Delay (English Version) - Chapter one.
Hello everybody, it's me, again.
This time I want to share with you guys, I wrote this fanfic like two years ago, it was in Spanish, but I decided to translate to English, since I thought that sad stories are the best, and I couldn't help it, when I think about Sakumoto, the word angst comes to my mind.
I hope you really like it, and please, if you found some mistake, just remember that English isn't my first language.
Anyway, here it is <3
Pairing: Sakumoto.
Genre: Angst.
Length: Chaptered.
Rating: NC-17.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me... as much as I want.
Summary: Sho and Jun had a relationship with ups and downs, but then, Sho betrayes Jun and his whole world crashes down when Jun had a car accident. Six months later, Sho wants to be with Jun again, but, can that be possible?
I sat in the car and looked at my watch for the umpteenth time. It was time for his therapy, as Aiba-chan had told me, and since I hadn’t seen him for some time, I felt obliged to spy on him.
.
A few minutes later, I caught sight of Ohno's slim silhouette, at his side was someone wearing crutches; walking slowly and with some effort. My heart broke in a thousand pieces as soon as I knew who it was. Still, after a few months, he still continued with the aftermath of the accident.
.
And it was all my fault.
.
I leaned on top of the steering wheel to see him better, and I realized that he had changed a little... he looked thinner and paler than before. He had long black hair, and his bangs hid his face; Ohno offered him a cap, which he took and got up quickly, continuing his walk to Nino's car, who waited for both of them at the side of the copilot's door. I knew that he must feel terrible, he was very independent, and having everybody’s attention, completely overwhelmed him.
.
I bit my lower lip, feeling a cold hand grip my heart. I knew very well that this had happened because of my excess of sincerity, and his excess of stubbornness.
.
As soon as he got into the car, Nino went to the driver's seat, and Ohno sat behind him, lighting the vehicle and setting it off to leave, leaving me like an idiot, watching the place where they were, letting the guilt and pain destroy my soul.
And also, thousands of memories came to my head.
.
Our relationship had never been perfect at all. We argued a lot, but despite our very different personalities, we managed to stay together for four years. He was everything to me, I loved him like nobody else, and seeing his smile was the best gift life could give me. Every night, when I slept beside him, he would hold me in his arms and feel that this was my place, that nothing could replace that feeling of warmth, and I knew that he also felt the same.
.
But I ruined everything.
.
I destroyed our world, I let jealousy, pride, stupidity control me; I hated to see him next to Ishihara Satomi, and during the filming of Lucky Seven SP, I saw them very, very close; jealousy seized me... and it all ended with a discussion. I yelled at him, told him that I was sick of those things, that I understood that it was his job, but, there were things that went beyond, and I didn’t want to tolerate the annoying presence of that woman between us. He simply looked at me and told me to do as I pleased; then I left his apartment, as mad as I could be.
.
I was upset with him, with her, with me, with everyone... and wanting to take revenge.
.
We spent a week without talking to each other, ignoring each other, and my anger, instead of appeasing, had intensified even more. Then, I received that invitation to a bar that was just opening in the city, and there I met a girl. This was the perfect opportunity to take revenge...
.
The sound of the horn brought me back to reality, apparently, I inadvertently leaned too hard and ended up making a tremendous din in the middle of the street. Feeling embarrassed, I started the car and made my way home. Lately my schedule was looser, Arashi had taken a sabbatical, and my duties had slipped a bit.
.
While driving home, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened that fateful night, since that day my life is not the same, and I have not stopped cursing myself for that...
.
.
After filming News Zero, I had come home exhausted, had not talked to Jun for two weeks, and it was already killing me, but not because I didn’t want to do it, not because I felt angry, but because I was ashamed of what I had done.
.
As I opened the door, I saw that the light in the hall was on, my heart pounding frantically, I went into the living room after taking off my shoes, finding Jun sitting on the couch reading a book, totally absorbed in such a way that he didn’t even notice I was there.
Seconds later, he looked up and looked at me with a smile.
.
