It Doesn't Matter [RPF]
Title: It Doesn’t Matter [RPF]
Rating:PG, if that
Word Count: 745
Spoilers: Nope.
Warnings: This makes no sense. Seriously.
Summary: Stream of conscious songfic babble that has been kicking around my head and refusing to shit up for the last 24 hours.
Completely structured around "It Doesn't Matter" by Depeche Mode. Not that I imagine either of them would be fans. W/e, this is basically just me purging this from my brain so I might be able to sleep tonight. :P
I am happy
That I have you
Even though you're not here now
“Cut” rings through the air, and we walk off set together.
I slip my hand into yours without word, and I ask myself why it feels so right.
Why you feel so right.
I ask myself if what always felt right about me before, might be a little bit wrong.
I know somewhere
You are dreaming
Though it's definitely not of me
Night comes and I’m staring at the ceiling.
I can still feel the weight of your palm against mine, and it makes me catch my breath.
I want so much to believe the words your skin seems to tell mine, but I can’t.
I would love to love you, if only I thought you’d allow it.
It doesn't matter
If this all shatters
Nothing lasts forever
I have no idea how long I’ll get to be around you like this.
That’s honestly my biggest concern.
Not the steady paycheck a solid job would bring.
Not the boost to my career.
It’s just the chance to see your smile and hear your voice.
I want to enjoy this - whatever it is - while I still can.
But I'm praying
That we're staying
Together
I know it’s not up to me, but I want you to stay.
I tell Ryan when I have the chance.
I tell Brad when I have the chance.
I tell everyone when I have the chance.
The only one I don’t tell, is you.
I am warmed by
Your friendship
Even when you're far away
It’s New Year’s Eve, and I wish that you were here.
It doesn’t feel like a party without your laugh.
I’m doing my best to have a good time, but it’s rough.
Just before midnight, I get your text.
My night feels better instantly.
And I'm happy
In the knowledge
We may never see the day
The year is almost over, and all I can think about is you.
But you’re not here, and that’s probably for the best.
You’ve got your own life.
It’s good that I remember I’m not a part of it.
Ten minutes left in the year, and I give in.
“The new year looks better for knowing you’ll be in it”
I know it won’t be the way I wish it could.
I really am okay with that.
When I kiss you
And you kiss me
Don't pretend you miss me
I know it’s all in character.
I know it’s not really us.
I know you’re more professional about this than I am.
I just kind of wish you weren’t.
The worst kind
Of diseased mind
Is one filled with jealousy
It shouldn’t feel like this.
I shouldn’t want this from you.
More than that, I shouldn’t be imagining you want it, too.
I hate every woman who catches your eye.
I hate even more that there’s not just one I can blame.
If we should meet again
Don't try to solve the puzzle
My time on your set is almost over.
I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again.
I don’t like thinking about what that means.
I try not to think about it much.
Just lay down next to me
And please don't move a muscle
Of course they would make this our last scene.
Chest to chest, skin to skin.
Breathing promises about never forgetting and always remembering -
- and I speak the lines as myself.
I will thank you
Most of all for
The respect you have for me
Sometimes, I wonder if things would be different if I could tell you what I’m thinking.
Would you still look at me the same?
Or would your eyes cloud with pity?
Worse yet, would you never look me in the eye again?
Living withut knowing is easier than living with that.
I'm embarrassed
It overwhelms me
Because I don't deserve any
You’re so full of praise.
I don’t know how to take it.
Your eyes bore into mine.
I have to look away.
It doesn't matter
If this all shatters
Nothing lasts forever
“I guess this is good-bye,” I say.
Hoping you'll say I'm wrong.
It’s not so easy to slip my hand against yours, now.
If I do, I won’t let go.
But I'm praying
That we're staying
Together
Your good-bye is like a knot around my throat.
I try to think of some excuse.
Any excuse.
To keep you in my orbit.
I’m not ready for this end.
Rating:PG, if that
Word Count: 745
Spoilers: Nope.
Warnings: This makes no sense. Seriously.
Summary: Stream of conscious songfic babble that has been kicking around my head and refusing to shit up for the last 24 hours.
Completely structured around "It Doesn't Matter" by Depeche Mode. Not that I imagine either of them would be fans. W/e, this is basically just me purging this from my brain so I might be able to sleep tonight. :P
Click to viewI am happy
That I have you
Even though you're not here now
“Cut” rings through the air, and we walk off set together.
I slip my hand into yours without word, and I ask myself why it feels so right.
Why you feel so right.
I ask myself if what always felt right about me before, might be a little bit wrong.
I know somewhere
You are dreaming
Though it's definitely not of me
Night comes and I’m staring at the ceiling.
I can still feel the weight of your palm against mine, and it makes me catch my breath.
I want so much to believe the words your skin seems to tell mine, but I can’t.
I would love to love you, if only I thought you’d allow it.
It doesn't matter
If this all shatters
Nothing lasts forever
I have no idea how long I’ll get to be around you like this.
That’s honestly my biggest concern.
Not the steady paycheck a solid job would bring.
Not the boost to my career.
It’s just the chance to see your smile and hear your voice.
I want to enjoy this - whatever it is - while I still can.
But I'm praying
That we're staying
Together
I know it’s not up to me, but I want you to stay.
I tell Ryan when I have the chance.
I tell Brad when I have the chance.
I tell everyone when I have the chance.
The only one I don’t tell, is you.
I am warmed by
Your friendship
Even when you're far away
It’s New Year’s Eve, and I wish that you were here.
It doesn’t feel like a party without your laugh.
I’m doing my best to have a good time, but it’s rough.
Just before midnight, I get your text.
My night feels better instantly.
And I'm happy
In the knowledge
We may never see the day
The year is almost over, and all I can think about is you.
But you’re not here, and that’s probably for the best.
You’ve got your own life.
It’s good that I remember I’m not a part of it.
Ten minutes left in the year, and I give in.
“The new year looks better for knowing you’ll be in it”
I know it won’t be the way I wish it could.
I really am okay with that.
When I kiss you
And you kiss me
Don't pretend you miss me
I know it’s all in character.
I know it’s not really us.
I know you’re more professional about this than I am.
I just kind of wish you weren’t.
The worst kind
Of diseased mind
Is one filled with jealousy
It shouldn’t feel like this.
I shouldn’t want this from you.
More than that, I shouldn’t be imagining you want it, too.
I hate every woman who catches your eye.
I hate even more that there’s not just one I can blame.
If we should meet again
Don't try to solve the puzzle
My time on your set is almost over.
I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again.
I don’t like thinking about what that means.
I try not to think about it much.
Just lay down next to me
And please don't move a muscle
Of course they would make this our last scene.
Chest to chest, skin to skin.
Breathing promises about never forgetting and always remembering -
- and I speak the lines as myself.
I will thank you
Most of all for
The respect you have for me
Sometimes, I wonder if things would be different if I could tell you what I’m thinking.
Would you still look at me the same?
Or would your eyes cloud with pity?
Worse yet, would you never look me in the eye again?
Living withut knowing is easier than living with that.
I'm embarrassed
It overwhelms me
Because I don't deserve any
You’re so full of praise.
I don’t know how to take it.
Your eyes bore into mine.
I have to look away.
It doesn't matter
If this all shatters
Nothing lasts forever
“I guess this is good-bye,” I say.
Hoping you'll say I'm wrong.
It’s not so easy to slip my hand against yours, now.
If I do, I won’t let go.
But I'm praying
That we're staying
Together
Your good-bye is like a knot around my throat.
I try to think of some excuse.
Any excuse.
To keep you in my orbit.
I’m not ready for this end.