(no subject)
(same update as xana/jivejournal)
Where Do I Go From Here
“The path ahead, so hard to see
It winds and bends, but where it ends depends on only me
In my heart I don't feel part of so much I've known
Now it seems it's time to start a new life on my own
But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear
Which is the voice I was meant to hear?
How will I know, where do I go from here?”
from Pocahontas II: Journey To A New World
So everything is messed up in my life. I’ve said, “All I can do is take on day at a time” and I've tried, doesn’t work. It’s almost impossible to live just in the present. Just by living you are constantly learning from the past and preparing for the future. You can’t just shut out everything that is going on around you. You can try but you aren’t exactly living then, you’re just there. You could go into your own little bubble for a while, but that only creates more static. People get annoyed with anything and everything.
I don’t have a stable family life. I can never count on anything from anyone in my family. They’re just another problem. I don’t tell my family much about my life, but I cant keep from sharing everything that happens, at least to an extent.
I’ve never really had a problem with lying. I lie all the time; it’s actually kind of amazing. I keep so much from everyone, and it’s just too easy. It doesn’t bug me too much either. I just keep lying and that its.
There are many people who I am friends with, but yet I'm only close to a very few. It seems a few of them are my friends, but the only thing I can count on them for is creating problems. But don’t get me wrong, I love all my friends. I don’t know how I could live without them. They really are my life; I don’t know what else keeps me going.
Grades are definitely not the best right now. Parents are saying I may not get my license unless I have a B average. Well the truth? I think in 6th, 7th, and part of 8th grade I might have had a B average. But not at anytime recent. It’s impossible for me to pull up my grades that much. I don’t know what I’ve done to myself with grades either. I would love to go out of state, yet I don’t have any idea where I want to go or what I want to do. I really don’t know if my grades are even high enough to go in state reasonably. I really don’t know what I am interested in for a career either. As of now the only thing I am good at is music. But I don’t know if I really want to do that for a living. There are a few other things that interest me, but I haven’t had the opportunity to try them out and see if that could be a career that would be worth persuading.
But back to my life, it really has no point. I don’t sleep, though most people don’t. I don’t eat regularly or healthy, again, most people don’t. I don’t get along with my parents, I struggle with grades, and I am trying to figure out my life, just like most average high schools students. I don’t mean to complain, but I really don’t know what’s going on.
I have a few joys in life, band, friends, and notable obsessions. They bring me joy, yet they also cause drama that sets the mood for the rest of my monotonous day. I don’t know what to do, so I think, “ill just take life one day at a time.” But oh wait, that’s led me to where I am right now.
Where do I go from here?