with dark hair and dimples to rival Jared’s. His heavy, steel-toed department issued boots shone with what could only be devoted care and his uniform was neatly pressed, right up to the bullet-proof vest. Jensen scowled.
“No need to get dressed up on my account,” he grumbled and waited for the stranger -Jeff - to step further into the room.
“Nah, but it makes the girlies go ooh,” Jeff teased brightly. “They see doctors all day, but how often do they see a handsome stud in uniform?”
Jensen wanted to point out that Logan was in every single fucking day, sometimes right after work and all covered in appealing police-man street grime. He bit his tongue and stayed silent.
“Yeah, Sonny said you wouldn’t say much.” Jeff huffed a small laugh and leaned against the doorframe casually. “And to think you’re the talkative one. Although Jared hasn’t tried to glare me to death yet.”
That was not fair and if his mouth wasn’t pinched into a stubborn scowl, Jensen could have told him so. As it was, he just glowered through his eyelashes as Jeff waited patiently at the door, occasionally leaning back and peering down the hallway and intermittently smirking playfully at Jensen.
“So I’m thinking the girls here like the puppy dog look,” Jeff said at last. Jensen had grasped the little Lego shark Jared had brought in the night before. The dorsal fin pressed painfully into his palm. Still he said nothing. “I mean, I look damn fine today, and do they spare me even half a glance? Nah, they’re all swooning over your little friend like he’s the second coming. Speaking of…”
Jeff finally hefted his weight off the door jam and sunk into the visitor’s chair when Jared’s head appeared shyly. His hair was ruffled and he had two different coloured lipstick smudges on his cheeks, clashing with his faint blush and distorted by his huge grin. In less than three seconds, he had launched himself from the door and into Jensen’s arms.
“Ambushed, Jensen,” Jeff muttered with amusement. “Ambushed by the nurses, he was. You’re lucky he only has eyes for you, or he’d be walkin’ down the aisle with that tall one, the one with the orange hair.”
Jensen brought his eyes up from Jared who was wrapped around his healing belly.
Jeff’s eyes were warm and bright. He was sprawled low and open in the chair. Jensen felt a little tension drop away. “You know the one with the obnoxious laugh. Snort snort heeeee,” he said, demonstrating, letting his dimples roll across his face and disappear amid fake seriousness.
Jensen had to bury his smile against Jared’s clean hair to keep Jeff from hearing the giggle that threatened to betray him.
~*~
The hospital released him a week later. The doctor didn’t want to. He was worried Jared was going to cuddle his concussion into something more serious or something ridiculous like that, but Sonya signed a bunch of papers and glared until Jensen had promised to not over-exert himself. Jensen was just glad to be out of the openness of the hospital. He hadn’t been able to completely relax, not with the constant fear that child services would come bursting through the door and demand he go with them. When Logan asked him he if wanted to come home with them and Jared, Jensen didn’t even hesitate.
“Fuck, yes, please. Take me out of here.”
Logan just let out a surprised chuckle and handed him a plastic bag full of new clothes. They still had their price tags. Even the sneakers had a little white sticker that proudly proclaimed $39.99.
“I’d lend you a hand,” Logan said glancing over at Jared who was rocking back and forth excitedly in the corner, “but for some reason, I think you have it covered.” He smiled again, flashing shallow dimples that seemed to make him seem too young for the few early grey hairs clinging at his temples, and then silently exited the room.
Changing was difficult. They had to work around the sling for his collarbone, while trying not to poke any of the bruises still scattered over his ribs and legs, or bang his head too hard against the wall when he fell over. Of course Jared giggled, splashing delight all over his face when Jensen’s foot got tangled in the jeans and he fell heavily against him.
“Dude,” he grumbled against Jared’s chest but he was smiling. The clothes had the faded smell of the store. The sneakers were stiff against his feet, unworn and unyielding to the shape of his bones. In time they would mould to fit his foot, a perfect match. The hem of the jeans dragged on the floor, and doing up his zipper and hiking them up higher on his hips did little to fix the problem. “Dude,” he said again, ruffling Jared’s hair. “Ready to go buddy?”
Jared nodded so hard his hair flopped against his eyes and flew around his ears. He bounced over to the door, which he flung open with pride. Jensen pretended not to be jealous when Jared shyly let Logan ruffle his hair as well.
“K,” he grumbled at the couple who now stood before him, including Jared as though he belonged with them, instead of with Jensen. “I’m ready, let’s go.”
Sonya smiled. Her eyes glinted easily in the fresh April light filtering through the blinds. “Ok kiddo,” she agreed. From behind them a nurse appeared, pushing a wheelchair. “Hop on, and we’ll go,” Sonya said.
Jensen stared. He’d been walking for three days, admittedly only around the room for the first day, and then just up and down the hallway for the other two, but he did not need to be pushed. “I’m fine,” he snapped. No one moved.
“Jensen, the doctor said...”
“I’m fine. I can fucking walk myself.”
The nurse had the sense to look slightly offended, and Logan actually winced and tried to cover Jared’s ears. Sonya just sighed behind the smile curling the edges of her mouth, almost imperceivably.
“I know you’re fine. You know you’re fine.” She paused for a second. “Jared definitely knows you’re fine. But it's the hospital rules. You gotta take this one last ride and then you can walk all the way up to the condo. Five whole floors, Jensen, and we won’t complain at all, will we Logan?”
She was laughing at him. She was patronizing him, teasing him and he was not amused. The nurse edged the chair forward. He tried to glare down everyone at once, but since the nurse was blushing too hard, and Logan was refusing to meet his glare, his only other options were Jared and Sonya, who were both smirking.
“Fuck,” he grumbled, dropping into the chair. “This fucking blows. Can fucking walk myself. Not a baby. Fuck.”