“You're finally here. I made you dinner.” He said, setting the book down on the couch and standing up. “I know you're upset with me about Lucky Seven’s SP and Ishihara-san, but... there will be no kissing scenes. It will be something normal, I know she's not one of your favorite people, but, it's just work, Sho-kun.”
.
I was silent. I didn’t know what to say, I just knew that I felt like the lowest and worst of the rats.
.
“Are you still upset? I'm telling you that there will be no kissing scenes, and I promise you that during the filming, which starts tomorrow, I'll be sleeping here with you...” He whispered before leaning down to give me a soft kiss on the lips. “Doesn’t that make you happy?”
.
“I am, Jun. It's just that...” We looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds and I knew I had to tell him, I couldn’t be able to continue like this knowing I had failed him.
.
“It is just that?” He repeated, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t like that expression. Is something wrong?”
.
“We need to talk.” I said looking into his eyes and holding his hand to sit on the couch with him. Jun looked at me blankly and sat down, frowning slightly.
.
“I don’t like this.” He announced in a low voice. “Now tell me what happened, Sho.”
.
“I love you... I love you and you're the person I've loved the most in my life. The moments that I have spent by your side have been the best, and...”
.
“I don’t want an introduction. Tell me what happened.” He interrupted me sharply.
.
“A few days ago, I went out, I went to the opening of a new bar in Roppongi. I was upset with you and... I met a girl. We were talking, drinking some drinks, I even know her name and I... I was jealous and angry with you... I wanted...”
.
I had trouble talking. I couldn’t say another word. I watched as Jun's face paled and looked at me with a mixture of hatred and horror for what he had done.
.
“You fucked her.” He said in a small voice.
.
I was unable to respond.
.
“You fucked her, didn’t you?” He asked, raising his voice. "Did you go to that place, you met her and fucked her? You made me a scene of jealousy because of work and you... you go out there to make social life, and on top of that, you see me as a stupid, fucking the first woman who crosses you on the road. That's... that's what you mean, right, Sho?” He said, standing up.
.
“Jun... I know that what I did has no comparison, but it is...” I said standing up, trying to look into his eyes, which had tears in them.
“You don’t have any damn justification! And I...” He let out a bitter laugh and stared at me. “And I, as an idiot, I come to your house to prepare you dinner to ask for your forgiveness, and you are being unfaithful. This is incredible…”
.
“Forgive me, please forgive me, Jun... it was a total disrespectful thing of me to do that to you, and also, to take advantage of her, I know that there is no justification for my behavior, but I... I love you, I love you and...”
.
“Shut up! Shut up, you fucking asshole.” He interrupted, raising his voice. “Just shut up. I don’t want to hear a damn word anymore. What annoys me is not the fact that you actually have been unfaithful to me, but... fuck, you got mad at me for something I had to do for compromise, and for revenge, for pride, you betrayed me. You betrayed my feelings, Sho...” He grabbed my neck tightly and raised a fist. “You can’t imagine the urge to hit your face!” He exclaimed fiercely.
.
I just closed my eyes, I was going to let it hit me, I deserved it, I had it well deserved for being such an idiot.
.
“But you know something? I'm not going to waste my strength by even hitting you. Guilt hurts more...” He muttered in a whisper and let loose abruptly, leaving the apartment without saying anything else.
.
Minutes later, I heard the wheels of his car squeak on the asphalt, I heard everything, but I had not moved from there. I stayed on the floor, crying without being able to avoid it; Jun’s the words repeated over and over again in my head. I wanted to go after him, to tell him to forgive me, to tell him that my life without him wouldn’t be the same, but I wouldn’t. I knew he wouldn’t forgive me so easily, and after those words, he would want me to leave him alone.
.
.
As I entered my apartment, I sighed again. I sat on the couch and stared at nothing, reliving everything that happened that night, again feeling my heart shrink and my eyes filled with tears. Cursing for the umpteenth time in all these months.
.
“Why was I so stupid?” I whispered in frustration.
.
.
The ring of the phone startled me; Apparently, I had fallen asleep on the floor without realizing it. With some difficulty, I stood up and pick up the call.
