Pieces of a Puzzle 2/2
Title: Pieces of a Puzzle 2/2
Rating: R (language, kissing, groping)
Wordcount: 7,500 part 2, 13,750 total (Complete)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared Jensen/OMC Jensen/Danneel
Summary: Jared loves Jensen but he’s keeping that a secret. Jensen isn’t happy, he just doesn’t know it. Throw in a new roommate and things get…complicated
Disclaimer: It wouldn’t be possible to get further from the truth.
Betas freakn_out and bigj52
Chapter 3
Over the next few weeks the three of them fell into a routine. Jared and Jensen would leave for the set before dawn. They would return late, shower, eat whatever dinner Ryan had waiting, run lines for the next day’s shoot, and crash. Ryan would do whatever errands Jared had for him. He was starting to be able to do his job with less prompting. He felt a little like a housewife, but it kept him busy and he felt free and happy in a way he hadn’t for a long time
*
Jensen cringed. If he heard that high-pitched cackle one more time he was going to scream. It was like nails on a chalkboard. He looked over and saw the guest star of the week place her hand on Jared’s arm while throwing her head back to laugh. Missy. Her name was fucking Missy, for God sake. She couldn’t seem to stop touching Jared. Every time Jensen looked, some part of Missy was touching some part of Jared.
Naturally, she was playing the victim. The scene called for Jared to rush in and say his line. Then Missy was supposed to say her line. Jared was then supposed to pick her up and she would say another line as he carried her out of the house. They each only had a couple of lines. Easy, right? Well, apparently not. The scene should have taken no more than an hour to film. However, Missy kept messing up her lines and laughing. It happened every time Jared picked her up. Because, apparently, that was just fucking hilarious. Jensen looked around. No one else seemed to be as irritated as he was. In fact, Jared was laughing along with her. Huh.
He took a closer look at her. She was short with long, dark hair and big, brown eyes. Kind of sweet looking…if you went for that type. Oh. Just perfect. That was exactly Jared’s type. Well, that wasn’t going to happen. Jared wasn’t ready to date yet. He wasn’t even over Genevieve. Actually, now that he thought about it, Jared had seemed fine lately. He hadn’t been moping around or playing sad, emo music the way he had when he and Sandy had broken up. In fact, he hadn’t even mentioned the break-up. Well, that didn’t matter. He wasn’t ready. That boy just never learned. And he definitely needed a new type. Jensen thought he might need to talk to casting. Would it kill them to cast a blond?
He sighed and slumped down in his chair. He just wanted to go home. He had had another fight with Danni this morning. When she found out it was going to be a short day for him, she’d wanted him to fly out for the weekend. He had said ‘no’. For the first time in two weeks they had the chance to go home at a decent hour and on a Friday, no less. He just wanted a beer and a shower. Wanted to sleep in and relax tomorrow. Flying to and from the East Coast was not what he would call relaxing.
While Missy was getting her make-up fixed, Jared walked over to stand next to Jensen. “Hey, dude,” Jared asked while grabbing a bottle of water, “You waitin’ on me?”
“No, I’m waitin’ on Missy,.” Jensen answered, a little too loudly. Hearing her name she turned her head and narrow her eyes at him. He smirked back at her.
“You’re waiting for Missy? Why?” Jared questioned, missing the whole exchange.
“No Jared, I’m waiting for you! I’ve been done for over an hour. I want to get out of here, man, maybe grab a beer somewhere. Can you get Miss Giggles over there to spit out her line so we can go?”
Jared glanced at his co-star and then over his shoulder at the girl. She looked at him with wide eyes and he knew she had overheard. Jensen had seen the look too. “Huh, she’s a better actress than I gave her credit for,” Jensen sneered.
“I think you’re making her uncomfortable, dude. Tell ya what, why don’t you go home, take a shower, relax for a while and I’ll be home in a couple of hours? We can have dinner and watch TV. Or why don’t we take Ryan out tonight? We could all use some fun. Plus, I think someone might be wound a little bit too tight today.” He said it with a smile and placed his hand on Jensen’s shoulder, squeezing.
They made eye contact and held it. Jensen relaxed as he felt the warmth from Jared’s hand. He blew out a long breath and muttered, “Yeah, I think you might be right. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me today. Ok, Jay. I’ll see you at home.” As he turned to walk toward the parking lot he looked back. Missy saw him looking and then threw her head back and laughed at something Jared had said. What a bitch., he thought as he shook his head.
Ryan looked up, surprised when he heard the door slam just after 6 pm. Jensen walked in looking pissed. “You ok, dude?”
“The fuckin’ girl playin’ the victim of the week couldn’t keep her hands off Jared long enough to deliver her lines. She spent the day giggling and twirling her hair. We would’ve been home hours ago if she would’ve got’er shit together. It’s just unprofessional, ya know?” Jensen’s drawl coming out in his agitation.
Ryan smiled sympathetically and said, “Well, that deserves a beer, yeah?”
“Hell ya, it does,” Jensen responded as he walked into the kitchen. “I’m just gonna take a shower first. Oh, and Jared should be home in a couple of hours. We were thinking about going out tonight. Hit a few bars, play some pool. You in?”
“Absolutely. I could use a night out.”
Three hours later, they had just finished the last of the beer. Jensen was relaxed and laughing at some joke Ryan was telling. They were just about to break out the bottle of tequila when Jared called, saying he wouldn’t be home any time soon. Missy was still having trouble with her lines and they weren’t anywhere close to being done. Jensen felt the tension start to creep back into his shoulders. He shouldn’t have left. She had heard them make plans to go out. She was probably messing up on purpose.
He was thinking about going back to the set when Ryan suggested they go without Jared. Jensen started to shake his head, but the hopeful look on Ryan’s face stopped him. He realized that the guy hadn’t gone out since he had been in Vancouver. Other than him and Jared, he didn’t have any friends. He figured Ryan needed a night out more than Jared needed to be saved from a five-foot-nothing wisp of a girl.
“What the hell Ry, let’s do it.” As they started to move toward their respective rooms to change, Ryan asked tentatively, “Um, Jen… are there any, ah... ya know… gay bars or clubs here? I mean… if that would be ok. We don’t have to stay long. Maybe just to check it out?”
Jensen hadn’t been to a gay club before, but Vancouver was a big enough city to have several. With all the gay fanfiction on the internet where fan girls and boys were writing stories about them being gay and in love with each other, the last place Jensen should be seen in is a gay night club. But he knew it was hard for Ryan to ask and Jensen didn’t have the heart to say no. “Yeah man, of course. I know a couple of places we can check out.”
Jensen was watching TV, waiting for Ryan to change his clothes. Jensen had thrown on a plain black t-shirt, blue jeans and his favorite pair of old, black boots. He looked good enough to go out, but not enough to throw off any vibes. He didn’t really want to get hit on at the club. When Ryan walked in, Jensen did a double take. Surprised, he took in Ryan’s appearance. He had taken off the ever-present truckers cap and put some product in his hair. He was wearing a blue, soft-looking v-neck sweater that was just the right side of too tight. It clung to his broad shoulders and the curve of his biceps, tapering in at his waist. He had changed from his normal ‘Wranglers’ into a dark pair of designer jeans that had expertly placed holes at the knees and showed off his long legs. Black leather shoes and belt completed the look.
“Wow. Ry, you look really good. I’m feeling kind of underdressed. Should I go change?” Jensen said as he stood, and started to motion toward his room. Ryan just laughed and said, “Have you seen yourself, dude? You could wear a potato sack and no one would be able to keep their eyes off you.” Then realizing what he had just said, his cheeks went pink.
Now Jensen laughed “Ok-ay. Let’s go buddy.”
*
Ryan closed his eyes and swayed against the man he was dancing with. The guy had been grinding his hips into Ryan’s and he was getting hotter and hornier as the night went on. He had drunk a little too much, but it felt good to cut loose and not worry about anyone judging him. He looked over to see yet another man trying to get Jensen out on the dance floor. Jensen made eye contact and gave him a small smile. He thanked the guy for the dance and walked over to their table.
“He’s with me,” he told the guy as he pulled his chair next to Jensen’s and sat down. Then he placed his arm around Jen’s chair. Jensen leaned into the crook of his shoulder and smiled up at the guy.
“My bad, sorry,” the guy mumbled and walked off.
Jensen turned glassy eyes at Ryan and said, “Dude, that’s what, the fourth time you’ve done that? You’re never going to get laid if you keep rescuing me like that.”
Ryan chuckled and said, “Are you kidding me? Everyone wants what they can’t have right? I’ve been getting propositioned all night. They all think we’re together and I must be a tiger in bed to get a hot piece of ass like you.” He saw Jensen’s eyes darken at his words, so he leaned close and whispered in his ear, “And they’re right, I am.” Ryan reached over and grabbed a shot glass. He slammed the whiskey back and set the glass on the table.