Beside him, Sonya muffled her laugh with a faked cough. He was so immersed in his misery that when Jared appeared in front of him, making the nurse stop pushing, he was startled. Jared’s wide eyes stared at him, flickering over the now familiar path he’d adopted, skimming over stitches and bruises and healing scratches. With a tiny smile, he twisted his fingers with Jensen’s and suddenly climbed into his lap, throwing his arms around Jensen’s neck. He made a happy little noise as he pressed his nose into Jensen’s new shirt.
“Jared, you can’t be there!”
“Hush, Logan. Let the boys be.”
Jensen smiled into Jared’s hair and endured the rest of the agonizingly embarrassing ride to the front door of the hospital without further protests.
~*~
The condo wasn’t huge, but it was nice. White carpets and hardwood floor and sparkling kitchen appliances existed happily in domestic bliss. On one side, a great big window looked over the city, as though keeping silent vigil. Toward the end a patio door opened onto a balcony that housed a barbeque and two plastic patio chairs. Jared was tugging his hand impatiently, so he didn’t get a change to fully take in the living room, but he did catch a glimpse of brightly coloured baby toys and a set of expensive-looking charcoal pencils scattered on the carpet, a bassinette type thing and a pile of video cassettes. Jared tugged again, and he followed him down a short hallway.
As he neared the open doors, he tried to peek inside. There were three in total. One was a bathroom, shining and clean with matching towels draped over the rods and bath toys sitting on the counter. The one at the end was a bedroom, but aside from the bed - made and stacked high with frilly pillows - he couldn’t see anything else revealing. The second door was the one Jared dragged him through and he found himself in another bedroom.
A double bed took up the centre of the floor. A matching dresser stood to one side, and a small desk stood to the other. The whole room had a general air of being unlived in, although he could tell from the rumpled sheets and the clothes and toys on the floor and the drawing of himself taped on the headboard that this must be where Jared had been staying.
“It’s nice Jay,” he said when Jared’s hand began squeezing his so tight his fingers were going numb. “It’s uh, a little messy. But it’s nice.”
Jared let out a whooping laugh and threw himself on the bed and proceeded to burrow under the covers until just his eyes poked out. He stared at Jensen for a moment before squirming around some more. Then he glared at Jensen and pointed forcefully at the empty half of the bed.
“Well, why the fuck didn’t you say so?” he half snarled but when he had fitted himself under the blanket and against the softness that was Jared, he just pressed a tender kiss to Jared’s temple and nuzzled against him with his nose. “Yeah, it’s nice Jay,” he said but Jared was already sleeping, his hand wrapped around Jensen’s wrist as though trying to keep him there forever.
~*~
Sonya hadn’t been lying when she told him Jared hadn’t been sleeping. The kid slept right through to the next afternoon without so much as stirring, whimpering and biting his lip in his sleep only if Jensen tried to leave him. According to the wall clock, it was almost six when Sonya brought in a plate of mashed potatoes and pork chops with beans that evening.
She retrieved the dishes sometime after the sun had completely disappeared from the sky. She flicked on a small nightlight in the corner that shone a weirdly blue tinged light over the room sometime around ten o’clock. The hall light flicked off shortly before midnight, and Jensen listened to Logan and Sonya as they spoke in hushed tones down the hall until even that faded and melted into the silence of night.
Somehow he slept. The sun was leaking through the venetian blinds and painting patterns over the carpet when he woke. Jared had cuddled further into him so that his had a spot of drool over his heart, and Jared’s one thigh was pushed between his own. Sonya brought a bowl of cereal shortly after the noise of waking drifted through the house.
“You like cornflakes?”
Jensen shrugged. His stomach was grumbling so he figured anything would be satisfactory at this point.
“They’re Jared’s favourite. I just thought maybe it was because of you.”
Jensen paused with the spoon still in his mouth. “Not everything he does is because of me,” he snapped, ignoring the milk dribbling down his chin. “He’s a person, not just my fucking shadow.” He’s everything, he wanted to add. He’s everything and more and you would never understand. He didn’t though, because she wouldn’t understand and to vocalize it only to have her disapprove might just kill him.
Sonya nervously licked her bottom her lip. Her hair was slightly tangled, like she hadn’t brushed it yet, and she was wrapped tightly in a pale green terrycloth bathrobe. Jensen briefly wondered if this was a work day for her, and if it was where she would be going after this.
“I know, honey.”
“It’s Jensen,” he grumbled.
“I know that too.” This time her voice held more amusement than sadness. She lifted her hand and gently carded it through Jared’s hair, skimming her fingers across his forehead.
Jensen watched her for a moment. It was the same woman who picked him up and took him to a hotel over two weeks ago. It was the same pale hair and same millions of freckles that covered her arms and face and neck. It was the same set of blue eyes that knew too much, cared too much. Too many questions, too many things that didn’t make sense.
“About that,” he said, lowering his voice when Jared stirred and frowned in his sleep. “I told you it was Jeremiah. How did you know?”
Her hands stilled in their absent caresses. The click of silver against porcelain snuck in from the kitchen. Probably Logan stirring his coffee, Jensen thought.
“Jared was in hysterics when he came into the diner,” she said softly enough that Jensen wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear at all. “I was surprised he could even breathe, let alone stand upright. God, he was so scared.”
“You were at the diner?”
Sonya snapped her eyes up. Her lip was chapped from her licking at it, still glistening and wet against the flaking skin from the latest pass of her tongue over it. She nodded, once, slowly.
“That’s how...”
“The girl behind the counter asked where you were, called you by name, when Jared came running in.”
Jensen nodded. Yeah. Mandy would be concerned. It made sense.
“The girl called the police while I went with Jared. Shit, I’ve never seen anyone so frightened.” She stopped talking and just sat. Jensen’s cornflakes were getting mushy but he didn’t really want them anymore. If Sonya hadn’t been there or if they’d gotten to him too late...
“Thank you,” he said, catching her wrist in his hand. “For taking care of Jared, I mean.”
Sonya nodded once more and slipped from the room.
