(no subject)
This is full of spoilers. I will kick you in the teeth if you read it without reading Chrno Crusade first. Go read it now.
That said, I wanted to make a post about how special Joshua is. Note, I'm not talking about how crazy he is. When Joshua is crazy, he's actually just not in control of himself and is essentially another person. This is focusing on Joshua when he's fully cognizant of his actions and what rather ~special~ things he does then.
Oh, and Oz. ...This is how you make an essay on crazy, except not. sob
Now, Joshua is in a constant state of degeneration in canon. Over the course of four years, he's lost a majority of his memories and he's become more and more unstable. The root of these two problems is easy enough to spot, considering he's a human sporting what functions as life-support for a demon aside from a human soul through contract. I'm not touching on the mechanics of it, but Joshua is well ensnared by the Astral Line on multiple levels, each hurting him in some fashion.
There's a number of reasons why he keeps the horns despite it all. First of all, Joshua longed to be strong as a child. He swore to become strong enough to support Rosette after the death of his parents. Then as he developed his "illness", Joshua not only couldn't support Rosette, but he became a burden on everyone around him. Then Joshua came to realize what was making him sick. The powers he had as an Apostle, the one thing where he could be of help by healing others, was straining his own body. When Aion comments that it could very well kill him, it's not an empty threat to get Joshua to take his bait. However, when questioned, Joshua insists he doesn't want to go back to being "chained to that bed". Certainly, there's no selfless reasons at this point in time. Joshua does enjoy the power he has and isn't likely to go back for any reason. He'd rather spend the little time he has as he chooses.
Yes, Joshua was supposed to have escaped what could have been his timely and fast-approaching death when he got the horns. However, Joshua realized long ago that he was fighting a losing battle. He escaped dying as an invalid in his bed, frustrated with his lot in life and ultimately achieving nothing only to have new and considerably crueler ends open to him. Joshua's memory has been dissolving since he gained the horns. He states that he's lost all of his important memories, indeed losing the memory of what his sister even looks like is a heavy blow. He's well aware that given time, he'll eventually have no memories left to him at all and effectively lose a considerable amount of the person he's become. The other difficulty is that Joshua is getting progressively crazier as time goes on. The horns unbalance him in the worst way to where he loses control over himself when he uses them. The Sinners consider him a threat because of this. Joshua is completely rational about it when he's of his own mind, since he can understand where they're coming from. He knows when he hasn't been at home in his own mind and is frightened of it himself.
But just the dissolution of the self that's been created over four years and certainly the loss of anything left of the true Joshua Christopher would be enough? The impending death of the mind while the body lives on would be where it ends? No. Joshua chose to and is actively helping the Sinners with their plan. He's the key to its success, at a price. When all is said and done, Joshua's role in the destruction of Pandemonium will destroy what's left of his mind. Once that happens, Fiore is to kill Joshua, who would then truly be a threat to the Sinners, as ordered by Aion. ...Joshua is aware of what will happen if he helps the Sinners and that order, despite that fact it's supposed to be kept secret from him. Indeed, Joshua never confesses to knowing this until close to what would be his last moments, much to Fiore's surprise. However, Joshua is loyal to Aion and his cause without hesitation and is very active in making sure everything is running well. He's treated as Aion's right-hand man with the all of the privileges he receives such as ordering the other Sinners around. Joshua does all this for a cause that he'll never get to see the results of and for a group that is ready to, in effect, back stab him.