The words sent a shiver down Jensen’s spine. He watched Ryan’s throat muscles constrict as he swallowed, and felt his jeans getting tighter. He realized that he was still leaning into Ryan. Their bodies were pressed against one another from shoulder to knee. Jensen’s right hand was on the other man’s thigh. He couldn’t remember putting it there. He squeezed gently. The muscle felt hard under his hand. He felt Ryan’s arm slip from the back of the chair to rest on his shoulders. The action pulled him tighter into Ryan’s body. He could smell his cologne. Feel his breath on his cheek. Jensen was hyper aware of where their bodies were touching. He thought he should want to pull away, but he didn’t. Instead he wanted to get closer. His eyes moved to Ryan’s lips as the man’s tongue slid out and ran over his bottom lip, chasing a drop of liquid. Jensen traced the movement and suddenly wanted to taste. Wanted to know what another man would taste like.
“Jensen,” Ryan’s voice sounded different. Deep and husky. Jensen felt himself leaning in. Just one taste….Jensen softly pressed their lips together. He felt Ryan stiffen and Jensen furrowed his brow. He tried again. Pushing a little harder and parting his lips slightly. He licked at Ryan’s bottom lip and the other man opened his mouth. There, that was much better. While deepening the kiss, Jensen moved his right arm and put his hand on the small of Ryan’s back. He slid his hand under the sweater and felt hot, smooth skin. He brought his left hand to rest on the other man’s stomach and felt hard abs constricting under the soft sweater. He loved the feeling of the hard muscle and couldn’t stop his fingers from moving over them.
Ryan moaned softly, and the sound went straight to his cock. Jen felt it swelling and resisted the urge to reach down and adjust himself. Ryan’s right hand came up to cup Jensen’s jaw and his left was holding the back of Jensen’s neck. After several minutes, they pulled apart to breathe.
For a split second when he opened his eyes, he was shocked to see brown where he expected hazel. He pushed that thought down and reached in to bite at Ryan’s lower lip. He was so hard it was almost painful and his hips moved forward seeking friction. He was just about to move onto the other man’s lap, when Ryan’s hand palmed his cock through the denim. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “push harder”.
But instead, Ryan asked, “Are you sure? Fuck, Jensen, please say you’re sure.”
Jensen opened his eyes and again he expected hazel but slowly focused on brown. Wait, this was wrong. Something was off. “Sure? I…. Um,” he stuttered and pulled away. He looked around the room. The people walking past their table were looking at them. He could see bodies grinding on the dance floor. “Oh, shit, Ryan, we need to get out of here.” Jensen pushed back from the table and started to stand up. He felt light headed and swayed a little. The other man reached out to steady him. Jensen pulled back from the touch and he saw Ryan flinch. “I’m really fucking sorry, but we have to go. Now.”
In the cab Jensen leaned his head against the cold glass. He was too drunk to think straight. What the fuck was he going to tell Jared? There was probably a video being downloaded onto Youtube right now.
“Jensen, I’m sorry, man. I should have stopped you. I knew you’d had too much to drink. I shouldn’t have kissed you back. This doesn’t mean anything. We can just pretend the whole thing didn’t happen. Do you… do you hate me?” Ryan’s voice broke on the last words.
Jensen turned toward the other man and reached out, grabbing his hand. “Of course not, Ryan. This is my fault, I kissed you. I don’t know what I was thinking, but this is all on me. You didn’t do anything wrong, but this was a mistake.” He could see the hurt flash in Ryan’s eyes and he squeezed his hand, “I know I keep saying it, but I am really sorry, Ry.”
“It’s ok, Jen, I’m fine. And don’t worry, lots ‘a guys experiment. We were drunk and we got caught up in the moment. Don’t mean you’re gay or nothin’,” Ryan responded as he leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes.
Gay? Shit. That thought hadn’t even occurred to him. Why wasn’t he freaking out about the fact that he had just had his tongue down another man’s throat? Nope, instead he was worried about what other people would think. What Jared was going to think. “Um, Yeah. Thanks but I’m ok… about that. I just need to get home and explain what happened. Try and explain what I did. And I hope to God nothing winds up on the internet.”
“Oh, God. The internet. Shit, dude, I didn’t even think.... Is that what you’re upset about? Are you going to tell her right away or wait and see what happens?”
“Her?” Jensen asked, confused. He was still too drunk to think straight. Then his eyes widened as he realized who he had forgotten. Danneel. “Fuck! What the hell is wrong with me?” He closed his eyes and prayed that when he woke up it would be yesterday and he could live this whole day over.
Chapter 4
Jared woke up and couldn’t move. Something was holding the blankets down. He looked over to find Jensen lying on his back, fully clothed on top of the blankets. His face was turned toward Jared, cheeks flushed and lips slightly parted. Jared’s felt his pulse quicken. He had dreamt of waking up with Jen so many times.
He took a moment to look at the man he was so in love with. He rarely got the chance to stare at Jensen. He just couldn’t risk it: knew that if he was caught looking, his face would give his emotions away. Jensen was just… stunning. He knew Jensen hated it when people said shit like that about him; he wanted to be seen as handsome and manly, hated when the words ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ were used to describe him. Unfortunately for Jensen, they were pretty damn accurate.
Jensen’s long, dark eyelashes framed deep emerald-colored eyes. He had high cheekbones and a strong, chiseled jaw. Soft, full lips and a smattering of freckled completed the look. And that was just his face; his body was a thing of beauty too. Jared could feel the blood flowing into his already-hard cock, heat flooding through his body. He could see Jensen’s pulse beating at the base of his throat. A drop of sweat caught in the small well there. Jared wanted to lick it, wanted to taste. If he leaned in just a few inches their lips would be touching. He moved his hand up to Jensen’s mouth, stopping himself just before he made contact. Jensen’s full lips were slightly parted. He could feel Jensen’s soft breath on his face. He closed his eyes to savor the feeling, wanting to fill his lungs with the other man’s air.
When he opened his eyes again, he saw green looking back at him. He quickly lowered his hand, resting it on the bed between their faces.
“Jay,” Jensen’s voice sounded rough, his eyes dark. Jared knew he should pull back, make a joke and lighten the moment but he couldn’t. He couldn’t seem to move. He was still just inches from Jensen’s face. The air seemed charged, alive. The only sound in the room was the breaths that Jared realized they were still sharing. As Jensen exhaled, Jared inhaled. Time slowed.
He could feel energy moving between them. Suddenly, the space of a few inches was too far. Jared felt like a magnet as he moved his head forward. He brought his lips to meet Jensen’s. They were as soft as they looked; he had known they would be. Their lips slotted together flawlessly. It was a perfect kiss. Soft and warm. He opened his mouth a little more and brought his tongue out slowly. Jensen turned his head slightly and opened his mouth to meet Jared’s.
As their tongues tangled together he heard Jensen moan softly. It sent a jolt of pleasure through his body and he moved forward, molding his body to Jensen’s. Even through the blankets it was a perfect fit. Like a puzzle. Finally, he thought.
*
Jensen was overwhelmed by the taste and smell of Jared. All of his senses were being flooded, and he felt something click into place. Yes,. he thought, this is it. This is what had been missing. He hadn’t known he had been so empty. That he had been searching for something until now. Now that he had found it, he needed more. He rolled his body so he was lying on top of the younger man. Jared had one hand cupping his jaw, the other at his back moving his shirt up. The heat from Jared’s hand was seeping into his skin. The kiss became more frantic.
He reached between them and pulled the blankets down, then kicked them off the bed with his legs. He looked down at Jared’s bare chest. God, he was huge, all golden skin and hard muscle. He leaned down and ran his tongue along Jared’s nipple, biting gently. He moved his mouth up along the collar bone, sucking and biting as he went. When he got to Jared’s neck he sucked hard, wanting to leave his mark.
“Jen…Please,” Jared moaned as his back arched up, seeking more contact.
Jensen moved his lips to the side of Jared’s face. “I got you, Jay,” he said softly, blowing out a hot breath. He sucked in the lobe and then bit down. Jared growled and gripped Jensen’s hips hard, pulling them down as he raised his. It sent waves of pleasure through them both, and soon they were pressing into each other so hard it was almost painful.
Jared pushed Jensen onto his back and reached down, opening his jeans. When his hand wrapped around Jensen’s dick, he felt himself get impossibly harder. “Wait, are you sure this is this ok?” Jensen’s eyes snapped open. Jared’s lips were swollen and wet. “I really fucking want this, Jensen. I’ve been waiting forever, but I need to hear you say it.”
The words seemed to flip a switch. They reminded him of Ryan’s words last night, ‘Are you sure? Fuck, Jensen, please say you’re sure.’ It wasn’t the same. Ryan had been a drunken mistake. He needed to do this right. This was Jared in his arms. It wouldn’t be a one-time thing. This would change both of their lives. He realized now that this was where they had been heading all along. He didn’t know how he could have been so blind.