~*~
Apparently it wasn’t a work day, for Sonya at least. She came in at two o’clock with a plate that had two grilled cheese sandwiches, cut in little triangles, and arranged with carrot sticks and pickles. In her other hand, she cradled a small child - a toddler, really - against her chest. She stood in the doorway and watched Jensen. He could feel her eyes on him. He knew she was waiting for him to acknowledge her. He didn’t. He just gave her the first cursory glance and then continued leafing through the comic book he’d found beside the bed.
“I brought you lunch,” she said without leaving her spot at the door. “You need to eat. And we should probably wake Jared or he won’t be able to sleep tonight.”
“He’ll sleep,” Jensen grunted back without leaving his comic book. The villain was doing villain-type things, while the hero dashed through the panels and vanquished it, all the while wearing brightly coloured underwear over his equally bright unitard. He’d read it three times since waking but right now it was a good barrier between him and the woman before him.
He heard shuffling. He heard Sonya crossing the floor and felt her settling on the bed beside him.
“This is Michelle. Michelle, this is Jensen. Can you say Jensen?”
The little girl reached over and smacked at the book, sending it down onto his lap. “Nen!” she declared. Jensen tried very hard, he really did but in the end he couldn’t help the bitten down laugh that escaped him. Michelle turned her huge baby eyes up at him and grinned, proudly showing her tiny teeth. “Nen!” she said again, opening her hand and grabbing Jensen’s nose.
Sonya pried Michelle from Jensen’s face and pressed her finger over that tiny mouth. “Sh, darling,” she purred. “Jared’s still sleeping.”
Michelle lunged forward again, this time catching her little fingers in the neck of Jensen’s t-shirt. “Naow-wen,” she garbled gleefully. As if on cue, Jared shivered and his eyes finally snapped open. “Naow-wen!”
“Morning, Naow-wen,” Jensen whispered, pressing his mouth against Jared's forehead. “We have a rugrat for company and a plate of snacks, courtesy of Sonya. You want?”
Jared’s smile was bright enough to light up the entire city.
~*~
It turned out Michelle was mostly Jared’s job anyway. Once Jensen had showered and Jared was fed his customary bowl of cornflakes, Sonya deposited them in front of the TV and instructed them to watch the baby while she went about whatever it was she needed to do that day. He could hear her puttering away in the kitchen. He felt her move back and forth between the bedrooms and the tiny laundry closet. The smell of detergent drifted through the apartment and Jensen wanted to fill himself with it so he could have some of it left when the fairy tale finally ended and they were once more on the streets.
They’d worked through three Disney movies already and Jared was waving another under Jensen’s nose when Logan came clomping through the door and tossed his holster on the table.
Sonya narrowed her eyes and glared at the gun from her seat. She’d settled down to work on whatever it was she was doing partway through the Aristocats, although Jensen didn’t know how she got any work down with O’Malley's band wailing away like they did.
“Hey there beautiful,” Logan chirped, dropping a kiss on Sonya’s head and snatching his gun away to store it somewhere safe. Somewhere away from me, Jensen thought suddenly. Somewhere away from the hustler and his silent shadow. Michelle clapped her hands and threw an alphabet block at Jensen’s head. Jared whooped and pressed Peter Pan into the VCR.
“Ug, no buddy,” Jensen groaned. Jared’s eyes widened. His mouth turned down, slightly open. All the air vanished from the room and it seemed even baby Michelle was waiting for Jensen to make Jared’s sad little pout turn into one of his brilliant smiles. “The singing,” Jensen groaned. “Maybe…Can we watch this one instead?” he finally asked, tugging something called the Goonies from the shelf. It looked appropriately bleak, with just a hint of adventure featured on the cover.
“That’s one of Sonya’s favourites,” Logan said, suddenly, materializing behind the couch. Jensen turned sharply, only vaguely registering Jared’s quick scramble to a standing position. “Slightly less painful than Lady and the Tramp, I think.”
Before Jensen could open his mouth to respond, Logan was scooping Michelle into his arms and settling on the couch. Jared cuddled up next to him. Jensen watched in faint fascination as Jared’s fingers pulled lightly at the dark hair sprinkled across Logan’s arms, as Michelle’s hands closed in the white material of Logan’s t-shirt. A spike of jealousy whispered through him when that big hand feathered through Jared’s hair and caressed the nape of his neck.
“Here, I’ll watch too. That column isn’t getting done tonight anyway,” Sonya said gently, prying the movie from Jensen’s hand and swapping out Peter Pan and feeding the new movie into the VCR, which sucked it in almost hungrily. With a gentle pat to Jensen’s shoulder, which he warded off, she slipped down on the floor beside him.
As it turned out, the movie wasn’t all bad. Jensen particularly liked the smart-mouthed character aptly named Mouth, and even found himself laughing along with the corny jokes. It wasn’t until the skeleton piano tried to kill the heroes that he even realized Sonya was gone from his side. Twisting away from the movie, he saw her snuggled against Logan’s side, secure under his strong arm. Jared, he found, had relocated to the armchair with Michelle, and both were sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the scene of domesticity the five of them created scattered across the tiny living room.
Continue
Go back
“Mamma.”
His voice was cracked, and he couldn’t figure out why. His body felt like he had fallen out of the tree house again, but Josh never let him in that alone anymore. Maybe the tire-swing then. Daddy was always saying it was an accident waiting to happen.
“Jensen, sweetheart.”
Jensen tried to bury his face in his pillow but he couldn’t move. His limbs were stiff and the blanket pressed down on him, holding him in place.
“Mamma!” he whimpered, twisting against the darkness that held him down, fighting against the pain and the claustrophobia and the knowledge that something was wrong.
“Jensen, hush. It’s ok.”
It wasn’t Mamma’s voice soothing over him. The hands were too soft, too hesitant to be Mamma’s. They had none of Mamma’s work-roughened edges from doing the laundry by hand and from helping Daddy in the yard. They didn’t know where to rub those little circles on his belly that always made him feel so safe.
