(no subject)
It upsets me that every time I find a new guy friend, people assume that I like him, or that I will end up liking him. It's complete crap. Chris is the funniest person I've met, I was literally crying while driving yesterday, I was laughing so hard. So he's easy to talk to, so we have a lot in common. As soon as he gets out of the car:
"He's fun, why don't you like him?"
As if D isn't? I'm not just going to switch who I like every time I talk to someone new. I don't like liking people, why the fuck should I have so many crushes?
I hate this feeling. I can tell the sadness is there, trying to creep up, but I don't want it to. I liked being happy. But as soon as I'm alone right now, instead of smiling about what happened, I'm worrying that everyone was lying to me. When I get like this, I read into things that aren't there, and in doing so, I make them exist.
I should go eat some fucking chocolate or something. I need fucking endorphins. Or I could work out, but I just took a shower and am going to work.
God, I hate work. I hate being poor, too. I should contact the admissions office, I need to find out about possibly being a guide. I don't know. I don't know what I want to do with my life.
I have a lot going for me right now, but it's starting to feel like a lie, a cover.
I'm fighting it, but I won't win.
I'm going to crack soon. Of course it's when my mother's going to come and make me even more depressed, as well. She's only going to be here for a day, and I won't be able to stand it. I hope she can't get a fucking hotel room. She wouldn't sleep in her car. Why does seh like me when I'm not there? We don't along.
I don't know what to think. I don't want to think, at all.
"He's fun, why don't you like him?"
As if D isn't? I'm not just going to switch who I like every time I talk to someone new. I don't like liking people, why the fuck should I have so many crushes?
I hate this feeling. I can tell the sadness is there, trying to creep up, but I don't want it to. I liked being happy. But as soon as I'm alone right now, instead of smiling about what happened, I'm worrying that everyone was lying to me. When I get like this, I read into things that aren't there, and in doing so, I make them exist.
I should go eat some fucking chocolate or something. I need fucking endorphins. Or I could work out, but I just took a shower and am going to work.
God, I hate work. I hate being poor, too. I should contact the admissions office, I need to find out about possibly being a guide. I don't know. I don't know what I want to do with my life.
I have a lot going for me right now, but it's starting to feel like a lie, a cover.
I'm fighting it, but I won't win.
I'm going to crack soon. Of course it's when my mother's going to come and make me even more depressed, as well. She's only going to be here for a day, and I won't be able to stand it. I hope she can't get a fucking hotel room. She wouldn't sleep in her car. Why does seh like me when I'm not there? We don't along.
I don't know what to think. I don't want to think, at all.