He was taking too long to answer and Jared started to pull away. Looking up he could see the love and desire in Jared’s eyes morphing into doubt and fear. Jared was scared of what he was going to say.
Jensen leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Jared’s lips. “I’m sure, Jared. I want you, us, all of it. But we need to stop for a second. We need to talk.”
*
“We need to talk? Not exactly the words I was hoping to hear, Jen,” he said as he moved his body up and off Jensen.
While tucking himself back in and zipping up his jeans, Jensen said, “I need you to hear me, Jay. And, please, really listen. Let me get through this without interrupting, ok?”
Jared sat up and leaned back against the headboard, briefly closing his eyes. He was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear this. “Yeah okay, go ahead.” Jensen looked down at his hands and didn’t say anything for several minutes. He looked nervous and more than a little lost. Jared reached out and put his hand over Jensen’s. “It’s alright Jen,” he said softly, “we don’t need to do this now.”
“Actually, we do.” Jensen took a deep breath and said, “I’m not sure what’s going to happen today. I did something last night. Something stupid. I was drunk. That’s no excuse, but it’s the truth. Things have been so off lately. I didn’t know what it was. I haven’t been happy for a while, Jay. Danni and I… it hasn’t felt… right for a long time. I haven’t wanted to spend time with her, you know what I mean? I don’t miss her when we’re apart.” Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes. “You, Jay, you’re the one I miss. When you went to Texas…. Dude… I was a mess. I knew you were in pain and it was killing me. I didn’t understand why you cut me out like that, I still don’t. I wanted so badly to fly down to see you. The only reason I didn’t, was because I knew you didn’t want to see me.”
Jared opened his mouth to speak and Jensen cut him off, “Wait, let me finish. Please. I need to get this out…. When we got back from hiatus, it felt better. It wasn’t perfect, but I felt like I could breathe again. We clicked right back into place. Whatever you had done in Texas worked, you seemed to be over Genevieve. I knew I should move back to my new house. Try and fix things with Danni. You had Ryan here and you didn’t seem to need me. I couldn’t do it though. I didn’t want to leave. I felt like… no, I feel like… this is my home,” Jensen looked back down and said quietly, “You, Jay, you’re my home.”
Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand. “Jen, you’re my home too.”
“Yeah?” Jensen looked up, his emerald eyes shining with hope. “Yeah” He couldn’t stop himself; he leaned in and brought their lips together into a chaste kiss. Then he felt Jared’s tongue brush into his mouth. His dick started to harden again, and he groaned and pulled back “Wait, I need to finish…. This sounds lame, even to me, but I have been living so deep in denial that I didn’t see this. What you mean to me. Then yesterday, everything went wrong. First, Danneel and I had yet another fight. That’s all we do lately. It’s been my fault and I want you to know that no matter what happens with us, Danni and I are over. I’m leaving her. I should have done it sooner. I’m an asshole for letting things get this out of hand. I’ll call her today, after I check on everything.”
Jared raised his eyebrows, “Check on everything? What does that mean?”
“Um…. Yeah, that’s… I’m getting there. Anyway, then that girl on set kept flirting and touching you. I was so fucking pissed that I was seeing red. I was literally shaking with anger. I didn’t let myself see it for what it was, but… I was jealous of her, Jay. She looked so much like Gen and Sandy. She was just your type and…”
“Hey, I wasn’t into that girl,” Jared softly cut him off, “It didn’t even cross my mind. I think my tastes have changed a little bit.”
Jensen beamed at him. “Thank God, ‘Cause I have to tell you, it took everything I had not to grab her and throw her off you. If you hadn’t sent me home I would have made a fool of myself....
“Anyway, when I got home, I couldn’t relax. Ryan and I started drinking. Then you called and said you wouldn’t be home anytime soon. I got jealous again and wanted to go back to the set, but Ryan wanted to go ahead and go out.” Jensen’s voice started to shake as he thought about what he had done. He had tears in his eyes when he whispered, “God, Jared, I might have ruined everything.”
“What did you do, Jen? Just tell me. I’ll fix it but I need to know what happened.”
“First, I need you to know that I’m so sorry. You believe that right Jay? That I’m sorry?”
“Yeah, I believe that.”
Jensen sucked in a shaky breath, “Ryan asked if we could go to a gay bar. I knew it was a bad idea. The studio would freak out and, well, you know, the internet would go crazy if they found out. But I felt so sorry for him. He doesn’t have any friends here besides us and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so we went to that new gay club downtown.”
Jared felt relief flood through his body, “Fuck, Jen, you scared the shit out of me. Ok, yeah. That’s maybe not the best idea you’ve had, but I don’t think it will ruin anything. You didn’t dance on any tables, did ya?” he said with a laugh.
Jensen continued as if Jared hadn’t said anything, his eyes unfocused, “I drank a lot. Too much. I lost count of how many shots I had. Every time Ryan went to the bathroom or got up to dance, some guy would come over and hit on me. It made me nervous, so I drank more. Ryan started to tell people that we were together so they would leave me alone. He sat right next to me, kept touching me, and putting his arm around me…. He pressed up against me. Then, um....”
White-hot rage coursed through Jared. “Did he… Jen, did he do something to you?” He wouldn’t have thought Ryan was capable of something like that. He was going to kill him, in the most painful way possible…. He moved up to his knees, placing his hands on Jen’s arms, pulling the other man to him. Despite his anger he spoke slowly, gently, “Babe, I need you to tell me. Did he hurt you?”
“What? No! Jared, No. I… It was me. I kissed him. At the club, in front of everyone.”
“You kissed Ryan? Why? Why would you do that?” Jared’s fingers were pressing hard into Jensen’s arm, “Do you… do you have feelings for him? Jensen, how far did things go?”
“No, Jared. I don’t have feelings for him. I don’t. I just got carried away. It went far enough that if anyone was filming it with their cell phone it will ruin my career. Far enough that the show could be affected. Maybe even cancelled.”
“The show? Your career?” Jared let go of Jensen and got up off the bed. “That’s what you’re worried about? The show? You think I give a fuck about that right now?”
“Of course, I’m worried about that. You should be too! How can you not be? This isn’t just about me, Jared, this could affect you too. Don’t you get it? If they cancel the show, you lose your job too! I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking. If this gets out, I will do everything I can to protect you. I promise.” He reached out to grab Jared’s hand, but Jared slapped it away.
“You’re going to protect me? Is that supposed to be a joke? Well, that’s pretty funny, Jensen, since the only person who hurt me around here is you.”
“What? Jay no…. You don’t understand.”
“Really? ‘Cause I think you’re the one who’s clueless. Let me spell it out for you. I’ve been in love with you for a long time Jensen, years in fact. Do you understand what that means? To be in love with someone for years and not have them love you back? I thought you weren’t gay and I wasn’t going to risk ruining our friendship, so I was never going to tell you. I was happy just being your friend, being with you any way I could. Then I wake up today to find you in my bed. You kiss me and tell me that you want me. I thought all my dreams had just come true. There’s just one little catch. You went to a club last night and made out with one of my best friends. My male friend by the way. So, apparently, you are gay and I just wasn’t a good enough friend to share that with.”
“Jared, no, that’s not what….”
“Oh, wait, Jensen; I’m just getting to the best part of the story. So getting your rocks off with Ryan wasn’t enough for you, so you come home…. No scratch that, you come into to my home and crawl into my bed hoping for, what Jensen? Round two?”
Jared watched as Jensen’s face went white. He looked like he was going to pass out, but Jared was so angry that he didn’t care. He was on a roll and couldn’t seem to stop the words coming out of his mouth. “How do you think Ryan will feel about that? Did it occur to you that he might have feelings for you? Oh, and let’s not forget that during all of this you were cheating on your girlfriend. And the one fucking thing that you’re worried about is your damn career!? Get the fuck out of my room. No, you know what? Get the fuck out of my house!”
“Jay, please. Let me explain. God, please, don’t do this.”
“I mean it, Jensen. Get out of my house. Go explain yourself to Danneel. She’s the one who deserves it.”
*
Jensen made it to the bottom of the stairs before his legs gave out. As he slid down, his hands were shaking and he rubbed his face. He felt tears filling his eyes. How the fuck did this happen? In the span of twenty-four hours he had completely ruined his life. He had cheated on his girlfriend. Not once, but twice. Possibly caused the cancellation of the show. He had screwed around with a good friend that may or may not have feelings for him.
Discovered the love of his life and then broke that man’s heart. Everything Jared had said to him was true. He was a terrible person. He had made a commitment to Danneel. He had loved her once and still cared deeply about her. And yet, he hadn’t thought about her feelings once. He knew he had to end it today. He couldn’t let this go on any longer. He would call her when he got home. Home - where the hell was that? He realized sadly that he didn’t have a home. He couldn’t stay in the house he had bought with Danni. He would sign the deed over to her. It was the least he could do for her. If she didn’t want it she could sell it.
