if you love a bunch of nothing, you should definitely read this
it's four in the morning and i'm almost wide-eyed. the past few weeks have got me all in a fuss; i'm not sure exactly how to unscramble the eggs up in my head, that's impossible. mentally/emotionally i can not wait to get this house figured out and moved into. i want to sleep there and put some flowers in it's ground and light it's rooms and put some cookies in that baby's oven. then i can concentrate on other things that are still ajumble. this line keeps blinking and i stare past it, it changes pace, and then i jolt back into whatever this is. my train of thought is a bit derailed. i've been enslaved for a while, and i'm not free again until sunday or even monday- everything... even the future... is a bit of a blur right now. is it safe to hop out my window and smoke a cigarette? i shouldn't even have to do that, but i keep hearing rumblings around i just am not sure what outside has to offer a naive, rather gullable girl at this hour, in this state of mind. i wouldn't mind this state if it would just let me be! i feel like i have michigan crawling all over me. i would rather something else do that, other than a seemingly lousy mitten. speaking of this place, what is going on with all of the urban sprawl? what's going on with other things, like: h&m, a jimmy buffet restaurant?, all of those live/works back on market street... that entire area used to be wooded and left alone. all of this development is ticking my tocker and i wonder what it would be like to leave for a year and then visit... would i recognize anything that used to be familiar? i guess the only place you can't expect change is a place where there aren't enough people to care for it. that's an obvious statement... it sounded more profound in my head, but that's got a lot of other noise at the moment so maybe the confusion hit there. gosh i've lost so much credibility in the past year of my life that i just want to hurry up and sprint to get it back. if i could still run, maybe i would. this sure is turning out to be a rant, i suppose maybe it's time to face whatever shadows or earthly noises await me outside. i really can't wait until april... in april everything will lighten and get older and way more interesting. interest. that's what i need. no thanks to the bank, though. i can't wait to figure out what these hazlehurst floors have to say, or what we'll talk about to the walls when you come back to me. i feel better, already.