and i'm comfortable, but i miss..
Tonight at the basketball game I looked to the other side of the court at all of the Belmont Alumnus. I wanted to be able to sit on that side. I still want to. But I'm leaving. Why am I leaving?
I came to Belmont for Music Business. It's the BEST music business program in the country. But I feel like I've already made 'ins' in the music business on my own, by going to see bands so often. Down here I don't get to see shows often, if even at all. I've been to 3 since the end of August. THREE.
Tomorrow is my official initiation for Alpha Gamma Delta. I love these girls so much. I will be an AGD for life. But I'm leaving them. These girls that I could grow with and learn so much from and have so many opportunities with.
I think everything just sucks because I'm having the perfect college life...just at the wrong college. I'm so involved and invested in this campus but when I think about where I want to be down the line, it's not here. It's in a venue with my best friend, and the next night it's in a different venue 300 miles away with my best friend. I don't want anyone to think that I'm leaving them behind or that I don't care about them enough. I think that me leaving is something that I have to do just so I can grow into 'me'. Without spending $36,000.
When I think about it, I don't really miss home. I miss Tran. I miss Andrea. I miss my family. But that's ALL. I just want to be with my friends. I just want to be with my best friend. Traveling the country. Behind a beat up bus with a shitty trailer attached to the back of it. Or even inside the bus. Somewhere that I can feel the music.
Here everything is about the music. Everyone is so talented and should have a record deal. Everyone knows all the hip bands, and wears scarves when it's 90 degrees out. Where are all the people that just love the music? I could listen to it all day, every day. Not just in the background. I could lie down and only have my music on and everything would be okay. I want people to be able to feel through the music like I do. I want everyone to have an "Andrew McMahon" to themselves. And here it's not about that. Sure I might score an internship, but in two years would be when I got my first shot.
I think I've finally admitted to myself that going home is what really IS best for me. I will miss everyone. All my sorority sisters, all my friends. I will miss ANNA. SO much. She's the closest thing that I have to a best friend here. She is my best friend here. But I just miss my best friend forever.
fuck it. i still have another month here. initiation is in seven hours, i need to go to bed.
I came to Belmont for Music Business. It's the BEST music business program in the country. But I feel like I've already made 'ins' in the music business on my own, by going to see bands so often. Down here I don't get to see shows often, if even at all. I've been to 3 since the end of August. THREE.
Tomorrow is my official initiation for Alpha Gamma Delta. I love these girls so much. I will be an AGD for life. But I'm leaving them. These girls that I could grow with and learn so much from and have so many opportunities with.
I think everything just sucks because I'm having the perfect college life...just at the wrong college. I'm so involved and invested in this campus but when I think about where I want to be down the line, it's not here. It's in a venue with my best friend, and the next night it's in a different venue 300 miles away with my best friend. I don't want anyone to think that I'm leaving them behind or that I don't care about them enough. I think that me leaving is something that I have to do just so I can grow into 'me'. Without spending $36,000.
When I think about it, I don't really miss home. I miss Tran. I miss Andrea. I miss my family. But that's ALL. I just want to be with my friends. I just want to be with my best friend. Traveling the country. Behind a beat up bus with a shitty trailer attached to the back of it. Or even inside the bus. Somewhere that I can feel the music.
Here everything is about the music. Everyone is so talented and should have a record deal. Everyone knows all the hip bands, and wears scarves when it's 90 degrees out. Where are all the people that just love the music? I could listen to it all day, every day. Not just in the background. I could lie down and only have my music on and everything would be okay. I want people to be able to feel through the music like I do. I want everyone to have an "Andrew McMahon" to themselves. And here it's not about that. Sure I might score an internship, but in two years would be when I got my first shot.
I think I've finally admitted to myself that going home is what really IS best for me. I will miss everyone. All my sorority sisters, all my friends. I will miss ANNA. SO much. She's the closest thing that I have to a best friend here. She is my best friend here. But I just miss my best friend forever.
fuck it. i still have another month here. initiation is in seven hours, i need to go to bed.