(no subject)
Well so... huh, very nearly a month ago and I never did get past 22 things. You know, I was so afraid to even try it, because I was so down about everything then that I really was afraid that I couldn't finish it. I really hadn't expected to not even able to get a quarter of the way through, though. And it wasn't because there aren't 100 things that make me happy, of course. There's millions of things and even beginning to count them just makes it that much harder to narrow down, but... It was more that I was completely unable to realize them. Nothing was affecting me, just like I'd feared, and having that realized actually just made it seem so much worse in the end.
But it was also probably thanks to that that I was finally able to sort things out a bit further in my head. Even now, I know it wasn't so long ago, but I can't recall the moment where it finally started to turn around, but it did and that fact alone is like the greatest happiness. Things aren't awesome; I'm still struggling with some things, but it's moving again and I can deal with it. That's all I was really hoping for.
I'd like to thank everyone for bearing with me, one way or another, through such a long period like that. I do kind of have a tendency to hide away as much as possible when I'm like that.
I want to talk about a lot of things, but none of it's really important and it'd just be me rambling like I tend to do, and actually my arms really hurt from swimming all week so I'm also kind of opting to lazy out for now...
I still feel kind of different lately. Maybe I'm still coming to terms with these differences, but I'm at least trying to stop being so overly negative about... well, myself. And to stop feeling so guilty over absolutely everything, but it's hard. While those are things I've kind of always done and will continue to do because that's just a part of me, I was always able to manage them somehow or at least balance them out. Nowadays, the only way I can really combat that is to turn my mind off completely, but I'm already pretty scatterbrained so this is likely not the smartest move.
Ah, on another note entirely, in three weeks I'll be in Disney World again. God, I really can't wait. After how much time I spent there last year, I'm kind of having some serious withdrawal by now, so maybe that vacation is really what I need to kind of snap me out of all this. I think I'm going to start packing already. It'll keep me excited for it, so hopefully that excitement can transfer into some of my other endeavors that I'm struggling with.
But it was also probably thanks to that that I was finally able to sort things out a bit further in my head. Even now, I know it wasn't so long ago, but I can't recall the moment where it finally started to turn around, but it did and that fact alone is like the greatest happiness. Things aren't awesome; I'm still struggling with some things, but it's moving again and I can deal with it. That's all I was really hoping for.
I'd like to thank everyone for bearing with me, one way or another, through such a long period like that. I do kind of have a tendency to hide away as much as possible when I'm like that.
I want to talk about a lot of things, but none of it's really important and it'd just be me rambling like I tend to do, and actually my arms really hurt from swimming all week so I'm also kind of opting to lazy out for now...
I still feel kind of different lately. Maybe I'm still coming to terms with these differences, but I'm at least trying to stop being so overly negative about... well, myself. And to stop feeling so guilty over absolutely everything, but it's hard. While those are things I've kind of always done and will continue to do because that's just a part of me, I was always able to manage them somehow or at least balance them out. Nowadays, the only way I can really combat that is to turn my mind off completely, but I'm already pretty scatterbrained so this is likely not the smartest move.
Ah, on another note entirely, in three weeks I'll be in Disney World again. God, I really can't wait. After how much time I spent there last year, I'm kind of having some serious withdrawal by now, so maybe that vacation is really what I need to kind of snap me out of all this. I think I'm going to start packing already. It'll keep me excited for it, so hopefully that excitement can transfer into some of my other endeavors that I'm struggling with.