Finding Calm Waters Chapter 8 and 9
Jack helps Sam go through some more boxes....and Teal'c leaves the SGC.
Chapter 8
A quick meal of sandwiches was followed by Sam resuming the position she had ended the night before in, curled up against Jack with his arm around her. As much as Sam enjoyed that position, she reached down and opened the second box, this one was much bigger than the other two equally sized boxes.
“Is that clothing?” Jack asked.
“Some of it,” Sam answered as she pulled a carefully folded blanket out of the box. “This is my baby blanket. My mom made it.” Sam unfolded it so Jack could see just how small it was.
Jack was careful to look at it, and handle it with care, seeing how much Sam valued this small blanket.
Sam reached down and pulled a second one from the box. “This one was Mark’s,” she explained.
“They’re beautiful,” Jack exclaimed, looking at the small careful stitches that made up the patchwork quilt.
“Dad once told me that she started working on these as soon as she found out she was pregnant,” Sam claimed. She carefully set them aside and went for the large bag that had been hidden underneath. Before she even touched it, she knew what it was, but still she opened it. She unzipped the bag, to reveal a white material.
Jack watched Sam’s face as she unzipped the bag and then watched her as she closed the bag.
“My mom’s wedding dress,” was all Sam said as she carefully returned the baby blankets to their original position and put the lid back on the box. She collapsed onto the couch and into Jack’s arms, burying her head into her chest as she cried tears.
Jack couldn’t tell you who her tears were for, her mom, her dad, or herself, but it didn’t matter to him, he was just going to hold her until she was done crying.
When Sam did finish crying, she didn’t move for fear of revealing the huge wet spot she had left on his shirt. “Sorry,” she apologized.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Jack whispered as he rubbed her back soothingly, just like he had with Charlie when he was little. “I promised always, and I meant it.”
Sam pulled away so that she could look into his eyes and see the serious expression in his eyes that confirmed his words. Reluctantly, Sam removed herself from Jack’s hold and moved the other box that had been sitting off to the side. At the same time, Jack moved the larger box out of the way, leaving open floor space for Sam to put the unopened box.
There was no hesitation as Sam lifted the lid off of the last box.
The first thing Jack noticed was another large shoebox, even larger than the first one. There was also another photo album, though this one looked older and much smaller than the previous ones. Finally, there was a wooden box, very similar to one that Jack had.
Sam pulled the wooden box out first and set it on her lap before settling herself once more against Jack’s side. She carefully removed the lib and put it on the coffee table. The first thing Sam noticed was the gun that was in the box.
Jack was the one who reached for the gun first, instinctively checking that the safety was on, which it was, and that it wasn’t loaded, which it wasn’t. Then he examined the gun carefully before handing it over to Sam. “Something special about this gun?”
Sam held the gun and felt the comfortable weight of it in her hands once more. “Dad taught me to shoot with this gun,” she explained as she checked the weapon over noticing that it had been well cared for over the years. “It was his gun, his personal sidearm. I think it was a gift from someone, but I’m not really sure.”
Sam handed the weapon back to Jack along with several spare clips. He then carefully placed it on the coffee table.
Next, Sam pulled out a wedding band, her father’s wedding ring. Silently, she passed this to Jack also who placed it on the coffee table. Sam opened two ring boxes, the first one revealed a matching wedding band to her father’s ring, the other an engagement ring, neither of which she had seen in a very long time. Again, Sam didn’t say anything as she passed them to Jack who admired the rings before closing the boxes and set them on the coffee table.
The wooden box was now empty, so Sam leaned forward to gather the things that had originally been in it from the coffee table before closing it once again.
Sam reached for the small photo album, pretty sure that she already knew what was inside, and if she hadn’t the first picture would have given it away. Her mother was holding hands with her father wearing the same dress that Sam had recently found. Jacob was in his dress blues, but the picture was so fuzzy that Sam couldn’t quite make out the rank on his shoulders.
“You look a lot like your mom,” Jack commented, breaking the silence that had stretched between them.
“Everyone says that,” Sam responded as she flipped through the first few pages before closing the album and placing it on top of the wooden box. Sam took a deep breath before reaching for the shoebox. She put her hand on the lid to open it, only to have Jack’s hand cover hers and stop her. She turned her head to look into at his face.
“You don’t have to rush. I’ll be here as long as you need me,” he promised, his eyes affirming this declaration.
Sam nodded and felt Jack withdraw his hand. Rather than pulling the lid off like she planned, she relaxed into Jack’s side, letting his presence comfort her in a way that only he could. She gathered her legs underneath of her and set the shoebox next to her, making herself even more comfortable next to Jack.
Only when she was comfortable and ready did she pull the lid off the shoebox to reveal that it was stuffed to the brim with the same kind of things as the other shoebox.
Carefully, Sam gathered the top layer of pictures into a stack and held them so Jack could also see them, and began a running commentary on just what the pictures were of.
“These are from Mark’s wedding,” Sam explained, as she quickly passed through those pictures which had both her and her father in their dress blues.
“This is from my promotion to Captain. Dad gave me his old insignia and pinned it on himself,” Sam explained as she shuffled through the stack of pictures, a few of which were from that event.
Jack was silent, not needing much more of an explanation than the one that Sam was providing for him, instead opting to let Sam sort through the memories the pictures triggered in her own way.
That stack of pictures complete, Sam handed them to Jack who placed them on the coffee table while she picked up several magazines from the shoebox.
While Sam didn’t recognize all the magazines by the cover, she recognized one or two which was enough for her to know that there must be an article written by her in them somewhere. Silently, she added those to the cluttered coffee table.
Sam picked up a couple more pictures, these of her in a cap and gown. “Getting my doctorate,” Sam explained for Jack’s benefit before adding them to the growing pile.
The pile continued to grow as Sam added several more magazines, one of which included her first published article she explained to Jack, even flipping open the magazine so that he could see for himself. The first sentence of the article was something that caused Jack’s eyes to glaze over. Sam smiled at his instant reaction and just closed the magazine, placing it on the still growing pile.
Sam added pictures of her graduating with her Masters and her Academy graduation before stopping when she got to her high school pictures. She pulled the pictures from the top. “You have to promise not to laugh at these,” she requested of Jack, keeping the pictures carefully hidden from view.
Jack raised his hand, “Scout’s Honor,” he promised.