As foolish as it seems, Joshua's fate has been sealed many times over. His allying with the Sinners at his own risk is just him actively choosing how he dies. To be "free" for a short period of time and have the freedom to decide what he wants to do is more than enough to satisfy Joshua into following the Sinners. He also earnestly wants to help Aion and continue to be with Fiore, even if they're the ones who will be the ones to kill him. He doesn't begrudge them for it and understands. Joshua is determined to find his sister though. When faced with an overwhelming number of reasons why he won't get to be with her for very long, he still wants her more than anything else. Rosette is the one thing Joshua is selfish about and unwilling to accept as being impossible. He won't betray or abandon the Sinners for her or lose his horns in hopes of expanding his lifespan though. Instead of searching for her on his own in the four years they were separated, he waited. (Though he would have been essentially crippled in finding a means considering his mental state.) Joshua trusts Aion to find her, which Aion does when it becomes essential, and only once does Joshua send a Sinner out to fetch her. He doesn't even go in person which very clearly establishes his priorities. Joshua has effectively drawn the line on where he stands on his sister, the Sinners, and everything revolving around that quite some time ago.
Someone get the boy a sticker. He deserves it.
Now, what bearing does all of this have in camp? Absolutely everything. Any and everything Joshua does is colored by the fact that he's trying to stay alive as who he is now for as long as possible, re: that other short essay, and the fact that what happens in camp will have no bearing on what's to come. As much as someone may try to change his mind, Joshua is firm in his desire to help Aion at the cost of his own life. He knows even if he doesn't die in the process, he'll still eventually become crazy beyond his own control which is effectively death as well. Joshua is trying to die on his own terms and with some honor, and he won't be dissuaded from it. This isn't why Joshua wants to leave camp, however. He wants to chase after Rosette and help Aion in his plans, not rush out to greet death with open arms.
However, a large difference is the fact Joshua isn't degenerating in camp. Every memory he had when he entered and has created since then has remained intact and he knows it. As far as sanity and control goes, it's stayed in place as well. He still loses control of himself because of his actions, but only because of that rather than at random. He's on a cause and effect system so he knows what will set him up for a bad day rather than having them whenever he gets worse. As wary and questioning of this two developments as he is, Joshua has accepted it for the time being. He's also accepted the fact that camp can pull the rug out from under him and have it start again or catch up to him, which is something he loathes. He's only kept quiet about this, because he knows Fiore will look after him and understand what he would want should anything happen.
And I am beat. I don't know how, but if you possibly have questions or want a clarification or pick at my like warped mesh of canon and head-canon and logic, feel free.
That said, I wanted to make a post about how special Joshua is. Note, I'm not talking about how crazy he is. When Joshua is crazy, he's actually just not in control of himself and is essentially another person. This is focusing on Joshua when he's fully cognizant of his actions and what rather ~special~ things he does then.
Oh, and Oz. ...This is how you make an essay on crazy, except not. sob
Now, Joshua is in a constant state of degeneration in canon. Over the course of four years, he's lost a majority of his memories and he's become more and more unstable. The root of these two problems is easy enough to spot, considering he's a human sporting what functions as life-support for a demon aside from a human soul through contract. I'm not touching on the mechanics of it, but Joshua is well ensnared by the Astral Line on multiple levels, each hurting him in some fashion.
There's a number of reasons why he keeps the horns despite it all. First of all, Joshua longed to be strong as a child. He swore to become strong enough to support Rosette after the death of his parents. Then as he developed his "illness", Joshua not only couldn't support Rosette, but he became a burden on everyone around him. Then Joshua came to realize what was making him sick. The powers he had as an Apostle, the one thing where he could be of help by healing others, was straining his own body. When Aion comments that it could very well kill him, it's not an empty threat to get Joshua to take his bait. However, when questioned, Joshua insists he doesn't want to go back to being "chained to that bed". Certainly, there's no selfless reasons at this point in time. Joshua does enjoy the power he has and isn't likely to go back for any reason. He'd rather spend the little time he has as he chooses.
Yes, Joshua was supposed to have escaped what could have been his timely and fast-approaching death when he got the horns. However, Joshua realized long ago that he was fighting a losing battle. He escaped dying as an invalid in his bed, frustrated with his lot in life and ultimately achieving nothing only to have new and considerably crueler ends open to him. Joshua's memory has been dissolving since he gained the horns. He states that he's lost all of his important memories, indeed losing the memory of what his sister even looks like is a heavy blow. He's well aware that given time, he'll eventually have no memories left to him at all and effectively lose a considerable amount of the person he's become. The other difficulty is that Joshua is getting progressively crazier as time goes on. The horns unbalance him in the worst way to where he loses control over himself when he uses them. The Sinners consider him a threat because of this. Joshua is completely rational about it when he's of his own mind, since he can understand where they're coming from. He knows when he hasn't been at home in his own mind and is frightened of it himself.
