Little Jared Pulls it Off [Little Jared/Jensen] R

Jun 01, 2013 14:16

Title: "Little Jared Pulls It Off"
Author: candygramme
Rated: R
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word count: 2837
Genre: Crack
Beta: My faithful spoonlessone, who is now traumatized.
Author's notes: It was suggested that I might like to write J2 crack. I never need a second invitation. This story is to celebrate the opening of j2-crack
About the story: Jared is not all that he seems. Jensen finds out the hard way.





Tau Ceti 2 is an old, old planet. The inhabitants there have long explored space, seeking out other worlds and other life, refusing to believe that they are alone in the universe. Their explorers have boldly gone much further than even James T. Kirk, although most of them have equally silly middle names. There was much excitement amongst the Cetans when Sol 3 was first discovered, and for many years observers intercepted radio and video waves as they attempted to compile a dossier on the social behavior of the inhabitants. Further lifetimes passed, and, after their finest psychologists had compiled their conclusions, it was determined that candidates should be sent to live among them, to complete their studies, prior to any attempt at a first contact.

The candidates that were selected were Dr. Grrr and his wife, Dr. Shrrr Pdlk. (It’s much easier to say that if you are gifted with Cetan vocal cords!) Grrr and Shrrr had a young son, Jfff, and Shrrr was currently incubating an egg, which she hoped would be viable, although it was a little soon to tell if the chick within would be able to break out of its shell and take its place in Cetan society.

So it came to pass that when Jrrr Pdlk was only an egg, he and his broodmate had been transported to the Molecular Deconstructor - a device way beyond our Earthly capacity for understanding, and transmitted to Earth, to a space that had been specially selected by Shrrr as favorable for the incubation of an egg, being warm and reasonably humid.

Grrr and Shrrr, who had assimilated as much of the language as they could, and who were eager to embrace life on Sol 3, set about building a life within the community.

