the end
This is probably my second to last journal entry. Or if just in case it's the last, then goodbye. You probably won't understand anything I say, so I guess this public entry is more for my own private purposes.
It hurts so much. And I'm freaking out more than usual this time, verbalizing this pain to the people around me, more so than any other time.
I'm caught between staying my usual hyper happy go lucky self....or just letting go, giving in to myself for awhile. I'm caught between thinking about what is best for Nicholas and I in the long term....and just wondering about getting through the night. I'm trying not to think about any of this right now....not for another 9 days.
Then there's you. So beautiful, so helpful. You want to help so much and I want you to help so much. But then in the back of my mind I feel guilty, I feel like this is my struggle, not yours, and although you would make it easier, please don't waste your time on me. I know you don't think I'm a waste, and I don't either, but I'd rather it be you doing your thing than doing your thing with me because I have absolutely nothing to offer right now.
There's all of you.
Perhaps I will update afterthe 9 days. Perhaps not. Perhaps there will be something big to say. Perhaps not. Either way, I must conclude.
So thank you. For everything.
I wish I could write a book. It would last forever.
But tell me, what would it be about? Really now.
It hurts so much. And I'm freaking out more than usual this time, verbalizing this pain to the people around me, more so than any other time.
I'm caught between staying my usual hyper happy go lucky self....or just letting go, giving in to myself for awhile. I'm caught between thinking about what is best for Nicholas and I in the long term....and just wondering about getting through the night. I'm trying not to think about any of this right now....not for another 9 days.
Then there's you. So beautiful, so helpful. You want to help so much and I want you to help so much. But then in the back of my mind I feel guilty, I feel like this is my struggle, not yours, and although you would make it easier, please don't waste your time on me. I know you don't think I'm a waste, and I don't either, but I'd rather it be you doing your thing than doing your thing with me because I have absolutely nothing to offer right now.
There's all of you.
Perhaps I will update afterthe 9 days. Perhaps not. Perhaps there will be something big to say. Perhaps not. Either way, I must conclude.
So thank you. For everything.
I wish I could write a book. It would last forever.
But tell me, what would it be about? Really now.