Week 14
Title: Ebay Evil
Author: Salome
Word Count: 288
Rating: PG
Genre/s: Crackness
Warnings: Never sell Lord Naraku faulty merchandise.
Author’s Note: Please tell my son to stop playing the Weird Al "Ebay" song. Thank you.
© Salome Wilde, 2008
Ebay Evil
Dear Lord Anime_n_more:
After waiting an excessive period of time, especially for one who is accustomed to having his commands obeyed immediately or absorbing the miscreant into his flesh, I find the 12” Sesshoumaru Plushie that I ordered from you on Ebay to be defective and entirely unacceptable.
Anyone who has looked at all at that prancing, effeminate inuyoukai knows that his fur is white not pink. The Lord of the Western Lands may be a ponce, but even he would not match a yellow and violet obi with pink fur. I also note an expression of dismay on the face. Everyone knows Sesshoumaru never has an expression. His face is as blank as Kohaku’s mind, for kami’s sake! But since dismay is the proper expression for the face of my nemesis when I have him in my clutches, we will let this pass. And yet, where are his swords? I expected to see Tenseiga and Tokijin, but given the presence of two arms, the toy requires a Bakusaiga facsimile at least.
Therefore, if you value your ratings, pathetic Ebay Seller-sama, you will instantly refund the cost of my purchase and offer additional restitution to appease me, perhaps the head of one of your lower vassals. Only such action will satisfy my wrath. Heed me well: you do not wish to pit yourself against my magnificent might, my indomitable spirit, or my infinitely flexible tentacles, pathetic human.
Moreover, if you do not reply quickly, there will be no stopping me from visiting the Feedback page and clicking the "Unsatisfied" button for this purchase, thereby causing you and your business irreparable damage. Even now, I laugh maniacally. Cower in fear and obey my will.
Sincerely Yours,
Lord Naraku (onigumo_no_moar)
Author: Salome
Word Count: 288
Rating: PG
Genre/s: Crackness
Warnings: Never sell Lord Naraku faulty merchandise.
Author’s Note: Please tell my son to stop playing the Weird Al "Ebay" song. Thank you.
© Salome Wilde, 2008
Ebay Evil
Dear Lord Anime_n_more:
After waiting an excessive period of time, especially for one who is accustomed to having his commands obeyed immediately or absorbing the miscreant into his flesh, I find the 12” Sesshoumaru Plushie that I ordered from you on Ebay to be defective and entirely unacceptable.
Anyone who has looked at all at that prancing, effeminate inuyoukai knows that his fur is white not pink. The Lord of the Western Lands may be a ponce, but even he would not match a yellow and violet obi with pink fur. I also note an expression of dismay on the face. Everyone knows Sesshoumaru never has an expression. His face is as blank as Kohaku’s mind, for kami’s sake! But since dismay is the proper expression for the face of my nemesis when I have him in my clutches, we will let this pass. And yet, where are his swords? I expected to see Tenseiga and Tokijin, but given the presence of two arms, the toy requires a Bakusaiga facsimile at least.
Therefore, if you value your ratings, pathetic Ebay Seller-sama, you will instantly refund the cost of my purchase and offer additional restitution to appease me, perhaps the head of one of your lower vassals. Only such action will satisfy my wrath. Heed me well: you do not wish to pit yourself against my magnificent might, my indomitable spirit, or my infinitely flexible tentacles, pathetic human.
Moreover, if you do not reply quickly, there will be no stopping me from visiting the Feedback page and clicking the "Unsatisfied" button for this purchase, thereby causing you and your business irreparable damage. Even now, I laugh maniacally. Cower in fear and obey my will.
Sincerely Yours,
Lord Naraku (onigumo_no_moar)