Well I'm Thinking of The Worst Things
I have a few minutes to write. So maybe I can come back to writing here since no one reads this. Well let's see what should I ramble about in these brief moments. Well as you know I have a lot of down time here. That means I have a lot of time to dream and create again. My writing hasn't exactly come along as much but I am journaling. Want to see?
Dated 7-27
I can say that I'm not the happiest person on this planet. Maybe I'm not the most sad person either. Surely though I can sort through the mess that is composed of my heart and mind. I want to cry so often. I can't say how much I want a love that is untouchable and someone and something so real it's tangible that doubt and fear cannot touch. I'm following a carrot dangling in front of me. Will I catch it? Or will my life and desire for companionship be in vain? I'm pleading to any higher authority with every fiber and every breath to give me just that. I will gladly surrender everything I have, the money, pride everything for just that somebody to spend my life with. Call me childish and full of wishful thoughts or even immature but my heart knows what it needs. Forgive me but I'm riffing from the heart at this point. Because at the root of the matter long ago I was left on my own to fend for myself. It was through the compassion of a few people strategically put in my life I would've never learned that on my own I could survive but never truly live. I have my regrets and mistakes true, but I am thankful everyday that some people loved me enough to teach me how important it is to trust and love.
7-28
My second entry should go a little more smoothly. I don't understand many of the complexities of life like most people. You could even make the argument that I am in fact a very simple person. Maybe too simple. I do search for truth and love. While much of my drive focusing on curing this persisten loneliness I find in my heart I do realize how much tunnel vision I have created for myself. I'm trying to remedy this though as I type. I find myself in Fort Gordon Georgia learning my military occupation with not a familiar face around me. Everyone I know and love lives back home in Louisville. I'm trying to transition myself into a well rounded and likeable person. To confess I've been a bad person and bad friend to most of the people around me. I'm embarassed by many of the actions I took that hurt those around me. To me a simple apology is simply not enough to them. Sadly I am an individual who will let his wrongdoings linger and haunt him. Again another flaw I've been pursuing to correct. I wish I had more to say than I'm sorry.
Excerpts are fun aren't they?
Now I'm holding just a little bit stronger, hold me up just a little bit longer,
I'll be fine I swear! I'm just gone beyond repair - "Jersey" Mayday Parade
I've done some real thinking since I've had some contact with the real world. Nothing serious actually something fun. I'm thinking about how I can get plugged into some sort of hobby. Actually commit to it. I have a just under four months here, so soon I'm going to commit to writing/finishing someone's story. Maybe it's Peter's, maybe it's someone elses. We'll see. I journaled a little for Peter in BCT. So I might post something somewhere or start a new online journal thing similar to this solely dedicated to Pete. But depending on who's read Peter Grey's stuff I have to warn you he is still the same melancholic character but the focus has shifted. It's not the same silly love story. I think there is a better story to share with any potential reader.
I have to go for now.
I'm tongue tied and terrified of what I might say. "I'd Hate to Be You When People Find Out What This Song is About" Mayday Parade
Dated 7-27
I can say that I'm not the happiest person on this planet. Maybe I'm not the most sad person either. Surely though I can sort through the mess that is composed of my heart and mind. I want to cry so often. I can't say how much I want a love that is untouchable and someone and something so real it's tangible that doubt and fear cannot touch. I'm following a carrot dangling in front of me. Will I catch it? Or will my life and desire for companionship be in vain? I'm pleading to any higher authority with every fiber and every breath to give me just that. I will gladly surrender everything I have, the money, pride everything for just that somebody to spend my life with. Call me childish and full of wishful thoughts or even immature but my heart knows what it needs. Forgive me but I'm riffing from the heart at this point. Because at the root of the matter long ago I was left on my own to fend for myself. It was through the compassion of a few people strategically put in my life I would've never learned that on my own I could survive but never truly live. I have my regrets and mistakes true, but I am thankful everyday that some people loved me enough to teach me how important it is to trust and love.
7-28
My second entry should go a little more smoothly. I don't understand many of the complexities of life like most people. You could even make the argument that I am in fact a very simple person. Maybe too simple. I do search for truth and love. While much of my drive focusing on curing this persisten loneliness I find in my heart I do realize how much tunnel vision I have created for myself. I'm trying to remedy this though as I type. I find myself in Fort Gordon Georgia learning my military occupation with not a familiar face around me. Everyone I know and love lives back home in Louisville. I'm trying to transition myself into a well rounded and likeable person. To confess I've been a bad person and bad friend to most of the people around me. I'm embarassed by many of the actions I took that hurt those around me. To me a simple apology is simply not enough to them. Sadly I am an individual who will let his wrongdoings linger and haunt him. Again another flaw I've been pursuing to correct. I wish I had more to say than I'm sorry.
Excerpts are fun aren't they?
Now I'm holding just a little bit stronger, hold me up just a little bit longer,
I'll be fine I swear! I'm just gone beyond repair - "Jersey" Mayday Parade
I've done some real thinking since I've had some contact with the real world. Nothing serious actually something fun. I'm thinking about how I can get plugged into some sort of hobby. Actually commit to it. I have a just under four months here, so soon I'm going to commit to writing/finishing someone's story. Maybe it's Peter's, maybe it's someone elses. We'll see. I journaled a little for Peter in BCT. So I might post something somewhere or start a new online journal thing similar to this solely dedicated to Pete. But depending on who's read Peter Grey's stuff I have to warn you he is still the same melancholic character but the focus has shifted. It's not the same silly love story. I think there is a better story to share with any potential reader.
I have to go for now.
I'm tongue tied and terrified of what I might say. "I'd Hate to Be You When People Find Out What This Song is About" Mayday Parade