Of new beginnings and marriage...eh?
If the title perplexes you...
I am as curious and perplexed as I type this
Been caught up with work
Doing a hella big crisis management
but that's work...so whatever...
not really something I'd like to share here
Ah, yes... of new beginnings and marriage...
The past two weeks has been quite hazy
due to busy-ness as work as well as my social life
but then again...since when is my social life ever quiet?
my office mates have now recognised the fact that...
I am an extreme social butterfly...or 'kaki jalan' as they have called me
so basically if I say anything like...
"I like to stay at home and just chill"
They'll tell me that I am so full of poop.
but personally i have never seen myself that way
you know, 'kaki jalan' yes but not a social butterfly...
A good friend of my mine gave birth to a super adorable baby boy last week
I was ecstatic of course
and felt glad that I managed to met up with her on the previous week
while she was waiting for the bun to come out of the oven...
I went to the hospital...
with one of those "It's a boy" shiny helium balloon
the ambiance was...
amazing...
her relatives, families and her in-laws were there
her mother-in-law was so excited and adamant that the boy looks just like her son, the father
it's really a magnificent sight to see
I love seeing new borns
the heavenly smell of a new born
watching how new mothers handle their bundle of joy
how the fathers often get teary and emotional
It's was beautiful...
but then...
came the part...
when the elders...
will start questioning...
"don't you want this?"
"you're already 27, it's high time for you to be married and have your own kid."
"we'd love to visit you when you gave birth."
....
I am an expert when it comes to dodging these kind of questions
but somehow or rather...
the whole of last week... starting from the baby visit at the hospital
I felt like i got cornered...
You know like a rat got cornered... with no where to go
gone were my witty answers and all that jazz
it was ...something different I guess?
because my defence walls are always up
and they're usually very strong and firm
so yeah... I was actually caught by surprise because I am usually always on guard
but for the whole of last week
those defence seemed to be... weak...
and I was caught surprised without being able to retaliate as well as I usually do.
I confessed to a friend and i confess now
in all honesty...
marriage scares the poop out of me
okay, now this may make me sound like a total commitment phobic
but maybe because I am?....
anyways...
for me... marriage is not as simple and most people make it seemed to be
I think it's a beautiful and complex thing
but... yeah... I think I admit that I am a commitment phobic
maybe to some people
marriage is just about being married to someone you love
it's a promise...
it's a commitment made between two people
and then comes the families...
you're not just getting married to a guy... but the whole family as well...
and if your other half comes from a big family...
it's like you're getting married to the whole country
I am not about to jump into this whole marriage carousel
just because people are pressuring me to get married
the fact that I am extremely tight lipped when it comes to my love life
is also another matter that I do take into consideration
over the years... I am a pretty secretive person
but my love life...
is really not something that I parade around...
does not matter whether it exist or non-existent (though it's easier to talk about when it's non-existent)
I just don't talk about it much... actually, I don't really talk about it at all
to keep the mystery at bay...
I don't even keep any photos of past beau publicly...
Yes, I am that paranoid
I don't crave for any fairy tale woven relationship or marriage
there's going to be the ups and downs...
I mean let's be real and rational...
do you honestly think you'd be the perfect princess or the perfect prince charming?
no. we live in the real world.
but hey, I'd take whatever I can get
and make the best out of it.
I like to be real and rational.
as for marriage
I see it in my future...I really do...but I don't know when
let's not talk about readiness because you can never be ready for something like that
but I do believe in enjoying the ride
and just go with it.
life is not a fairy tale...
So I take it as it is...
Life is as such
it's full of possibilities
and full of change
in all honestly
I like change
change is a scary and wonderful thing
so who knows... I might just be married soon.