Feb 28, 2007 22:05
My birthday is in eight days.
My best friend just moved back home. To here. She was gone for 2 years and now she's back. You think she's going to be gone for pretty much the rest of your life pretty much and shes back. Odd. I'm not sure I'm happy about it. It's one of those things where you say you're going to be gone for so long and to come out they're here and so many things have changed. In these two years many things have changed. It's like once 8th grade ended. POOF no friends.
It gets pretty lonely after awhile seeing all your old friends still hanging out, with all these new inside jokes. You try to hold a conversation and all you get is a few sentences out and then it becomes awkward. I miss those friends which I don't see. Rather they go to butcher, a different school. Or have moved away. Then to come to find out your parents control you so much that it's so hard to hang out with people unless then can come to my house. I'm inprisioned unless I have someone with a car to get me out. I go onto MySpace seeing people I want to hang with I yern for their friendship. Like Mandie, Miki, Becky. They were my group. My best friends. I know I'm sticking to the past, but it's coming back. Just like my best friend. She's bringing up emotions in me which I thought I had barried over these two years.
I haven't talked to Mandie, Miki or Becky as much as I would like. Or definately see them. I keep on saying we should hang. Then things come up. I feel like I'm putting them down. I care for them, I really do. Miss them too. I'm not quite sure if even anyone will read this.1. For the fact I don't update much. 2. for the fact I haven't talked to people. 3. I'm just losing the grip between school and friends. School is winning my life over.
Don't get me wrong I'm doing fine in school. Or well I want to do better in Math.
Trying to get next year situated. Guess what I'm signed up for a CPC class. Yeah, lame polar opposites of Butcher where I should be. Going to have that, then the rest college classes. On top of that, I'm going to have to get driving time in, get my lincense save money up for a car. So I can drive myself to college. Hold a relationship with the man I love, and try I mean try to fit some friends in. Online classes of things I don't want to take in a normal school such as health, and government. I'm going all out. I dislike going to Cousino. I feel like I don't belong. The "challenging" classes aren't that challegning, I just don't pay too much attention anymore because I become bored. Which is the reason for my math grade.
Mr. Nethercott is being a real jerk about grading. Honestly. Which is getting on my nerves.
I'm trying to fit in my birthday, Travis's birthday, Kylyn's birthday Party all together between the whole fact of Robotics. I'm going to be at a compeition for my birthday. It's great not having to be in school, yet I want to be there to have people say happy birthday. It makes me feel people acutally notice me. Or at least try.
I'm becoming lost within my homework. I have to start writing another 20 PAGE paper for Mr. Nethercott. I was hoping this class would help my writing skills to be more creative. Nope it's write paper, he grades. That helps, NOT. Also for english, there is something I just cannot do, which is memorize a poem so says my learning disablity and he give me practically a failing grade after my parents, and counselor try to explain this to him. I'm going to have to go back to my counselor. So I won't be failing English do to memorizing a EXTREMELY long poem.
To top it all off. I'm having stabbing pains in my sides for the last week, causing me so much discomfort and making me sick. It may be a part of a disease, that's what my parents think. Yet they aren't taking me to a doctor yet because they just don't have the time. Where I cry myself to sleep because I feel like something is taking a knife and stabbing then moving it around my guts.
It's going to be a sweet sixteen, I can't even believe it. Honestly. I usually really count down the days making it go slower. No this year is going by so fast. I'm going to have a party but a few weekends after my true birthday. I'm going to of course invite all that I can't see. Friends that I have sort of made. Hoping that will maybe give us something to talk about. I don't know. I miss middle school. I always have. Yet, if I were in middle school I would not have Travis. Add Travis in our middle school and I'd be living the perfect life.
People change, I have changed. I just wish us people would talk once in awhile. Yet I have nothing to say. Other than, I miss you guys.
Why in the world is this year going by so fast?!
and good thing I have Travis by my side to calm me down when times get rough.
I love Travis.