Sam looked at him questioningly, “You were never a scout, were you?”
“Nope.”
Sam shook her head in disbelief and showed Jack the first picture. “High school graduation,” she explained, though she figured Jack could figure that out for himself.
Jack looked at the picture and couldn’t find any reason that Sam might want him to promise not to laugh at her, though this picture was a faraway shot, one of Sam standing at a podium. “Valedictorian?” Jack guessed.
“Uh-hu,” Sam acknowledged, moving onto the next picture, this one of her walking across the stage to receive her diploma.
Still, Jack couldn’t figure out what Sam was talking about, and then she showed him the next picture, this one of a younger Samantha Carter, one with really long blonde hair, showing off her diploma dressed in her cap and gown. Jack looked at Sam. “I don’t see anything funny yet.”
“Just remember, you promised,” Sam reminded him, flipping to the next picture.
Jack couldn’t help himself, he laughed. There was Sam Carter, kick-butt Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter, in the middle of what had to be the biggest bunch of geeky looking people Jack had ever seen outside of the SGC. And judging by the black substance and huge grin on her face, she had just blown something up, and it was a good thing.
Sam elbowed him in the ribs, letting him know that she didn’t appreciate his laughter as a blush grew across her face in embarrassment, knowing that there were some even more embarrassing pictures yet to be seen.
“Sorry,” Jack said.
“No you’re not,” Sam countered.
“You’re right, I’m not,” Jack agreed, “But you look so cute there with all those geeks that I couldn’t help myself.”
“Cute?” Sam repeated in disbelief.
With just a finger, Jack turned Sam’s head so that she was looking into his eyes. “Trust me when I say that your engagement to Pat upset every available man in the mountain, along with a few of the married ones that were hoping for their shot at you.”
Sam looked at him incredulously, but didn’t bother to correct Jack, instead choosing to return to the pictures. Several more embarrassing pictures and Sam could set those aside, now getting to a few that she actually liked and thought were good, as far as high school pictures went that was.
Sure enough, the next stack of pictures revealed Sam in a prom dress, a moderately conservative green dress. “Prom,” Sam stated, though she was sure Jack had already figured that out.
“No date?” Jack asked, noticing that Sam was by herself.
“No,” Sam said as she shuffled to the next picture, this one of her with several friends all posing for the camera. “A bunch of us girls went together. We had a good time,” Sam smiled at the memory.
Those pictures faded to ones that had Sam standing next to science fair experiments and even one of her at space camp. There were a few of an awkward looking Sam, too tall and skinny. The pictures kept going back until Sam got almost to the bottom of the box where Sam pulled out a newspaper that she didn’t even have glance past the date to know why that newspaper was in this box.
Jack silently took the fading newspaper and placed it on the still growing pile.
At the very bottom of the box, under everything else was a framed picture lying face down, and Sam was almost certain she knew what it was. Her hands shook and she could already feel the tears starting to form as she reached for it and pulled it out of the box. Slowly, she turned it over and revealed the last Carter family photo taken before her mother died. The last time the four of them had been together, smiling and happy at an informal picnic hosted by someone in the neighborhood they had been living in at that time. Seeing that picture caused a dam inside Sam to break. All the little cracks of the past week had finally added up, and Sam couldn’t take any more.
Jack took the picture out of Sam’s hands and put it on the coffee table, careful that it went somewhere that it wouldn’t fall off. Then he pulled her onto his lap, wrapping her up in his arms and let her cry.
And cry she did. Silent tears for her mom, gasping sobs for her dad, and finally sniffles for her own life, which right now seemed pretty directionless and difficult. But one thing was good right now, and that was the fact Jack O’Neill was the one holding her. The one person in the world, no the universe, who knew just how to make her feel better and just how to treat her like the woman and soldier that she was.
The only downside to this was she felt emotionally dependent on the man who had come to mean so much more to her than just a commanding officer. She didn’t know if it was just friendship or the possibility of something more though. Right now she had more important things to figure out, like how she was going to get herself out of Jack’s lap without totally embarrassing herself.
Obviously her thoughts had been too loud, because Jack kept rubbing her back in a soothing motion and ordered in a soft voice, “Quit thinking Carter. You don’t have to figure everything out in one day.”
“Yes I-,” Sam responded automatically, which made Jack chuckle, a sound which made his whole chest shake. “How did you know-”
“I know you,” Jack explained.
Sam smiled and relaxed, not ready to move out of Jack’s lap and embrace.
Jack felt her relax and on reflex, hugged her a little bit tighter, continuing to rub her back in a soothing motion. Sure enough, Sam was asleep in a short amount of time.
Jack marveled at the trust this woman placed in him. She was military through and through, and one thing that military men and women did not do was show emotion because emotions were a sign of weakness. Yet she had collapsed in his arms, cried, and fallen asleep for the second time in as many days.
But all of this left him confused. Sam had never mentioned anything about her upcoming wedding, which was supposed to take place tomorrow if he remembered correctly. Yet, as far as he could tell, there wasn’t going to be a wedding, at least if the rumors were right.
Still, Jack was worried about trying to move Sam. Every time he moved just a little bit, she moved and seemed to come a little closer to waking up. So Jack’s only option was to slowly slide his body around so that he was lying on the couch and Sam was curled up on top of him. Not exactly comfortable, but it was the best he could do without waking her and he wasn’t going to wake her. Jack reached up and pulled the blanket that was resting on the back of the couch and, as well as he could, spread it out overtop of him and Sam.
Then he laid back and loosely wrapped his arms around Sam and drifted off sleep.
It was one of the worst naps Jack had gotten in a long time, but not because he was uncomfortable, but because he was holding a woman that he cared deeply about. He watched her sleep, something that he had done occasionally when they were off world together as SG-1.
But right now he really had to pee, even though it was only 0300, by his watch, and since it had been almost 0100 when Sam drifted off, Jack knew she had to be tired, and probably wouldn’t be interested in moving.
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Chapter 9
“Sleeping beauty,” a voice called through the haze of sleep, one that Sam was intent on ignoring, except it kept talking.
“Samantha,” it said this time, and still Sam ignored it, perfectly content to stay in the warm cocoon of sleep that she was enjoying.
“Go away,” she tried to say, though she wasn’t sure if the voice could understand that from the mumbling that came out.
“Carter,” the voice said this time, slightly more recognizable than before.