So when Jrrr fought his way out from his egg and achieved personhood, he was to become, as it were, a stranger in a strange land! The Pdlks, or Padaleckis as they’d decided to call themselves, settled in San Antonio. Young Jrrr, or Jared, became, to all intents and purposes, a typical Earthling… with one difference, as will be seen.

~~~~~~~oo(0)oo~~~~~~~

When Jared Padalecki met Jensen Ackles for the first time, his blood pressure surged, as did certain other parts of his anatomy, and inside his head a little alarm siren began squeaking, ‘AWOOGA! AWOOGA! AWOOGA!’ Had he been back on Tau Ceti, the object of his desire would have noticed and, hopefully, they would have lived happily ever after. However, they were not on Tau Ceti, but rather in Eric Kripke’s offices in Los Angeles, and Jensen remained sadly ignorant of the turmoil he’d awakened in Jared’s breast.

The results of that meeting are well known to all of us now. Their show prospered, due certainly to the carefully crafted story line, but even more so to the chemistry between the two lead actors.

Exiled to Canada for the filming, they stuck together and became fast friends. For the first year or two that was enough. Jared never wavered in his intention to woo Jensen and win him over, so he groped and snuggled, hugged and fondled as frequently as opportunity presented itself, but Jensen remained distressingly clueless about his intentions, and things did not progress.

Things might have continued in this fashion until doomsday, if Jensen’s roommate hadn’t taken a job down in LA, leaving Jensen with the need to move out of his cosy, Seymour Street sublet and no time at all to go looking for somewhere else.

Jared pounced. Figuratively speaking, of course, but he pounced.

“Come live with me,” he said, pawing Jensen as was his wont. And be my love, remained unspoken but hung in the air between them for Jensen to assimilate through his pores, if only he would.

“Aren’t you fed up with me at the end of the day, dude?” Jensen gave Jared that smile he reserved specially for him, eyes crinkling and expression tender. Jared bit his lip.

“I think we could get along. What do you say?” Jared broke out those plaintive eyes of his, and they seemed to work, or maybe the love Jared felt was seeping through Jensen’s pores.

“Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind. It would give me a chance to actually get out and look for a place without having to do it right the fuck now.” Jensen nodded, then leaned in and hugged his buddy. “Thanks man. You’re a lifesaver, you know that?”

It didn’t take him long. The two of them borrowed a van from the set and moved Jensen’s few belongings in the next day, which was a Saturday, and Jared held that hug to him, loving Jensen silently throughout the day and into the evening.

It was twilight, that sweet moment of indifference between day and night. The cosmic sigh the day breathed before the darkness took over. Jared and Jensen, finally established in their new living accommodation, were sitting, enjoying a beer.

They were exhausted. The show had wrapped at four in the morning, and they had gone straight to Jensen’s old digs to move his stuff. They’d eaten a vast quantity of Chinese food and were now on their third beer each, prior to heading to their beds. Jared was fidgeting, unable to believe that Jensen was this close, that they were now under the same roof and would be living together. He was tired, really tired, but wasn’t sure if he’d be able to sleep for the knowledge that Jensen was a couple of rooms away from him. His cock was hard, had been hard pretty much for the entire day, although he’d tried to keep it down. Jensen, who apparently loved sleep rather more than anything else, was already half asleep, looking adorable with a day’s growth of scruff, eyelids at half mast and a glazed expression on his face. Jared took a deep breath. After all, this was only day one. There would be many more to share with Jensen now, and no doubt sooner or later his object of desire would be fully conscious when they sat down to unwind from their day.

“Guess it’s time to turn in,” he said finally. “Dude, I’m so happy you’re here.” He reached out as Jensen rose to his feet, reeling him in for a hug, and his cock gave a twitch and a lurch that made him gasp. Jensen yawned and hugged him back, sleepily. He didn’t appear to notice Jared’s condition as he headed off to his new room.

Jared whistled to his dogs, who had been drowsing on the rug beside the coffee table, having eaten more than their fair share of Chinese takeout. He let them out for a last run around the garden and cleared away the empty cartons and bottles from the living room but shoved them onto the kitchen counter, deciding to sort the kitchen out in the morning.

He heard the toilet flush, and Jensen relocating to his room, and went to bring the dogs in so that he too could hit the hay. Having slept all evening, they seemed a little too frisky, and he spent a few minutes throwing their toys for them to fetch before he finally brought them in and the three of them headed to his room, ready for sleep.

He was still hard under his sweats despite his best efforts to quell his erection under the shower in his en-suite bathroom, but he finally climbed into bed, knowing that he needed sleep to make up for what he’d lost the previous night. Sprawling out under the covers as was his usual habit, he lay back and slowly drifted off to sleep. His dogs curled up in their beds and soon the only sounds that could be heard were the soft snuffles and snores of the sleeping occupants.

It is a little known fact that the young adult male Cetan, once he identifies his mate, has to claim that mate, and will do it any way that he can, no matter the cost. Jared, the young adult male currently being discussed, was fast approaching the Cetan version of blue balls, which, if not handled, would give him a really unsightly swelling right in the middle of his forehead. His body, certain that it had identified its mate, was making its own plans, and while Jared slept on, dreaming in delicate pastels, it took action.

His dick, harder than ever, was struggling to be free, and after a few moments of squirming and wriggling, it succeeded in pulling itself free from Jared’s sleeping flesh and wriggled up until it could fight itself free of the bedclothes.

Taking its time to look around and check for a way out of the room, it peered through its single eye, assessing the potential hazards and planning the fastest route to get to its chosen mate. It sniffed the air and then gathered itself, trundling forward towards the edge of the bed, balanced on its testicles so it could peer over the edge.

If a dick could look dejected, Little Jared did at that moment. It seemed like a really long way down to him, and yet, driven by the delicious scent of his chosen mate, so tantalizingly close, it was determined to achieve its goal. Finally, it gave itself a shake and then leapt, landing on the hardwood with a gentle thud.