This was his home and he had just been kicked out of it. Jared was right to do it. Jensen didn’t deserve to be here. He had left another man’s arms and crawled into Jared’s bed. He tried to recall the night before. He remembered the cab ride but not arriving home or going up to Jared’s room. It makes sense, though. When he had realized what he had done, he’d felt an overwhelming desire to get to Jared. To explain what he had done. Now that he was sober he knew there was no explanation. It was strange, but it felt like the one he’d cheated on was Jared. He should never have gone out with Ryan.
Well, that was another problem he needed to address, and, since he would not be welcomed back here again, he needed to do that right now. He got up and started to walk to the back door to go out to the pool house. He got as far as the kitchen when he saw Ryan.
“Morning man, I was just making some coffee…” Ryan said as he looked up, cutting off when he saw Jensen’s face. “Dude, are you ok? What happened?”
“Are you serious? Last night happened. Don’t you remember?” Jensen stammered. At Ryan’s blank look, he continued, “Sorry, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I need to talk to you. I want to apologize. For kissing you…. And, um, leading you on. Shit, this is awkward right? I’m not sure what your feelings are, but I’m sorry if I hurt you. I should never have…. The thing is… I have a girlfriend, ya know? Well, that’s not really true anymore, is it? I have Jared…. Uh, that’s not so much the truth either….” Jensen could feel his eyes starting to well up again.
Ryan put his hand out to pat Jensen’s arm, “Hey man. It’s ok. We talked about this last night, remember?” Ryan’s eyes were soft and warm as he looked at Jensen. There was no anger in them and Jensen felt his tears spill over onto his cheeks.
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t remember anything after getting into the cab”
“You started babbling about Jared. How this was going to blow up and ruin his life. How much Jared loves the show and now the show would get cancelled and it would be your fault. The whole world would know you were gay and it would ruin everything Jared had worked so hard for. You thought Jared would never forgive you. Any of this ringing any bells?” Ryan asked.
“Um, no.” Jensen couldn’t remember, but that sounded about right. He does remember wanting to get home and explain things to Jared right away.
“I couldn’t shut you up. You went on and on, hatching your big plan to save Jared. You said you would go to the press and tell them that you had kept your gayness a secret from everyone, even Jared. You begged me not to tell anyone that you had just figured it out yourself. You said no one was going to believe that, at thirty-one, you just discovered that you were gay.” Ryan was flailing his arms around in an attempt to imitate Jensen in his drunken panic.
“Ok, I get it. I was a drunken idiot. So, anyway, I really just wanted to say I’m sorry. Whatever your feelings are toward me… I was wrong… I shouldn’t have….” Jensen was getting redder by the second.
“Jensen, I’m ok. We’re cool. I don’t have any feelings for you other than friendship, I swear. I just let myself get caught up in your hotness,” Ryan shrugged and gave him a grin when Jensen’s cheeks turned pink. “What can I say, dude? I haven’t gotten laid in a while. I hate to be the one to tell you this buddy, but you are smoking hot. Get used to it, It’s just a sad fact of your life.”
“Shut up, man” Jensen blushed harder and said, “But thanks. It’s good to know I’ll still have one friend left when the smoke clears.”
“What’s that mean? You’ll still have friends. I think you’re worried about nothing. I looked on-line when I got up and there wasn’t anything about you anywhere. Nothing new anyway. It was just to dark in that club. There is no way anything being shot on a cell phone would turn out.”
“I hope you’re right. I would never be able to forgive myself if I got the show cancelled. There are more than a hundred people involved, in one way or another. They would all lose their jobs, Jared included. I guess I’ll just have to wait it out and see what happens. I’m going to call my publicist anyway, just in case the story does break.” Jensen slapped Ryan on the shoulder and started to head toward the guest room. “Anyway, I need to go pack and head out.”
“Oh? Where you going?”
“I’m not sure. Probably the hotel I stayed at when the show first got picked up. Call my cell if you need me, ok? If this does get out and they find out who you are, there is going to be paparazzi all over you. I’m not a big name so it might not be too bad, but you never know. If that happens call me, okay? We’ll figure something out.”
“Wait, I don’t understand. Why aren’t you moving back in here? Was I reading you wrong last night? The way you were talking about Jared… then you went up to tell him what happened. I just thought you guys might end up….” Ryan stopped when he saw the look on Jensen’s face.
“You read me right. I really love….Ah, let’s just say, I just burned one too many bridges last night. I’m sorry but I need to get out of here. I meant what I said though. You call me if you need anything,” Jensen said as he walked down the hall to pack his things.
“Yeah, sure, man. Thanks.” As Ryan turned to go back into the kitchen he saw a shadow at the top of the stairs and then heard a door quietly click shut.
Chapter 5
“I mean it, Jensen. Get out of my house. Go explain yourself to Danneel. She’s the one who deserves it.”
As Jensen walked out, Jared threw himself onto his bed. He smashed his face into a pillow and was immediately overcome by the smell of Jensen. Oh, God, it still smelled like Jensen. He felt nauseous. Jensen had kissed Ryan. He had kissed another man. A man that wasn’t Jared. All this time he had assumed that Jensen was straight. That had been the one thing that he held onto. That kept him from falling apart.
Now that he knew the truth it was more than he could handle. Jensen was gay or at the very least he was bi. How could Jensen not tell him? Even if Jensen didn’t know how Jared really felt, they were supposed to be best friends. This was something you should know about your best friend. It was too much to deal with, he was overwhelmed. He tried to sort things out in his head.
Jensen was gay and cheating on his girlfriend. He had said that Jared felt like home to him, but he had kissed Ryan. Jen didn’t even seem to care about how Ryan might feel about Jensen coming home and crawling into Jared’s bed. Then he was more concerned about his career than the fact that he had just broken Jared’s heart. This wasn’t right. He knew that Jensen wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t a selfish person. He was always more concerned about others than himself.
He was so confused. He needed to go and talk to Ryan. He got up and started to head downstairs when he heard voices. Jensen hadn’t left yet and was talking to Ryan. Jensen sounded unsure of himself as he said, “….I want to apologize. For kissing you…. And, um, leading you on. Shit, this is awkward, right? I’m not sure what your feelings are…”
Jared stood at the top of the stairs and listened until Jensen went to pack. Jared decided to shower and try to sort his thoughts out before talking to anyone.
*
“I know this doesn’t help, but I really am sorry, Danni. I never meant to hurt you….”
Danneel sobbed into the phone, “Whether you meant to or not, you did. Look, I need you to stay away from me for a while. We can sort the house out later, ok? Just… for now, leave me alone.” He heard the soft click of the phone and just like that, she was out of his life. He felt guilty that he had hurt her and sad that she wouldn’t be a part of his life any longer.
Stunned, he sat on his bed, no - Jared’s bed, in Jared’s guestroom, in Jared’s house. He needed to get up and get packed. He should leave before Jared came down and kicked him out again. He didn’t want to hear that a second time. He still couldn’t believe he had heard it the first time. Fuck. He had lost Jared. Not that he’d really ever had him to begin with. But now he didn’t even have his friendship.
He tried to think of a life without Jared in it and couldn’t. He didn’t know what to do. Once he walked out of this house, he wouldn’t be able to come back. That just wasn’t something he would be able to live with. He couldn’t live without Jared. He had to fix this. Determined, he walked toward the bedroom door.
*
As Jared raised his hand to knock, the door flew open and Jensen ran into him. Instinctively, he brought his arms down and around Jensen. They stumbled back and crashed into the opposite wall in the hallway. They blinked at each other, but didn’t move. Jared had worked up a whole speech, but now, looking into Jensen’s wide eyes, feeling his body pressing against his, he couldn’t remember a word of it.
“I’m sorry, Jay.” Jensen said softly “I can’t leave.... I fucked things up and I know you want me gone, but I just can’t. This is where I belong. If you want me out, you’re going to have to physically throw my ass out, because I can’t walk out of your life.” Jensen’s voice cracked and his eyes were shining with unshed tears when he whispered. “I… I love you Jared, I’m in love with you. Please don’t make me leave. Please”
“Fuck it all to hell, Jensen,” Jared rolled his eyes and puffed out a breath. He felt Jensen deflate and start to pull out of his arms. “Wait, don’t go. Come here.” Jared crashed his lips into Jensen’s and brought his hands up to frame his face. They kissed hungrily, hard and wet until they were overcome with the need for air. Jared pulled back slightly and sucked on Jensen’s bottom lip. He pressed their foreheads together. He waited for Jensen to meet his eyes and then whispered “We have a lot of shit to straighten out and we definitely need to work on our communication skills." Jared smiled “But I guess we’ll have the rest of our lives to sort it all out. Because... I love you too…”
The End
Rating: R (language, kissing, groping)
Wordcount: 7,500 part 2, 13,750 total (Complete)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared Jensen/OMC Jensen/Danneel
Summary: Jared loves Jensen but he’s keeping that a secret. Jensen isn’t happy, he just doesn’t know it. Throw in a new roommate and things get…complicated
Disclaimer: It wouldn’t be possible to get further from the truth.
