Turn The Lights Down Low 1/7 [RPF]
Author: Odd
Title: Turn The Lights Down Low 1/7 [RPF]
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,550
Spoilers: You can not spoil what was never real.
Summary: For this prompt on the kink meme. "Chris was fine with Kurt getting his first kiss with a boy before he did, and he was fine with Kurt getting a boyfriend before he did. But when he reads the script for the senior prom episode (a.k.a. the one where Kurt and pretty much all of ND book hotel rooms and go all the way), he decides that he's had enough of being jealous that his on-screen alter ego is getting all the action.
After a long and thorough process of deciding who the lucky recipient of his V-card is going to be (seriously, he made flowcharts), he decides on Darren, who -- after being reassured that Chris hasn't fallen madly in love with him, he just wants Darren to fuck him in the ass -- Darren happily obliges. Hot first-time sex ensues.
Notes: After two months, it's finally done. Big, big thanks to (in no order in particular) Birdie, Aubrey, Lucie, Ae, Rosa, Ellen, Bea, Ashley, Christine, and Laura. Whether it was letting me run down the entire story in "and then, and then, and then..." fashion so I could figure out what the hell I was doing, ripping it apart line-by-line to make something suck less, going over the whole damn thing with a fine-tooth comb to help give the illusion that I had the slightest grasp on proper punctuation and grammar, or just letting me cry over instant messages about how frustrated I was, I couldn't have done it without you.
It begins in March.
It gets heated in April.
It’s over in May.
(And as for June and July…)
---
It’s March sixteenth when Chris is handed a script.
He doesn’t think much of it, at first. They always get new scripts on Fridays, so this week shouldn’t be any different. A year ago, he would have flipped it open right away and agonized over what Kurt was in for. This year, however, Kurt’s been given a far less heavy load. He still has the odd moment of drama here and there, but he’s only cried three times this season, and Chris has been nothing short of grateful for the change of pace.
So he tosses it into his messenger bag and forgets about it until the next night. He’s at a party with the rest of the cast, and he barely has time to make it clear that he’s not drinking anything that’s been tinted green (no matter what day it is) when Ashley slings an arm around his shoulders and begins to speak rapidly in the same tone she only uses when there’s dish to dirt. "Mister Colfer, would you care to share your thoughts on the upcoming cherry-pop of one Mister Kurt Hummel? Inquiring minds are dying to get your take on this."
"What are you talking about?" he asks, taking another sip of tequila. Ashley has a bad tendency to not make sense when she’s been drinking, but it’s early enough in the night that she should be at least relatively sober.
"Don’t tell me you haven’t got an opinion about the big prom episode. America’s favorite gay teen’s about to lose the V card. Pretty sure even monks with oaths of silence are gonna have opinions about it." She’s just standing there. Staring at him and drinking her beer through a straw. A straw. That’s what seals it for him. That this isn’t just drunk!Ashley babbling nonsense. Ashley only drinks with a straw until she crosses the line into tipsy. After that, she practically funnels it in. "Practice your O-face enough, and you might just get another statue or two for that mantle of yours."
"I’m sure that won’t be necessary," Chris says. "This is network TV we’re talking about. At worst, they’ll show Blaine produce a key card while he and Kurt are dancing, then avoid showing them until they stumble back into the prom looking exactly the same as they did when they left." Of this, Chris is sure. Kurt and Blaine have been together for over a year, and they’ve kissed on screen a whopping four times. Having a young gay couple may be good for ratings, but only so long as they never do anything to indicate - god forbid - that they actually do anything physical.
Ashley’s jaw drops open. "Boo, you really need to look at that script. It’s not exactly Skinnemax, but it really doesn’t leave much to the imagination." She takes his drink and sets it on a table along with hers before placing her hands on his shoulders. "I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but there’s going to be some skin. There will also be sounds, if you know what I mean. The way it’s described, it’s either gonna’ be real classy, or it’s gonna’ be even campier than RuPaul reenacting Brokeback Mountain in the middle of a forest with a dozen drag queens dressed like tents. One or the other."
Chris lets this sink in for a minute. Kurt is losing his virginity. Kurt Hummel, fictional gay teen in small-town Ohio, is going to lose his virginity before the twenty-one year old man who plays him. It’s not enough he was kissed first. Got a boyfriend first. Now, he’s got to lose his virginity first. Chris picks up his drink and chugs the rest down, ignoring Ashley as she winces at the thought of that much tequila, that fast. Screw "luck of the Irish" - Kurt Hummel is getting laid, and that means Chris Colfer’s kind of fucked.