.
“Hello?”
.
“Why don’t you answer the phone? We are in the middle of an emergency!” Nino's voice sounded worried, in the background one could hear someone sobbing and the voices of several people talking between them.
.
“What's going on? Sorry, I fell asleep without realizing it...”
.
“It's Jun. J had an accident in his car, I don’t know what the hell he was doing, but his car was hit by a truck... nobody knows his condition...” I heard Nino let out a small sob and my world ended collapsing.
.
“Where are you now?” I managed to articulate.
.
Nino told me in what hospital they were and without thinking it twice I went there. I still had my work clothes, I was disheveled, my eyes and nose were red, and I must have looked horrible, but that didn’t matter to me. Jun's life was far more important than anything.
.
Arriving at the hospital, the guys and Jun’s relatives were there; His sister and his mother wept bitterly, while his father looked thoughtful, walking from side to side, without noticing that there were more people at his side.
.
As soon as the boys came to see me, Nino threw himself into my arms, while Aiba wept without stopping; Ohno was totally baffled and as soon as he saw me, the look on his face changed.
.
When Satoshi approached me, he gave me a hug and gave me a gentle pat on the back. Whispering a few words in my ear.
.
“I will not make a fuss because you know it's not my thing. But, Jun told me what you did to him... I know you're here because you feel guilty, but as soon as he wakes up, you have to leave, I want you to get out of here. You broke his heart already, you're not going to hurt him anymore.”
.
And after saying this he parted from me, returning to sit in a chair to the side of the waiting room. Nino and Aiba looked at me curiously, and I just shook my head, turned to look at Ohno, who folded his arms, staring down at the floor without saying a word.
.
Still thinking about Satoshi's words, I greeted the parents and sister of my boyfriend, or rather, my ex, although I didn’t know if we were a couple or not. After I talked to them, I went back to Ohno, I needed to talk to him.
.
“Riida, can we talk alone?” The older man nodded and got to his feet, heading for the hospital cafeteria. Already there, he took a seat on one of the tables that was empty. As I sat down in front of him, he looked at me questioningly.
.
“I will not get into your affairs with MatsuJun... you are dating for some time, and you know how to resolve your issues.” He began to say in a low voice, looking at me calmly. “But, I think that this time you went beyond, you are lucky that no one else knows, because if Nino knew it, he was setting the scandal of the century and you know it.”
.
“You're right. Look Ohno, I'm not going to give you explanations, I know what I did was more than bad, but I just want him to be well, because if Jun came to die, I...” I broke my voice and Ohno, put a hand on mine, in a reassuring gesture.
.
“He's not going to die, his condition is delicate, but... I know he's going to resist, Jun is very strong, and I know that the urge to hit you will be a reason enough to leave him in this world yet...” Ohno smiled sadly and sighed. “I love you very much, Sho-kun. But really, when Jun wakes up, I think it's better if he doesn’t see you, he was very bad when he called me. He was talking to me when he had the accident, and he kept crying while he cursed you... I had never heard him like this. This time I can’t defend you, so you better start distancing yourself from him, at least until he recovers.”
.
He said before getting up and away from there, leaving me alone.
.
.
Six months had passed since that. Six months in which I only saw Jun when I spied on him and I only knew about him because the boys told me how he was and what he was doing. I was afraid to ask if he was talking about me or anything, and although I missed him more every day, I did not even dare to mention that I wanted to visit him; I must confess that I was terrified to know what he would say to me or how he would behave with me, although when all this happened and he recovered, we would have to face each other.
.
Should I leave all that fear aside and go see him?
.
Could we get over that and go back to being at least friends?
.
I sighed again and looked at my cell phone’s screen, where I had a picture of him as a wallpaper, from which he smiled at me. I continued to look at him, feeling my heart beat faster. I hadn’t forgotten him, and I wanted to have him back in my life. I didn't care if he hit me or insulted me, all I wanted was to see that smile on his face again.
.
And I was going to fulfill it, even if it would cost my life.