He whimpered, tears leaking steadily now. New pains kept creeping up on him, like he really had fallen from the tree-house but three times worse. Maybe it was like that time Josh was in that bicycle accident and he broke his arm. But all over. This pain was all over.
“Jensen, honey,” said the voice that wasn’t Mamma’s. “You need to open your eyes and look at me. Can you do that?”
No, he wanted to say. No, I want my Mamma. Where’s my Mamma? But the hands on his arm were gentle and persistent and the voice was speaking low easy words of encouragement, of comfort. With a little moan he tried to be brave, like Daddy said he was last month when Mac was too busy trying out her chubby baby legs to notice how close she was to the road and he had fetched her before the big truck hurt her.
When he finally let his eyes sneak open, the world was blurry and colourless. He blinked and let the ceiling come into focus. It looked almost washed out and the electronic beeping machines were stark against the off-white walls, looming and steady, counting out his heartbeat with little sounds and a jagged line. The light washing in through the windows was like morning - clean, pure and pale. He blinked again and twisted his head a little until he could see the woman sitting by his bed.
She wasn’t Mamma, that much he had expected. The first sob that bubbled in his throat came unbidden when Sonya laid a tender hand over his, and then something broke inside him and he was trembling and sobbing and dying all over again.
~*~
The nurse needed to do some things to him. He ignored her hands running over his body - clinically, devoid of emotion and heat and intent. He ignored her happy babble, chirping about how nice it was to finally see him awake and alert, how the day looked like it was going to be beautiful and sunny and warm, how it was a shame he couldn’t go out but maybe they would prop open the window a little for him. He ignored Sonya where she sat in the corner as a silent observer, never leaving the room when the nurse changed his catheter, when she redressed whatever it was that was causing him the pain in his arm. The doctor had already been in and had checked him over.
His collarbone had a hairline fracture and his ribs were severely bruised. He had a concussion although he’d lost focus after that, not needing to know how close he’d come to dying, and didn’t hear how severe it was. He passed the time ignoring the doctor’s stale medical jargon and staring out the window, not thinking about the pain every time he breathed in. “Really,” the doctor had pushed, “you’re very fortunate the damage wasn’t more severe. You might have yourself a guardian angel.”
Jensen huffed. Fortunate wasn’t the appropriate adverb here. Fucked, or shit out of luck would have been better descriptions. He wondered when child services would march into the room and send him back, maybe not to the foster home - to the Farrellis - but someone just as brutal. And who the hell knew what would happen to Jared. He didn’t actually know the boy’s story. He could be a juvenile delinquent for all he knew, escaped from some detention centre. He could have murdered his way across the fucking country, but damn it, Jensen didn’t want anyone else to have him. A swell of possessive fear surged through him, tugging at the edges of his bandages and stretching his healing cuts and scratches.
His eyes landed on Sonya again after the nurse smiled her temporary farewell. She was prim, in a business suit and high heeled shoes that tapped whenever they touched the ground. Her movements through the room clattered through his consciousness, off-beat from the heart monitor. It gave him a headache.
“I ain’t gonna be your fucking charity case,” he snapped.
Sonya just rolled her eyes and stilled next to the foot of the bed. “I know Jensen.”
“And I don’t trust you. How the fuck do you know my name anyway?”
Sonya’s smile was rueful, but the freckles on her nose shifted when her nose crinkled a moment later in a surprisingly innocent expression that contradicted confusingly with her earlier professional appearance. “I don’t suppose you’d believe me if I said Jared told me?” Jensen didn’t respond to either the smile or the question. “No, I didn’t think so. You’re a lucky boy. Jared’s a good friend.”
“If you fucking touch him...”
Sonya held up her hand in mock surrender and Jensen fell silent. On the street below his window a car horn honked. Somewhere down the hall a child laughed. Feet shuffled on the polished hospital floor, dulling the silence.
“Jared’s safe. My husband’s looking after him right now.”
“Yeah I bet,” Jensen grumbled. “Just like Mustang, right? Or Old Man fucking Wilson. Sick Fuck.”
“Who’s? Wilson or my husband?”
Her voice said she was genuinely confused but her expression belied her true meaning. There was a glint in her eyes and a tug at the corner of her painted mouth that made Jensen's stomach tight and his fist clench because he wasn't sure if he should almost-smile back or if he should hate her for it.
“He looks just like the fucking guy from that Dennis comic!” Jensen exploded finally, when the internal debate refused to settle. “It’s just...gross. Man, it’s gross.”
Sonya nodded. Her tongue peeked out to dampen her lower lip, and probably to stop the grin from becoming too obvious. “Dennis the Menace, I presume.” Jensen just glared at her. “Yeah, I can see how that would be disturbing. But you have to understand that Logan and I would never touch Jared like that. Nor you.” Here her expression changed. Honest, sweet. Concerned. She moved around the bed until she was gazing down at his face.
“Jared's safe now." She paused and sometime in there, the amusement returned. "Jared’s gotten quite fond of the Little Mermaid, believe it or not. He makes us watch it with him over and over.” And then, as though Jensen obviously shouldn’t be allowed time to process anything she’d said, especially not something about Jared and Mermaids, she switched gears again, her eyes going back to twinkling sapphires set against her freckled skin. “Would you like to see him?”
“You mean I can? See Jared, I mean?”
Sonya’s face lit up when she laughed. Jensen maybe didn't want to hate her as much at that moment.
“Yeah, you can. Let me go call him in.”
She clacked her way to the door, but for some reason the bright pinpricks of pain that burst against his head with each sound didn’t seem quite so important anymore. She paused, and leaned against the frame, talking quietly to someone outside. He could hear low murmurs being passed back and forth and a sudden squeal of sheer joy. A moment later Jared came hurtling into the room.