Only, he hasn’t been - and that’s exactly his problem.
---
Chris spends the rest of his weekend reading the script and having mild panic attacks over what it says. It turns out all of the glee members are getting hotel rooms after the big dance, but there’s special attention paid to Rachel, Blaine, and Kurt. Not all together, of course. Rachel is with Finn, and Kurt is with Blaine. The same as they’ve been all season. They’re the last three virgins of the graduating class, though, so they’ve made a vow that prom night will be the night. There’s a "Like A Virgin" -esque montage featuring a mash-up of "Tonight’s The Night" and "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" and it’s easy to see why Ashley described it the way she did. If handled properly, it could be very tasteful. If not, it could easily cross the line into ridiculous.
(This is Glee, so Chris is pretty sure it’ll end up being the latter.)
Ashley wasn’t kidding when she said it didn’t leave much to the imagination. Among other things, the script describes Kurt and Blaine removing each others’ shirts, fumbling for the buttons of their pants, rolling around the bed, and (Chris really hopes they change their mind about this) Kurt throwing his head back as "the sound of climax escapes his throat." For the first time, Chris finds himself trying to think of ways to keep his family from watching an episode. There are certain things he’d rather his parents never know, and this script includes at least three.
The whole time he’s reading, there’s another thing tugging at him. He knows it shouldn’t bother him this much, but he still can’t get over the fact that Kurt’s going to lose his virginity first. Thursday seems the most likely date for filming, but the episode isn’t slated to air until April seventeenth. Technically, that gives him about a month to do the deed.
Whom to do it with, of course, is the big question. The ideal solution would be to meet an amazing guy and fall blissfully in love. Unfortunately, Chris’s schedule is pretty far from ideal. Most weeks, he’s lucky if he manages to squeeze in a dinner out with Ashley. His family only lives a few hours’ drive away, but he only manages to make the drive every two or three months. He almost never has enough free time to stay the night. If he can’t make time for his best friend or his family, how will he make the time to fall in love?
He considers a few alternatives. He could try a dating service, or answer an ad on Craigslist, or (let’s be honest) pick up some stranger in a dark club. They’d all be almost guaranteed to yield results, but he’s not really sure they’re the kind of results he’s after. There are reasons he’s still a virgin. To borrow a phrase from Burt Hummel, Chris knows he matters. He knows that he doesn’t have to drop his pants for just anyone, and he secretly loves that he can actually afford to be picky.
His success has done a lot to mend the wounds of his high school years, but nothing will ever completely erase them.
---
It’s three days later when he and Ashley meet for sushi. He barely has time to sit down when she starts in on him.
"So, Chris, find your cherry-popping daddy yet?"
"Do you have to talk about it like that?" he asks, flipping through the menu to try and deflect further questions.
"No," she says after taking a sip of her plum wine. "I could ask if you found someone worthy of invalidating your unicorn-hunting license. If you found someone you were willing to let enter Heaven’s Gate. If you found someone to take the VIP tour of your Neverland. If you had any luck learning to open child-proof containers. If you were any closer to taking Fornication for a thousand, Alex. If you-"
Chris frowns. "Alex? I don’t know anyone named Alex."
She stares at him and shakes her head. "Alex Trebek? As in host of Jeopardy? Good lord, Chris, you really do need to get laid. I think your sexual frustration is starting to make you stupid."
"I’m working on it," he says, pulling the paper wrapper from a straw and dropping it into the Diet Coke Ashley ordered for him before he arrived. "It’s harder than it sounds." He raises an eyebrow, daring her to laugh or make another joke, but all she does is purse her lips and mime locking them and throwing away a key. "I've been trying to find a good solution, but I don’t have the time to go out and meet anyone, and the only guys I know are the ones I work with."
Ashley mimes unlocking her lips. "Is that really such a big deal? I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time anyone’s hooked up."
"True," Chris admits, shifting in his seat a little. He knew the conversation would eventually turn in this direction, but he wasn’t really sure he wanted it to go there just yet. "That was a lot more common during the first season. It kind of tapered off once everyone realized how weird things got."
