(no subject)
out of curiosity who even reads this anymore?
I know that i'm running out of people to talk to when i'm turning to an online post that i doubt anyone even reads let alone cares about anymore. but, eh, ya gotta do what ya gotta to for self sanity. So here i sit typing away to an online post that will probably go unread but oddly enough i feel better just typing. just talking in a sense. I was originally just going to see who reads this anymore but i find myself unable to stop. The weird part is that i have said nothing. I've made comments pertaining to the fact that people have moved and so have i. so why is this so fulfilling? that aside i do wonder what causes people to change so much that despite you being completely supportive of everything and helping them with the fact that they can soooo easily push you to the side. I saw a vw ad to day that said "Jaded is so overrated" and i have to say that i agree. it is. and the sad part is that i am jaded. i've been coming to terms with that as of late. I find that i am changing, as we all do with age. But i find myself changing in a way that i thought i never would. Slowly i feel the old me dying off. i struggle with the fact that i liked the old me but at the same time i hated him. i also wonder will i ever be able to change back? will i ever want to change back? ect...or is it everyone else thats changed? maybe both. probably both. Amazing how not having a space of your own leaves you feeling like your lost, even if your not. Amazing how you can be soo alone surrounded by sooooooooooo many friends. Some more change has to happen. Bound to. I dont like being jaded. too bad its too late. I dont think i care any more.
well if you actually read this far. cool. if not. then what does it matter what i say. This was for me. I'm not sitting here asking for help or advice. I'm just thinking out loud to the only place i feel i have left. wow what brought me to this.....
I know that i'm running out of people to talk to when i'm turning to an online post that i doubt anyone even reads let alone cares about anymore. but, eh, ya gotta do what ya gotta to for self sanity. So here i sit typing away to an online post that will probably go unread but oddly enough i feel better just typing. just talking in a sense. I was originally just going to see who reads this anymore but i find myself unable to stop. The weird part is that i have said nothing. I've made comments pertaining to the fact that people have moved and so have i. so why is this so fulfilling? that aside i do wonder what causes people to change so much that despite you being completely supportive of everything and helping them with the fact that they can soooo easily push you to the side. I saw a vw ad to day that said "Jaded is so overrated" and i have to say that i agree. it is. and the sad part is that i am jaded. i've been coming to terms with that as of late. I find that i am changing, as we all do with age. But i find myself changing in a way that i thought i never would. Slowly i feel the old me dying off. i struggle with the fact that i liked the old me but at the same time i hated him. i also wonder will i ever be able to change back? will i ever want to change back? ect...or is it everyone else thats changed? maybe both. probably both. Amazing how not having a space of your own leaves you feeling like your lost, even if your not. Amazing how you can be soo alone surrounded by sooooooooooo many friends. Some more change has to happen. Bound to. I dont like being jaded. too bad its too late. I dont think i care any more.
well if you actually read this far. cool. if not. then what does it matter what i say. This was for me. I'm not sitting here asking for help or advice. I'm just thinking out loud to the only place i feel i have left. wow what brought me to this.....