.
.
Chapter two>.
This time I want to share with you guys, I wrote this fanfic like two years ago, it was in Spanish, but I decided to translate to English, since I thought that sad stories are the best, and I couldn't help it, when I think about Sakumoto, the word angst comes to my mind.
I hope you really like it, and please, if you found some mistake, just remember that English isn't my first language.
Anyway, here it is <3
Pairing: Sakumoto.
Genre: Angst.
Length: Chaptered.
Rating: NC-17.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me... as much as I want.
Summary: Sho and Jun had a relationship with ups and downs, but then, Sho betrayes Jun and his whole world crashes down when Jun had a car accident. Six months later, Sho wants to be with Jun again, but, can that be possible?
I sat in the car and looked at my watch for the umpteenth time. It was time for his therapy, as Aiba-chan had told me, and since I hadn’t seen him for some time, I felt obliged to spy on him.
.
A few minutes later, I caught sight of Ohno's slim silhouette, at his side was someone wearing crutches; walking slowly and with some effort. My heart broke in a thousand pieces as soon as I knew who it was. Still, after a few months, he still continued with the aftermath of the accident.
.
And it was all my fault.
.
I leaned on top of the steering wheel to see him better, and I realized that he had changed a little... he looked thinner and paler than before. He had long black hair, and his bangs hid his face; Ohno offered him a cap, which he took and got up quickly, continuing his walk to Nino's car, who waited for both of them at the side of the copilot's door. I knew that he must feel terrible, he was very independent, and having everybody’s attention, completely overwhelmed him.
.
I bit my lower lip, feeling a cold hand grip my heart. I knew very well that this had happened because of my excess of sincerity, and his excess of stubbornness.
.
As soon as he got into the car, Nino went to the driver's seat, and Ohno sat behind him, lighting the vehicle and setting it off to leave, leaving me like an idiot, watching the place where they were, letting the guilt and pain destroy my soul.
And also, thousands of memories came to my head.
.
Our relationship had never been perfect at all. We argued a lot, but despite our very different personalities, we managed to stay together for four years. He was everything to me, I loved him like nobody else, and seeing his smile was the best gift life could give me. Every night, when I slept beside him, he would hold me in his arms and feel that this was my place, that nothing could replace that feeling of warmth, and I knew that he also felt the same.
.
But I ruined everything.
.
I destroyed our world, I let jealousy, pride, stupidity control me; I hated to see him next to Ishihara Satomi, and during the filming of Lucky Seven SP, I saw them very, very close; jealousy seized me... and it all ended with a discussion. I yelled at him, told him that I was sick of those things, that I understood that it was his job, but, there were things that went beyond, and I didn’t want to tolerate the annoying presence of that woman between us. He simply looked at me and told me to do as I pleased; then I left his apartment, as mad as I could be.
.
I was upset with him, with her, with me, with everyone... and wanting to take revenge.
.
We spent a week without talking to each other, ignoring each other, and my anger, instead of appeasing, had intensified even more. Then, I received that invitation to a bar that was just opening in the city, and there I met a girl. This was the perfect opportunity to take revenge...
.
The sound of the horn brought me back to reality, apparently, I inadvertently leaned too hard and ended up making a tremendous din in the middle of the street. Feeling embarrassed, I started the car and made my way home. Lately my schedule was looser, Arashi had taken a sabbatical, and my duties had slipped a bit.
.
While driving home, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened that fateful night, since that day my life is not the same, and I have not stopped cursing myself for that...
.
.
After filming News Zero, I had come home exhausted, had not talked to Jun for two weeks, and it was already killing me, but not because I didn’t want to do it, not because I felt angry, but because I was ashamed of what I had done.
.
As I opened the door, I saw that the light in the hall was on, my heart pounding frantically, I went into the living room after taking off my shoes, finding Jun sitting on the couch reading a book, totally absorbed in such a way that he didn’t even notice I was there.
Seconds later, he looked up and looked at me with a smile.
.