"Well, yeah, but that was when you guys knew you’d be stuck with each other for a while. You’ve only got three or four episodes left before Kurt graduates. If things got weird, you’d only have to stick it out for a month. That’s not so bad. I had to stick out the weird with my last boyfriend for three months. One is nothing.
"Okay," Chris admits. "I may have thought about it. A little."
Ashley smirks and pretends to open up a book. "Hrm, according to my Colfer-to-English dictionary, that translates to ‘I’ve thought of nothing else since we first talked about this, and I’ve made extensive flowcharts to help me make up my mind.’ How close am I?"
"I didn’t make any flowcharts," Chris says, averting his eyes and taking a pull from his drink. When he talks again, it’s an almost unintelligible mumble. "I made a spreadsheet."
"You did what?" Ashley laughs, plum wine dribbling down her chin. "Oh my god, you would. You so would. You are so anal-"
"Can we not use that word, please?" Chris rests his forehead on the table and begins tapping it repeatedly against the polished wood surface.
"Fair enough," Ashley grins. "So tell me. Who’s the lucky bastard who gets the chance to go fifty thousand leagues between your cheeks?"
"ASHLEY!"
"Okay, okay," she says, waving her white napkin in surrender just as the waitress comes by to take their order.
"Have you made your decisions?" the young woman in the neat white uniform asks.
"Yeah," Chris says numbly. "I think I have."
---
Friday night finds Chris with his hands in Darren’s shirt and Darren’s mouth on his neck. "I can’t believe we’re doing this," he says, looking down into Darren’s eyes and lowering his voice. "I’ve been wanting this for so long."
"I know," Darren pants, tightening the grip he has on Chris’s hips and bucking his own upward to meet him. "I’ve wanted it, too. Wanted it so much." His mouth crashes against Chris’s; lips soft and warm and desperate for more. Chris’s tongue flicks toward Darren’s, and he’s just about to give a soft moan of pleasure when they’re rudely interrupted.
"Cut! I think that’s going to work. Good job, guys." Eric is looking down at the monitor as he claps. "We got most of the scene down in the earlier takes, but I think we need to try the climax again."
"No pun intended?" Darren asks, turning his head to face him.
"Pun very much intended," Eric grins. "I need to take a leak, so get your shirts off and we’ll pick back up in a few."
"Works for me," Darren says, throwing an arm behind his head. Almost as an afterthought, he looks up at Chris, who’s still hovering above him in the same position he was when they stopped. "You okay, man?"
"Fine," Chris answers, rolling off of Darren and backing away to the far side of the bed. "Why do you ask?"
"I don’t know. You seem preoccupied with something. Anything going on you need to talk about?" Darren’s eyes are bright beneath the glare of the lighting, and leaning more to the green side of hazel than his usual honey color. "You know you can talk to me if there’s something bothering you."
"I know, and I will. I just don’t think now is really the time. We should get ready for the next part." Chris mutters, turning his back to Darren and unbuttoning his shirt.
"You’re so shy," Darren laughs, pulling his own shirt off and throwing it onto the floor before scooting closer. "C’mere. Let me help you." Darren says, wrapping his arms around Chris’s middle and undoing his buttons as Chris just sits there.
This is just Darren, and Chris knows that. What other people would consider an intimate gesture isn’t much different from a handshake, in Darren’s book. He’s very free with his affection and even more comfortable in his body, and if Chris hadn’t gotten embarrassed at how much he’d put in the "pro" column of his spreadsheet beside Darren’s name, that would have been another factor in the decision he’s already made. He has made his decision, and he knows it’s the right one, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying.
Chris is still completely lost in thought when Darren removes the shirt and pokes Chris in the shoulder. "Lift your arms, or I won’t be able to get your undershirt off." Chris does as he’s told, and he does his best not to jump when Darren digs his thumbs into his shoulders and begins to massage them. "Dude, you are so tense. You’re like one big knot back here." Darren leans back and presses an elbow between Chris’s shoulder blades, using it to knead the stiff muscles. "You’ve got to loosen up before we do this part. You’ve got to-"
"What I’ve got to do is get laid," Chris snaps. "I'm an almost twenty-two year old virgin, and I have no idea what Kurt's about to go through. If Eric isn't happy with what I've been doing, it’s probably because I don’t know what I should be doing."