Betas freakn_out and bigj52
Chapter 3
Over the next few weeks the three of them fell into a routine. Jared and Jensen would leave for the set before dawn. They would return late, shower, eat whatever dinner Ryan had waiting, run lines for the next day’s shoot, and crash. Ryan would do whatever errands Jared had for him. He was starting to be able to do his job with less prompting. He felt a little like a housewife, but it kept him busy and he felt free and happy in a way he hadn’t for a long time
*
Jensen cringed. If he heard that high-pitched cackle one more time he was going to scream. It was like nails on a chalkboard. He looked over and saw the guest star of the week place her hand on Jared’s arm while throwing her head back to laugh. Missy. Her name was fucking Missy, for God sake. She couldn’t seem to stop touching Jared. Every time Jensen looked, some part of Missy was touching some part of Jared.
Naturally, she was playing the victim. The scene called for Jared to rush in and say his line. Then Missy was supposed to say her line. Jared was then supposed to pick her up and she would say another line as he carried her out of the house. They each only had a couple of lines. Easy, right? Well, apparently not. The scene should have taken no more than an hour to film. However, Missy kept messing up her lines and laughing. It happened every time Jared picked her up. Because, apparently, that was just fucking hilarious. Jensen looked around. No one else seemed to be as irritated as he was. In fact, Jared was laughing along with her. Huh.
He took a closer look at her. She was short with long, dark hair and big, brown eyes. Kind of sweet looking…if you went for that type. Oh. Just perfect. That was exactly Jared’s type. Well, that wasn’t going to happen. Jared wasn’t ready to date yet. He wasn’t even over Genevieve. Actually, now that he thought about it, Jared had seemed fine lately. He hadn’t been moping around or playing sad, emo music the way he had when he and Sandy had broken up. In fact, he hadn’t even mentioned the break-up. Well, that didn’t matter. He wasn’t ready. That boy just never learned. And he definitely needed a new type. Jensen thought he might need to talk to casting. Would it kill them to cast a blond?
He sighed and slumped down in his chair. He just wanted to go home. He had had another fight with Danni this morning. When she found out it was going to be a short day for him, she’d wanted him to fly out for the weekend. He had said ‘no’. For the first time in two weeks they had the chance to go home at a decent hour and on a Friday, no less. He just wanted a beer and a shower. Wanted to sleep in and relax tomorrow. Flying to and from the East Coast was not what he would call relaxing.
While Missy was getting her make-up fixed, Jared walked over to stand next to Jensen. “Hey, dude,” Jared asked while grabbing a bottle of water, “You waitin’ on me?”
“No, I’m waitin’ on Missy,.” Jensen answered, a little too loudly. Hearing her name she turned her head and narrow her eyes at him. He smirked back at her.
“You’re waiting for Missy? Why?” Jared questioned, missing the whole exchange.
“No Jared, I’m waiting for you! I’ve been done for over an hour. I want to get out of here, man, maybe grab a beer somewhere. Can you get Miss Giggles over there to spit out her line so we can go?”
Jared glanced at his co-star and then over his shoulder at the girl. She looked at him with wide eyes and he knew she had overheard. Jensen had seen the look too. “Huh, she’s a better actress than I gave her credit for,” Jensen sneered.
“I think you’re making her uncomfortable, dude. Tell ya what, why don’t you go home, take a shower, relax for a while and I’ll be home in a couple of hours? We can have dinner and watch TV. Or why don’t we take Ryan out tonight? We could all use some fun. Plus, I think someone might be wound a little bit too tight today.” He said it with a smile and placed his hand on Jensen’s shoulder, squeezing.
They made eye contact and held it. Jensen relaxed as he felt the warmth from Jared’s hand. He blew out a long breath and muttered, “Yeah, I think you might be right. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me today. Ok, Jay. I’ll see you at home.” As he turned to walk toward the parking lot he looked back. Missy saw him looking and then threw her head back and laughed at something Jared had said. What a bitch., he thought as he shook his head.
Ryan looked up, surprised when he heard the door slam just after 6 pm. Jensen walked in looking pissed. “You ok, dude?”
“The fuckin’ girl playin’ the victim of the week couldn’t keep her hands off Jared long enough to deliver her lines. She spent the day giggling and twirling her hair. We would’ve been home hours ago if she would’ve got’er shit together. It’s just unprofessional, ya know?” Jensen’s drawl coming out in his agitation.
Ryan smiled sympathetically and said, “Well, that deserves a beer, yeah?”
“Hell ya, it does,” Jensen responded as he walked into the kitchen. “I’m just gonna take a shower first. Oh, and Jared should be home in a couple of hours. We were thinking about going out tonight. Hit a few bars, play some pool. You in?”
“Absolutely. I could use a night out.”
Three hours later, they had just finished the last of the beer. Jensen was relaxed and laughing at some joke Ryan was telling. They were just about to break out the bottle of tequila when Jared called, saying he wouldn’t be home any time soon. Missy was still having trouble with her lines and they weren’t anywhere close to being done. Jensen felt the tension start to creep back into his shoulders. He shouldn’t have left. She had heard them make plans to go out. She was probably messing up on purpose.
He was thinking about going back to the set when Ryan suggested they go without Jared. Jensen started to shake his head, but the hopeful look on Ryan’s face stopped him. He realized that the guy hadn’t gone out since he had been in Vancouver. Other than him and Jared, he didn’t have any friends. He figured Ryan needed a night out more than Jared needed to be saved from a five-foot-nothing wisp of a girl.
“What the hell Ry, let’s do it.” As they started to move toward their respective rooms to change, Ryan asked tentatively, “Um, Jen… are there any, ah... ya know… gay bars or clubs here? I mean… if that would be ok. We don’t have to stay long. Maybe just to check it out?”
Jensen hadn’t been to a gay club before, but Vancouver was a big enough city to have several. With all the gay fanfiction on the internet where fan girls and boys were writing stories about them being gay and in love with each other, the last place Jensen should be seen in is a gay night club. But he knew it was hard for Ryan to ask and Jensen didn’t have the heart to say no. “Yeah man, of course. I know a couple of places we can check out.”
Jensen was watching TV, waiting for Ryan to change his clothes. Jensen had thrown on a plain black t-shirt, blue jeans and his favorite pair of old, black boots. He looked good enough to go out, but not enough to throw off any vibes. He didn’t really want to get hit on at the club. When Ryan walked in, Jensen did a double take. Surprised, he took in Ryan’s appearance. He had taken off the ever-present truckers cap and put some product in his hair. He was wearing a blue, soft-looking v-neck sweater that was just the right side of too tight. It clung to his broad shoulders and the curve of his biceps, tapering in at his waist. He had changed from his normal ‘Wranglers’ into a dark pair of designer jeans that had expertly placed holes at the knees and showed off his long legs. Black leather shoes and belt completed the look.
“Wow. Ry, you look really good. I’m feeling kind of underdressed. Should I go change?” Jensen said as he stood, and started to motion toward his room. Ryan just laughed and said, “Have you seen yourself, dude? You could wear a potato sack and no one would be able to keep their eyes off you.” Then realizing what he had just said, his cheeks went pink.
Now Jensen laughed “Ok-ay. Let’s go buddy.”
*
Ryan closed his eyes and swayed against the man he was dancing with. The guy had been grinding his hips into Ryan’s and he was getting hotter and hornier as the night went on. He had drunk a little too much, but it felt good to cut loose and not worry about anyone judging him. He looked over to see yet another man trying to get Jensen out on the dance floor. Jensen made eye contact and gave him a small smile. He thanked the guy for the dance and walked over to their table.
“He’s with me,” he told the guy as he pulled his chair next to Jensen’s and sat down. Then he placed his arm around Jen’s chair. Jensen leaned into the crook of his shoulder and smiled up at the guy.
“My bad, sorry,” the guy mumbled and walked off.
Jensen turned glassy eyes at Ryan and said, “Dude, that’s what, the fourth time you’ve done that? You’re never going to get laid if you keep rescuing me like that.”
Ryan chuckled and said, “Are you kidding me? Everyone wants what they can’t have right? I’ve been getting propositioned all night. They all think we’re together and I must be a tiger in bed to get a hot piece of ass like you.” He saw Jensen’s eyes darken at his words, so he leaned close and whispered in his ear, “And they’re right, I am.” Ryan reached over and grabbed a shot glass. He slammed the whiskey back and set the glass on the table.
