Reflections of the previous 29 and Goals for Upcoming Year
I’ve spent the first 29 years of life at various levels of engagement. This has resulted in some years being amazing and others being a bit more forgettable but all of them in their own way productive and meaningful. I believe at the end of your teenage years is the first point where the concept of getting older first sets roots but maybe it’s here staring down the barrel to thirty that the concept of aging really begins to sprout. At this point you have lived a bit. You have failed, you have succeeded, and you have experienced the real world in its two faced beauty and ugliness. You have enough distance run to trace your steps back to understand how you have arrived at your current point and to project where you would like to go next.
For me, I can’t complain too much about these first 29 but I cannot be content. It is my belief that I still have not recognized my own potential. I, while again doing many a great things, have not truly accepted the responsibilities I should. I have been more content to focus for a time and then drift for a time more. Many of those whom we consider to be great have also done the same but at a certain point they dropped sail from mast and set course to whatever goal or vision they had. They would drift no more.
I am at a point where I am tired of drifting. It has led me to two roads diverged in a yellow wood. One path is well traveled. It is the path of those who play it safe; who don’t dare to dream, or if they do, dare not to awaken to execute the vision held in those dreams. The other is for those who cared far too little about the worry of failure and much more about their desire to succeed; spurred on by ambition and courage to march through the thistles to their vision.
I know there are eyes on me. I know that in my family there are those who look up to me. Success is not something that I simply need for myself, it is something that must be accomplished for the reaffirmation of the dreams of my family and friends that are uncertain about their own desires. It is needed for the memory of family passed who, due to the contemptible climate of their era, were not able to aspire to the highest rungs of society.
So, though I have not specified what my goal is or where I am planning to go - that is for me and me only - I will set foot on that path and bare the scars of those thistles. I will drift no more.
Personal
For me, I can’t complain too much about these first 29 but I cannot be content. It is my belief that I still have not recognized my own potential. I, while again doing many a great things, have not truly accepted the responsibilities I should. I have been more content to focus for a time and then drift for a time more. Many of those whom we consider to be great have also done the same but at a certain point they dropped sail from mast and set course to whatever goal or vision they had. They would drift no more.
I am at a point where I am tired of drifting. It has led me to two roads diverged in a yellow wood. One path is well traveled. It is the path of those who play it safe; who don’t dare to dream, or if they do, dare not to awaken to execute the vision held in those dreams. The other is for those who cared far too little about the worry of failure and much more about their desire to succeed; spurred on by ambition and courage to march through the thistles to their vision.
I know there are eyes on me. I know that in my family there are those who look up to me. Success is not something that I simply need for myself, it is something that must be accomplished for the reaffirmation of the dreams of my family and friends that are uncertain about their own desires. It is needed for the memory of family passed who, due to the contemptible climate of their era, were not able to aspire to the highest rungs of society.
So, though I have not specified what my goal is or where I am planning to go - that is for me and me only - I will set foot on that path and bare the scars of those thistles. I will drift no more.
Personal
- Read one book a month - This is as much for my own concentration as it is also for my continued intellectual development. I will admit that while I enjoy a good story, whether fiction or non, I find it difficult to sustain focus. I have been known to pick up a book, read a few pages, and then drop it to not return…I have tried to read The Social Contract at least 4 different times. In addition to concentration there is simply the intellectual growth part. There is so much to be gleaned from the pages written by great minds which add to your being.
- Write/Journal 3 time a week (Monday, Wednesday, Thursday) - I am not a great or even good writer at this point and will probably never be but the process is relaxing which, for a person with my wiring, is something that I need in order to help balance my moods. If this year is going to be all that I need it to be writing will be both an important time in the present but also for the future. I would want to look back at 29 as a great year. The year where I maybe didn’t get my stuff completely together but I set the tone for doing so and thus rolled into my 30s with a bit of momentum.
- Be a better son and brother - Though this could go under another section I have put it here because this is a concept that is very personal to me. I love my family more than they know but it is hard for me to always be emotionally present and available to them and really anyone (more on that later). It is much easier for me to simply disappear into my own space to be alone with my thoughts. However, as I get older I watch my parents get older and see the once powerful and proud individuals succumb to time. I want to be more present for them. To make them aware, in their fall years, that they have truly done a wonderful job and to show that appreciation in actions even as simple as mowing their yard. As for the brother part, I have an amazing little sister. I finally told her my thoughts on her and that felt good. But I’ve missed so much of her life being away at school for most of her formative years. I even missed her High School graduation which was terrible. While issues with emotional availability have plagued me the only cure for inaction is action. Plain and simple.