"Oh, jeez," Darren says, leaning back onto one hand and resting the other on Chris’s shoulder. "I’m sorry, Chris. I didn’t know. I hope this hasn’t been too uncomfortable for you. If there’s anything I can do to make it easier, just let me know. I’m serious. Whatever you need, I’m here for you, man."
Chris takes a deep breath and steadies himself before responding. "I hope you mean what you’re saying, because there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you…"
---
The next two hours of filming are the single most awkward experience of Chris’s life, and that’s really saying something. He knows it’s his own fault. There’s no handbook for proper sex scene etiquette as far as he knows, but if there was, Chris is pretty sure that propositioning your co-star just minutes beforehand would be considered really bad form.
They’d sat inside Chris’s trailer for a few minutes after wrapping. Chris stated his case as simply as he could, and Darren finished things off by asking for some time to mull things over before coming to a decision. Chris nodded dumbly in response, and they hadn’t really spoken much since. When a week had passed without an answer, Chris pretty much wrote it off and began to reconsider his options.
It’s nine days after the question was asked, and two days after Chris has written Darren off, when Darren shows up at Chris’s door. "I’ll do it," Darren says in a rush, almost as if he’s afraid he won’t say it if he waits any longer.
"Excuse me?" Chris asks, motioning for Darren to come inside so he can close the door. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"Look, it might be April first, but I promise I’m not fooling. I said I was going to do it, and I meant it. I want to do this for you." Darren’s voice is quiet, but steady, and it’s not a tone Chris is used to hearing from him. "I just need you to tell me a few things, first."
"Anything," Chris nods, still not quite believing his ears. "Shoot."
"Okay, first of all, I need to know why you asked me."
"You seemed like the smartest choice," Chris says,
"Like, how?" Darren asks. "I mean, why?"
Chris sighs and picks his iPad up from his coffee table. "Here," he says, pulling up one file and handing the device over. "Just so you know that I didn’t pull your name out of a hat or anything."
Darren takes it from Chris and sits down in an armchair to look it over. He raises his eyes at the spreadsheet before him, but this is Chris, he reminds himself, and Chris is nothing if not methodical.
"Are you okay?" Chris asks when Darren’s stared at it for maybe a few minutes too long.
"Yeah," Darren says, doing his best not to laugh. "I’m flattered I rated an eight and a half on the doability scale, but I feel like I need to remind you that the OUT spread was Photoshopped to death."
"No offense, but I knew that the first time I saw it." Chris takes the iPad away and puts it back on the table before squatting at Darren’s feet. "Anything else?" he asks, leaning back on his hands.
Darren hesitates for a moment before answering. "I just want to make sure that you know I’m…that you’re not…"
"Yes, Darren," Chris sighs tiredly. "I know you’re straight, I’m not expecting this to be anything more than it is, and before you ask the question I know you were getting to; no, I’m not in love with you. Recognizing your doability doesn’t make me any more in love with you than you are with Lea. That’s my aesthetic take on you. My emotional take is that you’re a good friend, and I think I can trust you not to get weird about it. I can, can’t I?"
"Totally," Darren nods. "Just tell me what it is you need, and I’ll do my best to provide it."
"It’s not that complicated," Chris says with a small laugh. "I need you to...fuck me," he finally says, figuring that he’d better get used to using words like that with Darren if he doesn’t want this to end in complete disaster. “That’s it. I’ll give you a key, so you can just let yourself in. I’ll have the condoms and lube on the nightstand, and I’ll be sure to prep myself before you get there so that all you’ll have to do is just stick it in, do the deed, and get back to your business. The whole thing shouldn’t take more than what, fifteen, twenty minutes?"
"Chris," Darren winces. "Can you just shut up for a second? All this talk about doing deeds and prepping yourself-"
"It’s kind of a requirement," Chris interrupts. "My ass isn’t exactly self-lubricating, you know. It’s going to take some work before you can-"
"Chris-" Darren cuts him off with a laugh. "I’ve had anal sex before. I know how important prep is." Chris’s eyes widen, and Darren lifts a hand to cut him off before he can start. "Girls have those parts too, in case you forgot." Chris pulls a face, and Darren leans forward, bringing their faces just inches apart. "Look, I’m okay with doing this, but you have to promise me something, okay?"
Chris doesn’t say anything. He just sits there, staring at Darren and nodding in silence.
"If I’m going to do this for you," Darren finally says, taking Chris’s chin in his hand and tilting his head up to meet his eyes, "you have to let me do it my way."
