(no subject)
I don't know why I feel this way. It doesn't matter if I'm 600 miles away or in the very same apartment. I get weird about it. And it doesn't matter if I tell you to go have fun. I tried so hard not to let it bother me. I needed that time to work, I really did. But for some reason in the middle of it I started to feel off about it.
I dunno what it is. Some kind of mix of jealousy and selfishness. I guess I wonder when you're out doing these things if you ever want me to be there too. And then I figure you don't cause if you did you'd tell me and I'd believe you. But even when you tell me I don't believe you. So I guess it's a losing cycle.
But if we're gonna make this work then we can't stop being our own individual people. I have a problem. I know that. And I need to fix that. But I can't even figure it out yet, let alone fix it. So as unpleasant as it seems, I don't think the best solution is to always do things together. As in either both go out or both stay in. I think that avoids the problem, but it doesn't solve the problem. Yeah, it'll cause some arguments. Some really dumb arguments. And I hate making you feel like you've failed me somehow. That's not how I want you to feel at all. Ever. But I need to struggle through this and fix it.
So please just bare with me while we do this thing. Cause I know we can withstand it. But I also know that to be a healthy pair of people this dragon needs to be slain. It doesn't do any good letting the dragon sleep in the cave because that will always leave the possibility that one night the dragon will wake up roaring and spitting fire worse than ever before. So it's gotta be killed. And the only way to do that is to walk into the cave. Sure, it probably won't be pleasant. We're gonna get burned. But eventually we'll be able to appreciate living without having to tiptoe around for fear of disturbing the slumbering firebreather.
I dunno what it is. Some kind of mix of jealousy and selfishness. I guess I wonder when you're out doing these things if you ever want me to be there too. And then I figure you don't cause if you did you'd tell me and I'd believe you. But even when you tell me I don't believe you. So I guess it's a losing cycle.
But if we're gonna make this work then we can't stop being our own individual people. I have a problem. I know that. And I need to fix that. But I can't even figure it out yet, let alone fix it. So as unpleasant as it seems, I don't think the best solution is to always do things together. As in either both go out or both stay in. I think that avoids the problem, but it doesn't solve the problem. Yeah, it'll cause some arguments. Some really dumb arguments. And I hate making you feel like you've failed me somehow. That's not how I want you to feel at all. Ever. But I need to struggle through this and fix it.
So please just bare with me while we do this thing. Cause I know we can withstand it. But I also know that to be a healthy pair of people this dragon needs to be slain. It doesn't do any good letting the dragon sleep in the cave because that will always leave the possibility that one night the dragon will wake up roaring and spitting fire worse than ever before. So it's gotta be killed. And the only way to do that is to walk into the cave. Sure, it probably won't be pleasant. We're gonna get burned. But eventually we'll be able to appreciate living without having to tiptoe around for fear of disturbing the slumbering firebreather.