But just the dissolution of the self that's been created over four years and certainly the loss of anything left of the true Joshua Christopher would be enough? The impending death of the mind while the body lives on would be where it ends? No. Joshua chose to and is actively helping the Sinners with their plan. He's the key to its success, at a price. When all is said and done, Joshua's role in the destruction of Pandemonium will destroy what's left of his mind. Once that happens, Fiore is to kill Joshua, who would then truly be a threat to the Sinners, as ordered by Aion. ...Joshua is aware of what will happen if he helps the Sinners and that order, despite that fact it's supposed to be kept secret from him. Indeed, Joshua never confesses to knowing this until close to what would be his last moments, much to Fiore's surprise. However, Joshua is loyal to Aion and his cause without hesitation and is very active in making sure everything is running well. He's treated as Aion's right-hand man with the all of the privileges he receives such as ordering the other Sinners around. Joshua does all this for a cause that he'll never get to see the results of and for a group that is ready to, in effect, back stab him.
As foolish as it seems, Joshua's fate has been sealed many times over. His allying with the Sinners at his own risk is just him actively choosing how he dies. To be "free" for a short period of time and have the freedom to decide what he wants to do is more than enough to satisfy Joshua into following the Sinners. He also earnestly wants to help Aion and continue to be with Fiore, even if they're the ones who will be the ones to kill him. He doesn't begrudge them for it and understands. Joshua is determined to find his sister though. When faced with an overwhelming number of reasons why he won't get to be with her for very long, he still wants her more than anything else. Rosette is the one thing Joshua is selfish about and unwilling to accept as being impossible. He won't betray or abandon the Sinners for her or lose his horns in hopes of expanding his lifespan though. Instead of searching for her on his own in the four years they were separated, he waited. (Though he would have been essentially crippled in finding a means considering his mental state.) Joshua trusts Aion to find her, which Aion does when it becomes essential, and only once does Joshua send a Sinner out to fetch her. He doesn't even go in person which very clearly establishes his priorities. Joshua has effectively drawn the line on where he stands on his sister, the Sinners, and everything revolving around that quite some time ago.
Someone get the boy a sticker. He deserves it.
Now, what bearing does all of this have in camp? Absolutely everything. Any and everything Joshua does is colored by the fact that he's trying to stay alive as who he is now for as long as possible, re: that other short essay, and the fact that what happens in camp will have no bearing on what's to come. As much as someone may try to change his mind, Joshua is firm in his desire to help Aion at the cost of his own life. He knows even if he doesn't die in the process, he'll still eventually become crazy beyond his own control which is effectively death as well. Joshua is trying to die on his own terms and with some honor, and he won't be dissuaded from it. This isn't why Joshua wants to leave camp, however. He wants to chase after Rosette and help Aion in his plans, not rush out to greet death with open arms.
However, a large difference is the fact Joshua isn't degenerating in camp. Every memory he had when he entered and has created since then has remained intact and he knows it. As far as sanity and control goes, it's stayed in place as well. He still loses control of himself because of his actions, but only because of that rather than at random. He's on a cause and effect system so he knows what will set him up for a bad day rather than having them whenever he gets worse. As wary and questioning of this two developments as he is, Joshua has accepted it for the time being. He's also accepted the fact that camp can pull the rug out from under him and have it start again or catch up to him, which is something he loathes. He's only kept quiet about this, because he knows Fiore will look after him and understand what he would want should anything happen.
And I am beat. I don't know how, but if you possibly have questions or want a clarification or pick at my like warped mesh of canon and head-canon and logic, feel free.