Part Two
Web Counter
Title: Turn The Lights Down Low 1/7 [RPF]
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,550
Spoilers: You can not spoil what was never real.
Summary: For this prompt on the kink meme. "Chris was fine with Kurt getting his first kiss with a boy before he did, and he was fine with Kurt getting a boyfriend before he did. But when he reads the script for the senior prom episode (a.k.a. the one where Kurt and pretty much all of ND book hotel rooms and go all the way), he decides that he's had enough of being jealous that his on-screen alter ego is getting all the action.
After a long and thorough process of deciding who the lucky recipient of his V-card is going to be (seriously, he made flowcharts), he decides on Darren, who -- after being reassured that Chris hasn't fallen madly in love with him, he just wants Darren to fuck him in the ass -- Darren happily obliges. Hot first-time sex ensues.
Notes: After two months, it's finally done. Big, big thanks to (in no order in particular) Birdie, Aubrey, Lucie, Ae, Rosa, Ellen, Bea, Ashley, Christine, and Laura. Whether it was letting me run down the entire story in "and then, and then, and then..." fashion so I could figure out what the hell I was doing, ripping it apart line-by-line to make something suck less, going over the whole damn thing with a fine-tooth comb to help give the illusion that I had the slightest grasp on proper punctuation and grammar, or just letting me cry over instant messages about how frustrated I was, I couldn't have done it without you.
It begins in March.
It gets heated in April.
It’s over in May.
(And as for June and July…)
---
It’s March sixteenth when Chris is handed a script.
He doesn’t think much of it, at first. They always get new scripts on Fridays, so this week shouldn’t be any different. A year ago, he would have flipped it open right away and agonized over what Kurt was in for. This year, however, Kurt’s been given a far less heavy load. He still has the odd moment of drama here and there, but he’s only cried three times this season, and Chris has been nothing short of grateful for the change of pace.
So he tosses it into his messenger bag and forgets about it until the next night. He’s at a party with the rest of the cast, and he barely has time to make it clear that he’s not drinking anything that’s been tinted green (no matter what day it is) when Ashley slings an arm around his shoulders and begins to speak rapidly in the same tone she only uses when there’s dish to dirt. "Mister Colfer, would you care to share your thoughts on the upcoming cherry-pop of one Mister Kurt Hummel? Inquiring minds are dying to get your take on this."
"What are you talking about?" he asks, taking another sip of tequila. Ashley has a bad tendency to not make sense when she’s been drinking, but it’s early enough in the night that she should be at least relatively sober.
"Don’t tell me you haven’t got an opinion about the big prom episode. America’s favorite gay teen’s about to lose the V card. Pretty sure even monks with oaths of silence are gonna have opinions about it." She’s just standing there. Staring at him and drinking her beer through a straw. A straw. That’s what seals it for him. That this isn’t just drunk!Ashley babbling nonsense. Ashley only drinks with a straw until she crosses the line into tipsy. After that, she practically funnels it in. "Practice your O-face enough, and you might just get another statue or two for that mantle of yours."
"I’m sure that won’t be necessary," Chris says. "This is network TV we’re talking about. At worst, they’ll show Blaine produce a key card while he and Kurt are dancing, then avoid showing them until they stumble back into the prom looking exactly the same as they did when they left." Of this, Chris is sure. Kurt and Blaine have been together for over a year, and they’ve kissed on screen a whopping four times. Having a young gay couple may be good for ratings, but only so long as they never do anything to indicate - god forbid - that they actually do anything physical.
Ashley’s jaw drops open. "Boo, you really need to look at that script. It’s not exactly Skinnemax, but it really doesn’t leave much to the imagination." She takes his drink and sets it on a table along with hers before placing her hands on his shoulders. "I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but there’s going to be some skin. There will also be sounds, if you know what I mean. The way it’s described, it’s either gonna’ be real classy, or it’s gonna’ be even campier than RuPaul reenacting Brokeback Mountain in the middle of a forest with a dozen drag queens dressed like tents. One or the other."
Chris lets this sink in for a minute. Kurt is losing his virginity. Kurt Hummel, fictional gay teen in small-town Ohio, is going to lose his virginity before the twenty-one year old man who plays him. It’s not enough he was kissed first. Got a boyfriend first. Now, he’s got to lose his virginity first. Chris picks up his drink and chugs the rest down, ignoring Ashley as she winces at the thought of that much tequila, that fast. Screw "luck of the Irish" - Kurt Hummel is getting laid, and that means Chris Colfer’s kind of fucked.