The words sent a shiver down Jensen’s spine. He watched Ryan’s throat muscles constrict as he swallowed, and felt his jeans getting tighter. He realized that he was still leaning into Ryan. Their bodies were pressed against one another from shoulder to knee. Jensen’s right hand was on the other man’s thigh. He couldn’t remember putting it there. He squeezed gently. The muscle felt hard under his hand. He felt Ryan’s arm slip from the back of the chair to rest on his shoulders. The action pulled him tighter into Ryan’s body. He could smell his cologne. Feel his breath on his cheek. Jensen was hyper aware of where their bodies were touching. He thought he should want to pull away, but he didn’t. Instead he wanted to get closer. His eyes moved to Ryan’s lips as the man’s tongue slid out and ran over his bottom lip, chasing a drop of liquid. Jensen traced the movement and suddenly wanted to taste. Wanted to know what another man would taste like.
“Jensen,” Ryan’s voice sounded different. Deep and husky. Jensen felt himself leaning in. Just one taste….Jensen softly pressed their lips together. He felt Ryan stiffen and Jensen furrowed his brow. He tried again. Pushing a little harder and parting his lips slightly. He licked at Ryan’s bottom lip and the other man opened his mouth. There, that was much better. While deepening the kiss, Jensen moved his right arm and put his hand on the small of Ryan’s back. He slid his hand under the sweater and felt hot, smooth skin. He brought his left hand to rest on the other man’s stomach and felt hard abs constricting under the soft sweater. He loved the feeling of the hard muscle and couldn’t stop his fingers from moving over them.
Ryan moaned softly, and the sound went straight to his cock. Jen felt it swelling and resisted the urge to reach down and adjust himself. Ryan’s right hand came up to cup Jensen’s jaw and his left was holding the back of Jensen’s neck. After several minutes, they pulled apart to breathe.
For a split second when he opened his eyes, he was shocked to see brown where he expected hazel. He pushed that thought down and reached in to bite at Ryan’s lower lip. He was so hard it was almost painful and his hips moved forward seeking friction. He was just about to move onto the other man’s lap, when Ryan’s hand palmed his cock through the denim. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “push harder”.
But instead, Ryan asked, “Are you sure? Fuck, Jensen, please say you’re sure.”
Jensen opened his eyes and again he expected hazel but slowly focused on brown. Wait, this was wrong. Something was off. “Sure? I…. Um,” he stuttered and pulled away. He looked around the room. The people walking past their table were looking at them. He could see bodies grinding on the dance floor. “Oh, shit, Ryan, we need to get out of here.” Jensen pushed back from the table and started to stand up. He felt light headed and swayed a little. The other man reached out to steady him. Jensen pulled back from the touch and he saw Ryan flinch. “I’m really fucking sorry, but we have to go. Now.”
In the cab Jensen leaned his head against the cold glass. He was too drunk to think straight. What the fuck was he going to tell Jared? There was probably a video being downloaded onto Youtube right now.
“Jensen, I’m sorry, man. I should have stopped you. I knew you’d had too much to drink. I shouldn’t have kissed you back. This doesn’t mean anything. We can just pretend the whole thing didn’t happen. Do you… do you hate me?” Ryan’s voice broke on the last words.
Jensen turned toward the other man and reached out, grabbing his hand. “Of course not, Ryan. This is my fault, I kissed you. I don’t know what I was thinking, but this is all on me. You didn’t do anything wrong, but this was a mistake.” He could see the hurt flash in Ryan’s eyes and he squeezed his hand, “I know I keep saying it, but I am really sorry, Ry.”
“It’s ok, Jen, I’m fine. And don’t worry, lots ‘a guys experiment. We were drunk and we got caught up in the moment. Don’t mean you’re gay or nothin’,” Ryan responded as he leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes.
Gay? Shit. That thought hadn’t even occurred to him. Why wasn’t he freaking out about the fact that he had just had his tongue down another man’s throat? Nope, instead he was worried about what other people would think. What Jared was going to think. “Um, Yeah. Thanks but I’m ok… about that. I just need to get home and explain what happened. Try and explain what I did. And I hope to God nothing winds up on the internet.”
“Oh, God. The internet. Shit, dude, I didn’t even think.... Is that what you’re upset about? Are you going to tell her right away or wait and see what happens?”
“Her?” Jensen asked, confused. He was still too drunk to think straight. Then his eyes widened as he realized who he had forgotten. Danneel. “Fuck! What the hell is wrong with me?” He closed his eyes and prayed that when he woke up it would be yesterday and he could live this whole day over.
Chapter 4
Jared woke up and couldn’t move. Something was holding the blankets down. He looked over to find Jensen lying on his back, fully clothed on top of the blankets. His face was turned toward Jared, cheeks flushed and lips slightly parted. Jared’s felt his pulse quicken. He had dreamt of waking up with Jen so many times.
He took a moment to look at the man he was so in love with. He rarely got the chance to stare at Jensen. He just couldn’t risk it: knew that if he was caught looking, his face would give his emotions away. Jensen was just… stunning. He knew Jensen hated it when people said shit like that about him; he wanted to be seen as handsome and manly, hated when the words ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ were used to describe him. Unfortunately for Jensen, they were pretty damn accurate.
Jensen’s long, dark eyelashes framed deep emerald-colored eyes. He had high cheekbones and a strong, chiseled jaw. Soft, full lips and a smattering of freckled completed the look. And that was just his face; his body was a thing of beauty too. Jared could feel the blood flowing into his already-hard cock, heat flooding through his body. He could see Jensen’s pulse beating at the base of his throat. A drop of sweat caught in the small well there. Jared wanted to lick it, wanted to taste. If he leaned in just a few inches their lips would be touching. He moved his hand up to Jensen’s mouth, stopping himself just before he made contact. Jensen’s full lips were slightly parted. He could feel Jensen’s soft breath on his face. He closed his eyes to savor the feeling, wanting to fill his lungs with the other man’s air.
When he opened his eyes again, he saw green looking back at him. He quickly lowered his hand, resting it on the bed between their faces.
“Jay,” Jensen’s voice sounded rough, his eyes dark. Jared knew he should pull back, make a joke and lighten the moment but he couldn’t. He couldn’t seem to move. He was still just inches from Jensen’s face. The air seemed charged, alive. The only sound in the room was the breaths that Jared realized they were still sharing. As Jensen exhaled, Jared inhaled. Time slowed.
He could feel energy moving between them. Suddenly, the space of a few inches was too far. Jared felt like a magnet as he moved his head forward. He brought his lips to meet Jensen’s. They were as soft as they looked; he had known they would be. Their lips slotted together flawlessly. It was a perfect kiss. Soft and warm. He opened his mouth a little more and brought his tongue out slowly. Jensen turned his head slightly and opened his mouth to meet Jared’s.
As their tongues tangled together he heard Jensen moan softly. It sent a jolt of pleasure through his body and he moved forward, molding his body to Jensen’s. Even through the blankets it was a perfect fit. Like a puzzle. Finally, he thought.
*
Jensen was overwhelmed by the taste and smell of Jared. All of his senses were being flooded, and he felt something click into place. Yes,. he thought, this is it. This is what had been missing. He hadn’t known he had been so empty. That he had been searching for something until now. Now that he had found it, he needed more. He rolled his body so he was lying on top of the younger man. Jared had one hand cupping his jaw, the other at his back moving his shirt up. The heat from Jared’s hand was seeping into his skin. The kiss became more frantic.
He reached between them and pulled the blankets down, then kicked them off the bed with his legs. He looked down at Jared’s bare chest. God, he was huge, all golden skin and hard muscle. He leaned down and ran his tongue along Jared’s nipple, biting gently. He moved his mouth up along the collar bone, sucking and biting as he went. When he got to Jared’s neck he sucked hard, wanting to leave his mark.
“Jen…Please,” Jared moaned as his back arched up, seeking more contact.
Jensen moved his lips to the side of Jared’s face. “I got you, Jay,” he said softly, blowing out a hot breath. He sucked in the lobe and then bit down. Jared growled and gripped Jensen’s hips hard, pulling them down as he raised his. It sent waves of pleasure through them both, and soon they were pressing into each other so hard it was almost painful.
Jared pushed Jensen onto his back and reached down, opening his jeans. When his hand wrapped around Jensen’s dick, he felt himself get impossibly harder. “Wait, are you sure this is this ok?” Jensen’s eyes snapped open. Jared’s lips were swollen and wet. “I really fucking want this, Jensen. I’ve been waiting forever, but I need to hear you say it.”
The words seemed to flip a switch. They reminded him of Ryan’s words last night, ‘Are you sure? Fuck, Jensen, please say you’re sure.’ It wasn’t the same. Ryan had been a drunken mistake. He needed to do this right. This was Jared in his arms. It wouldn’t be a one-time thing. This would change both of their lives. He realized now that this was where they had been heading all along. He didn’t know how he could have been so blind.
