That great big hill of hope
So I've turned 26 as of a few days ago. Not a very eventful occasion as I was traveling for most of it. Cast from the warmth of San Francisco where everyone gave me weird looks for wearing shorts in 40-50 degree weather to the icey fridge of Iowa were it was right around zero when I landed.
Mom's lost a lot of weight since she went to hospice. Today she was making a grunting sound with every breath, and as the evening wanned she would make gurgling sounds too. Almost like some sort of weird drain was buried inside her throat. The folks in the know don't know how she's holding on at this point. She's barely eaten anything in a week. What she has eaten was pretty much a milk shake last night.
I've been lucky to have time to reflect when I was in San Fan. A luxury my siblings haven't had, except perhaps my older bro whom was working down in Florida.
I want people to ask me how I'm feeling. How my day has been. And to not accept 'ok' as an answer.
I want to do some nice things for myself. I don't do such often enough, instead wringing my hands and feeling guilty about spending money that I 'shouldn't'.
I want to talk to someone in particular. Even if its just to vent for a bit.
I want to feel good about getting stuff done again.
I want to be able to say good bye to mom after she passes. I've already said such to her weeks past now.
I want to know how to communicate with confidence again. And how to be open as I should be again.
I want to keep hope alive.
When I'm somewhere more suited to writing, I may expound on this, but this is what I got so far.
Mom's lost a lot of weight since she went to hospice. Today she was making a grunting sound with every breath, and as the evening wanned she would make gurgling sounds too. Almost like some sort of weird drain was buried inside her throat. The folks in the know don't know how she's holding on at this point. She's barely eaten anything in a week. What she has eaten was pretty much a milk shake last night.
I've been lucky to have time to reflect when I was in San Fan. A luxury my siblings haven't had, except perhaps my older bro whom was working down in Florida.
I want people to ask me how I'm feeling. How my day has been. And to not accept 'ok' as an answer.
I want to do some nice things for myself. I don't do such often enough, instead wringing my hands and feeling guilty about spending money that I 'shouldn't'.
I want to talk to someone in particular. Even if its just to vent for a bit.
I want to feel good about getting stuff done again.
I want to be able to say good bye to mom after she passes. I've already said such to her weeks past now.
I want to know how to communicate with confidence again. And how to be open as I should be again.
I want to keep hope alive.
When I'm somewhere more suited to writing, I may expound on this, but this is what I got so far.