Only, he hasn’t been - and that’s exactly his problem.
---
Chris spends the rest of his weekend reading the script and having mild panic attacks over what it says. It turns out all of the glee members are getting hotel rooms after the big dance, but there’s special attention paid to Rachel, Blaine, and Kurt. Not all together, of course. Rachel is with Finn, and Kurt is with Blaine. The same as they’ve been all season. They’re the last three virgins of the graduating class, though, so they’ve made a vow that prom night will be the night. There’s a "Like A Virgin" -esque montage featuring a mash-up of "Tonight’s The Night" and "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" and it’s easy to see why Ashley described it the way she did. If handled properly, it could be very tasteful. If not, it could easily cross the line into ridiculous.
(This is Glee, so Chris is pretty sure it’ll end up being the latter.)
Ashley wasn’t kidding when she said it didn’t leave much to the imagination. Among other things, the script describes Kurt and Blaine removing each others’ shirts, fumbling for the buttons of their pants, rolling around the bed, and (Chris really hopes they change their mind about this) Kurt throwing his head back as "the sound of climax escapes his throat." For the first time, Chris finds himself trying to think of ways to keep his family from watching an episode. There are certain things he’d rather his parents never know, and this script includes at least three.
The whole time he’s reading, there’s another thing tugging at him. He knows it shouldn’t bother him this much, but he still can’t get over the fact that Kurt’s going to lose his virginity first. Thursday seems the most likely date for filming, but the episode isn’t slated to air until April seventeenth. Technically, that gives him about a month to do the deed.
Whom to do it with, of course, is the big question. The ideal solution would be to meet an amazing guy and fall blissfully in love. Unfortunately, Chris’s schedule is pretty far from ideal. Most weeks, he’s lucky if he manages to squeeze in a dinner out with Ashley. His family only lives a few hours’ drive away, but he only manages to make the drive every two or three months. He almost never has enough free time to stay the night. If he can’t make time for his best friend or his family, how will he make the time to fall in love?
He considers a few alternatives. He could try a dating service, or answer an ad on Craigslist, or (let’s be honest) pick up some stranger in a dark club. They’d all be almost guaranteed to yield results, but he’s not really sure they’re the kind of results he’s after. There are reasons he’s still a virgin. To borrow a phrase from Burt Hummel, Chris knows he matters. He knows that he doesn’t have to drop his pants for just anyone, and he secretly loves that he can actually afford to be picky.
His success has done a lot to mend the wounds of his high school years, but nothing will ever completely erase them.
---
It’s three days later when he and Ashley meet for sushi. He barely has time to sit down when she starts in on him.
"So, Chris, find your cherry-popping daddy yet?"
"Do you have to talk about it like that?" he asks, flipping through the menu to try and deflect further questions.
"No," she says after taking a sip of her plum wine. "I could ask if you found someone worthy of invalidating your unicorn-hunting license. If you found someone you were willing to let enter Heaven’s Gate. If you found someone to take the VIP tour of your Neverland. If you had any luck learning to open child-proof containers. If you were any closer to taking Fornication for a thousand, Alex. If you-"
Chris frowns. "Alex? I don’t know anyone named Alex."
She stares at him and shakes her head. "Alex Trebek? As in host of Jeopardy? Good lord, Chris, you really do need to get laid. I think your sexual frustration is starting to make you stupid."
"I’m working on it," he says, pulling the paper wrapper from a straw and dropping it into the Diet Coke Ashley ordered for him before he arrived. "It’s harder than it sounds." He raises an eyebrow, daring her to laugh or make another joke, but all she does is purse her lips and mime locking them and throwing away a key. "I've been trying to find a good solution, but I don’t have the time to go out and meet anyone, and the only guys I know are the ones I work with."
Ashley mimes unlocking her lips. "Is that really such a big deal? I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time anyone’s hooked up."
"True," Chris admits, shifting in his seat a little. He knew the conversation would eventually turn in this direction, but he wasn’t really sure he wanted it to go there just yet. "That was a lot more common during the first season. It kind of tapered off once everyone realized how weird things got."