He was taking too long to answer and Jared started to pull away. Looking up he could see the love and desire in Jared’s eyes morphing into doubt and fear. Jared was scared of what he was going to say.
Jensen leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Jared’s lips. “I’m sure, Jared. I want you, us, all of it. But we need to stop for a second. We need to talk.”
*
“We need to talk? Not exactly the words I was hoping to hear, Jen,” he said as he moved his body up and off Jensen.
While tucking himself back in and zipping up his jeans, Jensen said, “I need you to hear me, Jay. And, please, really listen. Let me get through this without interrupting, ok?”
Jared sat up and leaned back against the headboard, briefly closing his eyes. He was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear this. “Yeah okay, go ahead.” Jensen looked down at his hands and didn’t say anything for several minutes. He looked nervous and more than a little lost. Jared reached out and put his hand over Jensen’s. “It’s alright Jen,” he said softly, “we don’t need to do this now.”
“Actually, we do.” Jensen took a deep breath and said, “I’m not sure what’s going to happen today. I did something last night. Something stupid. I was drunk. That’s no excuse, but it’s the truth. Things have been so off lately. I didn’t know what it was. I haven’t been happy for a while, Jay. Danni and I… it hasn’t felt… right for a long time. I haven’t wanted to spend time with her, you know what I mean? I don’t miss her when we’re apart.” Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes. “You, Jay, you’re the one I miss. When you went to Texas…. Dude… I was a mess. I knew you were in pain and it was killing me. I didn’t understand why you cut me out like that, I still don’t. I wanted so badly to fly down to see you. The only reason I didn’t, was because I knew you didn’t want to see me.”
Jared opened his mouth to speak and Jensen cut him off, “Wait, let me finish. Please. I need to get this out…. When we got back from hiatus, it felt better. It wasn’t perfect, but I felt like I could breathe again. We clicked right back into place. Whatever you had done in Texas worked, you seemed to be over Genevieve. I knew I should move back to my new house. Try and fix things with Danni. You had Ryan here and you didn’t seem to need me. I couldn’t do it though. I didn’t want to leave. I felt like… no, I feel like… this is my home,” Jensen looked back down and said quietly, “You, Jay, you’re my home.”
Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand. “Jen, you’re my home too.”
“Yeah?” Jensen looked up, his emerald eyes shining with hope. “Yeah” He couldn’t stop himself; he leaned in and brought their lips together into a chaste kiss. Then he felt Jared’s tongue brush into his mouth. His dick started to harden again, and he groaned and pulled back “Wait, I need to finish…. This sounds lame, even to me, but I have been living so deep in denial that I didn’t see this. What you mean to me. Then yesterday, everything went wrong. First, Danneel and I had yet another fight. That’s all we do lately. It’s been my fault and I want you to know that no matter what happens with us, Danni and I are over. I’m leaving her. I should have done it sooner. I’m an asshole for letting things get this out of hand. I’ll call her today, after I check on everything.”
Jared raised his eyebrows, “Check on everything? What does that mean?”
“Um…. Yeah, that’s… I’m getting there. Anyway, then that girl on set kept flirting and touching you. I was so fucking pissed that I was seeing red. I was literally shaking with anger. I didn’t let myself see it for what it was, but… I was jealous of her, Jay. She looked so much like Gen and Sandy. She was just your type and…”
“Hey, I wasn’t into that girl,” Jared softly cut him off, “It didn’t even cross my mind. I think my tastes have changed a little bit.”
Jensen beamed at him. “Thank God, ‘Cause I have to tell you, it took everything I had not to grab her and throw her off you. If you hadn’t sent me home I would have made a fool of myself....
“Anyway, when I got home, I couldn’t relax. Ryan and I started drinking. Then you called and said you wouldn’t be home anytime soon. I got jealous again and wanted to go back to the set, but Ryan wanted to go ahead and go out.” Jensen’s voice started to shake as he thought about what he had done. He had tears in his eyes when he whispered, “God, Jared, I might have ruined everything.”
“What did you do, Jen? Just tell me. I’ll fix it but I need to know what happened.”
“First, I need you to know that I’m so sorry. You believe that right Jay? That I’m sorry?”
“Yeah, I believe that.”
Jensen sucked in a shaky breath, “Ryan asked if we could go to a gay bar. I knew it was a bad idea. The studio would freak out and, well, you know, the internet would go crazy if they found out. But I felt so sorry for him. He doesn’t have any friends here besides us and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so we went to that new gay club downtown.”
Jared felt relief flood through his body, “Fuck, Jen, you scared the shit out of me. Ok, yeah. That’s maybe not the best idea you’ve had, but I don’t think it will ruin anything. You didn’t dance on any tables, did ya?” he said with a laugh.
Jensen continued as if Jared hadn’t said anything, his eyes unfocused, “I drank a lot. Too much. I lost count of how many shots I had. Every time Ryan went to the bathroom or got up to dance, some guy would come over and hit on me. It made me nervous, so I drank more. Ryan started to tell people that we were together so they would leave me alone. He sat right next to me, kept touching me, and putting his arm around me…. He pressed up against me. Then, um....”
White-hot rage coursed through Jared. “Did he… Jen, did he do something to you?” He wouldn’t have thought Ryan was capable of something like that. He was going to kill him, in the most painful way possible…. He moved up to his knees, placing his hands on Jen’s arms, pulling the other man to him. Despite his anger he spoke slowly, gently, “Babe, I need you to tell me. Did he hurt you?”
“What? No! Jared, No. I… It was me. I kissed him. At the club, in front of everyone.”
“You kissed Ryan? Why? Why would you do that?” Jared’s fingers were pressing hard into Jensen’s arm, “Do you… do you have feelings for him? Jensen, how far did things go?”
“No, Jared. I don’t have feelings for him. I don’t. I just got carried away. It went far enough that if anyone was filming it with their cell phone it will ruin my career. Far enough that the show could be affected. Maybe even cancelled.”
“The show? Your career?” Jared let go of Jensen and got up off the bed. “That’s what you’re worried about? The show? You think I give a fuck about that right now?”
“Of course, I’m worried about that. You should be too! How can you not be? This isn’t just about me, Jared, this could affect you too. Don’t you get it? If they cancel the show, you lose your job too! I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking. If this gets out, I will do everything I can to protect you. I promise.” He reached out to grab Jared’s hand, but Jared slapped it away.
“You’re going to protect me? Is that supposed to be a joke? Well, that’s pretty funny, Jensen, since the only person who hurt me around here is you.”
“What? Jay no…. You don’t understand.”
“Really? ‘Cause I think you’re the one who’s clueless. Let me spell it out for you. I’ve been in love with you for a long time Jensen, years in fact. Do you understand what that means? To be in love with someone for years and not have them love you back? I thought you weren’t gay and I wasn’t going to risk ruining our friendship, so I was never going to tell you. I was happy just being your friend, being with you any way I could. Then I wake up today to find you in my bed. You kiss me and tell me that you want me. I thought all my dreams had just come true. There’s just one little catch. You went to a club last night and made out with one of my best friends. My male friend by the way. So, apparently, you are gay and I just wasn’t a good enough friend to share that with.”
“Jared, no, that’s not what….”
“Oh, wait, Jensen; I’m just getting to the best part of the story. So getting your rocks off with Ryan wasn’t enough for you, so you come home…. No scratch that, you come into to my home and crawl into my bed hoping for, what Jensen? Round two?”
Jared watched as Jensen’s face went white. He looked like he was going to pass out, but Jared was so angry that he didn’t care. He was on a roll and couldn’t seem to stop the words coming out of his mouth. “How do you think Ryan will feel about that? Did it occur to you that he might have feelings for you? Oh, and let’s not forget that during all of this you were cheating on your girlfriend. And the one fucking thing that you’re worried about is your damn career!? Get the fuck out of my room. No, you know what? Get the fuck out of my house!”
“Jay, please. Let me explain. God, please, don’t do this.”
“I mean it, Jensen. Get out of my house. Go explain yourself to Danneel. She’s the one who deserves it.”
*
Jensen made it to the bottom of the stairs before his legs gave out. As he slid down, his hands were shaking and he rubbed his face. He felt tears filling his eyes. How the fuck did this happen? In the span of twenty-four hours he had completely ruined his life. He had cheated on his girlfriend. Not once, but twice. Possibly caused the cancellation of the show. He had screwed around with a good friend that may or may not have feelings for him.
Discovered the love of his life and then broke that man’s heart. Everything Jared had said to him was true. He was a terrible person. He had made a commitment to Danneel. He had loved her once and still cared deeply about her. And yet, he hadn’t thought about her feelings once. He knew he had to end it today. He couldn’t let this go on any longer. He would call her when he got home. Home - where the hell was that? He realized sadly that he didn’t have a home. He couldn’t stay in the house he had bought with Danni. He would sign the deed over to her. It was the least he could do for her. If she didn’t want it she could sell it.