In the seconds before he reached the bed, Jensen was able to catch the crisp cleanness of a new t-shirt and new jeans. The jarring second after, when Jared had jostled Jensen far enough over that both of them would fit on the bed without either falling off, he was able to smell the sharp tangy scent of shampoo and the softer smell of soap.
Sonya took a stuttering step toward them, her mouth falling open. “Jared, I thought I told you...”
Jensen let his fingers trail over Jared’s eyelids, his cheekbones, his lips. “It’s ok,” he said, although it wasn’t, not really. Some of his stitches felt like they had possibly torn when Jared had over-enthusiastically bounded onto the bed, and his whole body was throbbing from the freshly bumped bruises, but he decided it was worth it to have all the warmth pressed up against him, curled under his chin.
“I’m fine,” he said again, when Sonya narrowed her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.
Jared’s mouth was currently resting against Jensen's neck. His tongue was tracing against what must have been a bruise, because each time his pressed too hard, it sent a dull pain up down Jensen's spine. Letting his eyes catch Sonya’s one last time, he tucked his thumbs under Jared’s jaw and tipped his head up.
“Here, let me look at you.”
Jared shook his bangs from his eyes and grinned. His dimples splayed out over his face, catching the light from the now noon sun. “Fuck, you’re beautiful Jay. They been good to you man?” Jared nodded. His hand clenched and unclenched at the unbandaged part of Jensen’s arm. “And they haven’t made you turn any tricks or shit like that?”
Jared cocked his head and frowned. No, he told Jensen by shaking his head, and his obvious confusion made it clear he wasn’t lying. Jensen felt his body let go of the tension and he allowed his smile to reach his eyes. “That’s great man. I hear you found yourself something to watch. Dude, the Little Mermaid? What kind of pussy movie is that? You couldn’t fall helplessly in love with something called the Big Fucking Sea Monster or some shit like that?”
Jared giggled, and Jensen was sure he saw Sonya roll her eyes again. When a tall man stepped up beside her, and wrapped his arm around her waist, the fondness in Sonya's eyes brightened his as well. Jensen let his mouth fall into Jared’s hair where he kept murmuring chastisements and dropping secret kisses.
“I’m going to have to teach you what a man can admit to liking, man. Seriously, what kind of pansy-ass thoughts are in your girly little head? At least let me see it, so I can make sure you’re dick isn’t going to fall off.”
The door clicking shut made Jensen look up one last time. Sonya was gone, as was the man with her - probably her husband. They were alone.
“God Jay, it’s good to see you, buddy,” he whispered against Jared’s forehead. When Jared lifted his face, he cupped Jared's chin that was slowly losing its childlike point and held him still while he dropped kisses all over his mouth, his dimples and his nose. “So good to see you.”
~*~
Sonya and her husband came back later, when the sun was kissing the tops of the trees outside his window. The nurse had come in part way through the afternoon, and after failing to dislodge Jared from Jensen, had proceeded to do her duties around him. She tutted when she saw the slightly bleeding stitches across his belly but smiled at Jared who gingerly laid his fingers over the fresh bandage after she’d redressed the area.
“Jared, the doctor wants Jensen to rest now,” came the soft, almost timid voice of Sonya’s husband. The timbre of his voice was low and comforting, and suddenly Jensen knew why Jared didn’t seem to mind as much as he should when the man plucked him out of Jensen’s arms and set him on the ground, his hand resting on Jared’s shoulder. “We’ll come back tomorrow, ok?” Jared nodded sulkily and leaned slightly into the touch. “Ok, little man. Let’s go.”
The man grinned down at Jensen, smiling almost hesitantly. “It was nice to finally meet you Jensen. This little guy’s been so impatient for you to wake up.” His voice dropped into a near whisper. “He’s really special. We’ll take good care of him for you.”
Sonya smiled as her husband guided Jared away and closed her hand around Jensen’s tense fingers when they disappeared through the door.
“He’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”
She was holding a little jacket, black nylon with a white Rebok emblem stitched onto the front. It wasn’t hers - she was wearing her own pink one, even if the sports jacket had been big enough to be hers. She noticed Jensen’s eyes on it.
“We’re going to take Jared to the park. Try to tire him out. Maybe he’ll go to sleep tonight.”
“He doesn’t sleep?”
Sonya shook her head. “Not so much. He dozes when Logan’s reading to him, or when he’s sitting with the baby.” She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as though trying to decide if Jensen should hear the next part, but when she gazed at him again, there was no hesitation. “He cries at night. Completely inconsolable. But I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you at all.” There were tears brimming in her eyes and she clutched the jacket tightly until the slippery fabric was bunched and creased.
“Sonya, I...”
“Get some rest, Jensen. We’ll be back in the morning.” She turned and made her way across the room. At the door she paused. “He’s not the only one who’s glad you’re alright,” she said, and then disappeared into the hallway.
~*~
It was easy to fall into a routine. He counted off the days of the week in the little pocket calendar Jared had bought him. Apparently the money he’d “earned” his last working night with Sonya went a long way if the pile of little gifts Jared kept bringing was any indication.
The sun filtered in through the window and painted his bed with wavering splashes of light. He slashed through one more day and tossed the calendar onto the table beside the handheld Battleship game and the bright green “I ♥ U” teddy that came with Jared’s version of a homemade ‘get well’ card. Like a ghost, Mallory, the nurse on duty, fluttered around his room and around his bed, pausing only to chirp bright little phrases at him that he never listened to anyway.
Someone else would be bringing Jared in. Someone else would be sitting in the chair in the corner, watching over them with uncompromising eyes. “Jeff’s a good friend,” Sonya had said the night before when she told him she had to work the next morning. “Logan has a court date. He’ll be in before you know it.”
Like that had done anything to appease him. The first time Logan had stepped through the door in full uniform, Jensen had gone off so hard the staff needed to restrain him. The idea of his partner staying with them until Logan could get back was not exactly comforting.