"Well, yeah, but that was when you guys knew you’d be stuck with each other for a while. You’ve only got three or four episodes left before Kurt graduates. If things got weird, you’d only have to stick it out for a month. That’s not so bad. I had to stick out the weird with my last boyfriend for three months. One is nothing.
"Okay," Chris admits. "I may have thought about it. A little."
Ashley smirks and pretends to open up a book. "Hrm, according to my Colfer-to-English dictionary, that translates to ‘I’ve thought of nothing else since we first talked about this, and I’ve made extensive flowcharts to help me make up my mind.’ How close am I?"
"I didn’t make any flowcharts," Chris says, averting his eyes and taking a pull from his drink. When he talks again, it’s an almost unintelligible mumble. "I made a spreadsheet."
"You did what?" Ashley laughs, plum wine dribbling down her chin. "Oh my god, you would. You so would. You are so anal-"
"Can we not use that word, please?" Chris rests his forehead on the table and begins tapping it repeatedly against the polished wood surface.
"Fair enough," Ashley grins. "So tell me. Who’s the lucky bastard who gets the chance to go fifty thousand leagues between your cheeks?"
"ASHLEY!"
"Okay, okay," she says, waving her white napkin in surrender just as the waitress comes by to take their order.
"Have you made your decisions?" the young woman in the neat white uniform asks.
"Yeah," Chris says numbly. "I think I have."
---
Friday night finds Chris with his hands in Darren’s shirt and Darren’s mouth on his neck. "I can’t believe we’re doing this," he says, looking down into Darren’s eyes and lowering his voice. "I’ve been wanting this for so long."
"I know," Darren pants, tightening the grip he has on Chris’s hips and bucking his own upward to meet him. "I’ve wanted it, too. Wanted it so much." His mouth crashes against Chris’s; lips soft and warm and desperate for more. Chris’s tongue flicks toward Darren’s, and he’s just about to give a soft moan of pleasure when they’re rudely interrupted.
"Cut! I think that’s going to work. Good job, guys." Eric is looking down at the monitor as he claps. "We got most of the scene down in the earlier takes, but I think we need to try the climax again."
"No pun intended?" Darren asks, turning his head to face him.
"Pun very much intended," Eric grins. "I need to take a leak, so get your shirts off and we’ll pick back up in a few."
"Works for me," Darren says, throwing an arm behind his head. Almost as an afterthought, he looks up at Chris, who’s still hovering above him in the same position he was when they stopped. "You okay, man?"
"Fine," Chris answers, rolling off of Darren and backing away to the far side of the bed. "Why do you ask?"
"I don’t know. You seem preoccupied with something. Anything going on you need to talk about?" Darren’s eyes are bright beneath the glare of the lighting, and leaning more to the green side of hazel than his usual honey color. "You know you can talk to me if there’s something bothering you."
"I know, and I will. I just don’t think now is really the time. We should get ready for the next part." Chris mutters, turning his back to Darren and unbuttoning his shirt.
"You’re so shy," Darren laughs, pulling his own shirt off and throwing it onto the floor before scooting closer. "C’mere. Let me help you." Darren says, wrapping his arms around Chris’s middle and undoing his buttons as Chris just sits there.
This is just Darren, and Chris knows that. What other people would consider an intimate gesture isn’t much different from a handshake, in Darren’s book. He’s very free with his affection and even more comfortable in his body, and if Chris hadn’t gotten embarrassed at how much he’d put in the "pro" column of his spreadsheet beside Darren’s name, that would have been another factor in the decision he’s already made. He has made his decision, and he knows it’s the right one, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying.
Chris is still completely lost in thought when Darren removes the shirt and pokes Chris in the shoulder. "Lift your arms, or I won’t be able to get your undershirt off." Chris does as he’s told, and he does his best not to jump when Darren digs his thumbs into his shoulders and begins to massage them. "Dude, you are so tense. You’re like one big knot back here." Darren leans back and presses an elbow between Chris’s shoulder blades, using it to knead the stiff muscles. "You’ve got to loosen up before we do this part. You’ve got to-"
"What I’ve got to do is get laid," Chris snaps. "I'm an almost twenty-two year old virgin, and I have no idea what Kurt's about to go through. If Eric isn't happy with what I've been doing, it’s probably because I don’t know what I should be doing."
"Oh, jeez," Darren says, leaning back onto one hand and resting the other on Chris’s shoulder. "I’m sorry, Chris. I didn’t know. I hope this hasn’t been too uncomfortable for you. If there’s anything I can do to make it easier, just let me know. I’m serious. Whatever you need, I’m here for you, man."
