when my thoughts drift to you.
I had a nice dream last night, for once. I was in love and was loved, intensely. But I won’t say who by; that is for only me to shine and turn over in my hands forever, and scold my subconscious for being so stupid and sappy.
The minute the bell rang at the end of sixth period I was out of there, tearing along down to the bus stop. It was strange to be out before anyone else, the sidewalks were deserted and the mid-day sun beat down emptily and cleanly from a place refreshingly high up. I caught the early bus, to my intense satisfaction and it was just so nice to sit in an uncrowded, quiet bus and not have to make conversation with anyone. I had figured that my friend that I usually ride the bus with would have wanted to catch the early bus too, but she disappeared after class, sort of to my relief. I’d been considering purposely loitering so as to avoid her, but that would’ve meant I’d had to socialize with other friends, which I didn’t feel like doing. I didn’t feel like talking to people. Being alone was such a nice, cool relief.
I was walking home and had just turned into the parking lot of the condominiums, when I saw the grass. I see the grass every day, and it’s really soft, thick, beautiful grass, obviously artificially preserved, and I’d been thinking for forever how nice it’d be just to lie down on the grass and stare into the sky and not have to think, or think without anyone around to feel your thoughts and judge them. So I did. At first I thought it’d be nice to be productive and get some work done outside, but I really didn’t have any new homework (aside from the four or so math assignments I haven’t done yet, but oh come on, you know what I mean). I did pull out some notes and cracked open a textbook but it was mostly for show. I don’t know who to. Anyone who happened to pass. And then I lay down in the grass, turning my face from the sun, and stared at the bare branches overhead, and listened to Infinite Arms by Band of Horses over and over. Today the grass had all these shed mesquite leaves covering it (which is why the branches were bare) like a carpet of caterpillars, but it didn’t matter. It was just so simply, quietly, intensely, light-infusedly nice. Afterward the back of my neck was itching because I’m probably allergic to grass, and I thought about rolling around in it so I could itch all over, so I could know what I experienced was real, because it’s exactly the sort of thing I’d imagine but not do.
I’ve been doing more childish things recently. Yesterday I stopped to stare at a kite that a man just on the other side of the fence that marks the end of the complex was flying, a plain white diamond with a long blue tail, and felt it was a tiny dream come true. I also super-glued my fingers together, just for the experience. Today I held an M&M in my hand until the chocolate and not just the colors melted, contrary to what's printed on the bag. It took hours.
Infinite Arms - Band of Horses (couldn't find an audio-only version, but the home video this user made is nice)
The minute the bell rang at the end of sixth period I was out of there, tearing along down to the bus stop. It was strange to be out before anyone else, the sidewalks were deserted and the mid-day sun beat down emptily and cleanly from a place refreshingly high up. I caught the early bus, to my intense satisfaction and it was just so nice to sit in an uncrowded, quiet bus and not have to make conversation with anyone. I had figured that my friend that I usually ride the bus with would have wanted to catch the early bus too, but she disappeared after class, sort of to my relief. I’d been considering purposely loitering so as to avoid her, but that would’ve meant I’d had to socialize with other friends, which I didn’t feel like doing. I didn’t feel like talking to people. Being alone was such a nice, cool relief.
I was walking home and had just turned into the parking lot of the condominiums, when I saw the grass. I see the grass every day, and it’s really soft, thick, beautiful grass, obviously artificially preserved, and I’d been thinking for forever how nice it’d be just to lie down on the grass and stare into the sky and not have to think, or think without anyone around to feel your thoughts and judge them. So I did. At first I thought it’d be nice to be productive and get some work done outside, but I really didn’t have any new homework (aside from the four or so math assignments I haven’t done yet, but oh come on, you know what I mean). I did pull out some notes and cracked open a textbook but it was mostly for show. I don’t know who to. Anyone who happened to pass. And then I lay down in the grass, turning my face from the sun, and stared at the bare branches overhead, and listened to Infinite Arms by Band of Horses over and over. Today the grass had all these shed mesquite leaves covering it (which is why the branches were bare) like a carpet of caterpillars, but it didn’t matter. It was just so simply, quietly, intensely, light-infusedly nice. Afterward the back of my neck was itching because I’m probably allergic to grass, and I thought about rolling around in it so I could itch all over, so I could know what I experienced was real, because it’s exactly the sort of thing I’d imagine but not do.
I’ve been doing more childish things recently. Yesterday I stopped to stare at a kite that a man just on the other side of the fence that marks the end of the complex was flying, a plain white diamond with a long blue tail, and felt it was a tiny dream come true. I also super-glued my fingers together, just for the experience. Today I held an M&M in my hand until the chocolate and not just the colors melted, contrary to what's printed on the bag. It took hours.
Infinite Arms - Band of Horses (couldn't find an audio-only version, but the home video this user made is nice)
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