- Practice more self-control - I am highly impulsive. This is the simple and frustrating truth. In order to facilitate greater success in the future I will simply need to be in control of my thoughts which will then influence my actions. Those actions will then determine my success in accomplishing all that I want and desperately need to accomplish this year. This is going to be an ongoing battle within myself to achieve. Not simply everyday but every minute. The endgame, however, will be a rewiring of sorts of my own mental processes resembling something of an intellectual and behavioral rebirth that is so sorely needed. It only requires that I be pragmatic in my decision making. To evaluate the options, identify the pros and cons, and execute the most logical, and not the most rewarding, action. Just as there is muscle memory there is habit formation and a year of this focus will ensure that I have effectively changed to not simply practicing more self-control but exemplifying the very concept.
- Speak and be heard - In recent years I have become more reluctant to speak my mind. As a youngster my mother would tell me that I could and would argue with a stop sign. This was true and as I got older this enjoyment for debate was expressed through a mind and mouth that seemed to lack a filter. I would say anything to anyone at any time without much regard for their own emotional well-being. My mouth was a drone indiscriminately dropping bombs on enemy and innocent. After a while I realized how sick of an act this was and decided to focus on changing. I reprogramed myself to limit what I said. To simply absorb and not unleash. It worked but I have retreated a bit too far. Old wisdom says, “closed mouths don’t get fed”. Likewise, they also don’t influence very much. As stated above, I have simply been absorbing. Absorbing the thoughts of those I have interacted with, those I have read, those who music I have listened to, and those I have simply observed, whether close or from afar. At this time, however, it is time to speak again. I will speak with a sense of responsibility but if challenged by a worthy dissent I will respond accordingly. However, I will not argue with fools or those who speak foolishly with intent to ignite useless debate and conflict. Discernment will be key. The ability to decipher the wheat from the chaff. As Jay - Z put it, “just because I didn’t respond or engage you don’t make me arrogant…it just means I don’t have time for stupid shit”.
- Get a Passport - Outside of a trip to Tijuana when I was a kid and too young to truly enjoy its "virtues", I have never been outside of the country. I will get my Passport in order to facilitate a trip overseas. There is so much out there that I want to see and will see. Japan, various parts of the African continent, Europe, South America...everywhere I can go I will go.
- Complete personal budget - I spend too much. I make a great income that is only going to grow by a good percentage each year but that means nothing if I simply keep spending more. I need to budget. To understand where I’m earning and where I ‘m losing. Personal fiscal transparency is a key factor to future financial success. Complete - 8/5
- Set up and use new spending account - I will need to set up and complete a new banking account. This account will be for my personal spending purposes. My current checking account will be for bill paying. With a completed budget I will know exactly what I can pull out at each pay period for my own purposes. This will go a long way to keeping my spending under control. Complete - 8/4
- Stick to savings plan - I have a savings plan in place but I pull from my savings too much. Moving forward sticking to the savings plans is as much about ensuring I keep it going as much as not touching it and allowing it to grow.
- Be more fiscally responsible - Financial decisions have to be well thought and sound decisions. Even when it comes to smallest of purchases. I have the propensity to “nickel and dime” my account to nothing. I also have the propensity to go out and charge large sums in one fell swipe of the card. These two extremes must be met with equal prejudice. The elimination of them, unless truly needed, will go a long way to reducing wasteful spending and maximizing my income which is more than sufficient but often diminished far to greatly by poor decision making. In addition to this will be the need to be more aware of all accounts and their current status at all times to know what is allowable for me and what is not. From here on out, everything from my next meal to vacations need to be well thought out and prepared for.
- Get New Project in CMT - I have been in an interesting space returning to Accenture. It is more of a limbo, a purgatory of sorts. I have been present but not committed to anything. This has resulted in a 2 year drift that has seen some interesting moments but it is time to chart the course I want. The first leg of the trip will be to get to a project within my group in order to begin to build the kind of network and reputation needed to facilitate promotion. This process is twofold: First, convince Vasu to allow me to look for other work. Second, to actually find that work. 8/4, it begins with the announcement to Vasu. From there I will work every contact and project I can find to secure a project within CMT.