Chris takes a deep breath and steadies himself before responding. "I hope you mean what you’re saying, because there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you…"
---
The next two hours of filming are the single most awkward experience of Chris’s life, and that’s really saying something. He knows it’s his own fault. There’s no handbook for proper sex scene etiquette as far as he knows, but if there was, Chris is pretty sure that propositioning your co-star just minutes beforehand would be considered really bad form.
They’d sat inside Chris’s trailer for a few minutes after wrapping. Chris stated his case as simply as he could, and Darren finished things off by asking for some time to mull things over before coming to a decision. Chris nodded dumbly in response, and they hadn’t really spoken much since. When a week had passed without an answer, Chris pretty much wrote it off and began to reconsider his options.
It’s nine days after the question was asked, and two days after Chris has written Darren off, when Darren shows up at Chris’s door. "I’ll do it," Darren says in a rush, almost as if he’s afraid he won’t say it if he waits any longer.
"Excuse me?" Chris asks, motioning for Darren to come inside so he can close the door. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"Look, it might be April first, but I promise I’m not fooling. I said I was going to do it, and I meant it. I want to do this for you." Darren’s voice is quiet, but steady, and it’s not a tone Chris is used to hearing from him. "I just need you to tell me a few things, first."
"Anything," Chris nods, still not quite believing his ears. "Shoot."
"Okay, first of all, I need to know why you asked me."
"You seemed like the smartest choice," Chris says,
"Like, how?" Darren asks. "I mean, why?"
Chris sighs and picks his iPad up from his coffee table. "Here," he says, pulling up one file and handing the device over. "Just so you know that I didn’t pull your name out of a hat or anything."
Darren takes it from Chris and sits down in an armchair to look it over. He raises his eyes at the spreadsheet before him, but this is Chris, he reminds himself, and Chris is nothing if not methodical.
"Are you okay?" Chris asks when Darren’s stared at it for maybe a few minutes too long.
"Yeah," Darren says, doing his best not to laugh. "I’m flattered I rated an eight and a half on the doability scale, but I feel like I need to remind you that the OUT spread was Photoshopped to death."
"No offense, but I knew that the first time I saw it." Chris takes the iPad away and puts it back on the table before squatting at Darren’s feet. "Anything else?" he asks, leaning back on his hands.
Darren hesitates for a moment before answering. "I just want to make sure that you know I’m…that you’re not…"
"Yes, Darren," Chris sighs tiredly. "I know you’re straight, I’m not expecting this to be anything more than it is, and before you ask the question I know you were getting to; no, I’m not in love with you. Recognizing your doability doesn’t make me any more in love with you than you are with Lea. That’s my aesthetic take on you. My emotional take is that you’re a good friend, and I think I can trust you not to get weird about it. I can, can’t I?"
"Totally," Darren nods. "Just tell me what it is you need, and I’ll do my best to provide it."
"It’s not that complicated," Chris says with a small laugh. "I need you to...fuck me," he finally says, figuring that he’d better get used to using words like that with Darren if he doesn’t want this to end in complete disaster. “That’s it. I’ll give you a key, so you can just let yourself in. I’ll have the condoms and lube on the nightstand, and I’ll be sure to prep myself before you get there so that all you’ll have to do is just stick it in, do the deed, and get back to your business. The whole thing shouldn’t take more than what, fifteen, twenty minutes?"
"Chris," Darren winces. "Can you just shut up for a second? All this talk about doing deeds and prepping yourself-"
"It’s kind of a requirement," Chris interrupts. "My ass isn’t exactly self-lubricating, you know. It’s going to take some work before you can-"
"Chris-" Darren cuts him off with a laugh. "I’ve had anal sex before. I know how important prep is." Chris’s eyes widen, and Darren lifts a hand to cut him off before he can start. "Girls have those parts too, in case you forgot." Chris pulls a face, and Darren leans forward, bringing their faces just inches apart. "Look, I’m okay with doing this, but you have to promise me something, okay?"
Chris doesn’t say anything. He just sits there, staring at Darren and nodding in silence.
"If I’m going to do this for you," Darren finally says, taking Chris’s chin in his hand and tilting his head up to meet his eyes, "you have to let me do it my way."
Part Two
Web Counter