“You're finally here. I made you dinner.” He said, setting the book down on the couch and standing up. “I know you're upset with me about Lucky Seven’s SP and Ishihara-san, but... there will be no kissing scenes. It will be something normal, I know she's not one of your favorite people, but, it's just work, Sho-kun.”
.
I was silent. I didn’t know what to say, I just knew that I felt like the lowest and worst of the rats.
.
“Are you still upset? I'm telling you that there will be no kissing scenes, and I promise you that during the filming, which starts tomorrow, I'll be sleeping here with you...” He whispered before leaning down to give me a soft kiss on the lips. “Doesn’t that make you happy?”
.
“I am, Jun. It's just that...” We looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds and I knew I had to tell him, I couldn’t be able to continue like this knowing I had failed him.
.
“It is just that?” He repeated, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t like that expression. Is something wrong?”
.
“We need to talk.” I said looking into his eyes and holding his hand to sit on the couch with him. Jun looked at me blankly and sat down, frowning slightly.
.
“I don’t like this.” He announced in a low voice. “Now tell me what happened, Sho.”
.
“I love you... I love you and you're the person I've loved the most in my life. The moments that I have spent by your side have been the best, and...”
.
“I don’t want an introduction. Tell me what happened.” He interrupted me sharply.
.
“A few days ago, I went out, I went to the opening of a new bar in Roppongi. I was upset with you and... I met a girl. We were talking, drinking some drinks, I even know her name and I... I was jealous and angry with you... I wanted...”
.
I had trouble talking. I couldn’t say another word. I watched as Jun's face paled and looked at me with a mixture of hatred and horror for what he had done.
.
“You fucked her.” He said in a small voice.
.
I was unable to respond.
.
“You fucked her, didn’t you?” He asked, raising his voice. "Did you go to that place, you met her and fucked her? You made me a scene of jealousy because of work and you... you go out there to make social life, and on top of that, you see me as a stupid, fucking the first woman who crosses you on the road. That's... that's what you mean, right, Sho?” He said, standing up.
.
“Jun... I know that what I did has no comparison, but it is...” I said standing up, trying to look into his eyes, which had tears in them.
“You don’t have any damn justification! And I...” He let out a bitter laugh and stared at me. “And I, as an idiot, I come to your house to prepare you dinner to ask for your forgiveness, and you are being unfaithful. This is incredible…”
.
“Forgive me, please forgive me, Jun... it was a total disrespectful thing of me to do that to you, and also, to take advantage of her, I know that there is no justification for my behavior, but I... I love you, I love you and...”
.
“Shut up! Shut up, you fucking asshole.” He interrupted, raising his voice. “Just shut up. I don’t want to hear a damn word anymore. What annoys me is not the fact that you actually have been unfaithful to me, but... fuck, you got mad at me for something I had to do for compromise, and for revenge, for pride, you betrayed me. You betrayed my feelings, Sho...” He grabbed my neck tightly and raised a fist. “You can’t imagine the urge to hit your face!” He exclaimed fiercely.
.
I just closed my eyes, I was going to let it hit me, I deserved it, I had it well deserved for being such an idiot.
.
“But you know something? I'm not going to waste my strength by even hitting you. Guilt hurts more...” He muttered in a whisper and let loose abruptly, leaving the apartment without saying anything else.
.
Minutes later, I heard the wheels of his car squeak on the asphalt, I heard everything, but I had not moved from there. I stayed on the floor, crying without being able to avoid it; Jun’s the words repeated over and over again in my head. I wanted to go after him, to tell him to forgive me, to tell him that my life without him wouldn’t be the same, but I wouldn’t. I knew he wouldn’t forgive me so easily, and after those words, he would want me to leave him alone.
.
.
As I entered my apartment, I sighed again. I sat on the couch and stared at nothing, reliving everything that happened that night, again feeling my heart shrink and my eyes filled with tears. Cursing for the umpteenth time in all these months.
.
“Why was I so stupid?” I whispered in frustration.
.
.
The ring of the phone startled me; Apparently, I had fallen asleep on the floor without realizing it. With some difficulty, I stood up and pick up the call.
