An Iraqi woman told me I'm going to have a baby boy next time.
I'm just so frustrated right now. Things are good. I am running my own business, doing what I absolutely love, around people who are wonderful and who I care about deeply. Our close-knit group of friends here in VA has quickly formed into a small family....a family away from home. I'm proud of myself. The children during the day are so funny and make me smile so much!
But then there's the random bad days. Today I was in so so so much pain. I ended up taking a very large dose of painkillers and passing out most of the evening, until now, midnight, when I can't sleep now.
It sucks. I guess the simple Jen system of doing things won't work....I suppose if you ignore it long enough...it really just WON'T go away. Ho hum.
So the medical system offered by the military SUCKS for military dependents. You would think: Ok, crazy rare cancerous disease....we can handle this....NO. So then you would think....ok, this insurance is recognized nationally...I'll just go back to the GOOD hospitals I was going to in Boston and see doctors there.....NO. Of course there's always some little catch that screws the little people over. I call the 1-800 Tircare number and talk to a very nice representative who is very helpful....even she couldn't understand how to help me out, admitting the rules are a little fucked up.
It's gotten to the point that I haven't even seen a doctor for how long. And I get this funny sensation....a sensation only I recognize...that is like a precursor to any big relapse......it's like I get this weird feeling below my incision sites and I just KNOW it's spread. Like it just feels weird. Well, I've been ignoring that feeling some time now because I'm a dumbass. And also, things are really starting to turn around and go good here....I don't want to go to the doctor's only to learn it will hinder my business. Sounds stupid I know. Common sense would say: fix your health, then live your life. But I suppose I feel a little more complicated than that. I feel pretty alone. It's not like someone who has cancer and is currently going under chemo. But it's also not like someone who has pneumonia. It's rare, and unpredictable and asymptomatic. It spreads and it eats live flesh, and well, it's scary.
I will make an appointment to go to Ft. Meyer and get transferred to Bethesda next week. Eventually I'll have to stop ignoring my life. Why am I being so dumb when it seems like it should be a simple matter? Maybe I get defensive and clam up when I realize it's a situation I have no control over.
Oh and I'm going to start a new therapy next week! It's medically approved and it's supposed to do a bunch of biological crap....like make my cells stronger and blood better and better healing at incision sites and crap. Woo!
But then there's the random bad days. Today I was in so so so much pain. I ended up taking a very large dose of painkillers and passing out most of the evening, until now, midnight, when I can't sleep now.
It sucks. I guess the simple Jen system of doing things won't work....I suppose if you ignore it long enough...it really just WON'T go away. Ho hum.
So the medical system offered by the military SUCKS for military dependents. You would think: Ok, crazy rare cancerous disease....we can handle this....NO. So then you would think....ok, this insurance is recognized nationally...I'll just go back to the GOOD hospitals I was going to in Boston and see doctors there.....NO. Of course there's always some little catch that screws the little people over. I call the 1-800 Tircare number and talk to a very nice representative who is very helpful....even she couldn't understand how to help me out, admitting the rules are a little fucked up.
It's gotten to the point that I haven't even seen a doctor for how long. And I get this funny sensation....a sensation only I recognize...that is like a precursor to any big relapse......it's like I get this weird feeling below my incision sites and I just KNOW it's spread. Like it just feels weird. Well, I've been ignoring that feeling some time now because I'm a dumbass. And also, things are really starting to turn around and go good here....I don't want to go to the doctor's only to learn it will hinder my business. Sounds stupid I know. Common sense would say: fix your health, then live your life. But I suppose I feel a little more complicated than that. I feel pretty alone. It's not like someone who has cancer and is currently going under chemo. But it's also not like someone who has pneumonia. It's rare, and unpredictable and asymptomatic. It spreads and it eats live flesh, and well, it's scary.
I will make an appointment to go to Ft. Meyer and get transferred to Bethesda next week. Eventually I'll have to stop ignoring my life. Why am I being so dumb when it seems like it should be a simple matter? Maybe I get defensive and clam up when I realize it's a situation I have no control over.
Oh and I'm going to start a new therapy next week! It's medically approved and it's supposed to do a bunch of biological crap....like make my cells stronger and blood better and better healing at incision sites and crap. Woo!