Sam opened one eye and raised her head slightly, took in her surroundings enough to wiggle towards the back of the couch, allowing the body under her to do its own wiggling and get out from under her. Sam clutched the blanket and let sleep claim her again.
The next thing Sam knew, she was being picked up and carried, and it took all of her military training not to use her defense training and attack the person, but considering the care the man was using to move her, Sam was reasonably convinced that she was still in her house and quick glimpses through barely cracked eyelids confirmed that she was still in her house. So she let the person carry her and then settle her into her own bed, pulling the covers up tight to tuck her in.
What surprised her though was the way the man sat down on the bed as she faced away from him. The man moved several pieces of hair out of her face and sighed.
“I’m so sorry Sam that you have to go through this. You of all people deserve a little happiness in life,” Jack O’Neill whispered at what he thought was a sleeping Sam.
“I hoped that there would be a time when we would both find that happiness together, but I don’t think it was meant to be. I want you to be happy more than anything else and I’ll always be there for you Samantha, no matter what,” he finished and leaned down to place a kiss into her hair.
Then he was gone, never realizing that a half-awake Sam had become a fully awake Sam and heard every single word.
Sam knew that the last thing she should do was run after Jack and tell him that she had heard every word. Not only would that put them both in awkward position, because she wasn’t quite sure what she would say after that, but Sam was pretty sure that Jack had never intended for her to hear those words, even if he had taken the time to say them out loud in her presence.
None of this meant that Sam didn’t want to run after him-just that she wouldn’t. She had never let her heart rule her decisions before, and she wasn’t about to start right now.
As tired as she was, she couldn’t seem to quit running the words Jack had said over and over in her head. So instead of sleeping, she ended up staring at the ceiling and out the window trying to figure out what she was going to do with her new knowledge, accidently imparted as it was, and make it look as innocent as possible.
All her brain power went to good use as a plan began to form in her mind. Only when Sam had an Option A, Option B, and the start of an Option C was she able to let her brain kick off and allow her to go to sleep.
Sam woke up the next morning to an empty house, not that she was expecting anything different, but just like the previous morning, she once again found a note. Though this time, it was on her kitchen counter, rather than her bedside table.
Sam-
Thank for sharing your past with me. It’s really hard to do, but one of the best things that you can do.
I know that you think you’re weak because you cried over some pictures, but I wish that I had been able to look at Charlie’s things and cry over them.
The pain will never go away completely Sam, but someday you’ll be able to remember the good more often than the bad.
You’re strong Sam and you’re surrounded by people that care about you. Don’t be afraid to lean on them when you need to, they won’t think less of you for it.
I’m planning to have a going away BBQ for Teal’c tomorrow at my place 1200 hours. Be there Carter, that’s an order.
Jack
P.S. I already ordered your lab locked, barring any planetary emergencies, so don’t even think about trying to use that as an excuse for missing the party!
Sam had to smile at the end of the note. She really hadn’t been thinking about going into her lab, especially considering this was Teal’c last weekend on Earth, at least for a while. And no matter what else was going on in her life, she wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to spend time with her closest friends. She was just thankful that Cassie had gotten to come to the cabin to see him. While Cassie had never been particularly close with Teal’c, at least compared to Jack or Sam, she had no doubt that the younger girl would miss his presence only slightly less than Sam would.
Which was why when Teal’c left, Sam would be looking at Option A. Daniel had already requested some time off world with Teal’c as he helped the Free Jaffa setup their new government, so Sam knew that he wouldn’t be there to keep her from missing Teal’c.
But right now, Sam was going to focus on the people that were there with her, rather than the fact that they were leaving.
In the end, the BBQ was a great success. As it had happened many times before, the friends had spent time enjoying each other’s company from the early afternoon into the wee hours of the morning. They had all ended up sleeping in various spots in Jack’s living room, almost like they wanted to have one last time of sleeping around the campfire off world together, though without the chance of being attacked this time.
So rather than feel Teal’c’s absence and have a taste of what would soon be a lack of Daniel’s presence, Sam decided to get a good look at Option A. So she had a long conversation with Cassie Sunday evening, and the girl readily agreed with Sam’s idea for the summer.
On Monday morning, Sam wore her dress blues to work. Not just to honor Teal’c in the gate room, but so that she could officially make her request for a transfer in a respectful manner to the General.
Sam had already said her tearful good-byes to Teal’c before leaving the General’s house, though she knew that there would be a few more words to exchange and one last hug to give before Teal’c left.
So Sam stood at the base of the ramp, side by side with the General who hadn’t complained once about wearing his dress blues, and Daniel, who was already packed and ready to go. Together the three of them waited for Teal’c to enter the room that was crowded with as many SGC personnel as could be fit into the room and still leave room for Teal’c to enter and for the gate to activate.
Sam had been surprised to hear that there had been a battle by the team leaders to decide which teams would be in the gate room for the planned send off. She wasn’t shocked though. After all Teal’c was respected by many of the teams, but probably not as well liked as the other members of SG-1 simply because he was harder to get to know. Still though, every team leader who was on planet, was standing in the gate room, along with as many of the higher ranking military officers, as could be crammed in, along with the few civilians who had somehow managed to squeeze a spot.
When the door opened, everyone in the room snapped to attention, giving the Jaffa that entered the amount of respect normally reserved for a General. Teal’c was dressed in his Jaffa robes, and carried his staff weapon. Yet it seemed that Teal’c didn’t see anyone else in the room but his teammates.
With his back to the gate, which had begun to dial, Teal’c offered Jack the traditional Jaffa handshake, before hugging the man while Daniel held the staff weapon. Sam could tell that there were a few whispered words exchanged, but over the din created by the dialing gate, was unable to hear what was said.
Teal’c then turned to her and despite the uniform she was wearing, fully embraced her in his one of a kind hugs, and whispered, “I hope that Rya’c is blessed with a daughter who shows the same skill of a warrior and cunning of a woman as you possess Samantha Carter. I am proud to call you my sister Colonel Carter.”
Sam fought back tears at his praise, and whispered, “I’ll miss you Teal’c. Look out for our little brother would you Teal’c?”
“I shall,” he promised as he pulled back, just in time for as the wormhole formed. Daniel was already up the ramp, having said his good-byes while they waited on Teal’c and now stood next to the shimmering blue surface, waiting on Teal’c to join him.
