right from the start
Im so happy i survived lab today! Honestly i was super duper scared at the thought of lab today. Those accidents that i had in labs last time were enough to send a chill down my spine everytime i was going to attend a lab session. I dono when i started to start losing confidence in myself during lab sessions. In the past i used to be able to act independently in labs, being the know it all for almost every lab sessions. But i haf no idea why isit that labs nowadays see me scurrying around asking ppl for help, doubting myself in all the actions i was gonna execute. Perhaps UNI has not really changed me into a better person yet, but a nastier one.
Both my brothers say that UNI life had been their best academic years, but i beg to differ. Currently in year 2 sem 2 and yet i don see their point. Isit really becos we are in different courses? Or isit really becos we haf different standards set for ourselves? Isit becos the level of expectations we set for ourselves differ that much? I don even wan2 stop and tink abt it, becos im afraid the more i brood over it, the deeper i will sink into my own world of depression.
Today the topic of summer exchange and OCIP led to us fighting agn, and i really dono how to explain my feelings den. I guess it was jus a sudden gush of disappointment in my heart that i totally lost myself. I lose the capability to tink and understand wad was really happening at that moment. Sometimes i admire myself for being brave in speaking whatever i wan2 when im angry or upset. I respect myself for being able to speak up for my heart and get rid of all the grievances that i feel den. But on other times i detest that part of me for being too brave. Sometimes i lose track of where im really standing and crumble at the tot of not being worth anything. And i try so hard to volunteer so that when i make a small difference to other ppl's lives, at least i can pat myself on the back and say 'hey sinyi youre worth smth'. It's when i feel that i cant do anything and i don haf the ability to even do anything for myself that i wished that i could change somebody's lives. That's why i always help the less fortunates and it sort of consoles my heart. But it always cures the pain temporarily but not eliminate the source of the pain.
I keep trying to pull you closer to me unknowingly and all i feel is that i haf fallen harder.. I should haf known right frm the start tat it wasnt going to work and doing all these would only make us more miserable. Im jus being silly.. As usual..
Both my brothers say that UNI life had been their best academic years, but i beg to differ. Currently in year 2 sem 2 and yet i don see their point. Isit really becos we are in different courses? Or isit really becos we haf different standards set for ourselves? Isit becos the level of expectations we set for ourselves differ that much? I don even wan2 stop and tink abt it, becos im afraid the more i brood over it, the deeper i will sink into my own world of depression.
Today the topic of summer exchange and OCIP led to us fighting agn, and i really dono how to explain my feelings den. I guess it was jus a sudden gush of disappointment in my heart that i totally lost myself. I lose the capability to tink and understand wad was really happening at that moment. Sometimes i admire myself for being brave in speaking whatever i wan2 when im angry or upset. I respect myself for being able to speak up for my heart and get rid of all the grievances that i feel den. But on other times i detest that part of me for being too brave. Sometimes i lose track of where im really standing and crumble at the tot of not being worth anything. And i try so hard to volunteer so that when i make a small difference to other ppl's lives, at least i can pat myself on the back and say 'hey sinyi youre worth smth'. It's when i feel that i cant do anything and i don haf the ability to even do anything for myself that i wished that i could change somebody's lives. That's why i always help the less fortunates and it sort of consoles my heart. But it always cures the pain temporarily but not eliminate the source of the pain.
I keep trying to pull you closer to me unknowingly and all i feel is that i haf fallen harder.. I should haf known right frm the start tat it wasnt going to work and doing all these would only make us more miserable. Im jus being silly.. As usual..