Going out on a high note?
I apologize for this being disjointed and redundant at some points, but I just wrote it and didn't want to edit it too much as to lose the general idea...
Looking back on this year as a whole the only word that can really sum it up is mediocre. Nobody should take offense to this(It's not as if the people around me can be held responsible it's actually the opposite because my friends and family are some of the major reasons that life is tolerable.) because mainly everything that is wrong in my life at this point is my own fault. Once again, don't get me wrong, the point of this entry isn't to lament all the mistakes I've made. I just want to make a bench-mark at this point in my life so I can look back a year from now and note the (hopefully better) differences.
I'm entirely too lazy in regards to most every aspect in my life, I don't work, I don't go to school I don't have a relationship, I don't have a craft or talent, I don't have anything worthwhile to devote my time to. I understand that for the most part this is because I chose to take some time off before I moved onto trying to obtain any sort of higher learning and most of my good friends are no longer around. It's sad to think of, but most of the people who I grew up with throughout my life will probably fade away within a few years and I'll be very lucky if I get to see or talk to any of them. I mean it's part of how things work to have people fade in and out of your life and in the pursuit of our own goals and happiness we'll let one another fall on the wayside.
This might just all be relative to my life at this point and time, I don't remember much of when I was younger, a few memories stand out here and there but generally I don't have a clear memory of my life before I was about 15. So the lifestyle that I have the greatest recollection of has basically passed it's prime and will soon fade, but will it really matter 10 years from now when I hopefully have a family/ career and an entire new set of people who surround me?
I do regret squandering a lot of opportunities I've had over my highschool career and this past year in particular. I could have done a lot of things for my own benefit as well as for the benefit of others that I didn't do simply because I thought it would have inconvenienced me at the time. I could have gotten several jobs, I could have buckled down and figured out what I want to do and where I want to go to college , I could have made amends with several people I am estranged from, I could have built a meaningful relationship and actually cared about someone, but instead I chose to sit idle and watch time pass. "Shoulda, woulda, coulda..."
I really need to make some changes and strive for something in my life and grab ahold of it because I really can't afford to keep letting things slip through my hands. I feel like I just need to grow up in general.
I hope everyone has a safe/Happy New Year and that this year will be better than the last.
Looking back on this year as a whole the only word that can really sum it up is mediocre. Nobody should take offense to this(It's not as if the people around me can be held responsible it's actually the opposite because my friends and family are some of the major reasons that life is tolerable.) because mainly everything that is wrong in my life at this point is my own fault. Once again, don't get me wrong, the point of this entry isn't to lament all the mistakes I've made. I just want to make a bench-mark at this point in my life so I can look back a year from now and note the (hopefully better) differences.
I'm entirely too lazy in regards to most every aspect in my life, I don't work, I don't go to school I don't have a relationship, I don't have a craft or talent, I don't have anything worthwhile to devote my time to. I understand that for the most part this is because I chose to take some time off before I moved onto trying to obtain any sort of higher learning and most of my good friends are no longer around. It's sad to think of, but most of the people who I grew up with throughout my life will probably fade away within a few years and I'll be very lucky if I get to see or talk to any of them. I mean it's part of how things work to have people fade in and out of your life and in the pursuit of our own goals and happiness we'll let one another fall on the wayside.
This might just all be relative to my life at this point and time, I don't remember much of when I was younger, a few memories stand out here and there but generally I don't have a clear memory of my life before I was about 15. So the lifestyle that I have the greatest recollection of has basically passed it's prime and will soon fade, but will it really matter 10 years from now when I hopefully have a family/ career and an entire new set of people who surround me?
I do regret squandering a lot of opportunities I've had over my highschool career and this past year in particular. I could have done a lot of things for my own benefit as well as for the benefit of others that I didn't do simply because I thought it would have inconvenienced me at the time. I could have gotten several jobs, I could have buckled down and figured out what I want to do and where I want to go to college , I could have made amends with several people I am estranged from, I could have built a meaningful relationship and actually cared about someone, but instead I chose to sit idle and watch time pass. "Shoulda, woulda, coulda..."
I really need to make some changes and strive for something in my life and grab ahold of it because I really can't afford to keep letting things slip through my hands. I feel like I just need to grow up in general.
I hope everyone has a safe/Happy New Year and that this year will be better than the last.