Teal’c took several large steps up the ramp and turned to face Jack and Sam who had snapped to attention, to match the rest of the gate room personnel. It was then that Jack gave the ordered which resulted in every person in the gate room and in the control room giving Teal’c a military perfect salute. Teal’c accepted the honor with his customary silence, but bowed his head in return. Rather than speaking, he turned and continued up the ramp and together with Daniel, stepped through the wormhole.
A few seconds later, the glow from the wormhole was gone, and the room began to clear as the SGC personnel went to change from their dress uniforms into BDUs and return to whatever they were doing before the short ceremony.
Sam too escaped the room, knowing if she stood there too long, she might never do what she needed to do. She headed to her lab to pick up the documents she had prepared that morning and waited long enough for the General to change clothes because she knew he wouldn’t stay in his dress blues any longer than he had to be. She tried concentrating on some equations for the new X-303, but found herself staring at the clock, waiting for Walter to call and inform her that the General was ready for her.
Sam had to wonder when she began to be able to distinguish Jack from the General. She knew that they were the same person, yet Jack was the one she wanted around more often. The General was strong and unemotional while Jack was comforting and calm. She loved both of them separately, but she wasn’t sure if she could handle loving them as one. Jack the General wasn’t someone she had ever spent time with.
Sam’s silent musings ended when the phone in her lab rang. It was Walter telling her that the General was in his office and ready for a meeting.
Sam knocked on the door, just like she always did. The General was hunched over one of the piles of paperwork that littered his desk.
“Ah Carter, come to rescue me?” the General asked as he motioned her into the room, indicating the spread of papers on his desk.
Sam shook her head and closed the door behind her, not wanting their conversation to be overheard. “I’m afraid I’ve come to add to it,” Sam admitted.
“Oh,” Jack said, getting up from his desk to come around to other side. He maneuvered the two chairs so that they faced each other and gestured towards one of the chairs for Sam to sit in it. She did, only after Jack was already seated though, something which she was sure he noticed.
Without any precursor, Sam forked over the folder in her lap and waited while Jack glanced through. But he didn’t just glance at it; he read the entire thing word for word. Once he reached the end of the first page, he flipped through the rest of the pages to see the completed transfer forms.
“Personal reasons?” Jack asked, reading from the form.
“Yes sir,” Sam answered.
Jack put the folder down on his desk, and rubbed a hand through his hair and across his face. “I promised you I would back your decision, but you have to convince me that I’m doing the right thing by letting you go,” he finally said.
Sam opened her mouth to speak, only to have Jack cut her off.
“Not right now,” he ordered, looking even more distraught at the idea of her transfer the longer time went by. “I have a briefing. Later. Just use words that I’ll understand,” he suggested.
Sam smiled on reflex, knowing that she had dealt him a blow that he didn’t deserve. He handed the folder back to her and dismissed her with a wave of his hand.
Her hand was on the doorknob when she turned around and found his eyes on her. She met his gaze and stated, “Don’t over think things okay? It has nothing to do with you.”
Jack smiled in a boyish fashion. “Me over think things? Carter, we might need to have your head examined, I think you’re loosing it!” he exclaimed as he filed behind her out the door and into the briefing room.
Sam laughed. “I’ll go work on finding it sir,” she offered allowing a little humor to fill into her voice despite the fact they now had an audience.
“You do that Colonel,” Jack ordered in his General’s voice. Sam’s laughter was music to his ears as he sat down to see just what SG-9 had for him this time.
Sam made her way to the emptying SG-1 locker room. Teal’c locker was now empty, though his name was still taped to the door. Daniel’s locker would soon be empty, but before that, she would have to empty her own locker. The locker next to her still bore the tag for “J. O’Neill” mostly because they hadn’t bothered to take it off-and the three of them didn’t need the extra locker.
What would become of SG-1 when they all left? Right now, she couldn’t worry about that, she needed to look at what new technology could be incorporated into the new X-303. Even without the transfer, she would have spent a large chunk of the coming summer months working on the new ship, now she could wrap up the remainder of her projects here and throw herself full force into the new ship.
Sam worked long into the night, skipping lunch and having just a granola bar for supper, though she didn’t notice being hungry. Her only interruption had been a slow, yet steady stream of people that came and went from her lab requesting assistance on their various projects.
It was at that late, or rather early hour, depending on how you look at it that Sam caught General Jack O’Neill standing in the doorway of her lab watching her.
“Carter, didn’t I order you to get a life?” Jack reprimanded.
“Several times sir. I’m sure Teal’c could tell you the exact number,” Sam answered, once more turning her attention back to the experiment currently underway.
“Then why haven’t you done it?” Jack asked, slightly exasperated.
Sam threw her arms up in the air in frustration. “This is my life,” she exclaimed indicating her lab, “And every time you’ve ordered me to get a life, I’ve gotten pulled back here sir.”
Jack considered her words before asking, “Is that why you want to leave?”
“It’s one of the reasons,” Sam answered.
Jack raised an eyebrow in a Teal’c-like fashion and took a seat on the stool that Sam kept in her lab just for him.
Sam took that to mean that she should continue. “There’s the fact that I’m going to be there anyways for the next few months. I’d rather be the one in charge, making sure that it gets done right then having to go down and fix someone else’s mess once a week.”
Jack nodded, agreeing with that statement, remembering the past instances she had been called to Area 51.
“There’s the fact that it looks good for my career and doesn’t look so good that I keep turning the position down. I mean, I could rationalize it when we were fighting a war, but now? I can’t really turn it down without people asking questions, even if I stay the leader of SG-1, which with Teal’c having already left and Daniel leaving is not something I’m sure I want to do. I’m not sure I can imagine a team without the two of them.” It was left unsaid that not having him on the team was hard, that fact had already been expressed some time before.
Again Jack nodded. “And?”
“And I talked to Cassie over the weekend.”
“Oh,” Jack said before motioning for her to continue.
“She has summer vacation coming up and she already said that she didn’t want to come back to Colorado Springs for it. So, I asked her if she’d be interested in living with me over the summer if I took the transfer. Cassie was almost jumping up and down at the idea. She needs me right now sir, and if I can be there for her, I’m going to do it,” Sam finished.
“Get some sleep Carter, that’s an order,” Jack said dejectedly and stalked from the room.