Sadie, who had been drowsing in her bed on the opposite side of the room, opened her eyes and pricked up her ears. Something was happening, and she felt that as Jared’s faithful companion, she should investigate. If there was fun to be had, she wanted to be in on it.

Little Jared, who had investigated the space under the door and determined that it was way too narrow for a dick of its splendid size, was now heading for the central heating vent, one thing and one thing only on his mind. The vent was shut, but the lever was right above him, tantalizingly close, and if it could just bounce…

It gathered itself ready to bounce and knock the lever to open the vent, and was about to launch itself, when Sadie’s cold, wet nose was applied to his base. If it had intended to bounce itself high before, its ambition was nothing compared to the prodigious leap it made with Sadie’s help. It hit the lever like a rocket and the vent opened all the way. Plummeting back to earth with a crease on the very top of it that was rather painful, Little Jared peered at the monster that had launched it so churlishly. It saw a large pink tongue protruding from slavering jaws, and if it could have screamed it would have broken windows with the shriek. In a blur of motion it hurled itself into the dark recesses of the vent and for a moment lay there, quivering.

It could see Sadie’s nose, hear the slurp of that monstrous tongue, and for a moment it panicked, but after a few moments the siren scent of Jared’s future mate assailed its senses. It rose to its full height once more and headed for the room where his object of desire was (hopefully) sleeping.

The vent into Jensen’s bedroom was closed, and after hurling itself into it desperately a few times had failed to produce a means of entry, or indeed anything but a headache of no mean proportions, it trundled around to see if there might be another outlet somewhere else. It found one in Jensen’s en-suite bathroom and gratefully emerged from the dusty vent to roll around on the towel Jensen had discarded earlier and brush away most of the cobwebs and other detritus it had accumulated on its journey. Then, somewhat refreshed and more excited than it had ever been, it trundled into its holy of holies, the place where Jensen was sleeping.

Jensen was, in fact, dead to the world, exhausted from the previous day, and the night without sleep. He was making up for it now, sprawled out like an offering, body open and gleaming pale in the faint glow from the street lights beyond his flimsily curtained window.

He was still sleeping on a mattress on the floor, since they had not yet been shopping for a bed, and it was the work of only a minute for Little Jared to hop up beside him and snuffle along the sweetly fragrant flesh of Jensen’s side until it reached the sheet that was covering the lower half of Jensen’s body.

So close! It was so close. It could feel itself begin to ooze excited juices, knew that it could lay claim to this man and ensure that he would become Jared’s mate. Steeling itself, it squirmed down below the sheet and clambered down to where Jensen’s cock nestled in the groove of his thigh.

Happily, it smoothed along the length, nuzzling and sliding until they were both stickily erect and Jensen, still sleeping, was rutting slowly up against the bedclothes. Jensen felt amazing to it. The man’s scent surrounded it, and the slip and glide against it was making it swell and tingle, and it was going to be the most magnificent claiming ever.

It had never felt quite like this. Of course, Jared had had sex before, but this was something completely different. This was a claiming, and Little Jared was in charge. When it came, it thought it might explode, so complete was the ecstasy it experienced. Its balls pumped themselves dry in the cradle of Jensen’s groin, and just as it thought things couldn’t get any better, Jensen himself added his own sticky donation to the cause.

Claimed, thought Little Jared. Job well done!

It snuggled down into the space beside Jensen’s dick and prepared itself for a well earned nap. Unfortunately Jensen, aroused from his sleep by the unexpected orgasm, chose that moment to mutter, “What the fuck?” and reach down to scratch.

Groggy and without any of his usual spunk, Little Jared was too slow and Jensen’s hand closed around it, lifting it away from its cosy nest to peer at him in vague disbelief.

“The fuck?” Jensen said again, and Little Jared could only sigh contentedly, because, yes it had been, and would be again if it had anything to do with it.

It was slightly worried as Jensen clambered out of bed and stumbled into his bathroom to clean up the residue of Little Jared’s claiming and then rather brusquely held it under the tap and washed it too.

When Jensen gathered it up again, hand gripped tight around its shaft so that its balls dangled and its head peeked up at its mate’s handsome face, it actually felt rather good, and it thought that maybe it would be able to go another round before lapsing back into unconsciousness. Jensen, however, showed no sign of going back to bed. Instead he pulled open his bedroom door and strode down the hallway to the room where Jared was still lost in slumber.

He didn’t knock, merely shoved the door open and called Jared’s name. Sadie, sitting patiently beside the air vent, paused in her vigil to peer at Jensen and recognized her would-be playmate by its scent. Whining, she rose to her feet and trotted over to Jensen, trying to get at the interesting creature he was clutching.

At that moment, Jared sat up and clicked on the light so he could see what was wrong. Jensen held Little Jared out to him, and opened his mouth to ask what the hell, but Jared beat him to it, clutching at his groin with an expression of horror on his face.

“Oh, my God, that’s mine! Where did you find it?” The ’this time’ hung unspoken in the air between them.

Jensen gaped, somewhat taken aback. He had somehow, rather hazily thought that this thing was a particularly lifelike sex toy, and that Jared had been playing an outlandish prank, but it was beginning to look less like that. Jared seemed to be rather unsettled, and that left Jensen back with his original question, namely, what the hell?

He took another look at Little Jared, and blinked when the thing squirmed in his hand and appeared to blow him a kiss. “Uh, yours?” he mumbled.

“Yeah.” Jared was blushing fiercely now. “I promise I’ll explain, but can I please have it back first? I’m dying for a pee.”

Blinking, Jensen handed it over, and watched, astonished, as Jared replaced it where it had originally come from, told Sadie very firmly to ‘SIT!’ and made for his bathroom. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he awaited Jared’s return. He wasn’t sure what Jared’s explanation would be, but he was sure that it would be a fun story.

Sadie sniffed, disappointed. It seemed that her new friend was safely out of her reach for now. No matter. She was patient. She could wait.

length:1k-5k, rating:r, author:c, genre:aliens, *fic, genre:humour

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