"It's like we're supporting characters in some TV show and it’s only about them."
I always have such high expectations for summer. I think before it starts that I'm going to do all these amazing, life-altering things and meet five hundred stupendous people and all that jazz. Then it comes and all I do is go on the computer, work, watch movies and TV. Even hanging out with the friends...who I all love, don't get me wrong...feels kind of aimless. We all sort of...meet up, and talk and wander around shopping areas not really DOING anything. For once I wish we had some sort of purpose for spending time together. Which I suppose is as much my fault as any, for not having an activity planned. But really, what IS there to do?
I guess summer makes me super aware of how directionless my life is. I've been trying to do a little writing lately, but the words aren't flowing very well at all. I'm a little out of practice, I guess. I just feel like I'm watching life go by without experiencing. Reading, writing, movies and television--a lot of my favorite things to do feel so passive. I want to be more outgoing, energetic--and more interesting. I FEEL BORING.
Other fun events in my life: my grandfather is currently visiting from Mexico. He's been living down there because it's cheap, but he's up for the summer and is staying with us most of the time and "looking for a place". He's not going to find one. In case you didn't know, I don't get along very well with this particular relation of mine--but then again, which one DO I get along with? Actually, he's being okay. He hasn't been a drunk or really rude or anything like his last visit. Mostly I feel really awkward around him. He was totally absent from my childhood, so I'm not close to him at all. I don't really respect him very much as a person, let alone a relative. He's been married 5 times. How can you respect someone who's screwed up that many times?
He's not particularly remorseful about it either. He's alienated everyone around him in his life--I have to feel sorry for him as well, since he's a bit pathetic and helpless. My mom is doing a good thing, taking him in. She's a kind and forgiving person, considering the job as a father he's done. I wish I could be as good about as she is.
ALSO DRIVER'S ED SUCKS. But that merits its own entry, really.
I guess summer makes me super aware of how directionless my life is. I've been trying to do a little writing lately, but the words aren't flowing very well at all. I'm a little out of practice, I guess. I just feel like I'm watching life go by without experiencing. Reading, writing, movies and television--a lot of my favorite things to do feel so passive. I want to be more outgoing, energetic--and more interesting. I FEEL BORING.
Other fun events in my life: my grandfather is currently visiting from Mexico. He's been living down there because it's cheap, but he's up for the summer and is staying with us most of the time and "looking for a place". He's not going to find one. In case you didn't know, I don't get along very well with this particular relation of mine--but then again, which one DO I get along with? Actually, he's being okay. He hasn't been a drunk or really rude or anything like his last visit. Mostly I feel really awkward around him. He was totally absent from my childhood, so I'm not close to him at all. I don't really respect him very much as a person, let alone a relative. He's been married 5 times. How can you respect someone who's screwed up that many times?
He's not particularly remorseful about it either. He's alienated everyone around him in his life--I have to feel sorry for him as well, since he's a bit pathetic and helpless. My mom is doing a good thing, taking him in. She's a kind and forgiving person, considering the job as a father he's done. I wish I could be as good about as she is.
ALSO DRIVER'S ED SUCKS. But that merits its own entry, really.