Sam just hung her head. She had disappointed him with her decision to leave and she didn’t know how to fix it without making the gap that was between them grow wider.
Chapter 8
A quick meal of sandwiches was followed by Sam resuming the position she had ended the night before in, curled up against Jack with his arm around her. As much as Sam enjoyed that position, she reached down and opened the second box, this one was much bigger than the other two equally sized boxes.
“Is that clothing?” Jack asked.
“Some of it,” Sam answered as she pulled a carefully folded blanket out of the box. “This is my baby blanket. My mom made it.” Sam unfolded it so Jack could see just how small it was.
Jack was careful to look at it, and handle it with care, seeing how much Sam valued this small blanket.
Sam reached down and pulled a second one from the box. “This one was Mark’s,” she explained.
“They’re beautiful,” Jack exclaimed, looking at the small careful stitches that made up the patchwork quilt.
“Dad once told me that she started working on these as soon as she found out she was pregnant,” Sam claimed. She carefully set them aside and went for the large bag that had been hidden underneath. Before she even touched it, she knew what it was, but still she opened it. She unzipped the bag, to reveal a white material.
Jack watched Sam’s face as she unzipped the bag and then watched her as she closed the bag.
“My mom’s wedding dress,” was all Sam said as she carefully returned the baby blankets to their original position and put the lid back on the box. She collapsed onto the couch and into Jack’s arms, burying her head into her chest as she cried tears.
Jack couldn’t tell you who her tears were for, her mom, her dad, or herself, but it didn’t matter to him, he was just going to hold her until she was done crying.
When Sam did finish crying, she didn’t move for fear of revealing the huge wet spot she had left on his shirt. “Sorry,” she apologized.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Jack whispered as he rubbed her back soothingly, just like he had with Charlie when he was little. “I promised always, and I meant it.”
Sam pulled away so that she could look into his eyes and see the serious expression in his eyes that confirmed his words. Reluctantly, Sam removed herself from Jack’s hold and moved the other box that had been sitting off to the side. At the same time, Jack moved the larger box out of the way, leaving open floor space for Sam to put the unopened box.
There was no hesitation as Sam lifted the lid off of the last box.
The first thing Jack noticed was another large shoebox, even larger than the first one. There was also another photo album, though this one looked older and much smaller than the previous ones. Finally, there was a wooden box, very similar to one that Jack had.
Sam pulled the wooden box out first and set it on her lap before settling herself once more against Jack’s side. She carefully removed the lib and put it on the coffee table. The first thing Sam noticed was the gun that was in the box.
Jack was the one who reached for the gun first, instinctively checking that the safety was on, which it was, and that it wasn’t loaded, which it wasn’t. Then he examined the gun carefully before handing it over to Sam. “Something special about this gun?”
Sam held the gun and felt the comfortable weight of it in her hands once more. “Dad taught me to shoot with this gun,” she explained as she checked the weapon over noticing that it had been well cared for over the years. “It was his gun, his personal sidearm. I think it was a gift from someone, but I’m not really sure.”
Sam handed the weapon back to Jack along with several spare clips. He then carefully placed it on the coffee table.
Next, Sam pulled out a wedding band, her father’s wedding ring. Silently, she passed this to Jack also who placed it on the coffee table. Sam opened two ring boxes, the first one revealed a matching wedding band to her father’s ring, the other an engagement ring, neither of which she had seen in a very long time. Again, Sam didn’t say anything as she passed them to Jack who admired the rings before closing the boxes and set them on the coffee table.
The wooden box was now empty, so Sam leaned forward to gather the things that had originally been in it from the coffee table before closing it once again.
Sam reached for the small photo album, pretty sure that she already knew what was inside, and if she hadn’t the first picture would have given it away. Her mother was holding hands with her father wearing the same dress that Sam had recently found. Jacob was in his dress blues, but the picture was so fuzzy that Sam couldn’t quite make out the rank on his shoulders.
“You look a lot like your mom,” Jack commented, breaking the silence that had stretched between them.
“Everyone says that,” Sam responded as she flipped through the first few pages before closing the album and placing it on top of the wooden box. Sam took a deep breath before reaching for the shoebox. She put her hand on the lid to open it, only to have Jack’s hand cover hers and stop her. She turned her head to look into at his face.
“You don’t have to rush. I’ll be here as long as you need me,” he promised, his eyes affirming this declaration.
Sam nodded and felt Jack withdraw his hand. Rather than pulling the lid off like she planned, she relaxed into Jack’s side, letting his presence comfort her in a way that only he could. She gathered her legs underneath of her and set the shoebox next to her, making herself even more comfortable next to Jack.
Only when she was comfortable and ready did she pull the lid off the shoebox to reveal that it was stuffed to the brim with the same kind of things as the other shoebox.
Carefully, Sam gathered the top layer of pictures into a stack and held them so Jack could also see them, and began a running commentary on just what the pictures were of.
“These are from Mark’s wedding,” Sam explained, as she quickly passed through those pictures which had both her and her father in their dress blues.
“This is from my promotion to Captain. Dad gave me his old insignia and pinned it on himself,” Sam explained as she shuffled through the stack of pictures, a few of which were from that event.
Jack was silent, not needing much more of an explanation than the one that Sam was providing for him, instead opting to let Sam sort through the memories the pictures triggered in her own way.
That stack of pictures complete, Sam handed them to Jack who placed them on the coffee table while she picked up several magazines from the shoebox.
While Sam didn’t recognize all the magazines by the cover, she recognized one or two which was enough for her to know that there must be an article written by her in them somewhere. Silently, she added those to the cluttered coffee table.
Sam picked up a couple more pictures, these of her in a cap and gown. “Getting my doctorate,” Sam explained for Jack’s benefit before adding them to the growing pile.
The pile continued to grow as Sam added several more magazines, one of which included her first published article she explained to Jack, even flipping open the magazine so that he could see for himself. The first sentence of the article was something that caused Jack’s eyes to glaze over. Sam smiled at his instant reaction and just closed the magazine, placing it on the still growing pile.
Sam added pictures of her graduating with her Masters and her Academy graduation before stopping when she got to her high school pictures. She pulled the pictures from the top. “You have to promise not to laugh at these,” she requested of Jack, keeping the pictures carefully hidden from view.
Jack raised his hand, “Scout’s Honor,” he promised.
Sam looked at him questioningly, “You were never a scout, were you?”
“Nope.”
