My Revolution, Part 1
I would like to make a few clarifications about the next several blogs/bulletins that you are about to read. I would also like to state some things at which I have arrived to after 27 years of serious and consistent effort.
The blogs/bulletins I am writing came as a result of happiness, depression, anxiety, and peace that I have felt in the last two years of my life. I was really dissatisfied with the limitations I had set on myself in 2006 and though these blogs are going to seem a little controversial to many, I hope it will leave an inerasable impact or impression with you about who I am and what I am really about.
I have consulted with various individuals, all who have urged me with many degrees of enthusiasm that I should take this blog one step further.
Jim Lugo, my best friend, who I met back in 2002 one day at a MEChA meeting, and who I will often mention deserves full credit for putting me in contact with a major published who is interested in 'buying my story' after reading just a bit of what I had written.
Will I sell it? As much as I want to, there a lot of private moments between myself and others that I wish not reveal to others.
I respect many of these individuals and I respect the silence between them and I.
I would also like to thank one individual who I will not name, (they know who they are) who holds a special place in my heart. This person gave me the strength and faith I so lacked and it made me realize that I do not walk alone in this world like I once thought I did after hitting rock bottom.
My confidence was gravely shaken, but now I realized it was my own pride, my own self importance that so much blinded my efforts. This person refurbished a drive I once carried and urged me not to quit when the tide was at the lowest point in my life... Thank you!
This is going to be the first of many bulletins/blog I am going to write with my viewpoints from my personal experiences that I have gained.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY!
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Twenty seven years ago, I was fortunate enough to be born of goodly parents.
The day was December 4, 1979. My father had turned 28 years that day and my mother went in to labor that morning with me around 11AM and was taken to room 529 in St. Joseph's hospital in Phoenix Arizona. Just after arriving, my mother was attacked by an unseen supernatural force who also communicated with her in a very hostile manner. The nurse present with my mother who was also of the Mormon faith, decided to contact church clergy to assist her with spiritual help, two of them ended up being uncles of mine.
They arrived to not only give her spiritual but family support as well. This supernatural entity also attacked them with witnesses present, but more often was making it difficult for my mother to bring me in to this world.
After hours of these assails on them, and my mother, the attacks stopped.
At 10:29pm, I was delivered weighing 8lbs and being 13 inches big. My parents named me Gabriel Ramiro Sandoval Cruz.
I am often curious about 'Destiny' and in matter of how things happen. I never knew the story of my birth till March 2007 and though since I was little, I have always wondered about my purpose on this earth, I always felt singled out for a greater purpose.
Many people (many who are new agers, spiritual/religious leaders, indigenious elders-brujo/as, curandero/as,) that often run in to me say that I am one of the "Escogidos" or "one who is chosen," but to me it is not as clear, yet...,
Maybe I am, Maybe I am not. Maybe it's just there point of view.
I KNOW FOR A FACT, that by my sheer initiative, acts, and always willing to go the extra mile with many of the things I do, I was always considered to odd or different by the rest of my peers.
Our choices are always made in self-interest, but how much really does 'fate' play in to our lives?
Will some things actually come to be regardless of what choice we make?
I learned a valuable lesson from some of my indigenous mentors back in December after learning about the story of and it caught me off guard wandering how the choices I make may interfere with others from learning or gaining an experience I may be taking away from them because of my own interests, not theirs.
This person passed me this and had me read it and it made me think, "Don Juan had already put me face to face with the dilemma that I could not help my fellow beings in any way. In fact, to his understanding, every effort to help on our part was an arbitrary act guided by our own self-interest alone. One day when I was with him in the city, I picked up a snail that was in the middle of the sidewalk and tucked it safely under some vines. I was sure that if I had left it in the middle of the sidewalk, people would sooner or later have stepped on it. I thought that by moving it to a safe place I had saved it.
Don Juan pointed out that my assumption was a careless one, because I had not taken into consideration two important possibilities.
One was that the snail might have been escaping a sure death by poison under the leaves of the vine, and the other possibility was that the snail had enough personal power to cross the sidewalk. By interfering I had not saved the snail but only made it lose whatever it had so painfully gained.
I wanted, of course, to put the snail back where I had found it, but he did not let me. He said that it was the snail's fate that an idiot crossed its path and made it lose its momentum."
I would often be pulling certain strings from the background and causing different chain reactions and chaos in people's lives, yet I always contained control of that chaos I had so much love to create, which in a sense would be structure. (I have spent many months studying and debating with 'Physicists' and debating with them, so I know so many laws and how to apply them to life situations...)
'El Desmadroso' my friends would call me. They would often ask me 'What desmadre are you causing..?" or often say "I often wonder what new desmadres you are up too.." This of coarse led me to be initiated in to a group known as "DESMADRE INC." but I won't talk about them, or what they are about...
DESMADRE.. without a mother... without a motherly love... chaos... a revolution.. whatever you want to call it through your perception.
The sun rises and sets it creates a change in light and dark, change is chaos and order is consistency. The sun rises and sets at about the same time each day, a structure, order.
