(no subject)

[ixisammieixi]

i know that i want to be with him forever. he has everything that ive ever imagined i could find in a person. he makes me happy and makes me feel complete. so why are there so many complications? why do i feel like our relationship has ran in circles around the same issue one too many times? who am i and what am i when i become too dependent? that's falling in love for ya. I fell and its soo hard to get back up. i need to get back up, something needs to be done.. but i can't pinpoint what. Sometimes i just feel too selfish. and sometimes i feel like i love him more. sometimes i think he'd be perfectly fine without me. whereas i would die without him. I know this is not necessarily true.. it might just be the opposite.. but this is how i feel, because this is what i struggle with. We fight all the time, but we're happy most of the time. When will we reach that point in the relationship where its just a relationship, where everything is taken for granted but not intentionally.. ya know, that point where the love is there and is known and is never questioned again? Something in me doesnt want to reach that point yet im not sure if we're supposed to reach that point. i dont think he would mind a relationship like that.. then again i dont think he cares much about the quality of our relationship as long as he still has me. why do i feel like im the cause of all the problems? we would have none if i never mention anything. you see where the 'i love you more' mentality comes from. i need to be reminded all the time that he loves me.. and if i didnt ask for it.. it would just be assumed. i need to know that what im doing, how im spending my time is worthwhile.. maybe i have committment issues. or maybe i just have issues. LOVE is definitely a tricky one. never did i imagine falling in love this early.. finding someone who i'd prefer to be with for the rest of my life. mind you.. he is my first. i want to say this will go till the end.. but at the same time it hurts me to admit that it might not. i guess i shouldnt look that far, and work with what is in front of me... its hard yanno. so hard sometimes...

disregard these words. they made sense to me..