“I’ll have Tanya bring extra jello for your little friend,” Mallory practically sang, ignoring the little knots tightening Jensen’s stomach and making the heart rate monitor skip a little faster. “Say hi to the little champ for me, k?” As though nothing was weird about it. As though all the other patients had spider monkeys that crawled all over them, arriving first thing in the morning and who only left at the end of visiting hours.
Jensen grunted. Mallory grinned cheekily and shifted the vase of flowers on the window sill. “I’m going to get a smile out of you before you leave, you know,” she said, finally finished whatever she needed to do and paused by the door. “I’ve seen you smile at him, so no pretending you don’t know how.” She slipped out of the room, miming that stupid ‘I’m watching you’ signal.
“I think you’ll have to watch your back there, pal.”
Jensen jerked. His hand splayed out beside him and latched onto the bar beside his bed, holding him in. It was a tall guy with dark hair and dimples to rival Jared’s. His heavy, steel-toed department issued boots shone with what could only be devoted care and his uniform was neatly pressed, right up to the bullet-proof vest. Jensen scowled.
“No need to get dressed up on my account,” he grumbled and waited for the stranger -Jeff - to step further into the room.
“Nah, but it makes the girlies go ooh,” Jeff teased brightly. “They see doctors all day, but how often do they see a handsome stud in uniform?”
Jensen wanted to point out that Logan was in every single fucking day, sometimes right after work and all covered in appealing police-man street grime. He bit his tongue and stayed silent.
“Yeah, Sonny said you wouldn’t say much.” Jeff huffed a small laugh and leaned against the doorframe casually. “And to think you’re the talkative one. Although Jared hasn’t tried to glare me to death yet.”
That was not fair and if his mouth wasn’t pinched into a stubborn scowl, Jensen could have told him so. As it was, he just glowered through his eyelashes as Jeff waited patiently at the door, occasionally leaning back and peering down the hallway and intermittently smirking playfully at Jensen.
“So I’m thinking the girls here like the puppy dog look,” Jeff said at last. Jensen had grasped the little Lego shark Jared had brought in the night before. The dorsal fin pressed painfully into his palm. Still he said nothing. “I mean, I look damn fine today, and do they spare me even half a glance? Nah, they’re all swooning over your little friend like he’s the second coming. Speaking of…”
Jeff finally hefted his weight off the door jam and sunk into the visitor’s chair when Jared’s head appeared shyly. His hair was ruffled and he had two different coloured lipstick smudges on his cheeks, clashing with his faint blush and distorted by his huge grin. In less than three seconds, he had launched himself from the door and into Jensen’s arms.
“Ambushed, Jensen,” Jeff muttered with amusement. “Ambushed by the nurses, he was. You’re lucky he only has eyes for you, or he’d be walkin’ down the aisle with that tall one, the one with the orange hair.”
Jensen brought his eyes up from Jared who was wrapped around his healing belly.
Jeff’s eyes were warm and bright. He was sprawled low and open in the chair. Jensen felt a little tension drop away. “You know the one with the obnoxious laugh. Snort snort heeeee,” he said, demonstrating, letting his dimples roll across his face and disappear amid fake seriousness.
Jensen had to bury his smile against Jared’s clean hair to keep Jeff from hearing the giggle that threatened to betray him.
~*~
The hospital released him a week later. The doctor didn’t want to. He was worried Jared was going to cuddle his concussion into something more serious or something ridiculous like that, but Sonya signed a bunch of papers and glared until Jensen had promised to not over-exert himself. Jensen was just glad to be out of the openness of the hospital. He hadn’t been able to completely relax, not with the constant fear that child services would come bursting through the door and demand he go with them. When Logan asked him he if wanted to come home with them and Jared, Jensen didn’t even hesitate.
“Fuck, yes, please. Take me out of here.”
Logan just let out a surprised chuckle and handed him a plastic bag full of new clothes. They still had their price tags. Even the sneakers had a little white sticker that proudly proclaimed $39.99.
“I’d lend you a hand,” Logan said glancing over at Jared who was rocking back and forth excitedly in the corner, “but for some reason, I think you have it covered.” He smiled again, flashing shallow dimples that seemed to make him seem too young for the few early grey hairs clinging at his temples, and then silently exited the room.
Changing was difficult. They had to work around the sling for his collarbone, while trying not to poke any of the bruises still scattered over his ribs and legs, or bang his head too hard against the wall when he fell over. Of course Jared giggled, splashing delight all over his face when Jensen’s foot got tangled in the jeans and he fell heavily against him.
“Dude,” he grumbled against Jared’s chest but he was smiling. The clothes had the faded smell of the store. The sneakers were stiff against his feet, unworn and unyielding to the shape of his bones. In time they would mould to fit his foot, a perfect match. The hem of the jeans dragged on the floor, and doing up his zipper and hiking them up higher on his hips did little to fix the problem. “Dude,” he said again, ruffling Jared’s hair. “Ready to go buddy?”
Jared nodded so hard his hair flopped against his eyes and flew around his ears. He bounced over to the door, which he flung open with pride. Jensen pretended not to be jealous when Jared shyly let Logan ruffle his hair as well.
“K,” he grumbled at the couple who now stood before him, including Jared as though he belonged with them, instead of with Jensen. “I’m ready, let’s go.”
Sonya smiled. Her eyes glinted easily in the fresh April light filtering through the blinds. “Ok kiddo,” she agreed. From behind them a nurse appeared, pushing a wheelchair. “Hop on, and we’ll go,” Sonya said.
Jensen stared. He’d been walking for three days, admittedly only around the room for the first day, and then just up and down the hallway for the other two, but he did not need to be pushed. “I’m fine,” he snapped. No one moved.
“Jensen, the doctor said...”
“I’m fine. I can fucking walk myself.”
The nurse had the sense to look slightly offended, and Logan actually winced and tried to cover Jared’s ears. Sonya just sighed behind the smile curling the edges of her mouth, almost imperceivably.
