Restarting
Today I opened my window. The brief warmth of the day providing sensations I've kind of missed during the cold months. Fresh air, the stir of the wind. Hasn't helped that I've been ill the last week or so. Thankfully only a mild one instead of a crippling illness. But still, reason to avoid the cooler temperatures.
Last night I resubmitted my first publication. The reviewer revisions hopefully complete, this will hopefully lead to me finally being a published scientist. Oddly enough, this isn't the biggest news from my part of the cosmos. The other day my sister had a baby, her third now. Katana is her name, sister now to Beowulf and Sydney.
And all of this is life. Some times I feel a creeping numbness to my existence. But events, like family expansions, hitting milestones, the chance to breath cool but clean air, or just being sick, do knock me out of my routine thoughts enough to make me smile when things get to the point of being groovy.
I think this might mean that I need to live a more exciting life. I think I will.
So this paper done, a couple more in various states, and then my thesis, and of course all that work that entails... and then I'm done with graduate school forever. What does that mean? I know technically what it means, but I guess I've been being schooled year after year for 24 years now if one includes things like preschool. (1 preschool, 13 for k-12, 4 of college, 6 of grad school). To be honest, ending my education is kind of scary. I know there's options for what I'll be doing next. And in many ways what I'm doing now is hardly countable as schooling as I'm pretty much being a full time researcher. But still, its going from being a 'student' to being a professional. Its like starting over. I might know what I'm about and many things and all that, so its not a question of competence. Its a question of identity. And that question is exciting.
And what more then my work? Will I settle down with someone I love? Will I have a family of my own? Will I not? Will I own a house or rent forever? Will I finally buy a car? Will I run for office? Will I travel the world? Will I learn to eat things that I still can't get myself to eat? Is this transition right to tackle all of these questions?
I do know that a passion still runs deep in me to create. Knowledge, stories, ideas, processes... I don't think that part of my identity will be changing any time soon.
I still have time to ponder. Restarting one's existence takes a while.
Last night I resubmitted my first publication. The reviewer revisions hopefully complete, this will hopefully lead to me finally being a published scientist. Oddly enough, this isn't the biggest news from my part of the cosmos. The other day my sister had a baby, her third now. Katana is her name, sister now to Beowulf and Sydney.
And all of this is life. Some times I feel a creeping numbness to my existence. But events, like family expansions, hitting milestones, the chance to breath cool but clean air, or just being sick, do knock me out of my routine thoughts enough to make me smile when things get to the point of being groovy.
I think this might mean that I need to live a more exciting life. I think I will.
So this paper done, a couple more in various states, and then my thesis, and of course all that work that entails... and then I'm done with graduate school forever. What does that mean? I know technically what it means, but I guess I've been being schooled year after year for 24 years now if one includes things like preschool. (1 preschool, 13 for k-12, 4 of college, 6 of grad school). To be honest, ending my education is kind of scary. I know there's options for what I'll be doing next. And in many ways what I'm doing now is hardly countable as schooling as I'm pretty much being a full time researcher. But still, its going from being a 'student' to being a professional. Its like starting over. I might know what I'm about and many things and all that, so its not a question of competence. Its a question of identity. And that question is exciting.
And what more then my work? Will I settle down with someone I love? Will I have a family of my own? Will I not? Will I own a house or rent forever? Will I finally buy a car? Will I run for office? Will I travel the world? Will I learn to eat things that I still can't get myself to eat? Is this transition right to tackle all of these questions?
I do know that a passion still runs deep in me to create. Knowledge, stories, ideas, processes... I don't think that part of my identity will be changing any time soon.
I still have time to ponder. Restarting one's existence takes a while.