Sam shook her head in disbelief and showed Jack the first picture. “High school graduation,” she explained, though she figured Jack could figure that out for himself.
Jack looked at the picture and couldn’t find any reason that Sam might want him to promise not to laugh at her, though this picture was a faraway shot, one of Sam standing at a podium. “Valedictorian?” Jack guessed.
“Uh-hu,” Sam acknowledged, moving onto the next picture, this one of her walking across the stage to receive her diploma.
Still, Jack couldn’t figure out what Sam was talking about, and then she showed him the next picture, this one of a younger Samantha Carter, one with really long blonde hair, showing off her diploma dressed in her cap and gown. Jack looked at Sam. “I don’t see anything funny yet.”
“Just remember, you promised,” Sam reminded him, flipping to the next picture.
Jack couldn’t help himself, he laughed. There was Sam Carter, kick-butt Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter, in the middle of what had to be the biggest bunch of geeky looking people Jack had ever seen outside of the SGC. And judging by the black substance and huge grin on her face, she had just blown something up, and it was a good thing.
Sam elbowed him in the ribs, letting him know that she didn’t appreciate his laughter as a blush grew across her face in embarrassment, knowing that there were some even more embarrassing pictures yet to be seen.
“Sorry,” Jack said.
“No you’re not,” Sam countered.
“You’re right, I’m not,” Jack agreed, “But you look so cute there with all those geeks that I couldn’t help myself.”
“Cute?” Sam repeated in disbelief.
With just a finger, Jack turned Sam’s head so that she was looking into his eyes. “Trust me when I say that your engagement to Pat upset every available man in the mountain, along with a few of the married ones that were hoping for their shot at you.”
Sam looked at him incredulously, but didn’t bother to correct Jack, instead choosing to return to the pictures. Several more embarrassing pictures and Sam could set those aside, now getting to a few that she actually liked and thought were good, as far as high school pictures went that was.
Sure enough, the next stack of pictures revealed Sam in a prom dress, a moderately conservative green dress. “Prom,” Sam stated, though she was sure Jack had already figured that out.
“No date?” Jack asked, noticing that Sam was by herself.
“No,” Sam said as she shuffled to the next picture, this one of her with several friends all posing for the camera. “A bunch of us girls went together. We had a good time,” Sam smiled at the memory.
Those pictures faded to ones that had Sam standing next to science fair experiments and even one of her at space camp. There were a few of an awkward looking Sam, too tall and skinny. The pictures kept going back until Sam got almost to the bottom of the box where Sam pulled out a newspaper that she didn’t even have glance past the date to know why that newspaper was in this box.
Jack silently took the fading newspaper and placed it on the still growing pile.
At the very bottom of the box, under everything else was a framed picture lying face down, and Sam was almost certain she knew what it was. Her hands shook and she could already feel the tears starting to form as she reached for it and pulled it out of the box. Slowly, she turned it over and revealed the last Carter family photo taken before her mother died. The last time the four of them had been together, smiling and happy at an informal picnic hosted by someone in the neighborhood they had been living in at that time. Seeing that picture caused a dam inside Sam to break. All the little cracks of the past week had finally added up, and Sam couldn’t take any more.
Jack took the picture out of Sam’s hands and put it on the coffee table, careful that it went somewhere that it wouldn’t fall off. Then he pulled her onto his lap, wrapping her up in his arms and let her cry.
And cry she did. Silent tears for her mom, gasping sobs for her dad, and finally sniffles for her own life, which right now seemed pretty directionless and difficult. But one thing was good right now, and that was the fact Jack O’Neill was the one holding her. The one person in the world, no the universe, who knew just how to make her feel better and just how to treat her like the woman and soldier that she was.
The only downside to this was she felt emotionally dependent on the man who had come to mean so much more to her than just a commanding officer. She didn’t know if it was just friendship or the possibility of something more though. Right now she had more important things to figure out, like how she was going to get herself out of Jack’s lap without totally embarrassing herself.
Obviously her thoughts had been too loud, because Jack kept rubbing her back in a soothing motion and ordered in a soft voice, “Quit thinking Carter. You don’t have to figure everything out in one day.”
“Yes I-,” Sam responded automatically, which made Jack chuckle, a sound which made his whole chest shake. “How did you know-”
“I know you,” Jack explained.
Sam smiled and relaxed, not ready to move out of Jack’s lap and embrace.
Jack felt her relax and on reflex, hugged her a little bit tighter, continuing to rub her back in a soothing motion. Sure enough, Sam was asleep in a short amount of time.
Jack marveled at the trust this woman placed in him. She was military through and through, and one thing that military men and women did not do was show emotion because emotions were a sign of weakness. Yet she had collapsed in his arms, cried, and fallen asleep for the second time in as many days.
But all of this left him confused. Sam had never mentioned anything about her upcoming wedding, which was supposed to take place tomorrow if he remembered correctly. Yet, as far as he could tell, there wasn’t going to be a wedding, at least if the rumors were right.
Still, Jack was worried about trying to move Sam. Every time he moved just a little bit, she moved and seemed to come a little closer to waking up. So Jack’s only option was to slowly slide his body around so that he was lying on the couch and Sam was curled up on top of him. Not exactly comfortable, but it was the best he could do without waking her and he wasn’t going to wake her. Jack reached up and pulled the blanket that was resting on the back of the couch and, as well as he could, spread it out overtop of him and Sam.
Then he laid back and loosely wrapped his arms around Sam and drifted off sleep.
It was one of the worst naps Jack had gotten in a long time, but not because he was uncomfortable, but because he was holding a woman that he cared deeply about. He watched her sleep, something that he had done occasionally when they were off world together as SG-1.
But right now he really had to pee, even though it was only 0300, by his watch, and since it had been almost 0100 when Sam drifted off, Jack knew she had to be tired, and probably wouldn’t be interested in moving.
----
Chapter 9
“Sleeping beauty,” a voice called through the haze of sleep, one that Sam was intent on ignoring, except it kept talking.
“Samantha,” it said this time, and still Sam ignored it, perfectly content to stay in the warm cocoon of sleep that she was enjoying.
“Go away,” she tried to say, though she wasn’t sure if the voice could understand that from the mumbling that came out.
“Carter,” the voice said this time, slightly more recognizable than before.