- Make connections to transition to Educational Consulting work - In my time teaching I realized that many issues found in education are the result of poor business acumen. I decided that I would become involved in educational consulting. Taking what I have learned and what I have a passion for and combining them to do my part to impact education for the betterment of children and society. While the long-term goal will be to enter a grad program to obtain my MBA/M.eD., the first step will be to build connections in Accenture’s educational consulting practice to build a rapport and reputation with leadership. From there an eventual transition to a project and then the practice itself would be orchestrated.
- Study/Prepare for the GMAT 3 times a week (Tuesday, Friday, Saturday) - While I may, and most likely am, one year from applying for grad school, I need to start the study process earlier. I know that my time away from school leaves me at a bit of disadvantage when it comes to some of the more basic items of the test but my time as a teacher will come in handy…because I have made tests. I will complete my study book for this year’s exam while also putting aside money to pay for a program after the new year begins. At that time, it will be the home stretch to the test. I will make AT LEAST a 720.
- Get to gym 5 times a week - I have my workout in place it is just a matter of increasing the speed and weight. In order to do this I will need to get there. Five. Times. A. Week. No excuses. Simply get it done.
- Eat Healthier More Consistently - I know what to do. What to eat, when to eat, etc…but, as with many other items in my life, I simply have to execute. The gameplan is simple. I just need to go out and do it. Keep carbs, sugars, and sodium counts low. Maximize greens and lean protein from mostly poultry or fish. Drink plenty of water.
- Get more sleep - As I type this it is nearly 1am and I have yet to at least turn out the lights in anticipation of sleep. This year, however, I will get more sleep. Depending on the day I am either tired or hungover or some awful combination of the two. This lack of rest equates to me functioning at an less than optimal rate and yet I am still very effective in my pursuits. Logically, added rest will lead to great mental function as well as physical health overall. I will sleep more though some nights, like this night, will arise as exceptions.
- Go to doctor - Nothing poetic here either...I just need to know where I am starting to understand how far I truly have to go. So, though I HATE going to the doctor, I will go. Easy goal. Low hanging fruit.
- Understand own beliefs - I grew up in a Christian household so it is logical that I would be a follower of Christ, however, as I was challenged with early on in school, did I choose it or accept it? The latter doesn’t require much thought. I will need to reevaluate my beliefs. Malcolm X, near the end of his life stated, “at this point I can say that I am not sure what I believe in”. This was an honest statement that requires a lot of courage. If we look at our beliefs as our foundation then this statement reveals a man floating on air. He has no foundation, no grounds upon which to stand, and he is willing to exist in this manner because his wiring dictated that he questioned until he was sure. Unfortunately, he was killed shortly after this so the full evolutionary chart of his beliefs was never fully realized. While I have breath in my lungs I will come to understand this aspect of my being. I can honestly say at this time I do not know what it is that I believe. But I will figure it out and understand the foundation upon which my feet finally land that much better than the next soul simply standing on the inherited foundation of their family’s traditions.
- Meditate at least once a day - I have practiced this before, even downloaded an app for it. The practice is relaxing and one that can calm this anxious soul. It is a beneficial practice that I aim to participate in on a consistent basis.
- Learn to not fear emotion - I am generally uncomfortable with emotions. It might be part of the socialization of the male gender but that is no excuse. I need to become more comfortable with dealing with the emotions of others. I need to become more comfortable with my own emotions. For others I will simply be more available and willing to be emotionally present for them. For myself, I will pay closer attention to my emotions and seek to understand what triggers each one and why.
- Love someone romantically - Part of the above feeds into this. I have never been comfortable with the thought of romantic love though it is something that I now desire. The thought of being accountable to someone at that level scares me. I have lost so many opportunities to experience it with women that were all wonderful and now I am at a point when I see so many around me enjoying it and realize this is the time to no longer fear. This is the time to act and give myself to someone. I may have found that someone…but we shall see. Even if this particular person does not work out I will make sure to consider and pursue others. I won’t sit idly by and wait for time to become my spouse and only my legacy my heir.
- Be more available to friends and family - I’ve been told before that I enjoy my alone time. Others have witnessed this and commented. That means it is a problem. I want to be more available to my family and friends. Someone who will be present for them whether it is moving furniture or providing guidance. I will serve them as they are part of the legacy I hope to build.