“I know you’re fine. You know you’re fine.” She paused for a second. “Jared definitely knows you’re fine. But it's the hospital rules. You gotta take this one last ride and then you can walk all the way up to the condo. Five whole floors, Jensen, and we won’t complain at all, will we Logan?”
She was laughing at him. She was patronizing him, teasing him and he was not amused. The nurse edged the chair forward. He tried to glare down everyone at once, but since the nurse was blushing too hard, and Logan was refusing to meet his glare, his only other options were Jared and Sonya, who were both smirking.
“Fuck,” he grumbled, dropping into the chair. “This fucking blows. Can fucking walk myself. Not a baby. Fuck.”
Beside him, Sonya muffled her laugh with a faked cough. He was so immersed in his misery that when Jared appeared in front of him, making the nurse stop pushing, he was startled. Jared’s wide eyes stared at him, flickering over the now familiar path he’d adopted, skimming over stitches and bruises and healing scratches. With a tiny smile, he twisted his fingers with Jensen’s and suddenly climbed into his lap, throwing his arms around Jensen’s neck. He made a happy little noise as he pressed his nose into Jensen’s new shirt.
“Jared, you can’t be there!”
“Hush, Logan. Let the boys be.”
Jensen smiled into Jared’s hair and endured the rest of the agonizingly embarrassing ride to the front door of the hospital without further protests.
~*~
The condo wasn’t huge, but it was nice. White carpets and hardwood floor and sparkling kitchen appliances existed happily in domestic bliss. On one side, a great big window looked over the city, as though keeping silent vigil. Toward the end a patio door opened onto a balcony that housed a barbeque and two plastic patio chairs. Jared was tugging his hand impatiently, so he didn’t get a change to fully take in the living room, but he did catch a glimpse of brightly coloured baby toys and a set of expensive-looking charcoal pencils scattered on the carpet, a bassinette type thing and a pile of video cassettes. Jared tugged again, and he followed him down a short hallway.
As he neared the open doors, he tried to peek inside. There were three in total. One was a bathroom, shining and clean with matching towels draped over the rods and bath toys sitting on the counter. The one at the end was a bedroom, but aside from the bed - made and stacked high with frilly pillows - he couldn’t see anything else revealing. The second door was the one Jared dragged him through and he found himself in another bedroom.
A double bed took up the centre of the floor. A matching dresser stood to one side, and a small desk stood to the other. The whole room had a general air of being unlived in, although he could tell from the rumpled sheets and the clothes and toys on the floor and the drawing of himself taped on the headboard that this must be where Jared had been staying.
“It’s nice Jay,” he said when Jared’s hand began squeezing his so tight his fingers were going numb. “It’s uh, a little messy. But it’s nice.”
Jared let out a whooping laugh and threw himself on the bed and proceeded to burrow under the covers until just his eyes poked out. He stared at Jensen for a moment before squirming around some more. Then he glared at Jensen and pointed forcefully at the empty half of the bed.
“Well, why the fuck didn’t you say so?” he half snarled but when he had fitted himself under the blanket and against the softness that was Jared, he just pressed a tender kiss to Jared’s temple and nuzzled against him with his nose. “Yeah, it’s nice Jay,” he said but Jared was already sleeping, his hand wrapped around Jensen’s wrist as though trying to keep him there forever.
~*~
Sonya hadn’t been lying when she told him Jared hadn’t been sleeping. The kid slept right through to the next afternoon without so much as stirring, whimpering and biting his lip in his sleep only if Jensen tried to leave him. According to the wall clock, it was almost six when Sonya brought in a plate of mashed potatoes and pork chops with beans that evening.
She retrieved the dishes sometime after the sun had completely disappeared from the sky. She flicked on a small nightlight in the corner that shone a weirdly blue tinged light over the room sometime around ten o’clock. The hall light flicked off shortly before midnight, and Jensen listened to Logan and Sonya as they spoke in hushed tones down the hall until even that faded and melted into the silence of night.
Somehow he slept. The sun was leaking through the venetian blinds and painting patterns over the carpet when he woke. Jared had cuddled further into him so that his had a spot of drool over his heart, and Jared’s one thigh was pushed between his own. Sonya brought a bowl of cereal shortly after the noise of waking drifted through the house.
“You like cornflakes?”
Jensen shrugged. His stomach was grumbling so he figured anything would be satisfactory at this point.
“They’re Jared’s favourite. I just thought maybe it was because of you.”
Jensen paused with the spoon still in his mouth. “Not everything he does is because of me,” he snapped, ignoring the milk dribbling down his chin. “He’s a person, not just my fucking shadow.” He’s everything, he wanted to add. He’s everything and more and you would never understand. He didn’t though, because she wouldn’t understand and to vocalize it only to have her disapprove might just kill him.
Sonya nervously licked her bottom her lip. Her hair was slightly tangled, like she hadn’t brushed it yet, and she was wrapped tightly in a pale green terrycloth bathrobe. Jensen briefly wondered if this was a work day for her, and if it was where she would be going after this.
“I know, honey.”
“It’s Jensen,” he grumbled.
“I know that too.” This time her voice held more amusement than sadness. She lifted her hand and gently carded it through Jared’s hair, skimming her fingers across his forehead.
Jensen watched her for a moment. It was the same woman who picked him up and took him to a hotel over two weeks ago. It was the same pale hair and same millions of freckles that covered her arms and face and neck. It was the same set of blue eyes that knew too much, cared too much. Too many questions, too many things that didn’t make sense.
“About that,” he said, lowering his voice when Jared stirred and frowned in his sleep. “I told you it was Jeremiah. How did you know?”
Her hands stilled in their absent caresses. The click of silver against porcelain snuck in from the kitchen. Probably Logan stirring his coffee, Jensen thought.
“Jared was in hysterics when he came into the diner,” she said softly enough that Jensen wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear at all. “I was surprised he could even breathe, let alone stand upright. God, he was so scared.”
