What's the point?
I spent most of yesterday with Denny. He slept a lot but whenever he'd open his eyes again, he'd get his look in his face, like he was surprized to still see me. I had to scrub in on a surgery with Dr. Montgomery Shepherd which was good, I guess. I need all the experience I can get. I couldn't focus though. I kept thinking, "what if Denny died while I was in surgery?" I know that's bad. I should have been more focused, but the more I pushed him out of my head, the guiltier I felt and then I'd start thinking of him again. He's really weak. Dr. Burke came in to check up on him around 6pm and he looked grim. Denny could tell because after he left, he told me I shouldn't waste my time on a dying patient. I almost cried right then and there. I wish there was more I could do. Hell, I'd rip out my own heart if I could just to save him.
Life just isn't fair. All that shit about karma is such bull. What goes around doesn't come around, and good things don't come to those who wait. Non smokers die of lung cancer, people who eat healthy and exercise die at 40 from fluke heart attacks, and murderers walk free. Sometimes I don't see the point.
I fell asleep in Denny's room at around 7:30 and when I woke up about an hour later he was stroking my hair. I pretended to still be a sleep and let him hold my hand and stroke my hair for a while. It felt nice. For the first time in a long time I felt safe. Isn't that crazy? I finally left the hospital around 9:30pm after he'd taken his last set of meds for the night and fell asleep.
I didn't go home immediately, and instead just wandered around the hospital grounds for a while. I stopped at Joe's for a drink but once I got inside I thought I saw Alex and left. I feel like I'm in limbo. Everything's kind of suspended in the air until further notice. I hate it.
Life just isn't fair. All that shit about karma is such bull. What goes around doesn't come around, and good things don't come to those who wait. Non smokers die of lung cancer, people who eat healthy and exercise die at 40 from fluke heart attacks, and murderers walk free. Sometimes I don't see the point.
I fell asleep in Denny's room at around 7:30 and when I woke up about an hour later he was stroking my hair. I pretended to still be a sleep and let him hold my hand and stroke my hair for a while. It felt nice. For the first time in a long time I felt safe. Isn't that crazy? I finally left the hospital around 9:30pm after he'd taken his last set of meds for the night and fell asleep.
I didn't go home immediately, and instead just wandered around the hospital grounds for a while. I stopped at Joe's for a drink but once I got inside I thought I saw Alex and left. I feel like I'm in limbo. Everything's kind of suspended in the air until further notice. I hate it.