'There ain't nothin' right, nothin' wrong, but the little wet tears on my baby's shoulder.'
"I wish I could apologize, but my infirmity was never my choice."
I often pretend that my life is a movie or a tv show. There aren't do-overs or second takes in life, and when you have to face down some really scary bastard and you stumble over your words, nobody's gonna laugh and there are no clapboards to clap and nothing will go on the blooper reel, and you won't laugh and the scary bastard won't laugh, and you will know that you and the scary bastard definitely won't meet up with the rest of the cast for drinks later.
Not that anything of the sort happened. I mean, I just needed a good example.
I can't believe it's less than a week til I leave. We went to the airport today to check things out, and just being near it was giving me a panic attack. And my family is soooo supportive, too, I can't even bring myself to tell them I'm deathly scared of flying because they'd be like, Well, it doesn't matter, you're going to have to either way, hm? That's not the point. The point is that every time I tried to calm myself down, to tell myself that I'd come out of this stronger, all I could think in response was, No no no no no I won't.
Or, well, I suppose I don't give my family enough credit. They'd probably be like, Oh, but it's really not that bad, it'll be over before you know it, flying is safer than driving, did you know? Of course I know. I know all that. There's probably nothing of that that I don't know. The problem is, it doesn't change anything. My mind does not control my body. My body controls my mind. There's nothing that can be said.
Agoraphobia + fear of flying in airplanes (try as I might, I could not find the technical name) = aren't you glad you aren't me?
PS. I'm glad my last name isn't Wang. I think that's the first time ever I've been glad about any part of my name.
I often pretend that my life is a movie or a tv show. There aren't do-overs or second takes in life, and when you have to face down some really scary bastard and you stumble over your words, nobody's gonna laugh and there are no clapboards to clap and nothing will go on the blooper reel, and you won't laugh and the scary bastard won't laugh, and you will know that you and the scary bastard definitely won't meet up with the rest of the cast for drinks later.
Not that anything of the sort happened. I mean, I just needed a good example.
I can't believe it's less than a week til I leave. We went to the airport today to check things out, and just being near it was giving me a panic attack. And my family is soooo supportive, too, I can't even bring myself to tell them I'm deathly scared of flying because they'd be like, Well, it doesn't matter, you're going to have to either way, hm? That's not the point. The point is that every time I tried to calm myself down, to tell myself that I'd come out of this stronger, all I could think in response was, No no no no no I won't.
Or, well, I suppose I don't give my family enough credit. They'd probably be like, Oh, but it's really not that bad, it'll be over before you know it, flying is safer than driving, did you know? Of course I know. I know all that. There's probably nothing of that that I don't know. The problem is, it doesn't change anything. My mind does not control my body. My body controls my mind. There's nothing that can be said.
Agoraphobia + fear of flying in airplanes (try as I might, I could not find the technical name) = aren't you glad you aren't me?
PS. I'm glad my last name isn't Wang. I think that's the first time ever I've been glad about any part of my name.