no bueno.
So no one reads these at all but I haven't blogged in ages, and there's something I think writing about will help me in the long run..
We all have vices. We all have addictions.. We all have things in our lives that we know are wrong and unhealthy, but we continue to indulge for whatever reason because it's so satisfying.
I'm generally confused about my sexuality. Like, literally CONFUSED. I've always just went along with the whole gay thing because that's predominately what I'm looking for pretty much anytime I see someone else. Ha! But deep down, I really hate guys.. I think that the only reason I'm so passionate about my 'homosexuality' is because I get avid pleasure from fucking straight guys.
It's been from the very first time I fooled around with my best friend when I was twelve that I've had a strong preference for straight guys.. the ones who are with me for however long [10 min+, haha] only because of their curiosity.. The guys who get literally no satisfaction from getting with me [and why would they? They're straight.]... and the majority of them are ashamed, making me swear never to tell anyone...
I, for the million and first time have fallen, head over heels, for a guy who has no interest in being with any guy... but we have an insane connection, I swear it! Our conversations even have fire behind them, and every time we get drunk together we end up cuddling and more than once fooling around. But of course, we don't discuss it unless we're so trashed it's about to happen. It's a giant, endless circle of confusion I can't seem to walk away from. Every single thing he says [and we talk ALL the time] I try to relate to our situation...
This cycle is the reason I've become so bitter; it puts me through a plethora of emotions. Bitterness toward the fat girl at the party who jumps on his dick after only knowing him for 20 min. when I have to work months to get anything out of him.. an immense amount of bitterness to the dumb bitch he's taken on a date in my car, the one who keeps claiming to like and now they've also fooled around..
I get so bitter because I can't seem to grasp the whole 'straight guys aren't into guys' thing. I just think it's an issue of being an open minded person.. if you fucking have chemistry with someone, why not go for it? Because I'm telling you.. this guy and me, have a connection like soulmates.
I spend so much time on him too when I don't have it.. trying to get him to like me a little more, ya know? GOD I wish he just didn't do anything at all... like tell me he can't look into my eyes because he'll fall in love with me, or cuddle me harder than I've ever been cuddled.. or call me baby all the time, or let me put it in his ass [and no, i'm not joking].. he acts jealous when I talk about other guys especially when it's sexual in nature.
OK I'm done. Mostly because I'm falling asleep in my chair. I'm really stoned.
I hate sleeping alone. Hmph.
We all have vices. We all have addictions.. We all have things in our lives that we know are wrong and unhealthy, but we continue to indulge for whatever reason because it's so satisfying.
I'm generally confused about my sexuality. Like, literally CONFUSED. I've always just went along with the whole gay thing because that's predominately what I'm looking for pretty much anytime I see someone else. Ha! But deep down, I really hate guys.. I think that the only reason I'm so passionate about my 'homosexuality' is because I get avid pleasure from fucking straight guys.
It's been from the very first time I fooled around with my best friend when I was twelve that I've had a strong preference for straight guys.. the ones who are with me for however long [10 min+, haha] only because of their curiosity.. The guys who get literally no satisfaction from getting with me [and why would they? They're straight.]... and the majority of them are ashamed, making me swear never to tell anyone...
I, for the million and first time have fallen, head over heels, for a guy who has no interest in being with any guy... but we have an insane connection, I swear it! Our conversations even have fire behind them, and every time we get drunk together we end up cuddling and more than once fooling around. But of course, we don't discuss it unless we're so trashed it's about to happen. It's a giant, endless circle of confusion I can't seem to walk away from. Every single thing he says [and we talk ALL the time] I try to relate to our situation...
This cycle is the reason I've become so bitter; it puts me through a plethora of emotions. Bitterness toward the fat girl at the party who jumps on his dick after only knowing him for 20 min. when I have to work months to get anything out of him.. an immense amount of bitterness to the dumb bitch he's taken on a date in my car, the one who keeps claiming to like and now they've also fooled around..
I get so bitter because I can't seem to grasp the whole 'straight guys aren't into guys' thing. I just think it's an issue of being an open minded person.. if you fucking have chemistry with someone, why not go for it? Because I'm telling you.. this guy and me, have a connection like soulmates.
I spend so much time on him too when I don't have it.. trying to get him to like me a little more, ya know? GOD I wish he just didn't do anything at all... like tell me he can't look into my eyes because he'll fall in love with me, or cuddle me harder than I've ever been cuddled.. or call me baby all the time, or let me put it in his ass [and no, i'm not joking].. he acts jealous when I talk about other guys especially when it's sexual in nature.
OK I'm done. Mostly because I'm falling asleep in my chair. I'm really stoned.
I hate sleeping alone. Hmph.