.
“Hello?”
.
“Why don’t you answer the phone? We are in the middle of an emergency!” Nino's voice sounded worried, in the background one could hear someone sobbing and the voices of several people talking between them.
.
“What's going on? Sorry, I fell asleep without realizing it...”
.
“It's Jun. J had an accident in his car, I don’t know what the hell he was doing, but his car was hit by a truck... nobody knows his condition...” I heard Nino let out a small sob and my world ended collapsing.
.
“Where are you now?” I managed to articulate.
.
Nino told me in what hospital they were and without thinking it twice I went there. I still had my work clothes, I was disheveled, my eyes and nose were red, and I must have looked horrible, but that didn’t matter to me. Jun's life was far more important than anything.
.
Arriving at the hospital, the guys and Jun’s relatives were there; His sister and his mother wept bitterly, while his father looked thoughtful, walking from side to side, without noticing that there were more people at his side.
.
As soon as the boys came to see me, Nino threw himself into my arms, while Aiba wept without stopping; Ohno was totally baffled and as soon as he saw me, the look on his face changed.
.
When Satoshi approached me, he gave me a hug and gave me a gentle pat on the back. Whispering a few words in my ear.
.
“I will not make a fuss because you know it's not my thing. But, Jun told me what you did to him... I know you're here because you feel guilty, but as soon as he wakes up, you have to leave, I want you to get out of here. You broke his heart already, you're not going to hurt him anymore.”
.
And after saying this he parted from me, returning to sit in a chair to the side of the waiting room. Nino and Aiba looked at me curiously, and I just shook my head, turned to look at Ohno, who folded his arms, staring down at the floor without saying a word.
.
Still thinking about Satoshi's words, I greeted the parents and sister of my boyfriend, or rather, my ex, although I didn’t know if we were a couple or not. After I talked to them, I went back to Ohno, I needed to talk to him.
.
“Riida, can we talk alone?” The older man nodded and got to his feet, heading for the hospital cafeteria. Already there, he took a seat on one of the tables that was empty. As I sat down in front of him, he looked at me questioningly.
.
“I will not get into your affairs with MatsuJun... you are dating for some time, and you know how to resolve your issues.” He began to say in a low voice, looking at me calmly. “But, I think that this time you went beyond, you are lucky that no one else knows, because if Nino knew it, he was setting the scandal of the century and you know it.”
.
“You're right. Look Ohno, I'm not going to give you explanations, I know what I did was more than bad, but I just want him to be well, because if Jun came to die, I...” I broke my voice and Ohno, put a hand on mine, in a reassuring gesture.
.
“He's not going to die, his condition is delicate, but... I know he's going to resist, Jun is very strong, and I know that the urge to hit you will be a reason enough to leave him in this world yet...” Ohno smiled sadly and sighed. “I love you very much, Sho-kun. But really, when Jun wakes up, I think it's better if he doesn’t see you, he was very bad when he called me. He was talking to me when he had the accident, and he kept crying while he cursed you... I had never heard him like this. This time I can’t defend you, so you better start distancing yourself from him, at least until he recovers.”
.
He said before getting up and away from there, leaving me alone.
.
.
Six months had passed since that. Six months in which I only saw Jun when I spied on him and I only knew about him because the boys told me how he was and what he was doing. I was afraid to ask if he was talking about me or anything, and although I missed him more every day, I did not even dare to mention that I wanted to visit him; I must confess that I was terrified to know what he would say to me or how he would behave with me, although when all this happened and he recovered, we would have to face each other.
.
Should I leave all that fear aside and go see him?
.
Could we get over that and go back to being at least friends?
.
I sighed again and looked at my cell phone’s screen, where I had a picture of him as a wallpaper, from which he smiled at me. I continued to look at him, feeling my heart beat faster. I hadn’t forgotten him, and I wanted to have him back in my life. I didn't care if he hit me or insulted me, all I wanted was to see that smile on his face again.
.
And I was going to fulfill it, even if it would cost my life.
.
.
Chapter two>.