“You were at the diner?”
Sonya snapped her eyes up. Her lip was chapped from her licking at it, still glistening and wet against the flaking skin from the latest pass of her tongue over it. She nodded, once, slowly.
“That’s how...”
“The girl behind the counter asked where you were, called you by name, when Jared came running in.”
Jensen nodded. Yeah. Mandy would be concerned. It made sense.
“The girl called the police while I went with Jared. Shit, I’ve never seen anyone so frightened.” She stopped talking and just sat. Jensen’s cornflakes were getting mushy but he didn’t really want them anymore. If Sonya hadn’t been there or if they’d gotten to him too late...
“Thank you,” he said, catching her wrist in his hand. “For taking care of Jared, I mean.”
Sonya nodded once more and slipped from the room.
~*~
Apparently it wasn’t a work day, for Sonya at least. She came in at two o’clock with a plate that had two grilled cheese sandwiches, cut in little triangles, and arranged with carrot sticks and pickles. In her other hand, she cradled a small child - a toddler, really - against her chest. She stood in the doorway and watched Jensen. He could feel her eyes on him. He knew she was waiting for him to acknowledge her. He didn’t. He just gave her the first cursory glance and then continued leafing through the comic book he’d found beside the bed.
“I brought you lunch,” she said without leaving her spot at the door. “You need to eat. And we should probably wake Jared or he won’t be able to sleep tonight.”
“He’ll sleep,” Jensen grunted back without leaving his comic book. The villain was doing villain-type things, while the hero dashed through the panels and vanquished it, all the while wearing brightly coloured underwear over his equally bright unitard. He’d read it three times since waking but right now it was a good barrier between him and the woman before him.
He heard shuffling. He heard Sonya crossing the floor and felt her settling on the bed beside him.
“This is Michelle. Michelle, this is Jensen. Can you say Jensen?”
The little girl reached over and smacked at the book, sending it down onto his lap. “Nen!” she declared. Jensen tried very hard, he really did but in the end he couldn’t help the bitten down laugh that escaped him. Michelle turned her huge baby eyes up at him and grinned, proudly showing her tiny teeth. “Nen!” she said again, opening her hand and grabbing Jensen’s nose.
Sonya pried Michelle from Jensen’s face and pressed her finger over that tiny mouth. “Sh, darling,” she purred. “Jared’s still sleeping.”
Michelle lunged forward again, this time catching her little fingers in the neck of Jensen’s t-shirt. “Naow-wen,” she garbled gleefully. As if on cue, Jared shivered and his eyes finally snapped open. “Naow-wen!”
“Morning, Naow-wen,” Jensen whispered, pressing his mouth against Jared's forehead. “We have a rugrat for company and a plate of snacks, courtesy of Sonya. You want?”
Jared’s smile was bright enough to light up the entire city.
~*~
It turned out Michelle was mostly Jared’s job anyway. Once Jensen had showered and Jared was fed his customary bowl of cornflakes, Sonya deposited them in front of the TV and instructed them to watch the baby while she went about whatever it was she needed to do that day. He could hear her puttering away in the kitchen. He felt her move back and forth between the bedrooms and the tiny laundry closet. The smell of detergent drifted through the apartment and Jensen wanted to fill himself with it so he could have some of it left when the fairy tale finally ended and they were once more on the streets.
They’d worked through three Disney movies already and Jared was waving another under Jensen’s nose when Logan came clomping through the door and tossed his holster on the table.
Sonya narrowed her eyes and glared at the gun from her seat. She’d settled down to work on whatever it was she was doing partway through the Aristocats, although Jensen didn’t know how she got any work down with O’Malley's band wailing away like they did.
“Hey there beautiful,” Logan chirped, dropping a kiss on Sonya’s head and snatching his gun away to store it somewhere safe. Somewhere away from me, Jensen thought suddenly. Somewhere away from the hustler and his silent shadow. Michelle clapped her hands and threw an alphabet block at Jensen’s head. Jared whooped and pressed Peter Pan into the VCR.
“Ug, no buddy,” Jensen groaned. Jared’s eyes widened. His mouth turned down, slightly open. All the air vanished from the room and it seemed even baby Michelle was waiting for Jensen to make Jared’s sad little pout turn into one of his brilliant smiles. “The singing,” Jensen groaned. “Maybe…Can we watch this one instead?” he finally asked, tugging something called the Goonies from the shelf. It looked appropriately bleak, with just a hint of adventure featured on the cover.
“That’s one of Sonya’s favourites,” Logan said, suddenly, materializing behind the couch. Jensen turned sharply, only vaguely registering Jared’s quick scramble to a standing position. “Slightly less painful than Lady and the Tramp, I think.”
Before Jensen could open his mouth to respond, Logan was scooping Michelle into his arms and settling on the couch. Jared cuddled up next to him. Jensen watched in faint fascination as Jared’s fingers pulled lightly at the dark hair sprinkled across Logan’s arms, as Michelle’s hands closed in the white material of Logan’s t-shirt. A spike of jealousy whispered through him when that big hand feathered through Jared’s hair and caressed the nape of his neck.
“Here, I’ll watch too. That column isn’t getting done tonight anyway,” Sonya said gently, prying the movie from Jensen’s hand and swapping out Peter Pan and feeding the new movie into the VCR, which sucked it in almost hungrily. With a gentle pat to Jensen’s shoulder, which he warded off, she slipped down on the floor beside him.
As it turned out, the movie wasn’t all bad. Jensen particularly liked the smart-mouthed character aptly named Mouth, and even found himself laughing along with the corny jokes. It wasn’t until the skeleton piano tried to kill the heroes that he even realized Sonya was gone from his side. Twisting away from the movie, he saw her snuggled against Logan’s side, secure under his strong arm. Jared, he found, had relocated to the armchair with Michelle, and both were sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the scene of domesticity the five of them created scattered across the tiny living room.
Continue