This was his home and he had just been kicked out of it. Jared was right to do it. Jensen didn’t deserve to be here. He had left another man’s arms and crawled into Jared’s bed. He tried to recall the night before. He remembered the cab ride but not arriving home or going up to Jared’s room. It makes sense, though. When he had realized what he had done, he’d felt an overwhelming desire to get to Jared. To explain what he had done. Now that he was sober he knew there was no explanation. It was strange, but it felt like the one he’d cheated on was Jared. He should never have gone out with Ryan.
Well, that was another problem he needed to address, and, since he would not be welcomed back here again, he needed to do that right now. He got up and started to walk to the back door to go out to the pool house. He got as far as the kitchen when he saw Ryan.
“Morning man, I was just making some coffee…” Ryan said as he looked up, cutting off when he saw Jensen’s face. “Dude, are you ok? What happened?”
“Are you serious? Last night happened. Don’t you remember?” Jensen stammered. At Ryan’s blank look, he continued, “Sorry, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I need to talk to you. I want to apologize. For kissing you…. And, um, leading you on. Shit, this is awkward right? I’m not sure what your feelings are, but I’m sorry if I hurt you. I should never have…. The thing is… I have a girlfriend, ya know? Well, that’s not really true anymore, is it? I have Jared…. Uh, that’s not so much the truth either….” Jensen could feel his eyes starting to well up again.
Ryan put his hand out to pat Jensen’s arm, “Hey man. It’s ok. We talked about this last night, remember?” Ryan’s eyes were soft and warm as he looked at Jensen. There was no anger in them and Jensen felt his tears spill over onto his cheeks.
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t remember anything after getting into the cab”
“You started babbling about Jared. How this was going to blow up and ruin his life. How much Jared loves the show and now the show would get cancelled and it would be your fault. The whole world would know you were gay and it would ruin everything Jared had worked so hard for. You thought Jared would never forgive you. Any of this ringing any bells?” Ryan asked.
“Um, no.” Jensen couldn’t remember, but that sounded about right. He does remember wanting to get home and explain things to Jared right away.
“I couldn’t shut you up. You went on and on, hatching your big plan to save Jared. You said you would go to the press and tell them that you had kept your gayness a secret from everyone, even Jared. You begged me not to tell anyone that you had just figured it out yourself. You said no one was going to believe that, at thirty-one, you just discovered that you were gay.” Ryan was flailing his arms around in an attempt to imitate Jensen in his drunken panic.
“Ok, I get it. I was a drunken idiot. So, anyway, I really just wanted to say I’m sorry. Whatever your feelings are toward me… I was wrong… I shouldn’t have….” Jensen was getting redder by the second.
“Jensen, I’m ok. We’re cool. I don’t have any feelings for you other than friendship, I swear. I just let myself get caught up in your hotness,” Ryan shrugged and gave him a grin when Jensen’s cheeks turned pink. “What can I say, dude? I haven’t gotten laid in a while. I hate to be the one to tell you this buddy, but you are smoking hot. Get used to it, It’s just a sad fact of your life.”
“Shut up, man” Jensen blushed harder and said, “But thanks. It’s good to know I’ll still have one friend left when the smoke clears.”
“What’s that mean? You’ll still have friends. I think you’re worried about nothing. I looked on-line when I got up and there wasn’t anything about you anywhere. Nothing new anyway. It was just to dark in that club. There is no way anything being shot on a cell phone would turn out.”
“I hope you’re right. I would never be able to forgive myself if I got the show cancelled. There are more than a hundred people involved, in one way or another. They would all lose their jobs, Jared included. I guess I’ll just have to wait it out and see what happens. I’m going to call my publicist anyway, just in case the story does break.” Jensen slapped Ryan on the shoulder and started to head toward the guest room. “Anyway, I need to go pack and head out.”
“Oh? Where you going?”
“I’m not sure. Probably the hotel I stayed at when the show first got picked up. Call my cell if you need me, ok? If this does get out and they find out who you are, there is going to be paparazzi all over you. I’m not a big name so it might not be too bad, but you never know. If that happens call me, okay? We’ll figure something out.”
“Wait, I don’t understand. Why aren’t you moving back in here? Was I reading you wrong last night? The way you were talking about Jared… then you went up to tell him what happened. I just thought you guys might end up….” Ryan stopped when he saw the look on Jensen’s face.
“You read me right. I really love….Ah, let’s just say, I just burned one too many bridges last night. I’m sorry but I need to get out of here. I meant what I said though. You call me if you need anything,” Jensen said as he walked down the hall to pack his things.
“Yeah, sure, man. Thanks.” As Ryan turned to go back into the kitchen he saw a shadow at the top of the stairs and then heard a door quietly click shut.
Chapter 5
“I mean it, Jensen. Get out of my house. Go explain yourself to Danneel. She’s the one who deserves it.”
As Jensen walked out, Jared threw himself onto his bed. He smashed his face into a pillow and was immediately overcome by the smell of Jensen. Oh, God, it still smelled like Jensen. He felt nauseous. Jensen had kissed Ryan. He had kissed another man. A man that wasn’t Jared. All this time he had assumed that Jensen was straight. That had been the one thing that he held onto. That kept him from falling apart.
Now that he knew the truth it was more than he could handle. Jensen was gay or at the very least he was bi. How could Jensen not tell him? Even if Jensen didn’t know how Jared really felt, they were supposed to be best friends. This was something you should know about your best friend. It was too much to deal with, he was overwhelmed. He tried to sort things out in his head.
Jensen was gay and cheating on his girlfriend. He had said that Jared felt like home to him, but he had kissed Ryan. Jen didn’t even seem to care about how Ryan might feel about Jensen coming home and crawling into Jared’s bed. Then he was more concerned about his career than the fact that he had just broken Jared’s heart. This wasn’t right. He knew that Jensen wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t a selfish person. He was always more concerned about others than himself.
He was so confused. He needed to go and talk to Ryan. He got up and started to head downstairs when he heard voices. Jensen hadn’t left yet and was talking to Ryan. Jensen sounded unsure of himself as he said, “….I want to apologize. For kissing you…. And, um, leading you on. Shit, this is awkward, right? I’m not sure what your feelings are…”
Jared stood at the top of the stairs and listened until Jensen went to pack. Jared decided to shower and try to sort his thoughts out before talking to anyone.
*
“I know this doesn’t help, but I really am sorry, Danni. I never meant to hurt you….”
Danneel sobbed into the phone, “Whether you meant to or not, you did. Look, I need you to stay away from me for a while. We can sort the house out later, ok? Just… for now, leave me alone.” He heard the soft click of the phone and just like that, she was out of his life. He felt guilty that he had hurt her and sad that she wouldn’t be a part of his life any longer.
Stunned, he sat on his bed, no - Jared’s bed, in Jared’s guestroom, in Jared’s house. He needed to get up and get packed. He should leave before Jared came down and kicked him out again. He didn’t want to hear that a second time. He still couldn’t believe he had heard it the first time. Fuck. He had lost Jared. Not that he’d really ever had him to begin with. But now he didn’t even have his friendship.
He tried to think of a life without Jared in it and couldn’t. He didn’t know what to do. Once he walked out of this house, he wouldn’t be able to come back. That just wasn’t something he would be able to live with. He couldn’t live without Jared. He had to fix this. Determined, he walked toward the bedroom door.
*
As Jared raised his hand to knock, the door flew open and Jensen ran into him. Instinctively, he brought his arms down and around Jensen. They stumbled back and crashed into the opposite wall in the hallway. They blinked at each other, but didn’t move. Jared had worked up a whole speech, but now, looking into Jensen’s wide eyes, feeling his body pressing against his, he couldn’t remember a word of it.
“I’m sorry, Jay.” Jensen said softly “I can’t leave.... I fucked things up and I know you want me gone, but I just can’t. This is where I belong. If you want me out, you’re going to have to physically throw my ass out, because I can’t walk out of your life.” Jensen’s voice cracked and his eyes were shining with unshed tears when he whispered. “I… I love you Jared, I’m in love with you. Please don’t make me leave. Please”
“Fuck it all to hell, Jensen,” Jared rolled his eyes and puffed out a breath. He felt Jensen deflate and start to pull out of his arms. “Wait, don’t go. Come here.” Jared crashed his lips into Jensen’s and brought his hands up to frame his face. They kissed hungrily, hard and wet until they were overcome with the need for air. Jared pulled back slightly and sucked on Jensen’s bottom lip. He pressed their foreheads together. He waited for Jensen to meet his eyes and then whispered “We have a lot of shit to straighten out and we definitely need to work on our communication skills." Jared smiled “But I guess we’ll have the rest of our lives to sort it all out. Because... I love you too…”
The End