Sam opened one eye and raised her head slightly, took in her surroundings enough to wiggle towards the back of the couch, allowing the body under her to do its own wiggling and get out from under her. Sam clutched the blanket and let sleep claim her again.
The next thing Sam knew, she was being picked up and carried, and it took all of her military training not to use her defense training and attack the person, but considering the care the man was using to move her, Sam was reasonably convinced that she was still in her house and quick glimpses through barely cracked eyelids confirmed that she was still in her house. So she let the person carry her and then settle her into her own bed, pulling the covers up tight to tuck her in.
What surprised her though was the way the man sat down on the bed as she faced away from him. The man moved several pieces of hair out of her face and sighed.
“I’m so sorry Sam that you have to go through this. You of all people deserve a little happiness in life,” Jack O’Neill whispered at what he thought was a sleeping Sam.
“I hoped that there would be a time when we would both find that happiness together, but I don’t think it was meant to be. I want you to be happy more than anything else and I’ll always be there for you Samantha, no matter what,” he finished and leaned down to place a kiss into her hair.
Then he was gone, never realizing that a half-awake Sam had become a fully awake Sam and heard every single word.
Sam knew that the last thing she should do was run after Jack and tell him that she had heard every word. Not only would that put them both in awkward position, because she wasn’t quite sure what she would say after that, but Sam was pretty sure that Jack had never intended for her to hear those words, even if he had taken the time to say them out loud in her presence.
None of this meant that Sam didn’t want to run after him-just that she wouldn’t. She had never let her heart rule her decisions before, and she wasn’t about to start right now.
As tired as she was, she couldn’t seem to quit running the words Jack had said over and over in her head. So instead of sleeping, she ended up staring at the ceiling and out the window trying to figure out what she was going to do with her new knowledge, accidently imparted as it was, and make it look as innocent as possible.
All her brain power went to good use as a plan began to form in her mind. Only when Sam had an Option A, Option B, and the start of an Option C was she able to let her brain kick off and allow her to go to sleep.
Sam woke up the next morning to an empty house, not that she was expecting anything different, but just like the previous morning, she once again found a note. Though this time, it was on her kitchen counter, rather than her bedside table.
Sam-
Thank for sharing your past with me. It’s really hard to do, but one of the best things that you can do.
I know that you think you’re weak because you cried over some pictures, but I wish that I had been able to look at Charlie’s things and cry over them.
The pain will never go away completely Sam, but someday you’ll be able to remember the good more often than the bad.
You’re strong Sam and you’re surrounded by people that care about you. Don’t be afraid to lean on them when you need to, they won’t think less of you for it.
I’m planning to have a going away BBQ for Teal’c tomorrow at my place 1200 hours. Be there Carter, that’s an order.
Jack
P.S. I already ordered your lab locked, barring any planetary emergencies, so don’t even think about trying to use that as an excuse for missing the party!
Sam had to smile at the end of the note. She really hadn’t been thinking about going into her lab, especially considering this was Teal’c last weekend on Earth, at least for a while. And no matter what else was going on in her life, she wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to spend time with her closest friends. She was just thankful that Cassie had gotten to come to the cabin to see him. While Cassie had never been particularly close with Teal’c, at least compared to Jack or Sam, she had no doubt that the younger girl would miss his presence only slightly less than Sam would.
Which was why when Teal’c left, Sam would be looking at Option A. Daniel had already requested some time off world with Teal’c as he helped the Free Jaffa setup their new government, so Sam knew that he wouldn’t be there to keep her from missing Teal’c.
But right now, Sam was going to focus on the people that were there with her, rather than the fact that they were leaving.
In the end, the BBQ was a great success. As it had happened many times before, the friends had spent time enjoying each other’s company from the early afternoon into the wee hours of the morning. They had all ended up sleeping in various spots in Jack’s living room, almost like they wanted to have one last time of sleeping around the campfire off world together, though without the chance of being attacked this time.
So rather than feel Teal’c’s absence and have a taste of what would soon be a lack of Daniel’s presence, Sam decided to get a good look at Option A. So she had a long conversation with Cassie Sunday evening, and the girl readily agreed with Sam’s idea for the summer.
On Monday morning, Sam wore her dress blues to work. Not just to honor Teal’c in the gate room, but so that she could officially make her request for a transfer in a respectful manner to the General.
Sam had already said her tearful good-byes to Teal’c before leaving the General’s house, though she knew that there would be a few more words to exchange and one last hug to give before Teal’c left.
So Sam stood at the base of the ramp, side by side with the General who hadn’t complained once about wearing his dress blues, and Daniel, who was already packed and ready to go. Together the three of them waited for Teal’c to enter the room that was crowded with as many SGC personnel as could be fit into the room and still leave room for Teal’c to enter and for the gate to activate.
Sam had been surprised to hear that there had been a battle by the team leaders to decide which teams would be in the gate room for the planned send off. She wasn’t shocked though. After all Teal’c was respected by many of the teams, but probably not as well liked as the other members of SG-1 simply because he was harder to get to know. Still though, every team leader who was on planet, was standing in the gate room, along with as many of the higher ranking military officers, as could be crammed in, along with the few civilians who had somehow managed to squeeze a spot.
When the door opened, everyone in the room snapped to attention, giving the Jaffa that entered the amount of respect normally reserved for a General. Teal’c was dressed in his Jaffa robes, and carried his staff weapon. Yet it seemed that Teal’c didn’t see anyone else in the room but his teammates.
With his back to the gate, which had begun to dial, Teal’c offered Jack the traditional Jaffa handshake, before hugging the man while Daniel held the staff weapon. Sam could tell that there were a few whispered words exchanged, but over the din created by the dialing gate, was unable to hear what was said.
Teal’c then turned to her and despite the uniform she was wearing, fully embraced her in his one of a kind hugs, and whispered, “I hope that Rya’c is blessed with a daughter who shows the same skill of a warrior and cunning of a woman as you possess Samantha Carter. I am proud to call you my sister Colonel Carter.”
Sam fought back tears at his praise, and whispered, “I’ll miss you Teal’c. Look out for our little brother would you Teal’c?”
“I shall,” he promised as he pulled back, just in time for as the wormhole formed. Daniel was already up the ramp, having said his good-byes while they waited on Teal’c and now stood next to the shimmering blue surface, waiting on Teal’c to join him.
