(no subject)
So I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with Houston and I'm doing the stupid idiot thing that I do where I make up tests in my mind and don't tell anyone about them, but get really pissed off if they don't pass. Like I will lay in bed and think, "If he doesn't kiss me when he wakes up, he fails!" and I guess I have some stupid idea in my head that if he fails too many tests I will break up with him. What the hell is wrong with me? I know that this is one of the things that men hate women for and I am usually on men's side. But for some reason I am at this lame point again where I am over analyzing every little thing he says or does.....or, more accurately, what he doesn't say or do.....SO LAME! I just want to know that he feels the same way I feel....but I hate that he doesn't really talk about that kind of stuff.......and is that just another test that he has failed? That he doesn't talk about love or relationship crap? I am so obsessed with love and emotions and honest feelings that I think it is strange that I can be with someone that is so....what is the word.....closed off.? It is just one of those things that goes through your head when you are ready to get married I guess. Since I've decided that it is do or die time, I guess I have been over critical of a lot of things....I'm happy though....but could I be happier? And how the hell would I know if I could? And what the hell would I do if I thought I could? I'm a lame ass! I am in love with Houston, but I am always hoping that he loves me just as much and that someday he will show it....what should I do about this problem? Maybe I am just under appreciating the small things he does and not seeing them for the acts of love that they probably are. Maybe men and women just show love in complete ass backwards ways from each other. Why is this crap so difficult? I feel like singing Barney! I love you, you love me...that is all there should be.