(no subject)
Man, sleep is not happening. There are just too many thoughts.
I can't convey how I really feel and explain what happened all at once, so I guess my goal for this entry is to just explain how I feel right now. Or ramble. I'm going to ramble.
I know that we are so lucky, first of all, that we ever found each other and that we were blessed with four months of utopia. The ish was that we loved each other so much that we didn't know how to put ourselves first. The inseparable couple was separated by physical distance, and it hurt too much. We had to figure out our own ishes on our own because we couldn't literally, consistently, physically be THERE for each other, no matter how hard we tried.
It had to happen, and I'm glad we were brave enough to let it happen.
But right now, I just want to know where my other half is. I just want to grab the rest of me and embrace him and make sure he is okay.
But I can't.
This has to work. This is what it's all about. He needs to be able to take care of himself and I need to be able to take care of myself. Because you can't put all of your reliance into someone who is so many miles away.
Part of me is scared, but I believe in us. I believe in our true love more than I believe in societal expectations.
It's weird. Because I know I'll never "get over" him. He's perfect. And as I write this, I know I'm being logical. It's just true. I can't imagine finding someone who could love and understand me and care about me more than Keith. And every bit of it was reciprocated. And it still is. So even though we say it's over, it's not over. You can't end this with words. You can't erase a connection this deep by changing your Facebook status.
Keith is my best friend.
I'm trusting that everything will be okay. Gah! I keep thinking that this is a good idea for the sake of both of us. (And I mean really thinking it, not just trying to convince myself.) But I also keep thinking I want my boyfriend back.
But life says I can't have him right now.
Fucking paper.
I love Keith. I will always love Keith. And I want to say that if we could really never find a way to make it work again that we could make it work with other people and call each other and talk about it like the best friends we are.
But I just don't have any desire to kiss anyone else ever again. He was the one. He is the one. There's just nothing we can do about that right now. And that sucks.
I can't convey how I really feel and explain what happened all at once, so I guess my goal for this entry is to just explain how I feel right now. Or ramble. I'm going to ramble.
I know that we are so lucky, first of all, that we ever found each other and that we were blessed with four months of utopia. The ish was that we loved each other so much that we didn't know how to put ourselves first. The inseparable couple was separated by physical distance, and it hurt too much. We had to figure out our own ishes on our own because we couldn't literally, consistently, physically be THERE for each other, no matter how hard we tried.
It had to happen, and I'm glad we were brave enough to let it happen.
But right now, I just want to know where my other half is. I just want to grab the rest of me and embrace him and make sure he is okay.
But I can't.
This has to work. This is what it's all about. He needs to be able to take care of himself and I need to be able to take care of myself. Because you can't put all of your reliance into someone who is so many miles away.
Part of me is scared, but I believe in us. I believe in our true love more than I believe in societal expectations.
It's weird. Because I know I'll never "get over" him. He's perfect. And as I write this, I know I'm being logical. It's just true. I can't imagine finding someone who could love and understand me and care about me more than Keith. And every bit of it was reciprocated. And it still is. So even though we say it's over, it's not over. You can't end this with words. You can't erase a connection this deep by changing your Facebook status.
Keith is my best friend.
I'm trusting that everything will be okay. Gah! I keep thinking that this is a good idea for the sake of both of us. (And I mean really thinking it, not just trying to convince myself.) But I also keep thinking I want my boyfriend back.
But life says I can't have him right now.
Fucking paper.
I love Keith. I will always love Keith. And I want to say that if we could really never find a way to make it work again that we could make it work with other people and call each other and talk about it like the best friends we are.
But I just don't have any desire to kiss anyone else ever again. He was the one. He is the one. There's just nothing we can do about that right now. And that sucks.