Teal’c took several large steps up the ramp and turned to face Jack and Sam who had snapped to attention, to match the rest of the gate room personnel. It was then that Jack gave the ordered which resulted in every person in the gate room and in the control room giving Teal’c a military perfect salute. Teal’c accepted the honor with his customary silence, but bowed his head in return. Rather than speaking, he turned and continued up the ramp and together with Daniel, stepped through the wormhole.
A few seconds later, the glow from the wormhole was gone, and the room began to clear as the SGC personnel went to change from their dress uniforms into BDUs and return to whatever they were doing before the short ceremony.
Sam too escaped the room, knowing if she stood there too long, she might never do what she needed to do. She headed to her lab to pick up the documents she had prepared that morning and waited long enough for the General to change clothes because she knew he wouldn’t stay in his dress blues any longer than he had to be. She tried concentrating on some equations for the new X-303, but found herself staring at the clock, waiting for Walter to call and inform her that the General was ready for her.
Sam had to wonder when she began to be able to distinguish Jack from the General. She knew that they were the same person, yet Jack was the one she wanted around more often. The General was strong and unemotional while Jack was comforting and calm. She loved both of them separately, but she wasn’t sure if she could handle loving them as one. Jack the General wasn’t someone she had ever spent time with.
Sam’s silent musings ended when the phone in her lab rang. It was Walter telling her that the General was in his office and ready for a meeting.
Sam knocked on the door, just like she always did. The General was hunched over one of the piles of paperwork that littered his desk.
“Ah Carter, come to rescue me?” the General asked as he motioned her into the room, indicating the spread of papers on his desk.
Sam shook her head and closed the door behind her, not wanting their conversation to be overheard. “I’m afraid I’ve come to add to it,” Sam admitted.
“Oh,” Jack said, getting up from his desk to come around to other side. He maneuvered the two chairs so that they faced each other and gestured towards one of the chairs for Sam to sit in it. She did, only after Jack was already seated though, something which she was sure he noticed.
Without any precursor, Sam forked over the folder in her lap and waited while Jack glanced through. But he didn’t just glance at it; he read the entire thing word for word. Once he reached the end of the first page, he flipped through the rest of the pages to see the completed transfer forms.
“Personal reasons?” Jack asked, reading from the form.
“Yes sir,” Sam answered.
Jack put the folder down on his desk, and rubbed a hand through his hair and across his face. “I promised you I would back your decision, but you have to convince me that I’m doing the right thing by letting you go,” he finally said.
Sam opened her mouth to speak, only to have Jack cut her off.
“Not right now,” he ordered, looking even more distraught at the idea of her transfer the longer time went by. “I have a briefing. Later. Just use words that I’ll understand,” he suggested.
Sam smiled on reflex, knowing that she had dealt him a blow that he didn’t deserve. He handed the folder back to her and dismissed her with a wave of his hand.
Her hand was on the doorknob when she turned around and found his eyes on her. She met his gaze and stated, “Don’t over think things okay? It has nothing to do with you.”
Jack smiled in a boyish fashion. “Me over think things? Carter, we might need to have your head examined, I think you’re loosing it!” he exclaimed as he filed behind her out the door and into the briefing room.
Sam laughed. “I’ll go work on finding it sir,” she offered allowing a little humor to fill into her voice despite the fact they now had an audience.
“You do that Colonel,” Jack ordered in his General’s voice. Sam’s laughter was music to his ears as he sat down to see just what SG-9 had for him this time.
Sam made her way to the emptying SG-1 locker room. Teal’c locker was now empty, though his name was still taped to the door. Daniel’s locker would soon be empty, but before that, she would have to empty her own locker. The locker next to her still bore the tag for “J. O’Neill” mostly because they hadn’t bothered to take it off-and the three of them didn’t need the extra locker.
What would become of SG-1 when they all left? Right now, she couldn’t worry about that, she needed to look at what new technology could be incorporated into the new X-303. Even without the transfer, she would have spent a large chunk of the coming summer months working on the new ship, now she could wrap up the remainder of her projects here and throw herself full force into the new ship.
Sam worked long into the night, skipping lunch and having just a granola bar for supper, though she didn’t notice being hungry. Her only interruption had been a slow, yet steady stream of people that came and went from her lab requesting assistance on their various projects.
It was at that late, or rather early hour, depending on how you look at it that Sam caught General Jack O’Neill standing in the doorway of her lab watching her.
“Carter, didn’t I order you to get a life?” Jack reprimanded.
“Several times sir. I’m sure Teal’c could tell you the exact number,” Sam answered, once more turning her attention back to the experiment currently underway.
“Then why haven’t you done it?” Jack asked, slightly exasperated.
Sam threw her arms up in the air in frustration. “This is my life,” she exclaimed indicating her lab, “And every time you’ve ordered me to get a life, I’ve gotten pulled back here sir.”
Jack considered her words before asking, “Is that why you want to leave?”
“It’s one of the reasons,” Sam answered.
Jack raised an eyebrow in a Teal’c-like fashion and took a seat on the stool that Sam kept in her lab just for him.
Sam took that to mean that she should continue. “There’s the fact that I’m going to be there anyways for the next few months. I’d rather be the one in charge, making sure that it gets done right then having to go down and fix someone else’s mess once a week.”
Jack nodded, agreeing with that statement, remembering the past instances she had been called to Area 51.
“There’s the fact that it looks good for my career and doesn’t look so good that I keep turning the position down. I mean, I could rationalize it when we were fighting a war, but now? I can’t really turn it down without people asking questions, even if I stay the leader of SG-1, which with Teal’c having already left and Daniel leaving is not something I’m sure I want to do. I’m not sure I can imagine a team without the two of them.” It was left unsaid that not having him on the team was hard, that fact had already been expressed some time before.
Again Jack nodded. “And?”
“And I talked to Cassie over the weekend.”
“Oh,” Jack said before motioning for her to continue.
“She has summer vacation coming up and she already said that she didn’t want to come back to Colorado Springs for it. So, I asked her if she’d be interested in living with me over the summer if I took the transfer. Cassie was almost jumping up and down at the idea. She needs me right now sir, and if I can be there for her, I’m going to do it,” Sam finished.
“Get some sleep Carter, that’s an order,” Jack said dejectedly and stalked from the room.
Sam just hung her head. She had disappointed him with her decision to leave and she didn’t know how to fix it without making the gap that was between them grow wider.