This is known as a revolution, which is an orbital motion about a point, especially as distinguished from axial rotation, B.) A turning or rotational motion about an axis, or C.) single complete cycle of such orbital or axial motion.
If you don't understand what I mean, a quote in the movie 'SLC PUNK' will hopefully be able to make things more clearly.
'The school of science states that the world moves from order to disorder. Chaos! But in reality life goes from order to disorder to order.
Atoms come together randomly to form a structure. An infant is born. It grows, it gets old, it dies, it decomposes - DISORDER, - CHAOS! But then, those atoms are reformed into something else. A blade of grass, a tree, something else. It's a cycle.'
My friends every Saturday night would sit around a fire, eat food, snacks, drink chocolate milk, soda, beer, whatever and just debate differential theories like the one above..
Structure vs. Chaos, Language vs. Idealogy vs. Science, Science vs Religion, Science vs. Language, etc, etc. For instance.
For example.. Moon is known as Luna in Spanish. Science states that the 'Moon' effects the water tides and waves of the Earth. Now, ain't people composed of 70% water? Facts show that during a Full Moon people are involved in more accidents, crimes and arrests.
From the word 'Moon' to 'Luna' to 'Lunatics.' ! Clearly if I was a criminal and got caught, I would definately use the sciences of the 'Moon' to the best of my defense.
The Moon in Nauthl is "Meztli, (Pronunced Mestli)" which is often associated with female energy, or a Female Goddess. In Spanish, the word "Mes" is month. From people who studied Astronaumy in the 1500s-now, it is known as a "SIDERAL Month" is 28 days. Is that not usually the cycle for a woman and her "MENSTRUAL" cycle?, which should have been, "MESTRUAL," had someone not decided to stick an "N" somewhere in there...
These gatherings with debates or lessons would go on for hours starting often about 7pm and the last of the crowd leaving at 5 or 6am. I missed those nights...
Going back to Chaos and lessons I have learned, I have learned to let life flow instead of creating obstacles to slow certain movements from happening, but then I realized they are 'Movements' and will continue to flow.
Again, the paradoxes of CHAOS/STRUCTURE!
Am I robbing someone who is from an experience by interfering in thier lives?
The example I wanted to bring up was that, I was born in this country so I am a citizen but often am involved with political activity for "Human rights" or what some would call "IMMIGRATION ISSUES" Since I am a citizen, by involving myself in issues with 'Immigration' and getting involved in that fight, does that rob someone from the experience or lesson to be learned who is not documented?
I guess this brings me back to my thoughts when I was in high school and I read Paulo Freire's 'Pedagogy of the Oppressed' how others mold us education molds us to advance, yet it can also hinder us from experiences.
The best way to overcome this point of view, or maybe align it was when I heard it described was by Edgar [http://www.myspace.com/muffinmaneif] when he said, 'school gets in the way of his education...'
Then I read, 'Still Life of a woodpecker,' by Tom Robbins.
Something in his book caught my attention, here is how it goes.
"The problem starts at the secondary level, not with the originator or developer of the idea but with the people who are attracted by it, who adopt it, who cling to it until their last nail breaks, and who invariably lack the overview, flexibility, imagination, and, most importantly, sense of humor, to maintain it in the spirit in which it was hatched. Ideas are made by masters, dogma by disciples, and the Buddha is always killed on the road.
There is a particularly unattractive and discouraging common affliction called tunnel vision, which, for all the misery it causes, ought to top the job list at the World Health Organization. Tunnel vision is a disease in which perception is restricted by ignorance and distorted by vested interest.
Tunnel vision is caused by an optic fungus that multiplies when the brain is less energetic than the ego. It is complicated by exposure to politics. When a good idea is run through the filters and compressors of ordinary tunnel vision, it not only comes out reduced in scale and value but in its new dogmatic configuration produces effects the opposite of those for which it originally was intended.
That is how the loving ideas of Jesus Christ became the sinister cliches of Christianity. ..
That is why virtually every revolution in history has failed: the oppressed, as soon as they seize power, turn into the oppressors, resorting to totalitarian tactics to "protect the revolution."
That is why minorities seeking the abolition of prejudice become intolerant, minorities seeking peace become militant, minorities seeking equality become self-righteous, and minorities seeking liberation become hostile."
To counter that argument, Ivan (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=14520430) says
"Most revolutions in the world fair because they aren't pure and they are not for the people and by the people. true revolutions (those for/by the people) would also result in fair and just forms of government, ie democratic socialist or at it's best communist.
The problem lies in that above all humans want to spread their genes and not let others, hence we will always have lots of failing revolutions. it's in our nature to fail at being fair and just."
Leo Tolstoy says 'I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleagues, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread in to the fabric of their lives."
New hopes!
New Styles!
And most important; a new way of seeing things!
A Revolution!
My life has gone through a complete Revolution, and I stand here proud, ready to point out the changes and views of this Revolution I have gone through..
You are about to hear what I have been holding back for years..
Gabe Cruz
c/s