(no subject)
last night i totally had an episode i think its partially because i have my period but out of nowhere i got this feeling in the back of my mind that something happend to someont that i cared about shayna sat outside with me and asked me what wa son my mind and when i responded i dont know and i dont know what im thinking she was confused. but when thingslike that happen i really dont know whats on my mind, millions of things begin to boggle in my mind. so i continued to call my mom ,grandma and christina. it turns out that shaynas mother was grabbed in the parking lot of her job. it was a horrible thing to happen but thoose feelings are never wrong in my body i start to sweat and get a pounding headache/ bad feeling type thing. so then i spent a third night at shaynas she was scared i dont blame her 'cause when the story was explained to us it seemed as if the man had been stalking debbie. of course i didnt mind spending more time with shayna even though i wanted to go home and shower or what not i didnt mind she was scared and i wanted to be there for her. so she brought out a 700 piece puzzle she became a little obsessive and insisted she had to finish it, she didnt because its extremely difficult i must've gotton like five matching pieces and gave up because i was frusturated. so then i was laying on shaynas bed just thinking when she came and sat with me and asked me what was wrong because i seemed upset and i felt as if i needed to cry. i couldnt explain to her why at that moment so she kissed me and sat back down doing her puzzle. i turned over and started to cry when i realized im scared. im in love with shayna but i am so deathly scared. i love her like i have never loved anyone or anything in my life. and it scare the shit out of my because were so young. yeah you see teenagers that last and stuff but some things dont always seem to secure like how she feels about "ex's" and i mean its understandable to have resentment towards them but it gets me scared. and ive decided i am no longer speaking to shib shes an asshole well atleast for the time being i am not speaking to her its just like it settled in how much i love shayna and what shib did to us totally fucking get son my last nerve. so i dont know. so i started crying softly and i guess shayna heard and came and sat with me she layed next to me and told me that we were not going to loose eachother to anyone or anything and that she is completely in love with me. and how shes never loved anyone the way she does me. i believe she really meant it, and i can always read people so i really just need to stop being so analistic and live and take everything for what it seems, even just at that moment for it will go a long way. well either way im on my way to get a job and then i believe shayna is sleeping over. because its her last night before she works three jobs. and im going away next weekend <3<3<3