(no subject)
God, I don't know what's with me lately. I think that cruise fucked with me or something... it seems like ever since we got back, I've just been really down and droopy. I think Kyrstin may have noticed when we picked up the kids, but she didn't say anything... she just gave me Look #3456 and that was it. My lovely and adoring fiancée keeps asking me if I'm okay and if anything's wrong, but that's the thing- NOTHING is wrong and I'm totally fine! I'm not stressing over school work, I'm not stressing over career work, family's alright now that the man who married my mother is in hospice rather than at the house, friends are all okay, pets are doing fine (even finally made friends with the little attack fluff ball, and Dustball is going rather swimmingly with his leukemia), and I have my apnea under control. I haven't skipped any medication or anything, so I know it's no chemical imbalances...
Maybe it's just the changing of the seasons? Maybe the pharmacy fucked with my Olanzapine and is too chicken to step up and admit it... Maybe I'm just bothered by the rape and murders going on lately. It seems as if I'm back in the EMT field until further notice, and not just any EMT field, but the Tactical branch. We were the ones that went in to the latest horrid scene because it was in a big abandoned building out on the piers and the culprit was suspected of having been in the building still. Obviously armed and dangerous. One of the girls was still alive, and though she isn't talking yet, she's in stable condition (physically) and recovering rapidly. I landed a shot or two in the little fucker. I didn't get a good look at him, but hey- I got blood from the bastard!
Other than that, perhaps I'm just more bothered than I care to admit over some of the things Hunter's been reciting for his part in the upcoming play (I work with the director's son, he suggested it and Larx and I didn't see anything wrong with it). I know it's just his part to memorize, but... some of the stuff Jack Panning says was some of the stuff I used to think about my own "dad"... and I always promised myself I would never be like that so none of my kids would ever think like that... and now... just hearing those words coming out of his mouth with the great emotion he's putting into his acting... talk about a mind fuck if there ever was one.
Heh, and on a more adorable and cheery note... Heidi has begun roaring and then gnawing on people she loves. I'm sitting here, typing this with nine fingers because she's chewing on my thumb and growling like a little tiger. A few minutes ago, she'd confused my whiskey for her apple juice. She grabbed my cup and took a drink and the face she made was just short of epic. She started whining and crying until I shared my pudding with her. Then she was okay. My thumb is wrinkly from all the drool. Eh, at least the alcohol might have helped with the teething pain.
Lately, I've been wondering... what's it like to commit suicide? What goes through one's mind? What are those last moments like- full of fear or full of excitement? Not feeling suicidal, just... curious. Like wondering about some sexual kink- you're not really gonna do it, you're just trying to figure out why someone would.
Maybe it's just the changing of the seasons? Maybe the pharmacy fucked with my Olanzapine and is too chicken to step up and admit it... Maybe I'm just bothered by the rape and murders going on lately. It seems as if I'm back in the EMT field until further notice, and not just any EMT field, but the Tactical branch. We were the ones that went in to the latest horrid scene because it was in a big abandoned building out on the piers and the culprit was suspected of having been in the building still. Obviously armed and dangerous. One of the girls was still alive, and though she isn't talking yet, she's in stable condition (physically) and recovering rapidly. I landed a shot or two in the little fucker. I didn't get a good look at him, but hey- I got blood from the bastard!
Other than that, perhaps I'm just more bothered than I care to admit over some of the things Hunter's been reciting for his part in the upcoming play (I work with the director's son, he suggested it and Larx and I didn't see anything wrong with it). I know it's just his part to memorize, but... some of the stuff Jack Panning says was some of the stuff I used to think about my own "dad"... and I always promised myself I would never be like that so none of my kids would ever think like that... and now... just hearing those words coming out of his mouth with the great emotion he's putting into his acting... talk about a mind fuck if there ever was one.
Heh, and on a more adorable and cheery note... Heidi has begun roaring and then gnawing on people she loves. I'm sitting here, typing this with nine fingers because she's chewing on my thumb and growling like a little tiger. A few minutes ago, she'd confused my whiskey for her apple juice. She grabbed my cup and took a drink and the face she made was just short of epic. She started whining and crying until I shared my pudding with her. Then she was okay. My thumb is wrinkly from all the drool. Eh, at least the alcohol might have helped with the teething pain.
Lately, I've been wondering... what's it like to commit suicide? What goes through one's mind? What are those last moments like- full of fear or full of excitement? Not feeling suicidal, just... curious. Like wondering about some sexual kink- you're not really gonna do it, you're just trying to figure out why someone would.