dont read unless you feel obligated

[ixlxoxvxexyxoxu]

there has got to be something i can do, to completely change the person i am? even though thats not fair. i dont know im sorry to everyone who i upset on a daily basis. Im sorry for being annoying. im sorry to those who sit there and listen to my shit. im sorry for not being happy all the time, even though i try?. im sorry for not being perfect. im sorry if im a terrible friend, im sorry if i piss you off on a daily basis. im sorry to whoever is reading this for the repetition of im sorry. god im annoying. what is wrong with me? im stuck, im lost, i feel lonely no matter how many people are around me. i need to get out of this feeling. i need to grow out of it. because im just pissing everyone off. im just scared. Im scared of being alive. im scared of the future, im scared there might not be a future, i hate not knowing whats gonna happen next. but then again i love it. im such a FREAK. im sorry that i cant let things go, that cut so deep nobody can understand, because i cant even understand it myself. sometimes things just hit you a certain way, and it is the biggest deal of your life. and it brings back memories, and you realize life is shit. and people are shit. but then theres other times when you realize people are beautiful and life is beautiful. I know i need to live every moment like my last, but its so hard when every time you turn around, something new is thrown in your face, and sometimes it just takes a little bit longer to tear down those walls and get back out in the sunshine ya know? sometimes things hurt you, and nobody understands. sometimes life is shit, but i know its not gonna stay like this, i know ill have a wonderful day soon, where im happy and smiling and i look back on this and laugh. but i also know that im going to have other days where i look back on this and say wow i feel that. anyways im sorry to those of you who read this, it is for my benefit and my benefit only, but i suppose it will help you realize who i really am, if you care enough :)
after all..its my journal. and thats the point.
*cassie*